Thursday ighhnrht iursda y • A P ril •ombiiii 2, 1998 °^ e * n the roof ands( orch on fire. I hat afternoon, 11 as police chief, )fi VVasserman plosive in a brown, , walkway leading!, 10r -1 ( was safely disat, Sunday evening, 'mbs stuffed into a t: iped through a neut ^ A l / -year-old girl tv2il| 'time and escaped;; On Monday eveni:|- log on a phone tip iojL tnb hidden in crawls, use under construe!! I he bomb squadt ed it. I fie last bomb we kpack left hangit, n's water tower.Thi damaged. TUDENT LIFE ixr pal Al Vith Gore as only alternative to Clinton, impeachment seems bad idea j Stewart Patton columnist ust when it ap peared that Clinton had sidestepped yet another controversy, the latest al legations by Katherine Willey have thrust the president’s sex life back into the spotlight. Many scandal-weary Ameri cans are even renewing the pos sibility of impeachment only one-and-a- half years from the end of Clinton’s term. Before we “kick the bum out,†however, we should seri ously examine the bum that we would kick in. Do we really want Al Gore to be president? Political cartoonists have long found fodder in the fact that vice presidents really don’t do anything. Except for the power to preside over the Senate, the framers of the Constitution essentially granted no other power to the vice-presi dent than to be “lady in waiting†for a presidential vacancy. Vice presidents typically play Ginger Rogers to the president’s Fred Astaire: helping the presi dent dance gracefully even if a few toes get stepped on. Much like Craig Kilborn on the “Daily Showâ€, the president is out there “to look good,†and a good vice president can be as helpful as a hair stylist or makeup artist. Gore says on his Website that one of the tasks he is “particu larly proud to perform†is intro ducing President Clinton. If in troducing someone is sufficient presidential preparation, then Ed McMahon would be the per fect presidential replacement. Gore also likes to dance on both sides of an issue, depend ing on to whom he is speaking. In a speech to tobacco growers, Gore related his personal experi ence growing tobacco: “I fertilized it. I planted it. I harvest it. I cut it.†In a separate speech, he re called that his own sister had died of lung cancer from smoking. Gore emotionally related the heartache he felt over this un timely death and the turmoil it created in his family. Here’s the rub: Gore was en raged about the evils of tobac co, yet he continued to accept huge contributions from the major tobacco lobbies for six years after his sister’s death. Gore is simultaneously in bed with Joe Camel and Johnny Health while pulling the wool over Joe Q. Public’s eyes. Perhaps the one issue that really defines Gore is the environment. According to one commenta tor, “Gore is a bona fide tree- hugging, spotted owl-loving, radical doomsday prophet who carries water for Greenpeace, the Sierra Club, and every other environmental fringe lobby.†In his 1992 book, Earth in the Balance, Gore waxes apocalyp tic as he explains that the envi ronment is the most important issue of our time. Gore speaks of the earth in spiritual terms and with a rever ence unequaled even by priests’ adoration for the Virgin Mary. Gore wants to reinvent how government regulates pollution by bringing together scientists, inter est groups, businesses and federal agencies to issue “report cards†on forests, wetlands and fisheries. Sounds expensive, doesn’t it? Programs such as these are what earned Gore the National Taxpayer’s Union ‘s rating as the biggest spender in 1990. Since Dan Quayle misspelled “potato†in a mock-up of a spelling bee, the media seems to harp on every little mistake a vice president makes. Whether vice presidents really are stupid or the media is overly critical, again Gore fits the bill. Joe and Dolores Delgadillo of Dallas, Tex. wrote a letter to the vice president asking him to save the Texas Eagle train, part of the government-owned and finan cially troubled Amtrak system. The couple explained that they used the train to visit their children in Chicago and on both coasts. “Thank you for your letter re garding the protection of the T share your Texas Eagle,†Gore replied, view that the urgent problem of species extinction and the con servation of biological diversity should be addressed ... I look forward to working with you for the future of our planet.†In a recent speech, Gore out lined his plan for reinventing the IRS to make it more user-friendly. Gore again displayed his mental acuity before a national audience by stating that “many of these recommendations are already in place.†Well guess what, Gore, you cannot “recommend†a policy that is currently being prac ticed. If Gore were to visit Col lege Station, he would probably “recommend†that A&M affili ate with a law school, or that PTTS become the most hated acronym on campus through ruthless ticketing. Al Gore is fond of reinvent ing, recommending, ranting and raving, and he could be the next president of the United States of America. If Gore has his way, by 2001 your backyard might be consid ered a wetland in need of protec tion, and your car might be cruci fied for destroying Mother Earth. When considering the alternative, a little presidential touchy-feely doesn’t seem so bad after all. Stewart Patton is a junior sociology major. (nited States should repay ebts to United Nations Volunteer work exploited at Big Event Caleb McDaniel columnist ours fO-6 2-6 he time has come to be —. honest with mrselves. The Unit- BStates is a sorry nember of the Unit- â– Nations. pPerhaps it was iasy to overlook the â– ny of American fesponsibility as Incle Sam barked demnations at dam Hussein for grim disparity between “what he s†and “what he does.†But now that the latest Iraqi crisis has sided, it is high time to realize the Unit- d States is just as guilty of breaking its iromises to the United Nations. Had you not heard? Our distinguished ivernment is the most notorious debtor the United Nations. Years of neglecting to pay our dues for tembership in the organization have tal- d an IOU to the tune of $1.3 billion. While our Capitol Hill representatives ||lebrate budget surpluses and pat each other on the backs, Kofi Annan has come looking for his paycheck. B The secretary-general of the United [ations has made it clear in a press re- ase that the organization survives “only cause other countries in essence pro- ide interest-free loans to cover largely merican-created shortfalls.†In 1998, the amount owed to the United Nations by the United States is expected to climb to $1.7 billion faster than you can say “Monica Lewinsky.†President Clinton has more than one thing to be embarrassed about. While self-righteously scolding the delinquents of the world, President Clin ton forgets to mention the shameful fail ure of the United States to feed Annan’s beast of burden. 1 Instead of paying the money that we we, we only require more of Annan and is organization. Our insistence that his diplomatic ef- rts in Baghdad adhere to our demands ave drowned out his own insistence that e United States should pay its dues. Apparently believing the moral high found excuses the ignorance of our fi- ancial obligations, we are content to take redit for the successes of the United Na- ons without paying off our climbing redit bill. The result? While bossing the United Nations around in the Middle East, de veloping nations like Pakistan and Fiji (yes, Fiji) are picking up the slack left by our financial profligacy. Suddenly the moral high ground does not look so high. Like the gentleman that he is, Annan waited patiently until after he saved the world from war and brokered an eleventh- hour peace bid with a mustached mad man to point out this hypocrisy. Certainly he deserves our attention now. Lord knows it has been hard for Annan to get our attention in the past. “The pub lic becomes aware of United Nations con tributions to conflict resolution only occa sionally,†wrote Annan, “when a crisis erupts that thrusts us onto television screens and into newspaper headlines.†A billion-dollar debt is apparently not flashy enough for the public eye. But it should be. It is almost too embarrassing to point out that we judge Saddam “not by what he says, but what he does,†while our du plicitous debt betrays our owtl infidelity to our promises. The silence on the issue from Washing ton is eerie. During Annan’s recent visit with President Clinton, the leaders re mained oddly quiet about the subject. And last month, yet another bill that at tempted to correct the debt was killed in Congress because controversial rider bills nailed it to the table. Tsk tsk. Honestly almost always wounds pride. And in this case, it is no different. It is hard to face the facts of our failings, and harder still to correct them. But correct them we must. Until we do, we would be wise to pipe down about the faults of the United Nations and its members. While rattling our sabers in the Gulf, perhaps we should remember the quieter wisdom of a much more virtuous Middle Easterner from two millennia ago. “Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye,†he might ask us today, “but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck out of your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye?†Saddam may not be our brother, and the threat of biological weapons is certain ly not a speck, but a $1.3 billion debt is a pretty big plank, America. In the future, pay up before putting down. Caleb McDaniel is a jreshman history major. Aaron Meier columnist T he sky is brightening to a gentle azure blue, the sun is creeping higher in the sky everyday and the warm weather offers the opportunity for wide-eyed, idealistic Aggies to once again be exploited by the Bryan-College Station community in an event more commonly known as Big Event. At Fish Camp, freshmen are indoctri nated with the notion that Big Event is one of the many “New Army†traditions in which all good Ags participate. New Army loosely translated means, “We are going to organize some events to fix the stereotypical image of Aggies as a herd of beer-guzzling ax- wielding morons.†High school graduates accustomed to donating their time and energy to charitable causes come to this university and devour the ideal of Big Event, picturin g thousands of young students assaulting the community doing good deeds from painting an elderly woman’s house to building picnic bench es in Central Park. However, as Dorothy learned in the Emerald City, reality seldom measures up to the idealized world. Last year was my third and final Big Slave Drive. My previ ous two Big Slave Drive experiences were spent performing the arguably worthwhile project of clearing bamboo from Hensel Park. Last year however, the little man behind the cur tain of Big Slave Drive was revealed. My group had the honor of being slaves for the day at a house that would make Bob Vila proud. Our tasks included such lackluster projects as painting, weeding flower beds, washing a flagstone walkway and the coupe de gras cleaning out the fireplace all under the watch ful eye of our owner for the day who pointed out any speck of soot left behind. All the while, the young teenage prince of the family sat perched on his throne watching “Saved By the Bell: The New Class.†Oh wait, I forgot when he dropped the can of paint on the ground and threw me a paintbrush, so he did next to nothing, not absolutely nothing. Initially I had hoped this was an isolated case where the selection process of the Big Event wizards had gone wrong. When I shared my story however, I discovered other cases where totally capable, well-off families were benefiting from a event so red ass, it starts with a yell practice. “Beat the hell outta Big Event??†Get real. After picking the brain of a former wizard in the Big Event committee, he came up with the excuse that the Big Slave Drive is meant to benefit the entire community, not just the elderly and the poor. How does me playing Cinderella for a day to an adopted evil wicked stepmother and brother benefit the entire com munity? After a year of wracking my brain I do not see how ensuring a woman’s manicure remains intact until her weekly fill helps the community. According to the University’s homepage, over 3,000 stu dents participated in Big Event last year. That makes 6,000 hands (yes journalists can multiply) that could do more than simply paint the fence of a family who is too stingy to hire a professional painter. Admittedly, the majority of the projects probably benefits the community at large, but such abuses of the Big Event in dicate a need for a change in the Big Event philosophy. The adjective “big†implies an event of some import, where something of true worth is accomplished. “Big†does not connote a bunch of tiny little chores some adolescent is too lazy to do himself. Last semester with far fewer hands, Habitat for Humanity built two homes for two sisters. With the manpower Big Event attracts, the construction on Texas Ave. could be finished, a good chunk of University Dr. could be knocked out, a decent pizza place could be built and we might even be able to take a nice nap if we finish early. Instead, the wizards behind the Big Event have us running around cutting grass with butter knives and alphabetizing Martha Stewart’s recipe cards. Aaron Meier is a senior political science major.