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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (April 8, 1920)
THE BATTALION 5 HISTORY OF JUNIOR BANQUET OF 1920 Once per annum there occurs at the Agricultural and Mechanical Col lege of Texas, an exoteric occasion whereby the Juniors are filled with Sbisa, the Sophomores are filled with ambition, and the woods are filled with “Fish.” This is the most momentous mo ment thx-oughout the collegiate year. Junior Banquet!! What a myriad of hopes, aspirations, fears and doubts are disguised in those two words!! Does it not mark the only occasion of the year where students actually fight to get in the Mess Hall? Does it not mark the only period of the year where the haughty, blatant and bizarre Sophomore attains a speed above a donkey trot? Is it not the propitious occasion for “ Tai sh” to leave the Campus with jh haste as to make a rapid-fire /un feel like it had a bad case of slow fever? Why, even the waiters in the Mess Hall feel a change! This is the most reverenced mo ment of the Junior’s life. Early in the season, before the Ides of March were nigh a collection of eminent Burlap magnates con vened and formed what is known as the “Amalgamated Order of Bur laps” and chose the motto: “Rome was sacked twice.” The following officers were elect ed: Patrick (Jaybird) Dwyer and “Itchrick” Anglin were chosen as high men with “South-papa”Matth- ews and “Mewl” Davis as subsidar- ies. The electing of other sack and office holders was postponed until their next meeting because the “first year men” came over to use the Airdome. One week later ^ the Amalgamated -~~Grd'er'TWft—aseh ter reading -their' minutes and appointing their sec onds, they concocted against the un suspecting Juniors. Bob Carruthers, who drives a Ford with one hand, made a motion that all the jitneys in Bryan be chartered —this was their first motion against the Juniors and was a rattling good one. A collection was then taken up in one of their largest sacks. As there was only thirty (30c) cents in the crowd, everyone was ex horted to write home for money. “Itch” Anglin then voicferously and magniloquently presented the purposes and desires of the Sopho mores so loquaciously that even the most phlegmatic understood perfect ly what he was anglin at. These remarks straight from the shoulder showed Anglin’s earmarks. No one, however, thought that he meant to be "dirty. It was next decided to pitch pick ets around Milner Hall each night and every Sophie swore to do his (guard) duty. A few weeks later the Junior Class decided to hold their Banquet in Sbisa Hall. They complacently arranged to the selecting of a toast master and other small details nec essary to the joyous occasion. Little recked they that at that very instant there was an element striv ing to undermine their plans and mar a gathering around the festive board. Probably then' seeming in difference to these odious moves may be attributed to the fact that the mosquitos have been numerous this year. Finally the ill purposes of the hithei'to unnoticed Corporation of Sackriligeous Individuals came upon us like taps and a bolt from a clear sky. A surging armada of jitneys and gasoline vehicles appeared from up on the Bryany Deep. Studious, peaceful and docile Juniors were treated armeniangly. We were in the throes of amateur Bolshevists. The majority of the Junior Class were kidnapped from their educa tional pursuits and given “field prac tice” by the furious rabble. Chaos and pandemonium reigned supreme. But from this temporary reversion toward the primevial cave-man there arose men equal to any occa sion. Foremost among these comes the rival to A. Conan Doyle’s most fan tastical imaginative creation. I re fer to “Hawkshaw” Fitzgerald, a self-made man in the art of purloin ing. “Fitz” has never taken a cor respondence lesson in “How to be a detective.” “Hawkshaw” can catch a chicken, without a cackle, whether it is lay ing upon the highest roost or on an egg—provided it is that kind of a chicken. Under the direction of the “ways and means committee” of the Junior Class it was not long before all of the abducted class-mates were safely returned to the fold. Nevertheless the hour for the Jun ior Spread drew nigh. ’Twas the night before Tuesday that Dame Rumor, on tiptoes, whispered into the sophisticated sophic ear that the Junior toastmaster would journey homeward from his locus of rendez vous. A call meeting was held and the Sophomore Class en masse braved the chill night air with the purpose of crumbling the toastmaster. Dicto graphs, buzzers, flash-lights, tele scopes and microscopes were includ ed in their equipment. Logs were rolled upon all high ways, by-ways and lanes in order to check all transients, Ford cars and other “itinerants.” All vehicles were carefully in spected as to contents and if they could pass inspection they were per mitted to go unharmed—to the next log-pile. These inspections proved invaluable to the Sophomore A. H. sections. They say all roads lead to Rome, but should anyone have started roaming that way they would have been confronted by the lumber problem. ’Twas a beautiful night—a soft and caressing zephyr from out of the gold en west wast gently blowing its breath in the moon-shine. A full moon shown overhead and after it had got ten pretty low a weird and unearthly noise made its imprint upon the ever alert ear machinery of the faithful legions of the Sophies who guarded the Bryan Highway as faithfully as did Horatius of old. What Hor- atius did by the prowess of his sword the Sophies were able to work out by the use of six place logs.” Nearer and nearer drew the origin of commotion. Closer and closer drew the valiant Sophies each to each. However, from this group of close friends there drew away one, yclept “Hoots” Williams, ready to do or die. By this time the origin of discord could plainly be discerned. It was the “golden fleece” of the Sophies Jason (pronounced (“chase on”). It carried the Junior’s toastmaster and cooked the Sophomore’s goose. Just as “Hoot’ Williams hooted and his flash light flashed a flash of light, the faithful Maxwell also flashed—into the air and went over the log pile as if it was no worse Fiscal Department of A. & M. College of Texas College Station, Texas April 1, 1920. Cadet 0. U. Money April 1 OVERDRAWN 5.00 Report to Fiscal De- partment at once. ODE TO FISCAL DEPARTMENT. than the old widow woman’s kind ling pile. Touching terra firma only at high altitudes the charging Maxwell (which had been bought by a Dunn) settled beside Milner Hall. The toastmaster and his aide-de biscuit under cover of darkness and disguised as tamales then betook themselves by the foot to the dom icile of the Mess Hall waiters whei’e a place had been prepared for them. Here the day was spent in “watch ful waiting” and only occasionally did they have cause to worry when cadets would appear with sacks over their shoulders. They proved to be student laborers, luckily. Finally night again put the day and the Sophies in the dark. The Mess Hall was completely surround ed on all sides and on top with Sophomores lead on by the un quenchable desire of victory. The doors were barricaded with such ingenuity as could the Sophies’ mind devise. Even the key holes were plugged. At length the Junior signal for the spring drive was given and, before the multitudinous gathering of on lookers (with the possible exception of the Freshman Glass), there was enacted the most informal gathering of students ever staged at A. and M. The Juniors were met at the en trance by a reception committee composed of the Sophomore Class and a get-together meeting ensued. The return of the prodical son and his father’s fall on his neck is only a singular instance of such devo tion. The student who fell on his neck in this instance considered him self fortunate. While this joint session in the foreground of Sbisa’s Stadium was in progress the toastmaster and twelve swarthies had torn down all that remained between them and something to eat and backwardly entered the Mess Hall. Once inside, the Junior Banquet with a presiding toastmaster became a reality, and, thus birth will be given to some of the cleverest alibis ever dropped from the lips of man. A. AND M. TERMS DEFINED RINCTUMS: A barberism; the pass word to get a-head; something that goes to the head and is not intoxicating. PROFITEER: Bill Sparks. HOT CAKE: A substance whose specific gravity is indeterminate and if worn internally may produce an ache not in the head. COOTIE: A louse in military training. BOOM: A report requiring smoke. (Remedy—carry Bull Durham). ORDERLY: One who wins tlje“— Sweepstakes. That is, one who sweeps and takes rams. LOCAL ATTRACTIONS: Stenog raphers on the Campus. HAZING: Too hazy and dim to define. (Obsolete). SACKHOLDER: One who holds the sack. (Collectively: The Soph omore Class). PLUCKS: A hair-raising event. CIVILIAN COMPANY: Utopia. JUNIOR BANQUET: An annual evertt where Juniors hold sway, Sophomores hold sacks, and “Fish” hold out. Much obliged. Sophomores, for publishing our Banquet Programs! You must admit you found them in a safe place. Rub-My-Tism is a great pain killer. It relieves pain and soreness caused by Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Sprains, etc. 20 IF YOU BREAK IT DON’T WORRY! THE “ OLD MAN ” CAN FIX IT AND NOT BREAK YOU. ni Always the Newest Things in Jewelry and Gift Goods. iniA =11= IFlAfFI FD Pi IRK the JEWELER POST OFFICE BLOCK