The Battalion
S'lWION
Tiday • May 1, 1998
PERSPECTIVES
is a lei;
M's st
gnorance is
'tupid actions of students
not bliss
deserve reflection, correction
ando:
hes®
r slat
ry'
kthf
Chris
Martin
columnist
CENE
.ONE
An in-
lemational
Itudies class
It generic
university.
I TEACHER
-Hi. Any in-
■elligent and
'igtoi i 'Vvell-in-
ffenstllormed per-
williipon knows
|(9-2)l hat the United States govern-
nentdoes certain underhanded
elte hings in other countries that the
ersJ: )ublic thinks only other coun-
ties do.
® l STUDENT —Why do you
E a fiiate America, you communist?
love it or leave, you baby-killing
Itheist!
-I SCENE rwo
j-/l A religious studies class at an-
lllther generic university.
I TEACHER — Hi. Moslems be
lieve that Allah is the one true
iod and Mohammed is the
reatest prophet.
STUDENT—I don’t want to be
ide, sir, but that is not in the Bible,
\ou Christian-hating atheist!
|eagi) ’
[niwl Do any of these purely ficti-
efcf tious scenes seem familiar?
robably not, since only the best
nd brightest pass through the
[eve:Boors ofTexas A.&.M Unwevsity.
<ne|
laltij
However, every once in a
while one of these slightly less-
than-astute students will slip
through the stringent screening
process (perhaps a flubbed stool
sample) and finagle their way
into an A&M classroom or two.
While many students possess
a highly evolved spot in the brain
that distinguishes between
learning and indoctrination,
these dervishes must scrape by
with a brain mass that resembles
partially digested corn chips.
Questioning a teacher is im
portant, if not necessary, for a
healthy classroom environment.
But these students come armed
not with opposing viewpoints
backed with facts, but with de
fensive sissy-slapping retorts
based on personal feelings.
It’s easy to see why this hap
pens, since up until the college
level most students have their
bowls filled with a never-ending
supply of dogma-chow from
parents, community, school
and church.
When someone on the play
ground told you that their dad
could beat up your dad, you nat
urally defended your turf. But as
an adult, you become equipped
with the mental faculty to dis
cern whether or not their dad re
ally could beat up yours. With
mature intelligence such a chal
lenge doesn’t change your opin
ion or belief in your dad — it just
keeps you from balling up your
fist like a fool.
Fortunately this misunder
standing is a minor problem on
campus. What really ails me, gen
tle reader, are the larger diseases
infesting this, our beloved school.
First of all is the sudden out
break of roll sheet scanning. This
travesty occurs when students
feel the need to leisurely flip
through every page of the roll
sheet instead of signing their
name and passing it on.
They check all the names, in
spect handwriting, memorize
seating arrangements, recheck
who is in class, analyze social se
curity numbers and basically
block up the whole teacher-roll
sheet-student infrastructure like
a greasy wad of chest hair.
Almost as bad as these ‘‘peo
ple’’ are the students who take
up a whole table by themselves
in the MSC’s Hullabaloo eating
area during lunch time to study,
feeling fully justified by the fact
that they are drinking a fountain
Coke. These human paper
weights do not realize that the
MSC has plenty of plump and
comfy chairs and benches up
stairs for their Coke-drinking
studying pleasure.
Which leads us right to the
dead weights. These students
show up late to class every day,
step on your feet and bring their
tushes within precious inches of
your nose while shuffling past to
their seat.
To add insult to injury, they
have the cajones to ask if they
can copy your notes. To make
sure it doesn’t happen repeated
ly, feel free to sketch Satanic sac
rifice rituals, Marilyn Manson
lyrics and pictures of you riding
on the back of a baby dolphin
with them in your note margins.
Finally, we must address the
unfortunate outbreak of jean
shorts on this campus. Two dis
tinct strains of the pestilence
have been identified — stone
and acid washed. While the for
mer strain may be cured with a
timely khaki vaccine, the latter is
almost always fatal, especially
when paired with a pair of Teva
sandals. The case is frighteningly
similar to the Rocky Mountain
jeans and Ropers plague of’96.
A&M is not a bad school. It
just has bad people in it. Being
perfect, I find it a challenge to not
berate the masses more often.
If any of these cases smack fa
miliar when you look into a mir
ror, please take the time to cor
rect them. I, my high horse and
tongue planted firmly in cheek,
will thank you.
Chris Martin is a senior
journalism major.
PERSPECTIVES
f
ti
A&M practices encourage labeling as cult
Chris
Huffines
columnist
I t is time
for the
students
land faculty
I at Texas
|A&M Univer-
jsity to admit
[the truth. It
[is time for
lAggies every-
Iwhere to face
[the reality of
[the situation.
|A&M is a
[cult, and we need to admit it.
According to Webster’s Dic-
Itionary, a cult is a “quasi-reli-
[gious group, often living in a
[colony, with a charismatic
[leader who indoctrinates
members with unorthodox or
[extremist views, practices or
[beliefs.’’ The University fits that
definition to a “T.”
Many readers are now say-
jingto themselves, “A&M can’t
[be a cult. That would make me
a cult member, and I know I’m
|not.” Oh, how wrong you are.
First, A&M is a quasi-reli-
jjgious institution. After all, no
Pother university I know of builds
[a55-foot monument to its
[school spirit every year. It is
reminiscent of the pyramids of
Egypt or the cathedrals of Eu
rope. Aggies even persecute
heretics, the mark of eveiy truly
great religious and quasi-reli
gious institution.
As to the charge of living in
a colony, College Station is in
the middle of nowhere. It is at
least an hour to Waco, Austin
or Houston.
The University is a shining
star of intelligent civilization in
a squalid, rural wasteland of ig
norance. Aggies are alone here
in their own little Mount
Carmel.
Many readers have now be
gun laughing because they
know that A&M does not, and
cannot, have a charismatic
leader, and therefore, is not a
cult. The students don’t like the
faculty enough, and no student
attends long enough for either
of them to form a cult following.
However, there are idealists
who live forever, such as Karl
Marx, or Confucius, or
Lawrence Sullivan Ross, Rock,
the good Ag, and Reveille.
The benevolent founder of
A&M appeals to all good Ags,
while Rock, hero of every Yell
Practice story, represents the
perfect Aggie.
And, of course, there is
Reveille, the physical manifesta
tion of this maroon trinity.
This next point will be far
easier, since A&M indoctri
nates its followers heavily.
Starting with Fish Camp and T-
Camp, then proceeding
through Howdy Week, this Uni
versity ruthlessly brainwashes
its students.
From the moment any student
sets foot on campus, they are
steeped in words like “Flowdy!,”
“red-ass” and “two-percenter”
until they have soaked up all that
Aggie goodness.
Having fallen prey to it my
self, I can testify that this brain
washing is a powerful force.
And, let’s face it — bleeding ma
roon is not the mark of a well-
balanced, objective person.
Finally A&M holds unortho
dox views, practices and beliefs.
Admittedly, no Aggies I know
of have castrated themselves
and are waiting for the space
ship so they can leave their
“vessels,” and no one here in
Aggieland is mixing up “special”
Kool-Aid, but things like bury
ing dead animals so that they
are facing the Jumbotron,
throwing the yell leaders into a
concrete pond of semi-stagnant
water and gathering at mid
night to assume the position
and chant in unison is pretty
unorthodox.
After all, from the outside
looking in, you can’t understand
it; from the inside looking out,
you can’t explain it.
Despite the proof now be
fore them, most readers will
simply laugh off the fact that
they are in a cult.
They will laugh the weak,
warbling laugh of the damned.
A&M is a cult. But, is this a
bad thing? As a long as the Aggie
cult does not abuse its power
and position as the largest and
most successful cult on this fine
planet, there is absolutely noth
ing wrong with being a cult.
As long as A&M realizes that
its cult status is abnormal and
not the way everyone else
should be, the Aggie cult is a
good thing. And never let any
one tell you differently
Chris Hujfines is a sophomore
speech communications major.
oOOF€,
V*.
Wx
EDITORIAL
Editorials appearing in The Battalion reflect the
views of the editorials board members. They do not
necessarily reflect the opinions of other Battalion
staff members, the Texas A&M student body, re
gents, administration, faculty or staff. Columns,
guest columns, cartoons and letters express the
opinions of the authors.
Contact the opinion editor for information on sub
mitting guest columns.
Editorials Board
Tiffany Inbody
Editor in Chief
Helen Clancy
Copy Chief
Brad Graeber
Visual Arts Editor
Mandy Cater
Opinion Editor
Future Gains
Voting “against” means a vote for
easing parking woes in Northgate
A familiar issue is once again fac
ing College Station residents and
Texas A&M students — parking.
A resolution will go to voters
Saturday to determine the future
of plans for a parking garage in the
Northgate area.
Council Resolution No. 9-11-
97-7b gives citizens the opportu
nity to give the go-ahead for con
struction of the Northgate Public
Parking Garage Project.
The garage would ease parking
woes in the highly-trafficked
Northgate area, offering 752 new
parking spaces.
Located on 1.65 acres between
College Main and 2nd Street, the
garage would provide access to
churches, restaurants, merchants
and nightlife.
The project has already earned
the support of the majority of the
Northgate business owners. And,
the city promises the $6.8 million
project will not result in an increase
in property taxes for residents.
Students should jump at the
chance to open new doors for
parking. Since campus lots are al
ready overcrowded and parking
addition plans are stalled, the res
olution offers the chance to allevi
ate the ever-increasing parking
problem.
“Mudlot,” used by an estimated
700 motorists per day, is scheduled
to close in December. Commuters
will then have no parking options
for longer than two hours during
business hours Monday through
Friday.
Not only will the closure of
“Mudlot” mean a loss of much-
needed parking spots, but any ad
ditional businesses will compli
cate the problem further.
The garage offers financial
benefits as well, with costs set at
$1 per hour and a $2 per day max
imum, compared to the $6 per day
maximum charge at university
garages.
All things considered, the
Northgate garage promises to be
an invaluable asset to the commu
nity. With all its expected benefits
and the dwindling future of park
ing near Northgate, the chance to
support the garage is an opportu
nity voters should not ignore.
On Saturday, vote for the plan
that makes sense, but watch the
wording.
Support the garage — vote
against.
MAIL CALL
Differences in men,
women are natural
In response to Michelle Voss’April
29 column:
I wanted to sincerely thank
you for showing me the error of
my ways. Yes, after reading
your illuminating article I de
cided to turn off the WCW Ni-
tro, put down my beer and re
think my existence.
Therefore, as a spokesman for
the male race 1 decided to make
a short list of how we could help
refine ourselves.
First, we will be forced to re
ject the imaginary, violent sport
of pro wrestling in favor of a
more realistic, “female” form of
entertainment.
I am talking about the soap
opera, the most accurate depic
tion of real life that is imaginable.
Men can now plan their
class schedules around their
favorite soaps, as well as buy
ing up all of the latest copies of
Soap Opera Digest.
The process does not stop
there. We will learn how to cry
uncontrollably through an entire
movie, soaking the popcorn,
seats, and those around us. Next
comes the intricate art of shop
ping, or should I say the ability to
spend all of our spouse’s money
on clothes, jewelry, and other
“necessities”.
Finally, males will learn how to
properly handle their emotions,
i.e. taking them out on everybody
else around them. I truly know
die world will become a better
place when the male race discov
ers its many faults.
However, until that day, females
will have to learn to live with all of
our little quirks, as we have discov
ered howto accept theirs.
You see, men will always be
men and women will always be
women, but the two will invari
ably find a way to live together.
Whenever you find your “les
bian planet” you may move there
and you may enjoy it, but take a
look around and note just how
many women you see.
fohn Elliott
Class of’00
Core classes give
new experiences
This letter is in response to the
column by Mickey Saloma. I guess
he is not doing too well in one of
his “core” classes this semester. So
what does he do? He decides to use
his column to belittle his classes.
Maybe he should try and do
what most students here at A&M
do, work harder.
As for his comment about most
students knowing what they want
to I would greatly disagree. Most
freshman and sophomores have
an idea of what they want, but
most are still feeling things out.
The classes required in the core
curriculum give students the
chance to experience different as
pects and help them in choosing a
future profession.
I know I used to want to minor
in political science, but decided
not to after taking a class on it. In
stead, I have been considering
making history my minor, also due
to classes I have taken here.
Don’t knock the core curricu
lum just because you aren’t getting
the grades you want in them. Be a
true Aggie, work harder, and quit
your pity party.
Chris Cox
Class ’98
Success requires a
varied education
In response to Mickey Saloma’s
April 29 column:
Saloma discusses Texas A&M’s
high reputation of excellence and
world-class status as an argument
to end core curriculum. In my
opinion, the presence of core cur
riculum gives students a more
well rounded education and helps
them develop an array of skills.
By eliminating classes such as
English 104 and political science,
those students with a less-than-
adequate background in those ar
eas are at a grave disadvantage.
To produce “leaders of state and
nation,” students graduating from
A&M must have a wide base of
knowledge and highly developed
social and communication skills.
By assuming all students enter
ing this university should already
be competent leaders, thinkers
and strong communicators is a
travesty. Students came to college
to gain a better understanding of
the world and to find their place in
it. High school students do not en
ter college in hope of fine-tuning
their skills, but to learn.
To eliminate core curriculum at
A&M would be doing an injustice
to the student body.
Jay Gerdes
Class of’01