TIiq Battalion College Station (Brazos County), Texas
PAGE 2 Friday, September 21, 1956
On Campus
with
Max Qhvbnan
(Author of “Barefoot Boy With Cheek," etc.)
FOOTBALL: ITS CAUSE AND CURE
At next Saturday’s football game, while you are sitting
in your choice student’s seat on the ten-yard line, won’t
you give a thought to Alaric Sigafoos?
Who, you ask, is Alaric Sigafoos? Come closer, sit
down, light a Philip Morris, savor that natural tobacco
goodness, sigh contentedly, cross your fat little legs, and
listen.
Alaric Sigafoos (1868-1934) started life humbly on a
farm near Thud, Kansas. His mother and father, both
named Ralph, were bean-gleaners, and Alaric became a
bean-gleaner too. But he soon tired of the work and went
to Memphis where he got a job with a logging firm. Here
the ex-bean-gleaner worked as a stump-thumper. Then
he drifted to Texas where he tidied up oil fields (pipe-
wiper). Then to Arizona where he strung dried fruit
(fig-rigger). Then to Virginia where he was a research
assistant (book-looker). Then to Long Island where he
dressed poultry (duck-plucker). Then to California where
he lectured young women who were about to get married
(bride-chider). Then to Minnesota where he cut up frozen
lakes (ice-slicer). Then to Nevada where he determined
the o.dds in a gambling house (dice-pricer). Then to
Milwaukee where he pasted camera lenses together
(Zeiss-splicer).
Finally he went to Omaha where he got a job in a
tannery, beating pig-hides until they were soft and supple
(hog-flogger). Here he found happiness at last.
v
■^e found happinenzt last—
Why, you ask, did he find happiness at last as a hog-
flogger? Light another firm and fragrant Philip Morris,
taste that true tobacco flavor, puff, relax, let sweet lassi
tude possess your limbs, and listen.
Next door to the hog-floggery was an almond grove
owned by a girl named Chimera Emrick. Chimera was
pink and white and marvelously hinged, and Alaric was
hopelessly in love the moment he clapped eyes on her.
Each day he came to the almond grove to woo Chimera,
but to no avail. He tried with all his vigor and guile,
but she, alas, stayed cool.
Then one day Alaric got a brilliant idea. It was the
day before the annual Omaha Almond Festival. On this
day, as we all know, evei’y almond grower in Omaha
enters a float in the big parade. The floats always consist
of large cardboard almonds hanging from large cardboard
almond trees.
Alaric’s inspiration was to stitch pieces of pigskin
together and inflate them until they looked like big,
plump almonds. “These sure beat skinny old cardboard
almonds,” said Alaric to himself. “Tomorrow they will
surely take first prize for Chimera, and she will be mine!”
Early the next morning Alaric came running to
Chimera with his inflated pigskin almonds, but she, alas,
told him she was not entering a float that year. In fact,
she had just sold her almond grove and was moving East
to try out with the Boston Red Sox.
Alaric, upon hearing these glum tidings, flew into a
violent rage. He started kicking his pigskin almonds all
over the place. And who should be walking by at that
very instant but Abner Doubleday!
Mr. Doubleday, who had invented baseball some years
earlier, was now trying to invent football, but without
success. The trouble was, he couldn’t figure out what kind
of ball to use. Now, seeing Alaric kick the pigskin
spheroids, his problem was suddenly solved. “Eureka!”
he cried, and ran to his drawing board, and the rest is
history!
©Max Shulman, 19i>6
W hen you go to next Saturday's game, the makers of Philip
Morris, sponsors of this column, suggest you take along the
perfect football companion —Philip Morris, of corrisl ^
The Battalion
The Editorial Policy of The Battalion
Represents the Views of the Student Editors
'iUie Battalion, daily newspaper of the Agricnltural and Mechanical College of
Texas and the City of College Station, is published by students in the Office of Student
Publications as a non-profit educational service. The Director of Student Publications
is Ross Strader The governing body of all student publications of the A.&M. College
of Texas is the Student Publications Board. Faculty members are Dr. Carroll D.
Laverty Chairman; Prof. Donald D. Burchard. Prof. Tom Leland and Mr. Benme
Zinn. Student members are John W. Gossett. Murray Milner. Jr., and Leighlus E.
Sheppard. Jr., Ex-officio members are Mr. Charles Roeber, and Ross Strader. Sec
retary. The Battalion is published four times a week during the regular school year
and once a week during the summer and vacation and examination periods. Days of
publication are Tuesday through Friday for the regular school year and on Thursday
during the summee terns and during examination and vacation periods. The Battalion
is not published on the Wednesday immediately precednig Easter or Thanksgiving. Sub
scription rates are S3.50 per semester, S6.00 per school year, $6.50 per full year,
or $1.00 per month. Advertising rates furnished on request.
Entered as second-class
matter at Post Office at
College Station, Texas,
nnder the Act of Con
gress of March 3, 1870.
Member of:
The Associated Press
Texas Press Association
Represented nationally by
National Advertising
Services, Inc., a t New
York City, Chicago, Los
Angeles, and San Fran
cisco.
The Associated Press is entitled exclusively to the use for republi
cation of all news dispatches credited to it or not otherwise credited in
the paper and local news of spontaneous origin published herein. Rights
of republication of all other matter herein are also i-eserved.
News contributions may be made by telephone (VI 6-6618 or VI
S-4910) or at the editorial office room, on the ground floor of the
YMCA. Classified ads may be placed by telephone (VI 6-6415) or a 4
the Student Publications Office, ground floor of the YMCA.
JIM BOWER
Dave McReynolds
Barry Hart -
Bernice Schnerr
Welton Jones ; - , , T
Connie Eckard, Leland Boyd, Jim Neighbors, Joe Tmdel , News Editors
Kenneth George Circulation Manager
Maurice Olian CHS Sports Correspondent
Editor
Managing Editor
Sports Editor
.... Society Editor
City Editor
Center News
The Memorial Student Center-
Bridge Committee will hold its
organizational meeting tonight at
8 in the Social Room of the MSC.
All students who are interested in
participating and learning how to
play bridge are urged to attend.
Football
(Continued from Page 1)
that will be determined, of course,
to the situation as it develops.”
A&M, after having the day off
Wednesday, ran through a light
40-minute workout Thursday, and
Bryant scheduled a similar, taper
ing-off practice for today, with the
prime object to polish the offense
and defense.
STARTING LINEUPS
A&M
Villanova
89
Shillings
LE
Varrechione
85
71
Lockett or
76
Clendenon
LT
Luzzi
71
60
Stanley
LG
Flynn
67
50
L. Hale or
55
Dee Powel
C
Ryan
52
62
Goehring
RG
Wood
65
71
Lockett or
72
Beck
RT
Cherubine
72
82
Keith or
80
Tracey
RE
Injaian
83
14
Wright or
12
Osborne
QB
Magee
15
44
Crow or
24
Watson
LHB
Parr
42
45
Taylor
RHB
Bauer
20
32
Pardee
FB
West
21
Rodeo
(Continued from Page 1)
Bob Drummond-29.5 sec.; (no time
for Hampton Keathley; John Kiker;
Bobby Wakefield; Charlie Hale;
Bob Drummond; Charles Graham.)
Girl’s Barrel Race
Betty Holiday-20.1 sec.; Linda
Beene-20.8.sec.
Bull-Riding
No results available until Satur
day night at the final perform-
FRIDAY
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1
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News On The Political Front
Democrats
Adlai Blasts Ike At Rally
SILVER SPRINGS, Md.—LT > )—Adlai Stevenson said last
night President Eisenhower stated “only half the facts” and
gave “misleading implications of the campaign Wednesday.
Stevenson replied to the President in an address pre
pared for a rally in this suburban Washington community.
The Democratic presidential nominee reiterated his view-
challenged by implication by Eisenhower—that the Unic-ed
States “take the lead” in halting hydrogen bomb tests and
consider whether the draft may be ended in the “foreseeable’
future.
Eisenhower said in a coast-to-coast radio-TV address
Wednesday night that 1. the draft cannot be abandoned under
present world conditions and 2. ending H-bomb tests would
be a “theatrical national gesteure.”
Stevenson said the President expressed “this country’s
passion for peace ... in a manner befitting his office.”
But he took issue with his opponent not only on the
draft and H-bomb questions but on Eisenhower’s whole con
tention that peace prospects are relatively bright under the
Republican administration.
“I think it unfortunate,” Stevenson said, “that he chose
again to state only half the facts.”
Republicans
Ike Greets Iowa Farmers
BOONE, Iowa—OP)—President Eisenhower said last
night that “by golly, we’re doing all we can” for the farmers.
Eisenhower made his remark informally as he and Mrs.
Eisenhower arrived here at the end of a triumphal 60-mile
auto ride through Iowa farmlands after their plane landed
them at Des Moines.
Arriving at the home of Mrs. Eisenhower’s uncle and
aunt, the Eisenhowers were greeted by a cheering crowd
that massed about their automobile.
As the President and his wife passed down a receiving
line, Marlow Williams, Boone lawyer and chairmarf of the
local arrangements committee, told the President:
“The farmers are still complaining, Mr. President.”
“By golly,” the President exclaimed, “we’re doing all
we can for them.”
Despite a cold wind that whipped his motor caravan and
kept occupants of following open cars shivering, Eisenhower
rose in his specially constructed car to wave at every cross
road where farmers and others were gathered.
Gov. Leo Hoegh admiringly told Eisenhower at the end
of the 60-mile ride from Des Moines, “You certainly got a
workout.”
IN stereophonic sound
Be my guest for
i\/| ETCSL
on radio and live TV
Again this year the Humble Company will bring
you radio broadcasts and live telecasts of college football
games. Your host on these is your neighbor under the
Humble sign. If you enjoy them, stop by to tell him that
you do—he’ll appreciate your friendly gesture.
Check the games you want to see or hear each
week under the Humble sign in your neighborhood.
They’ll be posted, with station lists and game times, in
the window.
Meanwhile, stop by and ask for a pocket-size
Southwest Conference Schedule, and a windshield sticker
in the colors of your favorite Southwest Conference
School. No cost, no obligation.
LFL ABNER
7
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