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LONESOME?
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Deserted Heart* Column
DESERTED BY 41 THORS
D«ar Grief Personified:
| | The situation is entirely out of our hands. We
you send in your application to the War Department, at
Washington, D. C. for a battery of 7$*a and issue a call
for volunteers id conquer your little world. No, on second
thought, don’t even jot to see her. Forget about her—she
probably has half the rest of Aggieland on her line anyway.
HoUtight, Miss.
i
Dear Merchants:
My boyfriend H
the first girl he has
certain technique. I
should believe him?
10 is a senior at A. 4 M. tells me I’m
•UV] kissed. However, since he has that
Ml. j doubtful. Do you suggest that I
Are you having trouble keeping that wench on the line?
Are you wondering if you are ehump enough to have your
present girl for companionship in year old age—and a means
of support? On,winter nights, when the landlord throws the
Distressed
Dear Distraaght I >a*nscj:
The next time you go riding with this snake in a uniform
(quote from T. S. C. pf.), take careful notice, and if he
i . .. - 1 . * ± + L T . a a viss &• •## csr^iui noiice, HHu IT fit;
CO.I .t the furn.ee with the door. doMf wttl you har. youi' .hifu rear, from dim foot, can uae both hand, -^1]^
IOV» ♦ n kcaon vnt I tarm r-m * I 9 ..... .
love to keep you warm?
If you have been deserted, and yeur heart has a crevice
in it big enough for a locomotive to roll thitnikh. send ua
a picture of yourself in a bathing sail Paste picture faoe
down on a top from one 60c box of Deserted Hearts Emotion
Stimulation Preparation and send it to us immediately of not
sooner, and we will tell youjeapttly what to do to cure your
troubles. The Love Merchants are disqualified professors hold
ing a L. S. T. degree (Love ScicacS. and Tactics 1 from Hare-
belly U. at Bouncing-on-the-floor, Ida. and are establishing
s Deserted Hearts Column in this magasine—much to the
disgust of odr unvoluminous readers and editor.;
Many a happy marriage has been wrecked an the rocks
of sex ignorance. Don’t let “not knowing” undermine your
chances of wedded bliss—come Uf us fbr private Interviews if
this column does not satisfy your soul (with the rock at^i
roll).
Following are some letters sent to us
suckers who wish to be enlightened oa why they don't
i • II I • HI
superb
rata.
* • I ' * ‘ jh ISqaaaky 'Springs, Ark.
Dear Doctof«$j I 1 I r 1 !
Ever since 1 got hitched to thM ole maid up here, I
ben havt|i trouble. She is 14 yarn ole and got teiiu of them
new modem ideam like my corn likker is goipg to rain
my stummick. Wot*ll I do, tell that ole bag she'l as looney
as a day ole colt? Bein as how yo all air frum that thar
A. A M., 1 think that yb all cud give me a sugleschun* on
as to how I cud ke?p frum my stumnick. I can’t
min my stummick—wot’ll I eat with?
L M. Corny
fumbling, and suggests silly things like going to see a show
In the woods, then we suggest you doubt his integrity.
• 1 Jjj In j |
Somewhere in U: S. A,
I>e4|r Merchants:
I have a aew boy friend that I have known for
a rm nth. ! don’t know much about him but he is going
graduate from A. 4 M. in June and will soon be making
lot of money, so he tells me. Now he wants me to
him. WhAt should my answer be?
Ima Nisewan *
1 ' 1 I
L
Degi Ima;
Haven’t you heard the one about the Aggie and the inao-i »
cent little college girl yet?.
Hickman’s Hock Hoi# If
College Station, Texas
! n-\ • >.; ; r '\\
Dear Doctors:
Interest <
ycair complete wardrobe is long
(24 hours). Must we remind you again that it
$50.00—a loan of < h> with $1.00 a day interest.
Next time a threat,
I Take All (and then so
overdue
runs to
f.
Dear Doused; 1
Wot the hell.
-I
\*
it doesn't make any diff snynow—your
coat will cover your stomach of), and as far as eating is
concerned—why cat when there is drink to be had? (Author’s
note—these sU can’t be good—hasmm, did we say a|l ? )
?*km* MtiU,\Texa»
l
\
Dear Docs: ,
<v I sm madly in love with la nice, wholesome girl at
T. % C. W n but now I might as well visit the heudbunU ns of
equal
could
16
1 see
the hearthunters of Denton -I would have\$|
of surviving since the recent skirmish. Hi
without bain* it
(R
%
■
THE BATTALION
(We just can’t figure out how these things get mixed up
in our files—the place is filthy with them!)
I x . y
1 I . . ' ' Bryan. Texas
Doctors:
jiPor your information^ 1 am engaged to ”Aggie ABce,”
■ Aud I have been informed that you were seen at Kyle Field
with her at night. Kindly call at my dormitory at 12 o'clock
night and make an explanation.
Hugh Cotter
Dear Hugh:
We have received the above copy o/ your circular letter
and will be present at the meeting. ’
We sincerely hope you have profited by these dolts’
experiences. If you are not yet satisfied, suppose you write
us cf your own troubles, and we shall try to figure out the
punishment for you and you but not you, you dope, you hav»*
WlitoMS.
1,