THE BATTALION
5
HISTORY OF JUNIOR BANQUET
OF 1920
Once per annum there occurs at
the Agricultural and Mechanical Col
lege of Texas, an exoteric occasion
whereby the Juniors are filled with
Sbisa, the Sophomores are filled with
ambition, and the woods are filled
with “Fish.”
This is the most momentous mo
ment thx-oughout the collegiate year.
Junior Banquet!! What a myriad of
hopes, aspirations, fears and doubts
are disguised in those two words!!
Does it not mark the only occasion
of the year where students actually
fight to get in the Mess Hall?
Does it not mark the only period of
the year where the haughty, blatant
and bizarre Sophomore attains a
speed above a donkey trot? Is it
not the propitious occasion for
“ Tai sh” to leave the Campus with
jh haste as to make a rapid-fire
/un feel like it had a bad case of
slow fever? Why, even the waiters
in the Mess Hall feel a change!
This is the most reverenced mo
ment of the Junior’s life.
Early in the season, before the
Ides of March were nigh a collection
of eminent Burlap magnates con
vened and formed what is known as
the “Amalgamated Order of Bur
laps” and chose the motto: “Rome
was sacked twice.”
The following officers were elect
ed: Patrick (Jaybird) Dwyer and
“Itchrick” Anglin were chosen as
high men with “South-papa”Matth-
ews and “Mewl” Davis as subsidar-
ies. The electing of other sack and
office holders was postponed until
their next meeting because the
“first year men” came over to use
the Airdome.
One week later ^ the Amalgamated
-~~Grd'er'TWft—aseh ter reading -their'
minutes and appointing their sec
onds, they concocted against the un
suspecting Juniors.
Bob Carruthers, who drives a Ford
with one hand, made a motion that
all the jitneys in Bryan be chartered
—this was their first motion against
the Juniors and was a rattling good
one.
A collection was then taken up in
one of their largest sacks.
As there was only thirty (30c)
cents in the crowd, everyone was ex
horted to write home for money.
“Itch” Anglin then voicferously
and magniloquently presented the
purposes and desires of the Sopho
mores so loquaciously that even the
most phlegmatic understood perfect
ly what he was anglin at.
These remarks straight from the
shoulder showed Anglin’s earmarks.
No one, however, thought that he
meant to be "dirty.
It was next decided to pitch pick
ets around Milner Hall each night
and every Sophie swore to do his
(guard) duty.
A few weeks later the Junior
Class decided to hold their Banquet
in Sbisa Hall. They complacently
arranged to the selecting of a toast
master and other small details nec
essary to the joyous occasion.
Little recked they that at that very
instant there was an element striv
ing to undermine their plans and mar
a gathering around the festive
board. Probably then' seeming in
difference to these odious moves may
be attributed to the fact that the
mosquitos have been numerous this
year.
Finally the ill purposes of the
hithei'to unnoticed Corporation of
Sackriligeous Individuals came upon
us like taps and a bolt from a clear
sky.
A surging armada of jitneys and
gasoline vehicles appeared from up
on the Bryany Deep. Studious,
peaceful and docile Juniors were
treated armeniangly. We were in
the throes of amateur Bolshevists.
The majority of the Junior Class
were kidnapped from their educa
tional pursuits and given “field prac
tice” by the furious rabble.
Chaos and pandemonium reigned
supreme.
But from this temporary reversion
toward the primevial cave-man
there arose men equal to any occa
sion.
Foremost among these comes the
rival to A. Conan Doyle’s most fan
tastical imaginative creation. I re
fer to “Hawkshaw” Fitzgerald, a
self-made man in the art of purloin
ing. “Fitz” has never taken a cor
respondence lesson in “How to be a
detective.”
“Hawkshaw” can catch a chicken,
without a cackle, whether it is lay
ing upon the highest roost or on an
egg—provided it is that kind of a
chicken.
Under the direction of the “ways
and means committee” of the Junior
Class it was not long before all of
the abducted class-mates were safely
returned to the fold.
Nevertheless the hour for the Jun
ior Spread drew nigh. ’Twas the
night before Tuesday that Dame
Rumor, on tiptoes, whispered into
the sophisticated sophic ear that the
Junior toastmaster would journey
homeward from his locus of rendez
vous.
A call meeting was held and the
Sophomore Class en masse braved
the chill night air with the purpose of
crumbling the toastmaster. Dicto
graphs, buzzers, flash-lights, tele
scopes and microscopes were includ
ed in their equipment.
Logs were rolled upon all high
ways, by-ways and lanes in order to
check all transients, Ford cars and
other “itinerants.”
All vehicles were carefully in
spected as to contents and if they
could pass inspection they were per
mitted to go unharmed—to the next
log-pile. These inspections proved
invaluable to the Sophomore A. H.
sections.
They say all roads lead to Rome,
but should anyone have started
roaming that way they would have
been confronted by the lumber
problem.
’Twas a beautiful night—a soft and
caressing zephyr from out of the gold
en west wast gently blowing its
breath in the moon-shine. A full moon
shown overhead and after it had got
ten pretty low a weird and unearthly
noise made its imprint upon the ever
alert ear machinery of the faithful
legions of the Sophies who guarded
the Bryan Highway as faithfully as
did Horatius of old. What Hor-
atius did by the prowess of his sword
the Sophies were able to work out
by the use of six place logs.”
Nearer and nearer drew the origin
of commotion. Closer and closer
drew the valiant Sophies each to
each.
However, from this group of close
friends there drew away one, yclept
“Hoots” Williams, ready to do or die.
By this time the origin of discord
could plainly be discerned. It was
the “golden fleece” of the Sophies
Jason (pronounced (“chase on”). It
carried the Junior’s toastmaster and
cooked the Sophomore’s goose.
Just as “Hoot’ Williams hooted
and his flash light flashed a flash of
light, the faithful Maxwell also
flashed—into the air and went over
the log pile as if it was no worse
Fiscal Department of A. & M. College of Texas
College Station, Texas
April 1, 1920.
Cadet 0. U. Money
April 1
OVERDRAWN
5.00
Report to
Fiscal De-
partment at
once.
ODE TO FISCAL DEPARTMENT.
than the old widow woman’s kind
ling pile.
Touching terra firma only at high
altitudes the charging Maxwell
(which had been bought by a Dunn)
settled beside Milner Hall.
The toastmaster and his aide-de
biscuit under cover of darkness and
disguised as tamales then betook
themselves by the foot to the dom
icile of the Mess Hall waiters whei’e
a place had been prepared for them.
Here the day was spent in “watch
ful waiting” and only occasionally
did they have cause to worry when
cadets would appear with sacks over
their shoulders. They proved to be
student laborers, luckily.
Finally night again put the day
and the Sophies in the dark. The
Mess Hall was completely surround
ed on all sides and on top with
Sophomores lead on by the un
quenchable desire of victory.
The doors were barricaded with
such ingenuity as could the Sophies’
mind devise. Even the key holes
were plugged.
At length the Junior signal for the
spring drive was given and, before
the multitudinous gathering of on
lookers (with the possible exception
of the Freshman Glass), there was
enacted the most informal gathering
of students ever staged at A. and
M.
The Juniors were met at the en
trance by a reception committee
composed of the Sophomore Class
and a get-together meeting ensued.
The return of the prodical son and
his father’s fall on his neck is only
a singular instance of such devo
tion. The student who fell on his
neck in this instance considered him
self fortunate.
While this joint session in the
foreground of Sbisa’s Stadium was
in progress the toastmaster and
twelve swarthies had torn down all
that remained between them and
something to eat and backwardly
entered the Mess Hall. Once inside,
the Junior Banquet with a presiding
toastmaster became a reality, and,
thus birth will be given to some of
the cleverest alibis ever dropped
from the lips of man.
A. AND M. TERMS DEFINED
RINCTUMS: A barberism; the
pass word to get a-head; something
that goes to the head and is not
intoxicating.
PROFITEER: Bill Sparks.
HOT CAKE: A substance whose
specific gravity is indeterminate and
if worn internally may produce an
ache not in the head.
COOTIE: A louse in military
training.
BOOM: A report requiring smoke.
(Remedy—carry Bull Durham).
ORDERLY: One who wins tlje“—
Sweepstakes. That is, one who
sweeps and takes rams.
LOCAL ATTRACTIONS: Stenog
raphers on the Campus.
HAZING: Too hazy and dim to
define. (Obsolete).
SACKHOLDER: One who holds
the sack. (Collectively: The Soph
omore Class).
PLUCKS: A hair-raising event.
CIVILIAN COMPANY: Utopia.
JUNIOR BANQUET: An annual
evertt where Juniors hold sway,
Sophomores hold sacks, and “Fish”
hold out.
Much obliged. Sophomores, for
publishing our Banquet Programs!
You must admit you found them in a
safe place.
Rub-My-Tism is a great pain killer.
It relieves pain and soreness caused
by Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Sprains,
etc. 20
IF YOU BREAK IT
DON’T WORRY!
THE
“ OLD MAN ” CAN FIX IT
AND NOT BREAK YOU.
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