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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 16, 1929)
THE BATTALION 8 to do and before many moons the topographical features of our own beloved campus will have changed the expression on its face to a con siderable degree. It will indeed be a pleasant spot to look upon when all the present plans for construction are completed. This is all an estab lished fact and is, tangible. Let’s think about something that we would like to see happen but unfortunately has not yet occured. Let’s pretend that we are in an opium den and that we are about to inhale the sooth ing (a la De Quincey) smoke of the poppy seed] Who knows what dreams may come ? Utopia, we are told, was an im aginary island on which it’s laws and institutions, morals and people were practically all perfect. They didn’t need outside interference for they were perfectly caable of taking care of themselves. Let’s pretend then in our dream that A. and M. was practically a Utopia;—its hard even to pretend that, I know, but we’ll do it just for the fun we ex pect to get out of it. Now if it was, what would it be like ? Here’s what our conceptions of it would probably be. First and foremost of all, there would be elevators to all classrooms and there would never be any neces sity for climbing stairs unless you were out for track and needed the exercise. These elevators would all be run by attractive young blondes or brunettes and a guard would be stationed at every one to see that no traffic was blocked. Second: Forty large electric fans would be installed in the Main Mess Hall and twenty in the annex, which would result in one eating in com fort. An orchestra would entertain you at “luncheon” and at “dinner;” there would be none at breakfast as you would probably be too darn sleepy to want to hear it anyway. A slicker that stands the gaff . . . The fellow who first called a Fish Brand Slicker “The Rainy Day Pal” said something. A pal stands by you through thick and thin. That’s one of the points college men always make when they talk to us about Fish Brand Slickers. They’re weather-proof and comfortable after long years of service. Buy yourself a real Fish Brand “Varsity” or “Topper” model, and you’ll have a slicker for keeps. A. J. Tower Com pany, Boston, Mass. r^CSWEtt’s &SHERP2& Third: There would be running ice water in each room of every dormi tory on the campus. A good natured , bell-hop would be at your elbow to satisfy every wish and. . . . and. . . . beg pardon, we are straying a little from our subject. Fourth: A magnificent, unheard- of top would adorn our new stadium and there would be no necessity for taking your raincoat to the game. In addition, the stadium would be steam heated and one could rest in peace if a norther swooped down upon College Station. And you could keep your feet (which have probably froz en stiff at several games) warm for “once in a Blue Moon.” Fifth: This college would be made co-educational. This requires no fur ther discussion—think it out for yourself. Sixth: One hundred spittoons would be installed in the Main build ing as a Christmas present to those poor janitors who have nearly brok en their backs for the last ten years scrubbing “Brown Mule” stains from the floor. Seventh: Huge alarm clocks would be installed in each and every lecture room. These would ring loudly at the end of the period, wake you from a pleasant hour of sleep and give you warning that it was time to de part for the next class. Hear our fervent prayer, Oh, Allah! * * * A friend—according to Noah Web ster, who should have known what he was talking about ,is “one who cherishes a kind regard for another person.” Now Noah might have un derstood what his object was in say ing that or he might have been un der the influence of a potent drink from the little brown jug when he published that definition. You may have your own personal opinion on the subject. We usually know who our friends are—or at least we think we do. But in this enlightened twentieth century it is indeed a difficult task to find “one who cherishes a kind regard” for you; he may cherish a kind re gard for one of your best girl friends or he may look with wistful eyes at something you possess but as for that “kind regard” for yourself— you are laboring under a false im pression if you believe that. Narrowing down to a specific topic (as we are supposed to do in Public Speaking) here’s everything in a nutshell. I thought I had a friend; I knew he didn’t cherish that kind regard but nevertheless I thought I had a friend, as I’ve said before. The other day he was O. D. and when I say O. D. I mean just that. He had fourteen pictures taken of himself in front of the Main building in No. 1 uniform that day and no fooling. I know because I saw ’em and I counted ’em. Napoleon, on the verge (Continued on Page 12) THE NEW YORK CAFE New Throughout and Modern in Every Respect. 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