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r he Internet has been heralded as one of the greatest in
ventions of modern times — in moments, one can
download music, find which movie is No. 1 in Pakistan
Ind buy cheese direct from Wisconsin. However, the Internet
Is also a place of strange sites full of misinformation and pro
paganda. With this and the popularity of top-10 lists in mind,
[tere is a compilation of the top 10 top-10 lists on the Internet.
#10 Top 10 stupidest things to do with a brick
T his list is on the Top 10 list for its inane qualities. Most
of the “stupid things” are not particularly funny — in
fact, they are downright pathetic. However, the list
[does manage to incite both violence and sexual deviance.
iDavesite.com’s stupid things get it on this list:
No. 9: Go to a football game and chuck [the brick] at the
I opposing team.
No. 2: Have an affair with it.
#9 Top 10 censored news stories of the year
T his piece is a serious list of stories the author believes
have been kept from the mainstream media because
of their inflammatory nature. The No. 3 story on this
| list is about the “glass ceiling” for sex workers. The cited
article by Magdelen Gaitskill of the Left Sex Observer said
prostitutes and pornographic models’ careers are “over by
35.” This is but one of the terribly important news stories
that has been kept from the public. Simpleton.com’s list of
the top 10 censored news stories comes in at No. 9 on this
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#8 Top 10 Korean singers of the year.
eocities.com’s Gayo critic’s list makes the top 10 be
cause of its valiant attempt to make Americans aware
of the great melting pot of musical culture in this
country. How else would the American populace have be
come aware of Lee Hyun Do and Roo’ Ra if not for this site?
Really, it makes the list because it is weird.
#7 Top 10 speeding excuses
T
ield
his site has made an effort to help wayward drivers es
cape punishment by giving helpful excuses for use in
case of a traffic stop. Where would drivers be without
such helpful suggestions as “Oh, the speedometer is the big
dial,” and “How would I know if 1 was speeding? I was tak
ing a nap.” K40.com does its part to make the streets safer.
#6 Top 10 reasons to hate ’NSync
B oy bands have dominated the pop music scene for a
while, but with popularity come naysayers. This par
ticular naysayer is the site emeespud69 on geoci-
ties.com. The authors of this particular list are really not fun
ny. As a matter of fact, they are absolutely scary. The list
reads like the Unabomber’s manifesto.
#5 Top 10 things to do with a newspaper
I n honor of The Battalion, (or perhaps some other
reason) Davesite.com has compiled a list of the top
10 things to do with a newspaper. Some are obvi
ous, such as putting it by the toilet to read (reason No.
10), while others are creative yet disturbing: Roll it up
and look through it, pretending to be a pirate (No. 5).
#4 Top 10 things to blame on the Internet
T his list makes it onto the top 10 because of its au
thor’s meticulous nature. Not only does he come
up with creative things to blame on the Internet,
he comes up with specific keyboard commands to blame
those things on. For instance, the No. 10 thing to blame
on the Internet is glam rock, with the Unix command
“cp” being blamed for David Bowie. Among the other
things to blame on the Internet are the common cold, the
itch in the inner ear and the breakup of the Beatles.
#3 Top 10 Santa pickup lines
W ith lines like No. 8 and No. 5: “I’ve got some
thing special in the sack for you,” and “Some
of my best toys run on batteries,” this list
makes the top 10 for degrading one of America’s best
loved traditions — Christmas. Many of the pickup lines
in this list are far too dirty to be printed, so Santa lovers
will have to go to cybercheeze.com to see the rest.
#2 Top 10 reasons why beer is better than Jesus
T his cybercheeze.com list makes the top 10 sim
ply because of College Station’s per capita drink
ing statistics. Not to mention that it makes light
of a cherished figure. But then again there are always
reasons No. 7 and No. 5: “No one comes to the door try
ing to get you to drink a certain beer,” and “Beer is ac
ceptable at any holiday.”
# 1 Top 10 Amish spring break activities
C ybercheeze.com also grabs the top spot with
Amish jokes. Humorous lines, not altruistic mo
tivations, give this list the top spot. Activity No.
10 is “drink molasses ’til you heave,” No. 9 is “wet bon
net contest,” and No. 7 is “buttermilk kegger.” But the
best line of this list is “sleep in ’til six a.m.”
C ompetition was stiff among these lists, but five
distinguished themselves as the cream of the
crop. These were selected for their ability to in
sult everything from America’s favorite whipping boys
to its best loved pastimes. People may object to the sen
sitive subjects mentioned in these lists, including Santa
and Jesus, but these ratings are solely the views of the
writer, not The Battalion — Jason Bennyhoff
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Islam in America
A convert’s
perspective
| on how
Islam is
making an
impact in
this country
Thursday, Nov. 16 th Rudder 301 @ 7:00pm
Speaker:
• SohaibWebb
Muslim Students
Association
846-7718 or 693-5463
isiaml01@tamu.edu
Http://msa.tamu.edu
.
American Muslims pray in a street of Manhattan. NY.
Free Entry and Refreshments!
The Guitar Store
• Over 100 Guitars in stock
• New Guitars from *99.99
• Used Amps, Guitars, & Bass’s
• Buy, Sell, Trade, & Consignment’s
Located on University behind the Golden Coral
260-7262
www.unitedflight.com
li!
LEARN TO
AT UNITED FLIGHT SYSTEMS
Easily awarded student loans now available. You can learn
to fly for as little as $50. 00 per month. Located next to campus
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Discount Discovery Flight
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■ Private thru advanced training
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Cessna ■ VA Eligible Benefits
United Flight Systems, Inc.
Easterwood Airport
College Station, TX
409 260-6322
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The, t*ltimczta irt cjtteditr/ service
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The Dance Arts Society presents
Fall
Curtain Call
Sunday, Nov. 19, 2000
2:00 p.m. • Rudder Auditorium
Tickets:
s 3 students • $ 5 adults
available at the MSC box office