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L
Columns
• Editorials
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Che Battalion
Page 2
College Station, Texas
Thursday, January 6, 1966
• Opinions
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Features
i
The Car With A Sense Of Humor
CADET SLOUCH
ssoc
by Jim Earle
fcA'L [ conce
there
until
It appears that the finer things
of life have always been dis
criminated against. Time after
time history has repeated itself
as man continues to laugh at the
world’s greatest discoveries.
IPs unfortunate that laughter
was invented before the wheel
for as B.C. came rolling down the
hill on his shiny new 100,000 B.C.
wheel . . . they laughed at him.
But where would we be without
that wheel now.
And every fool knows that
they are sure to have laughed at
Archimedes after his famous
bath in which he went running
down the street, sans apparel,
yelling about whatever it was
he discovered. But where woud
we be without that bathtub . . .
Aggies, forget that last remark.
Yes, man has always laughed
at the great men and their dis
coveries. They laughed at Se
ward’s Icebox, Fulton’s Folly,
and Santa Fe’s Iron Horse, but
they all proved themselves. They
are still laughing at T. U.’s Super
Conference, but after two years
with Stallings A&M might need
one and then the world will
realize it’s importance.
But man has never learned.
Even today they are laughing.
Two years ago they attacked the
greatest beast of the jungle and
a frequent visitor of the East
Gate Lounge, the elephant. Be
fore that it was cruelty jokes.
And now, the Aggie jokes. The
fools do not recognize greatness
when they are face to face with
it.
Yes, throughout history man
has laughed at new discoveries.
But the discoveries have been
beneficial to modern man and
have led up to the greatest dis
covery of mankind, that fabulous,
one and only . . . Volkswagen.
Yet man continues to show his
true character and dares to laugh
at the Volkswagen. It has become
a household word comparable to
termite, parasite and even tiny.
The Volkswagen, thanks to
word-of-mouth and tremendous
advertising is now more popular
than ever. Personalities that
can afford Rolls Royces drive
VW’s for their convenience.
Paul Newman and his wife
Joanne Woodward emerged from
a Beverly Hills party for Brit
ain’s Princess Margaret and ask
ed an attendant to bring their
Volkswagen. The stars drove off
in the tiny car amid the cheers
of the crowd who saw some 15
Rolls Royces, three Bentleys and
scores of Jaguars and Cadil
lacs . . .
Princess Margaret herself re
ported that the car she drives is
a Volkswagen. Unless she is
chauffeured to a fancy function
or opening, such as the premiere
of the first Beatle movie, “A
Hard Day’s Night,” which she
attended. . . .
Surely that should be proof of
the VW’s importance to the
world. I mean ROYALTY. . . .
Comedienne Phyllis Diller
claims that her automobile “has
a Diesel horn that scares the
heck out of Volkswagens. Last
week I treed four of them. . . .”
In Los Angeles, HERALD-
EXAMINER Columnist Bill Ken
nedy told his readers: “Martin
Ragaway wonders whether you
know why they don’t allow
Volkswagens in Africa ? Be
cause an elephant will make love
OpGn
Qo-tes
Past Corps Commander
Wins 4th Army Honor
Second Lt. Neil L. Keltner,
Corps commander last year, has
been named the outstanding
ROTC graduate in the 4th Army
Area for 1964.
Lt. Keltner, of Lansing, Mich.,
will compete with other out
standing ROTC graduates for
the Department of the Army’s
Hughes Trophy, given annually
to the most outstanding commis
sioned graduate of ROTC.
An industrial distribution ma
jor while at A&M, Keltner is at
tending basic officers’ course at
Fort Knox, Ky. He is scheduled
for assignment with an armor
unit in Korea in August.
The time is coming when the
successful farmer will spend more
time behind a desk than on a
tractor. His office will display
a college degree or degrees, show
ing he has had training in a
large number of fields.
Rapidly advancing technology
and automation will require the
producer to put more emphasis on
brain power than muscle power.
This picture of the producer of
1975 is painted by the U. S. De
partment of Agriculture in a
study of training which will be
necessary for those who will
make a go of farming.
Because of increased efficiency
in production, a farmer will need
to know and keep abreast of the
latest scientific, economic, mar
keting and conservation develop
ments if he is to meet compe
tition.
Tomorrow’s farmer will need
these things:
Basic training in economics,
mathematics, accounting, finan
cial management, business law
and principles of farmer coopera
tives.
He will also need special train
ing in record keeping, use of
capital for farming, business
analysis, long range planning of
farm operations, organization of
the farm, efficient use of labor,
building requirements, use of
automation, up to date production
techniques, agricultural policies
and taxation.
Basic training in general ge
ology, soil science, elementary
surveying, principles and prac
tice of land use, soil analysis and
land economics are a few more of
the must-knows for tomorrow’s
farmer.
More are conservation, soil en
gineering, drainage, irrigation
and flood control.
But a broad education in pro
duction will not be enough to
assure success. The farmer must
also be a specialist in marketing,
grades and grading, farm proc
essing, packaging, storing, under
standing of market demands and
using market information.
No matter which way farm
youth might look, tomorrow’s
farm will be a long row to hoe,
but then again he will be doing
it from the desk, rather than at
the end of a hoe handle.
Along with the hoe passes the
Poland China cow. Yes, I said
Poland China cow; you know, the
ones you prop up with a pole and
milk a china cup full.
Tessie Tales-
Cologne
Women
Producers Leave
At Men’s Mercy
I had already decided it would
be a long flight, so when the
stewardess came by with maga
zines, I demurely asked for
Esquire. Ignoring her smile, I
reasoned that every young woman
likes to know what the men in
her life are thinking and buying.
As I think back upon it, I don’t
remember anything about the
magazine except its ads. I counted
no less than 28 different brands
of after-shave lotion and cologne
advertised. The more pages I
turned, the more virile and hand
some became the men who used
a certain product and the more
beautiful became the women fall
ing at their feet—probably felled
by the smell.
The more I read the more in
trigued I became. Each pitch got
better than the last, until, by the
final ad, I was simply swooning
at the thought of all those virile
smelling men who would cross my
path. I hoped.
There is, I decided, no end to
the means a manufacturer will
employ in selling his product. But
I think I did detect some conti
nuity among all products and the
audiences to which they were
aiming their sweet smells of suc
cess.
Perhaps I can codify the tactics
of after-shave-lotion-and-cologne
manufacturers:
1. Make the man feel the ex
otic, the oriental. Send him
Russian Leather, Jade East,
Seven Seas and Canoe.
2. Convince him that if he
wears the product he will have a
dignified, austere, English-coun-
try-gentleman odor about him.
Bestow upon him English Leather,
Kent of London, St. John’s and
Sir.
3. Give him more than just
cologne or after shave; give him
entrance to the world of wine,
etc. Set him up with Pub, Piping
Rock and Moonshine.
4. Bring out the adventurous.
brave spy in him. Shoot him 007,
Jaguar and Ambush.
5. Tell him he is a hero, a real
sport. Pitch him Sportsman,
Match Play, Tournament and
Stampede.
6. Take him to the Caribbean
for sun, surf, sex. Tan him with
Old Spice Lime, British Carib
bean, Royal Oak and Royall
Lyme.
7. Let him gamble. Deal him
Las Vegas.
8. Call him a man. Call him
Dante, By George and Mr. Sid
(“Go ahead! Just put me on!
And you’ve got it made.”)
This is fine for the dashing
young gentleman, but what about
those shy young ladies in his life?
Frankly speaking, they don’t
have a chance. With at least 28
manufacturers helping her guy to
seduce her, the only chance she
has is to seduce him first. Which
is not according to Hoyle, but
nevertheless . . .
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The Battalion, a student newspaper at Texas A&M is
published in College Station, Texas daily except Saturday, EDITOR GLENN DROMGOOLE
May^d a oncrrw^k“tin 0 gtLr^b^t Ptember throuKh Managing Editor Gerald Garcia
Sports Editor Larry Jerden
MEMBER News Editor Tommy DeFrank
The Associated Press, Texas Press Association Photographer Herky Killingsworth
to anything that has a trunk in
front. . .
And everybody has heard
about the Aggie millionaire who
bought a Volkswagen to drive
from his house to the garage.
Everyone wants into the
Volkswagen game. Larry Van
Gelder reporting from Cape Ken
nedy made the remark, “The first
stage of the Titan engine gener
ates 430,000 pounds of thrust at
maximum or the equivalent of
the thrust that could be generat
ed by 219,000 Volkswagens. . . .”
Now that was no ad-lib. That
gets into higher mathematics and
involves an IBM’s superior
knowledge.
New Jersey Portraitist Ken
neth Hari recently received a $1,-
000 assignment but told SEVEN
TEEN Magazine he was “tired of
doing women who look like
a Volkswagen but expect me to
make them look like Rolls
Royces. . . .”
Edwin A. Lahey came up with
this profile of Senator Dirksen,
“The Illinois senator is leader of
the Republican minority whose
intellectual giants could be
crowded into a Volkswagen. . . .”
And surely everyone has heard
of the stripper’s Volkswagen
philosophy. “If your chasis wins
acceptance, there’s no point in
changing the trim every year.”
But does the Volkswagen in
dustry mind the insults? No,
they even send out pages of
Volkswagen jokes such as those
previously mentioned in an effort
to put a “true” image before the
public.
But that’s not all they have
going for them. Their advertise
ment’s are honest and fitting to
the American way-of-life. They
admit that Wilt Chamberlain
cannot ride in a Volkswagen, but
Randy Matson can.
And the roads of America are
kept clean because the snowmen
of America (not the Aggie kind)
can get to their snowplows be
cause of the VW.
Yes, the Volkswagen and the
Aggies are laughed at, but then
look at the millions of Americans
just green with jealousy who
wished they’d been born an Ag
gie or a Volkswagen.
Dick Hitt told readers of his
Dallas TIMES-HERALD column
that a new “Volkswagen commer
cial says the company has been
working on the same car for 18
years. . . .” Hitt added: “I’d
sure like to see it, whenever they
get it finished.” I bet that then
it won’t be laughed at.
“I had this big quiz, see, and I was going to study all night,
But I thought I’d lie down and rest a few minutes before I
started and guess what happened!”
PEANUTS
By Charles M. Schulz
PEANUTS
i Told the uihole class all
ABOUT “AMBLYOPIA" AMO WHY I
WEAR THIS EYE PATCH..! EXPLAINED
H0U) MV “LAZY EYE' 1 IS BEIM6
STRENGTHENED BY BEING FORCED TO WORK
WHILE MY OTHER EYE IS COVERED...
THEM I URGED THEM ALL TO
60 SEE THEIR OPHTHALMOLOGISTS
FOR EYE TESTS IMMEDIATELY!
DID Ht3U Y I 60T A “3" I
GET A
6000
MY, TEACHER AND
AN “A" PROM MY
OPHTHALMOLOGIST!
1/
SUGAR
Imperial Pure Cane
With $2.50 Purchase
5 39
GOLDEN AGE
Assorted Drinks Plus Deposit — Qt.
10
FRESH GRADE A MEDIUM EGGS 2 Dozen 89c
BLUE SEAL OLEO 5 Lbs. 89c
FIRESIDE SALTINE CRACKERS Pound Box 19c
CAMPBELL S TOMATO SOUP Regular Can 10c
LIBBY’S ASPARAGUS STYLE BEANS 2 39c Cans 49c
SUGARY SAM YAMS 2 Large 2y 2 Cans 49c
DOLE SLICED PINEAPPLE
3 Flat Cans 49c
BEST BRAND BLEACH . . ..
PET DRY MILK . Cost Only 8c Quart
CARNATION INSTANT BREAKFAST
ROSED ALE FROZEN ORANGE JUICE
HARTZ MOUNTAIN CAT LITTER
SOFTEX PAPER NAPKINS
Half Gallon 2 For 49c
8 Quart Size 63c
Assorted Only 69c
6-Oz. Can 15c
4-Lb. Bag 25c
2 80 Count Boxes 23c
TENDER BABY BEEF
Crown Roast
LEAN BRISKET STEW or
BAR-B-Q MEAT Lb
SHOULDER STEAK C’ L , 58c
FRESH GROUND MEAT 3 Lbs 98c
39 c
38 c
PURE PORK SAUSAGE
SLICED PRESSED HAM Lb 59c
JEWEL SHORTENING 3 ^59c
MELLORINE 3 H “$L00
- PRODUCE -
California, White
POTATOES 8
RED RIPE TOMATOES
29‘
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FIRM GREEN CABBAGE 2 ,„Jc
RUBY RED GRAPEFRUIT 3 Pot 18c
L
Winns
Em
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'YOU CAN'T LOSt AT. WINN'S "
3800 Texas Ave.
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