TIiq Battalion College Station (Brazos County), Texas PAGE 2 Friday, September 21, 1956 On Campus with Max Qhvbnan (Author of “Barefoot Boy With Cheek," etc.) FOOTBALL: ITS CAUSE AND CURE At next Saturday’s football game, while you are sitting in your choice student’s seat on the ten-yard line, won’t you give a thought to Alaric Sigafoos? Who, you ask, is Alaric Sigafoos? Come closer, sit down, light a Philip Morris, savor that natural tobacco goodness, sigh contentedly, cross your fat little legs, and listen. Alaric Sigafoos (1868-1934) started life humbly on a farm near Thud, Kansas. His mother and father, both named Ralph, were bean-gleaners, and Alaric became a bean-gleaner too. But he soon tired of the work and went to Memphis where he got a job with a logging firm. Here the ex-bean-gleaner worked as a stump-thumper. Then he drifted to Texas where he tidied up oil fields (pipe- wiper). Then to Arizona where he strung dried fruit (fig-rigger). Then to Virginia where he was a research assistant (book-looker). Then to Long Island where he dressed poultry (duck-plucker). Then to California where he lectured young women who were about to get married (bride-chider). Then to Minnesota where he cut up frozen lakes (ice-slicer). Then to Nevada where he determined the o.dds in a gambling house (dice-pricer). Then to Milwaukee where he pasted camera lenses together (Zeiss-splicer). Finally he went to Omaha where he got a job in a tannery, beating pig-hides until they were soft and supple (hog-flogger). Here he found happiness at last. v ■^e found happinenzt last— Why, you ask, did he find happiness at last as a hog- flogger? Light another firm and fragrant Philip Morris, taste that true tobacco flavor, puff, relax, let sweet lassi tude possess your limbs, and listen. Next door to the hog-floggery was an almond grove owned by a girl named Chimera Emrick. Chimera was pink and white and marvelously hinged, and Alaric was hopelessly in love the moment he clapped eyes on her. Each day he came to the almond grove to woo Chimera, but to no avail. He tried with all his vigor and guile, but she, alas, stayed cool. Then one day Alaric got a brilliant idea. It was the day before the annual Omaha Almond Festival. On this day, as we all know, evei’y almond grower in Omaha enters a float in the big parade. The floats always consist of large cardboard almonds hanging from large cardboard almond trees. Alaric’s inspiration was to stitch pieces of pigskin together and inflate them until they looked like big, plump almonds. “These sure beat skinny old cardboard almonds,” said Alaric to himself. “Tomorrow they will surely take first prize for Chimera, and she will be mine!” Early the next morning Alaric came running to Chimera with his inflated pigskin almonds, but she, alas, told him she was not entering a float that year. In fact, she had just sold her almond grove and was moving East to try out with the Boston Red Sox. Alaric, upon hearing these glum tidings, flew into a violent rage. He started kicking his pigskin almonds all over the place. And who should be walking by at that very instant but Abner Doubleday! Mr. Doubleday, who had invented baseball some years earlier, was now trying to invent football, but without success. The trouble was, he couldn’t figure out what kind of ball to use. Now, seeing Alaric kick the pigskin spheroids, his problem was suddenly solved. “Eureka!” he cried, and ran to his drawing board, and the rest is history! ©Max Shulman, 19i>6 W hen you go to next Saturday's game, the makers of Philip Morris, sponsors of this column, suggest you take along the perfect football companion —Philip Morris, of corrisl ^ The Battalion The Editorial Policy of The Battalion Represents the Views of the Student Editors 'iUie Battalion, daily newspaper of the Agricnltural and Mechanical College of Texas and the City of College Station, is published by students in the Office of Student Publications as a non-profit educational service. The Director of Student Publications is Ross Strader The governing body of all student publications of the A.&M. College of Texas is the Student Publications Board. Faculty members are Dr. Carroll D. Laverty Chairman; Prof. Donald D. Burchard. Prof. Tom Leland and Mr. Benme Zinn. Student members are John W. Gossett. Murray Milner. Jr., and Leighlus E. Sheppard. Jr., Ex-officio members are Mr. Charles Roeber, and Ross Strader. Sec retary. The Battalion is published four times a week during the regular school year and once a week during the summer and vacation and examination periods. Days of publication are Tuesday through Friday for the regular school year and on Thursday during the summee terns and during examination and vacation periods. The Battalion is not published on the Wednesday immediately precednig Easter or Thanksgiving. Sub scription rates are S3.50 per semester, S6.00 per school year, $6.50 per full year, or $1.00 per month. Advertising rates furnished on request. Entered as second-class matter at Post Office at College Station, Texas, nnder the Act of Con gress of March 3, 1870. Member of: The Associated Press Texas Press Association Represented nationally by National Advertising Services, Inc., a t New York City, Chicago, Los Angeles, and San Fran cisco. The Associated Press is entitled exclusively to the use for republi cation of all news dispatches credited to it or not otherwise credited in the paper and local news of spontaneous origin published herein. Rights of republication of all other matter herein are also i-eserved. News contributions may be made by telephone (VI 6-6618 or VI S-4910) or at the editorial office room, on the ground floor of the YMCA. Classified ads may be placed by telephone (VI 6-6415) or a 4 the Student Publications Office, ground floor of the YMCA. JIM BOWER Dave McReynolds Barry Hart - Bernice Schnerr Welton Jones ; - , , T Connie Eckard, Leland Boyd, Jim Neighbors, Joe Tmdel , News Editors Kenneth George Circulation Manager Maurice Olian CHS Sports Correspondent Editor Managing Editor Sports Editor .... Society Editor City Editor Center News The Memorial Student Center- Bridge Committee will hold its organizational meeting tonight at 8 in the Social Room of the MSC. All students who are interested in participating and learning how to play bridge are urged to attend. Football (Continued from Page 1) that will be determined, of course, to the situation as it develops.” A&M, after having the day off Wednesday, ran through a light 40-minute workout Thursday, and Bryant scheduled a similar, taper ing-off practice for today, with the prime object to polish the offense and defense. STARTING LINEUPS A&M Villanova 89 Shillings LE Varrechione 85 71 Lockett or 76 Clendenon LT Luzzi 71 60 Stanley LG Flynn 67 50 L. Hale or 55 Dee Powel C Ryan 52 62 Goehring RG Wood 65 71 Lockett or 72 Beck RT Cherubine 72 82 Keith or 80 Tracey RE Injaian 83 14 Wright or 12 Osborne QB Magee 15 44 Crow or 24 Watson LHB Parr 42 45 Taylor RHB Bauer 20 32 Pardee FB West 21 Rodeo (Continued from Page 1) Bob Drummond-29.5 sec.; (no time for Hampton Keathley; John Kiker; Bobby Wakefield; Charlie Hale; Bob Drummond; Charles Graham.) Girl’s Barrel Race Betty Holiday-20.1 sec.; Linda Beene-20.8.sec. Bull-Riding No results available until Satur day night at the final perform- FRIDAY .. -TECHNICOLOR TONY CURTIS • COLLEEN MILLER SATURDAY mmm. eM* ALL NEW! IN WARNERCOLOR! Warner Bros. IU1D/ COT MOOSE • 1W SILVERHEEIS; OIEJEIICE^W BflHItA G8ANVIUE • PISH 10PE1 • lEtmMtf • finis siSbTck ,«SiDABI HEISIE8. - WARNER BROS. — PLUS — THEY’RE ALL OUT TO TAKE VEGAS! DENNIS O’KEEFES i ^ w Co-Sforring y .. .. COL.EEN GRAY Pan auieo artists picture 1 PREVUE SAT. NITE CENTURY FOX presents infs 1STEIN’ CAROUSEL RODGERS COLOR by DE LUXE rue f i*st IK Cinb ' thc *fsv News On The Political Front Democrats Adlai Blasts Ike At Rally SILVER SPRINGS, Md.—LT > )—Adlai Stevenson said last night President Eisenhower stated “only half the facts” and gave “misleading implications of the campaign Wednesday. Stevenson replied to the President in an address pre pared for a rally in this suburban Washington community. The Democratic presidential nominee reiterated his view- challenged by implication by Eisenhower—that the Unic-ed States “take the lead” in halting hydrogen bomb tests and consider whether the draft may be ended in the “foreseeable’ future. Eisenhower said in a coast-to-coast radio-TV address Wednesday night that 1. the draft cannot be abandoned under present world conditions and 2. ending H-bomb tests would be a “theatrical national gesteure.” Stevenson said the President expressed “this country’s passion for peace ... in a manner befitting his office.” But he took issue with his opponent not only on the draft and H-bomb questions but on Eisenhower’s whole con tention that peace prospects are relatively bright under the Republican administration. “I think it unfortunate,” Stevenson said, “that he chose again to state only half the facts.” Republicans Ike Greets Iowa Farmers BOONE, Iowa—OP)—President Eisenhower said last night that “by golly, we’re doing all we can” for the farmers. Eisenhower made his remark informally as he and Mrs. Eisenhower arrived here at the end of a triumphal 60-mile auto ride through Iowa farmlands after their plane landed them at Des Moines. Arriving at the home of Mrs. Eisenhower’s uncle and aunt, the Eisenhowers were greeted by a cheering crowd that massed about their automobile. As the President and his wife passed down a receiving line, Marlow Williams, Boone lawyer and chairmarf of the local arrangements committee, told the President: “The farmers are still complaining, Mr. President.” “By golly,” the President exclaimed, “we’re doing all we can for them.” Despite a cold wind that whipped his motor caravan and kept occupants of following open cars shivering, Eisenhower rose in his specially constructed car to wave at every cross road where farmers and others were gathered. Gov. Leo Hoegh admiringly told Eisenhower at the end of the 60-mile ride from Des Moines, “You certainly got a workout.” IN stereophonic sound Be my guest for i\/| ETCSL on radio and live TV Again this year the Humble Company will bring you radio broadcasts and live telecasts of college football games. Your host on these is your neighbor under the Humble sign. If you enjoy them, stop by to tell him that you do—he’ll appreciate your friendly gesture. Check the games you want to see or hear each week under the Humble sign in your neighborhood. They’ll be posted, with station lists and game times, in the window. Meanwhile, stop by and ask for a pocket-size Southwest Conference Schedule, and a windshield sticker in the colors of your favorite Southwest Conference School. No cost, no obligation. LFL ABNER 7 OH, PAPPV - IF VO'LL PAY NIGHTMARE ALICE TH'-4£ CENTS . YO' OWES HER, AH WON’T &E BOY LESS NQ MORE// AH'LL NEVAH PAY IT — ON ACCOUNTAH DON'T RIGHTLY OWE IT// TH' Y'AR BEFO' YO' WAS BORN — NIGHTMARE ALICE SOLD YORE PAPPY A GOOD LUCK CHARM, TO PROTECK HIM, IN TH' SADIE HAWKINS DAY RACE .7 By AI Capp POGO HOW kTlM VOU 5AV . I 15 TUB COMMON ENgMVf CAN'T YOU I COl/LP 5AV YOU , 15 AN I UNU&UAUy we w," rM4r£ 0£rrEB“ IT 5WOW5 you CA/?E5. ,17 ev£N yau \