e Battalion
INION
Page 5 • Thursday, July 1, 1999
uch as He
n andai;
dy tries i 0j
rphaned
Jiemebv 1
of Adam
t is a
mance by
Live co-s:
YOU'RE BORING, CHARLIE BROWN
mg comic strip characters found guilty of leaving readers groaning instead of laughing
Aaron
MEIER
for
I decades,
^ the great
is besto; f to , onist
rather 4 ares u
till obno.« lltz has
nes) but i 1 ontertain-
to be se- 8 !n iHio ns °f
^■ale. Many
se to mail ha ve the
iwed perfjnory of sit-
? theSprcl 011 the couch Sunday morn-
ulous. land having dad read
i hasaraftnuts” to them. The latest an-
ning humjof Snoopy and Woodstock
ining. SaifeJd leave the family laughing,
generally lharlie Brown’s ordeal with
ypical apJlittle red-headed girl would
enjoy. Fo:|r the way for the “birds and
such fikls” speech.
Happy Ihen, in the 1980s, Schultz
’ might relje us “A Charlie Brown Christ-
tment. M” and a short-lived television
Brian Fie
fut in the 1990s, the once
t Schultz has been delivering
h humorless comics that even
Jmily Circus” wouldn’t stoop
fris comedic level.
t first it was a few years of
ifor-miss unfunny funnies,
v it has gotten to the point
jere the Met Life commercials
p Snoopy are funnier than his
lie strip.
But instead of blaming this de-
eon age or a 15-year case of
ter’s block, maybe good old
ick needs a bit of inspiration
|m today’s modern world.
If he would just read some of
modern comics, pick up the
ssional issue of Rolling Stone
1 maybe glance through an is-
ofOut magazine, he would
Jve enough fodder to keep read-
1 genuinffft interested for a few hundred
from pars.
nk-hating L First of all, maybe it is time for
obsessior the kids to stop flitting around
the elementary school play-
AmeiM
n Florenct
ground. Most of the characters
have been around for so long,
they are eligible to receive Social
Security.
Maybe it’s time Charlie Brown
got acne and Linus ditched the
blanket for a letterman jacket in
the wonderful world of high
school.
It would be easy for Lucy to
turn into one of those Goth
chicks from the “Jenny Jones
Show. ”
She already has the jet-black
hair and scares the pants off of
everyone. Just give her a nose
ring, a Marilyn Manson T-shirt
and a few dog collars, and she
would blend right into any high
school in the country.
Also, turn Schroeder into a
band geek. Just have him ditch
the piano and take up the tuba,
put on a few hundred pounds
and sell chocolate bars to all the
other kids.
Pigpen can stay the same be
cause there was always the kid in
school who never bathed.
Once the little red-headed girl
is turned into Luann, the world
of “Saved by the Bell: The Peanut
Years” would be set.
Or maybe Schultz should con
sider a spin-off. Snoopy and
Woodstock have always been the
Laurel and Hardy of the funny
pages, so giving them their own
strip wouldn’t be that big of a
stretch. Snoopy has already con
quered the dance world and ex
plored his sexuality by
smooching with Lucy, so give the
pooch and his little bird friend
their own six panels.
They could cruise around in
Snoopy’s doghouse and get into
brawls with the other dumb ani
mal comics that litter the funnies.
Have Snoopy poison Garfield’s
lasagna, neuter Marmaduke and
G'O'
G'o'
5'G
n
5%'
show Dogbert who has the real
brains on the funny pages.
It could be like a cross be
tween “Celebrity Deathmatch”
meets “Laffolympics.”
Or maybe Schultz could jump
on the “gay chic” bandwagon.
There have always been ru
mors about big name stars and
their alleged homosexuality:
Rosie O’Donnell, Ricky Martin,
Peppermint Patty and Marcy.
It would send Schultz’s cultur
al currency through the roof and
would make lesbians across the
country buy Patty and Marcy T-
shirts by the truck load. They
could be Anne and Ellen without
the political rhetoric.
The story line is easy to imag
ine. Have the two girls go to Lil-
lith Fair, and in one of the “male
repression” tents, Marcy could
say, “Sir, I think I love you, sir.”
Sure these options might be a
little risky. They might even
cause a little controversy, but if
Superman’s death was such a big
deal, imagine what Charlie
Brown as a drag queen would do.
Gabriel Ruenes/Thk Battalion
And it is not like the updates
are beyond the scope of Schultz.
Remember “Flashbeagle?”
Snoopy in leg warmers worked
wonders for the world of dog
fashion.
Aaron Meier is a senior
political science major.
Rjum
ACLU strikes out with its suit
against minor league ballpark
M MIME
-m CLPHE l/g
THE StZ-E OF
-me origin-
'pR-eviL'...
Mark
PASSWATERS
Pi
ll hasg
ie state
eaders respond
slavery column
isponse to Caleb McDaniel’s
s 28 column.
bnce again, Islam is being
istitutefened f 0r the mal-practices of its
M e Hlowers. McDaniel is quick to
icize the “Islamic government”
ludan for encouraging slavery.
|A/hereas he could have simply
|ed it the “Sudanese govern-
t,” he had to bring Islam into
picture. Islam has stood firm
inst slavery and all other ideas
tudents
k.
/ay to
■ | hat
st peopf
i becof
° re, | iilaJxploitation for 1,400 years of
ng. i w<
>arning
3 b iswt
any ^
(conception, and if modern day
called Muslim governments
pose otherwise, then please do
blame Islam for it.
(As a Sudanese citizen, I have
|d the facts rather than reading
listening to them from the me-
|,and the problem of slavery is
-r^ivaJHowever, labeling the govern-
1 inf as Islamic and thereby giv-
[the false impression that the
gion is responsible for the
ctice of slavery in Sudan is an
fortunate distortion of the facts
!d a misrepresentation of the Is-
hic faith.
Yassin M. Elhassan
Faculty Member
MAIL CALL
I am writing to commend Mc
Daniel on a very thorough, very
well-researched and superbly
worded article.
His column on the resurgence
of slavery in war-torn Sudan made
for excellent reading.
By staying within the scope of
his subject, he manages to com
municate effectively without con
fusing the issues.
Ayokunle Ogunshola
Graduate Student
NHL made right
decision on ruling
In response to Mark Passwaters’
June 30 column.
Mark claims the NHL ignored
the rules when awarding Brett
Hull's goal that clinched the Stan
ley Cup.
This is not the case.
During the regular season, the
NHL sent a memo about the
crease rule to all 27 NHL teams
four times outlining the posses
sion rule.
A similar goal to Hull’s was
scored by St. Louis’s Geoff
Courntnall in the regular season
that was allowed to stand for the
same reasons Hull’s was.
In both cases, the correct calf
was made.The rule was amended
last season after an empty net
goal was disallowed because the
player entered the crease before
shooting the puck in.
Buffalo did not contest the goal
until 10 minutes later after seeing
TV replays.
But the goal had already been
reviewed, and a rule that is in
place was correctly applied.
The NHL is guilty of not always
knowing its own rule book and fol
lowing it all the time.
Mark is right about that.
But the rules were not ignored
on this call.
Rory King
Class of ’00
The Battalion encourages letters to the ed
itor. Letters must be 300 words or less and in
clude the author’s name, class and phone
number.
The opinion editor reserves the right to edit
letters for length, style, and accuracy. Letters
may be submitted in person at 013 Reed Mc
Donald with a valid student ID. Letters may also
be mailed to:
The Battalion - Mail Call
013 Reed McDonald
Texas A&M University
College Station, TX
77843-1111
Campus Mail: 1111
Fax: (409) 845-2647
E-mail: batt@tamvml.tamu.edu
T hrough
out the
long his
tory of profes
sional base
ball in
America,
there have, al
ways been
gimmicks to
try to get peo-
pie to come to the ballpark. It
happens so often that most of
them are not even noticed, unless
they go bad like the infamous
“Dime Beer Night” in Cleveland
and “Disco Demolition Night” in
Chicago back in the 1970s.
Now, with the emergence of
political correctness, there is one
promotion that may become far
better known than any one before
it, because it may end up before
the U.S. Supreme Court.
The Suns, from Hagerstown,
Maryland, are a minor league
baseball team and have come up
with a promotion called “Church
Program Night. ”
On this night, which occurs
one home game a month, fami
lies who bring a copy of their
church or temple order of ser
vices or newsletter may get into
the ballpark for $1 a piece.
As a result, moms and dads
can take their kids on a family
outing and spend less than $15
for the whole night — food,
drinks and tickets all included.
Of course, not everyone in
Hagerstown goes to a church or
temple. One agnostic citizen real
ized that this promotion would
not apply to him and is scream
ing discrimination.
The American Civil Liberties
Union (ACLU) is saying that this
promotion is a show of religious
bias and is demanding that it be
stopped at once.
In recent years, there have
been many instances of P.C. be
ing used to fight invisible
demons. In this case, P.C. is not
being used to right some heinous
wrong, but as a tool for people
who wish to do battle with orga
nized religion in this nation.
The ownership of this baseball
team has developed an idea that
will do what any promotion is
supposed to — put backsides in
seats. But since the discount can
only be received if people bring a
program for a house of worship
to the gate, the ACLU is acting
like copies of Mein Kampf are be
ing handed out to the fans.
In a broad sense, this gimmick
can be considered discriminatory.
But it can be more reasonably
considered good marketing. Peo
ple who choose not to bring these
programs to the ballpark can still
get into the game and will not be
gouged in the pocketbook. This is
not like taking a trip to the Super
Bowl, where tickets start at $100
a piece.
Political correctness
is being used "as a
tool for people who
wish to do battle
with organized
religion/'
This is a trip to a minor league
ballpark, where tickets top out at
$6.
And certainly, this is not the
only promotion the Suns have
during the season.
A common promotion is
“Ladies Night,” when women can
get in for a dollar.
Other minor league parks
around the nation have come up
with ideas that could be consid
ered discrimination as well.
Examples of these include
“Bald Head” night, where people
with no hair or shaved heads can
get in for free.
But has the ACLU taken up the
cause of the oppressed males
with full heads of hair?
Of course not. The sound of si
lence is deafening.
On the other hand, having
people show up with a church
program is treated as if it were a
criminal action.
Lost in all the crying and
moaning about keeping God out
of the ballparks are a few simple
things.
The first is how trivial this pro
motion is. There will not be a
prayer before the game, nor will
there be communion during the
7th Inning Stretch. Anyone who
claims this idea is an attempt to
force religion down the throats of
the masses probably also thinks
the aliens from Roswell, N.M.,
killed President Kennedy.
Further, this is not an issue of
separation of church and state.
This is a promotion that has been
developed by a private enterprise
in order to strengthen its bottom
line. The state of Maryland and
the federal government have not
gotten involved in the situation to
this point nor should they. There
is no basis for their involvement.
Furthermore, if the ACLU will
not protest promotions where
there are beer specials at ball-
games, which may end up hurt
ing people physically, then it has
no business getting involved
here.
It is astounding to think there
are people out there who actually
would consider this promotion,
which happens five times in an
entire season, religious persecu
tion. This promotion is not the
first step toward a new inquisi
tion nor is it like an old-fashioned
revival. It is a money-making
scheme that just so happens to
involve religion.
If people do not like it, that is
understandable.
They can come on nights
when there is another promotion.
Maybe the ACLU and the ball-
club can come to some kind of
accommodation, like having
“Overly Touchy People Night” or
“Crybaby Night.” God knows, it
could be a winner.
Mark Passwaters is a graduate
student in electrical engineering.