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Page 4 • Tuesday, November 2, 1999
A
GGIELIFE
TheB;
Plagiarpalooza
Students, professors must guard against academic dishorn
P lagiarism has plagued
students of every age
since the inception of
standardized testing. Usually
seen as a harmless, natural
way for athletic-scholarship
recipients to pass classes, pla
giarism actually is a potential
fly in the nation’s educational
ointment. It has the explosive
capability to undermine and
degrade such American educational fundamen
tals as underpaid teachers and toilet-paperless
restroom stalls.
Plagiarism is loosely defined as the act of
artistic or literary theft, which leaves the indi
vidual wondering, “Shouldn’t the Foo Fighters
be getting their pants sued off by The Rolling
Stones? And shouldn’t The Rolling Stones be
getting their pants sued off by The Beatles? And
shouldn’t The Beatles be getting their pants
sued off by Tog, the primordial caveman who,
with two flat stones, created the first backbeat?”
The answer is “No.” Knowing full well that
problems solved by lawsuits amount to those
solved by NetAid, scholastic circles are taking
it upon themselves to crack down on plagia
rism. However, to achieve their dreams of to
tal scholastic honesty, both professors and
students must work together to know how to
detect plagiarism and how to know when
one’s own work is in doubt.
Many apprehensive professors have collabo
rated their notes and talents to publish a collec
tion of guidelines to identify the telltale signs of
both blatant and subtle plagiarism in a book ti
tled War and Peace. The authors suggest one
can sense plagiarism if an author’s name is
vaguely familiar, such as Chuck Nabokov, Edgar
Allen Poverty-level and Opreh. Another reliable
way to detect literary theft is to examine the ac
tual text of a document for inconsistent writing.
If an educational official reads a paper with
the line “It was the best of times; it was the
worst of the not-as-good-as-the-best-of times,”
he or.she can justifiably suspect plagiarism. If
the professor happens across “It was the best of
times; it was happy hour,” alcoholism can be
added to the charge. And if the academician
reads “It was the best of times. I like pudding.
The End,” he ocshe can at least respect the stu
dent’s average yards per carry.
Once a professor suspects scholastic dishon
esty, how should he or she confront the stu
dent? Experience shows a student publicly ac
cused of plagiarism will immediately deny the
charge, drop the course and move to Holly
wood. Instead, professors are encouraged to uti
lize a more subtle, mild-mannered approach.
Instead of spewing flames from one’s mouth
into the very heart of the student as the earth
splits and cries forth, and steaming lava and
hellish, demonic hounds circle the classroom,
professors can hope to attain true academic
honesty by appealing to the student’s reasoning
and goodwill. Or at least replace the hellhounds
with purgaterriers.
Knowing when one’s academic honesty is in
question is just as important as knowing when
to be suspicious. By being aware of others’ sus
picions, one can act quickly to dispel any
doubts of integrity and thus restart the wonder
ful magic machine of American education. A
sign a student’s work has aroused a professor’s
suspicion is if he or she can somehow remem
ber the student’s face and name in a class of
300. Another sign of suspicion is if during lec
tures the professor tends to stare at the suspect
ed plagiarist. Or maybe the professor is starting
to see public speaking’s trick-of-the-trade payoff
of picturing everyone in their underwear.
Of course, if one believes a professor is sus
picious of one’s work yet does not have any
evidence to prove credibility, he or she should
either examine and reconsider the sources
from which information was “borrowed" for
the sake of future assignments or get good at
football fast.
But since anabolic steroids have become le
gitimate for public consumption and therefore
scarce, the former is the student’s best fret. Pla
giarism is inherently wrong, but plagiarizing
from poor sources is doubly upsetting. One will
earn scholastic expulsion; the other will warrant
a staff-writing position. Whether because of
their place in common knowledge, their incon
sistency or their unreliability, bad sources used
to gather information for misuse include: retire
ment homes (the Cold War was not fought in
Antarctica, and gravy was not originally blue),
psychic hotlines (economics cannot be under
stood by palm readings, and the history of colo
nial America has nothing to do with one’s credit
card number) and the Internet in general
(weirdos in chatrooms who want to “help you
with anatomy” are not one’s friends, and a
Website is not an authority on animal hus
bandry, no matter what the pictures show).
It is through the Internet, however, that pro
fessors have found a new weapon to use in
ROBERT HYNECEKTiu mm
the fight against plagiarism. The Website J
“www.plagiarism.com” boasts a numbe:
features with which a professor can coir.:|
student’s works over time, search for info®
tion about plagiarism, utilize a vast daia::
of scholastic references and maybe even::!
that special someone on one of the site’sem
"hot” message boards (SM. Doctorate.L a
think. Has a huge thesis! Can teach twosa
jects at the same time! SeekingSF wither>m
grant money for Poppa).
All things aside, plagiarism, even if coil
mitted without rebuke from authority,isi
victimless crime. Using a prefabricatedr
as one’s own may seem beneficial andai|:
times even necessary for success insch:.
and it very well may be. In the long run, If
ever, plagiarism is a bane for even then®'
desperate student. By claiming a superior:
per as one’s own, a precedent is set One;:
work will have to be of equal or greatercaj
iber from that point on, magnifying the sit
dent’s responsibility and woe.
The fact is the very things wm®atev\i|‘
world turn on its crystalline axiswemei
tially plagiarized from the metaphoricalgedr
of history. From the Grimms’ SevenDwanT
came the Smurfs. From the Smurfscame
Fraggle Rock. From Fraggle Rock came Tel:
tubbies. From Teletubbies came JerryFafc
The cycle continues.
Behold the grand paradox of plagiarisin'
the sanctioned trespass. It is the very sub®
our decries ajid the very substance of ouilrl
hood. It is truly the worst of times; itistmW
worst of times.
Jacob Hiwalisasom
English m
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