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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (March 14, 1934)
, ' 18" j . • ■ i i • i 1 • '!* i S • I LCVC.My DENTIST StJx is a wonderful thhur, hut my dentist is in a class by him self. Diabolically tearing at my sec ond bicuspid with a cold chisel and a tire iron, he amuses me with the anecdote alsuit the time he gave a patient laughing gas and pulled out all his tetth, only to find when the man recovered consciousness that he had wandered into the wrong office, and really wanted to buy a dog license. When he gets my jaws spread apart, he inserts a full kit of plunder's tools in my mouth and leaves them there while he goes to answer the telephone. Having talk ed for a half-hour he dashes back, all smiles and bubbling enthusi asm, to watch me in the last par oxysms of strangulation*. Then he stuffs a wad of cotton in my cheek, tosses in a mirror and a shaving brush and a volume of the Kncy- cltipedia Britannica, hauls out his drill and starts playing the “Hide of the Valkyries” on my sensitive left molar. Rising to his full height, he plunges a hypodermic.needle into my gum with a single stroke of his mighty arm—only to remember that he forgot to load it. Laughing gaily over this cute little joke, he assures me that he can always pro- duce a profound anaesthesia by a sharp tap on the back of the beat I with a hammer. He then washes his hands carefully and lays out a game of solitaire. A short while later, he folds up the deck, approaches m\ quivering form and playfully taps the side of my jaw with a harpoon to see if the feeling has left. This little operation always breaks off a couple of perfectly good teeth, which >iives him an opportunity to probe for their roots. calms his nerves for this delicate job by ripping the pictures from »the walls and stamping on them, and 'proceeds to sterilize a couple of horrifying gadgets which look like efficient weapons for a hand-to-hand Malayan buHhman. As he approaches my oral cav ity with these fiendish instru-* ments, 1 try feebly to*remain whim sical. but succeed only in realizing acutely that the subject has gotten out of the realm of light humor. —Yah* Record . I ’ • An engineering student walk ed up to his professor the other day and handed in a large bundle of assignments. Noticing a sheep ish look on the face of the student, the professor asked somewhat sus piciously, “What’s all this?” "These are my Mae West prob lems/* explained the student. “Mae Wefct? M r T" “Yeah, I done ’em wrong.” —■Pelican Society Sal: “What do you think of that bust of my dead hus- ban that 1 had made as a fountain head?” , i Gene: “I should say that it’s the spiitin’ image of him.” —Punch Bowl Lady: “Why so excited little boy? Gan’t you stand still?; Little Boy: “Lady, is that any question to ask a gentleman?” —Punch Bowl They told me that back sla|>- ping ended with a rush week, hut it doesn’t. It just moves farther down. Owl -Sour He: “1 dreamed a!>out you Iasi night.” She: “How did you make »out?” •—LAfayette Lyre’ THE BATTALION HCM THE PROBLEMS APE WPP PEP I Calculation, Consternation, Concentration, Bad! Cancellation. Realization, Exclamation. Sad! ^ ('ontinuation. Meditation, Degradation, (’ad (prof). Determination, 1 >elil>eration, Demonstration, Gad! Degeneration. Irritation. Intoxication, Mad! (’elebration, ('onsolation. Pronunciation, Shush! Revelation. (’onsultation. Conversation. Glad! Explanation, Cooperation, (’orporation. Had! ( Destination, Dedication, To the engineering Lad!' —Yellow Jacket