TICKETS GO ON SALE MONDAY 6PM www.aggiecentrat. cam MON Apr 19 TUES Apr 20 WED Apr 21 THUR Apr 22 RHYS 7-9 CH. CH CH Prac 202 PM 27 29 30 Test CHEM 107 l>r». 9PM- CH Thermo Prac MID 9,14 dynamics Test MATH 7-9 Part Part Part Part 151 PM I II III IV CHEM 9-11 CH. CH CH Prac 227 PM 11 15 16 Test Texas Aggie Athletics This Week! Tennis (W) Tuesday 6:00 vs. Baylor Baseball Tuesday 7:00 vs. Houston Softball Wednesday 5:00 (DH) vs. Sam Houston State Baseball Friday 7:00 vs. Kansas Tennis (M) Saturday Noon vs. Baylor Baseball Saturday 3:00 vs. Kansas Baseball Sunday 1:00 vs. Kansas GGIE FM Tickets off campus Kroger in College Station A Proud Corporate Sponsor! # THE PRINCETON REVIEW I more reason you should prepare with our GRE course PERSONAL ATTENTION Better classes mean plenty of personal attention. You'll work in a class of 8-1 5 students and you'll be taught by a smart, well-trained, veteran instructor. And if you need extra help, you'll get it - at no extra cost. Preparation for the May/June GRE starts THIS WEEKEND. Call today! O' (409) 696-9099 Li iLL J www.review.com "Ttitffrincetbii Review is not affiliated with Princeton University or ETS. HOME FROM COLLEGE? NEED A SUMMER COURSE? Now it's easier than ever To enroll at UH-CLear Lake o' TASP and College Algebra waived for ” visitors". Nine, five and three week sessions. Full/part-time, day/evening schedule. Student friendly services. ❖ Apply via the WWW ❖ Register by phone ❖ Pay by credit card ^Get prerequisites out of the way ^Complete math/science credits ^ Advance faster toward your degree For a "visitor's" packet, call us at (281) 283-2520 or check us out at WWW. cl. uh. edu/odmissions Visit with faculty and staff at Showcase ’99 Open House on Saturday, April 24 from l-4pm in the Bayou Building. |University of Houston *d Clear Lake] 2700 Bay Area Boulevard Houston, Texas 77058 Page 4 • Monday, April 19, 1999 GGIELIFE e Baiu ► JACOB'S LADDER History of barbecue spans from colonial ancestors top I t is that time of year again. Time for strange and unusual ritu als, time for the fat to fry, time to char hind regions of A cob animals in hopes of satiat ing the merci- HUVAL less beasts’ hunger for more, more, MORE! It is time, of course, to file income taxes; but in a more appropriate (and less incriminat ing) way, it is time for the “Sacred American Outdoor Barbecue”. The inception of the “Sacred American Outdoor Barbecue” oc curred during colonial times. Be cause the concept of the United States was not yet forced upon the tribes of North America, the occa sion was originally named “The Powdered Wigs, Candied Figs and Squirrel Bits Annual Sissyfest” (PWCFSBAS). Soon after the fore fathers figured out abbreviating the event for community calen dars — PWCFSBAS — was point less, they shortened the title. So how does one conduct a successful “Sacred American Out door Barbecue”? First, ditch the powdered wigs and candied figs in exchange for grade A cuts and roasted nuts. Fortunately for mod ern barbecue connoisseurs, cook ing technology since colonial times has progressed further than democracy. In the olden days, PWCFSBAS-ers relied on primitive and inefficient instruments of cookery. Modern Americans enjoy a liberal variety of methods of cooking, from charcoal grills to propane tanks, microwaves to guano-fueled incinerators. Just as it was in colonial times, the central figure at a modern bar becue is the chef. The barbecue chef must respect a “Sacred Ameri can Outdoor Barbecue” policy stat ing that he must look like an idiot, hence the large hat and apron. But chefs, the crafty creatures they are, have transformed this would-be inconvenience into a trademark of the traditional Amer ican humor culture with various quotes on the hat and/or apron. Snappy quips such as “Kiss the Cook!,” “Hail to the Chef!” and “Let’s Swap Wives!” have fre quented the backyards of America for decades. These contemporary gags are evidence that the tastes of Americans’ sense of humor have changed since colonial times. Colonial aprons featured quips like “There’s plenty of bison for all!” and “Party like its 1799!” Behavior of both hosts and guests at barbecues has not changed much over the years. While the “Sacred American Outdoor Barbecue" has its recorded instances of drunken boasts and the ensuing sluggish tussles, PWCFSBASs have also been known to host a number of domestic disputes. One such in cident was a food fight during which Edmund Randolph al legedly said “Hey, Wilson, ratify this!” Keep in mind, however, that there are those who choose not to partake in the “Sacred American Outdoor Barbecue” — the vege tarians. There is nothing wrong with vegetarianism; indeed, those who distance themselves from the bloated, salty eat-hole of carnivore Americana should be esteemed and revered for having the courage to carry on a conversation despite their constant fear of hav ing something green between their teeth. This brings to mind another blessing that so many modern Americans take for granted — the toothpick. Little did the forefa thers know that the earliest proto type for the bayonet would in time give rise to the nation’s most pop ular dental hygiene product. In some ways, however, the lack of toothpicks aided revolu tionaries more than it harmed them. In the midst of a freezing winter, for example, ing Valley Forge, Ge: ington’s troops, fat moved it weeks be;:: enough turkey and::-: tween their teeth toe selves for the durat:: tie, thereby brings federalism one step : ty. Thanks, toothpick Yes, it’s that tiraei So call up some fhe: that grill, and getoi come tax filing fonr needs plenty of kin; de let Jacob Hum ATTENTION The LJ arts tla i m la n I But it " ms’ sq cas Att i the A (7-4). -quiet wk. 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