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Page 3 • Thursday, November 4, 1999
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BY HEATHER BRONDY
The Battalion
S o here’s the situation: Take Joe College on a Friday
night. He’s got his hair combed and cemented into
place and is actually wearing a clean shirt. After a
little daily affirmation in the bar’s bathroom mirror, he
concludes that tonight all his lonesome doldrums will
be succumbed with a little feminine sunshine. He tack
les the bar and scans the p.m. crowd.
He sees you. You see him see you. As he makes his
way across the crowd, you notice his fly is down and
he has sweat rings around his armpits the size of a small
head. When he finally reaches you and manages to get
out an old fashioned “Can I buy you a drink?” all you
can do is laugh in his face before stumbling back to your
girlfriends, so they, too may join in on the comedy.
Ladies, if you are experiencing deja-vous, read on.
Maybe it’s time to think about the groveling male
and the bar trauma you are putting him through.
Guys have feelings, too, and it’s not always easy to
approach the babes when he’s been clumsy and
clueless since puberty.
(Safety in numbers.
The drink-and-run maneuver.
Situation: A not-half-bad prospect has just offered
to buy you a drink. He seems nice, but you’ve been
thinking about getting back with your ex, so you’re not
particularly interested. However, a drink sure would be
nice. You go ahead and let him pick up the tab, and af
ter cautiously making sure it tastes up to par, you gra
ciously thank him and then bail.
Solution: Admit it ladies — you’ve all pulled the
drink-and-run stunt, but did you ever think about how
this makes the guy feel? He’s out $4.50 on an amaret-
to sour, and all you can do is sip and split. The moral
ly correct thing to do would be to sweetly refuse the
drink and his company. But for all you drink-lusty hea
thens, if you really want the freebie, at least sit and talk
with the guy until you’ve finished it. Otherwise, you’re
abusing a nice system and giving the rest of women a
bad use-’em-and-lose-’em reputation.
Dave Stroman, a senior history and range land man
agement major, said nothing makes his teeth grind
quite like drink-and-runners.
“You know, they let you buy them a drink and then
don’t have the courtesy to stay and talk until they fin
ish it,” Stroman said.
Situation: It’s Ladies’ Night Out and you and your
girlfriends are dressed to salivate all the hyper-hormonal
hearts. As you sip on a beer, a cold clammy hand taps
your shoulder and you turn to face a sweet-faced —
though not particularly attractive — guy attempting
contact. Every girl at the table leans in to hear his line,
and you just cooly cock a brow and say, “Yes?”
Solution: Though maybe there’s nothing particular
ly wrong with this scene to you, remember bumbling
gorillas are extremely intimidated by overwhelming
amounts of estrogen. Tty a warm smile to put him at
ease. Then, if you’re not interested, politely tell him so.
Bill Kopesky, an oceanography graduate student,
said girls always seems to travel in packs.
“Women at bars usually are in a group,” he said.
“They seem more stuck up and snobby when they’re
all together than when you just approach them alone.”
I’ll call you later, maybe.
Situation: Let’s say a guy approaches you that you’re
actually interested in, and you give him your number.
Next weekend, you’ve got a date, but once you see him
without the beer goggles, it’s hard to remember what
he has that initially attracted you. One full date later,
you give your victim a quick kiss on the cheek and tell
him to call you — later. When he does, you give him
a courtesy call back but tell him that you won’t be
available this weekend due to the unicyclers conven
tion in Waco, which you simply must attend. The next
month is spent screening phone calls and avoiding the
bar where you met.
Solution: The overwhelming majority of males
questioned felt this was the lowest blow of all on the
list of hard hits. Ricky Wood, a junior theater arts
major, said this sort of sting is what sucks the most
about dating.
“I mean, this has never happened to me,” he said.
“But you go out on a date, you have a good time,
and then afterwards, they don’t even call you, even
when they say they will. I mean come on. Be hon
est. If you don’t want to see the guy again, face up
and tell him. Or, and I quote [the musical group]
Cake, ‘People just need to buck up.’”
Ryan Clayton, a senior speech communication
major, said women not calling after a seemingly en
tertaining date is his field-playing pet peeve, as well.
“It’d be better if she’s honest,” he said. “You
know, if she’d just say, ‘Thanks for the date tonight,
but um ... have a good life, okay?”’
^0^ Putting the proof in the puddin’.
Situation: So you don’t have a boyfriend, but you
could if you wanted to. And just to prove it to the
obnoxious suitor convinced you’re his soulmate, you
decide to find a role-playing partner to tame the dog
from his heated hunt.
Solution: This, of course, is dishonest and is
bound to be more trouble than it’s worth. After all,
your partner in crime may enjoy the game a little too
much, and then you’ve got a new problem on your
hands. As the fortune cookies say, “Honesty is al
ways the road to virtue.”
Asking to remain anonymous, one A&M student
said he experienced the role-playing cheap shot at a
party, and the wound was deep.
“Yeah, here’s a real easy let-down,” said the de
nied Sigma Nu. “The girl I approached just went and
made out in a corner with one of my pledge broth
ers. I was crushed.”
Overall, ladies, the guys want honesty. No beat
ing around the bush, no pole-vaulting their ap
proaches. Just give them the straight truth in the
kindest, gentlest way possible.
Right on. Now be sweet, ladies.
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