The Battalion
esday • March 10, 1998
ENDERSCOPE
k>ap opera
Advertising’s focus on women leaves men with limited choices, scary commercials
Chris
Martin
columnist
) urs is an age
of gross in
equality. Like
my tuition in-
lies, the gap be-
MBie sexes con-
|H) spiral out of
|rol. I dream of
iay when men
pe able to stand
Dy side with our
| )le-x chromo-
companions as
Ms.
|/Vait a minute,” you ask, “on what outer moon of
er do men have it bad?” It’s a common miscon-
Uon. You see, our million-year-old effort to turn
hen into se\ objects has backfired, because now
ten have all the great stuff!
| Aomen know this is true. They even rub it in our
, Their deodorant is strong enough for a man,
Inadc for a woman? No need to kick us while
ie down. Our relentless emphasis on female phys-
[ippearance has not only left our male souls emp-
it our bathroom counters vacant.
secret that guys really care about how they
and smell, except maybe loggers, oil riggers and
|bombers. Unfortunately, society still judges a
by the size of his truck, the girth of his gun, and
loar oni'ss of his callouses.
Ihe marketing dichotomy begins at birth. Blue is
pd a > male, and pink as female. Oddly enough,
bituation was reversed hundreds ofyears ago,
fn female babies were adorned in soft, gentle blue
[male babies were draped in glorious bloody pink.
|iy tliis reversal happens only in maxi pad com-
:ials, where the pink hues of menstrual flow mag-
\y become clinical blue for demonstrations of ab-
t^fty. Now I’m no gynecologist, but turning your
Kpads blue is not a sign of good health,
nd at least women have gynecologists to guide
|i through each stage of their development. All
have is the prostate guy — not exactly the light
lie end of the tunnel, so to speak.
Women get to choose from hundreds of mix-and-
match shampoos, pre-conditioners, conditioners,
post-conditioners, revitalizers, detanglers and anti
frizz whips made from orange peels, rose hip (what
ever that is) and spring water. The only shampoo
marketed to men is dandruff shampoo — as if real
men only need shampoo when they have a medical
problem.
The greatest advancement in bathing technology
in the past ten years has been the “shower poof,” but
like so many bathroom accouterments, it belongs to
the ladies. In a bold move one soap company actually
hired a no-neck football player to extol the accolades
of the poofy to men, but you know he couldn’t reach
for his soap-on-a-robe fast enough after cashing the
check.
The only “manly” soap out there is Lava, named
for the hot,oozing sludge that burns away everything
it touches, which seems like more of a threat to man
hood than a pink poofy. I mean, why is the image of a
grown man slathering himself in fragrant, moisture-
rich body cream a challenge to one’s heterosexuality?
Any guy with bad skin knows it’s a woman’s world,
filled with moisturizers, facial buffs, night creams, re-
plenishers, clean rinses and pore strips — which they
can keep, by the way.
Female face-cleanser commercials always have
two freshly scrubbed friends with apple cheeks hug
ging puppies, recycling and suggesting new ways to
clean their faces. The only acne treatment aimed at
males is gross goopy zit cream, whose marketing
strategy is to lure males by showing scary monsters
and volcanoes erupting from their faces.
Great bluesman John Lee Hooker said the blues
started way back in the garden of Eden when Adam
first saw Eve. Most assume Adam’s grief grew from
sexual desire, but recently found Dead Sea scrolls re
veal that “... while they sewed fig leaves together and
made covering for themselves, Eve squeezed a nice
hypoallergenic thigh cream from the fruits of the
field. Adam saw that it was good, and his face was
downcast.” So goes the curse today.
//
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Chris Martin is a senior journalism major.
VOICE FROM THE CROWD
Disasters act as reminder of the fragUity, temporaUty of life
Caleb
McDaniel
columnist
I lornadoes
do not
transport
veir victims to a
wonderful world
|if munchkins
id singing scare-
rows. That great
fijnewhere over
le rainbow,” the
lagical land of
>Z, exists only in
^ur imaginations.
The reality of a
)rnado’s destruction is not as pretty. Ask
ly Floridian about the dreaded wicked
itch of the East, and they will likely
rink of the devilish El Nino. And the
ricked witch of the West has been busy
i California, where the weather has
paused dangerous floods and mud slides.
Over the past few weeks, the devastat-
ig forces of nature have ravaged the
ionics, the property, and the lives of
liundreds ot Americans. No Toto or tin
man in this story — just lots of torn lives
Imd tearful people, trying to make sense
pf sudden disaster.
As these unfortunates pick up the
pieces left behind by the storm, those of
us who have not been touched by the
tornado still have some profound reflec
tion to do. Times of trouble should al
ways make people pause to think about
what is really important to them.
Floridians and Californians are quick
ly discovering what is not most impor
tant material wealth. The wreckage
left by the tornadoes’ paths and the
floods’ currents reveals the vanishing na
ture of temporal possessions.
The sudden loss of property teaches
us that if hopes are placed on objects,
cheap or costly, they will eventually be
disappointed.
It is not a lesson we would like to
learn. But that reality should make us
think seriously about how much we in
vest in the instruments of material pros
perity — our careers, our salaries, our
cars, our homes.
Consider how much time and energy
we devote to these objects — objects that
will never bring us any long-lasting satis
faction, precisely because they do not last.
“Happiness,” wrote Blaise Pascal,
“cannot be based on external objects
which an individual can possess, such as
wealth or power.” Life, El Nino reminds
us, does not consist in the abundance of
property or the affluence of people. A
stray tornado can claim both of these
things for its own.
And although we do not enjoy think
ing about it, disasters also remind us of
our own fleeting frailty. Young Aggies do
not like to reflect for very long on kicking
the bucket; they are more interested in
dunking the ring.
But every once in a while, young Ag
gies should sober up (in more than one
way) and think seriously about the
great equalizer.
Death, like a tornado, can come with
out warning, and every individual must
be prepared to meet it with quiet dignity
and without regret. At the risk of sound
ing melodramatic, the time will come
when the name of every one of us will
echo in the Muster roll. The time may be
distant, or the time may be near, but one
thing is for certain — the time will come.
And while it is not always easy to
contemplate, we must even consider
and confront the possibility of some
fate after death.
As my dad once told me, it very well
could be that “there is nothing more im
portant in your life than what is going to
happen when it’s over.” He was right.
Even if no one can prove that there is an
afterlife, the mere possibility of one de
serves our serious — perhaps our most
serious — attention.
Disasters remind us that life is short,
and each day we are creating for ourselves
the legacy that we will leave behind. But
we seldom consciously contemplate that
legacy, thinking that it will write itself. And
it will — but if we are not careful, it will
not be a very flattering memorial to the
life we have led. Perhaps that is why
Thomas a Kempis wrote, “Happy and wise
is he who endeavors to be during his life
as he wishes to be found at his death.”
Wise words for any generation.
Okay. Cheer up already. There is no
need to be depressed by El Nifio’s sober
lessons about life and death. There is no
need to be morbid. Don’t worry; be hap
py. But take time to be serious, as well.
Remember that each minute you live
is an investment — and a tornado or a
freak accident or a chronic illness might
cash in on that investment before you
are prepared.
Invest wisely. Material things and
physical life will be here today, but they
will be gone long before we are ready to
say goodbye to them. So invest in the
things that really matter — the things
that no tornado can touch, and no
wicked witch can kill. Each person must
decide for herself what really has lasting
value, whether it be her family, compas
sion for all, or the love of God. Wherever
your search leads you, whether it is an
Emerald City or a dusty Kansas farm, dis
cover the deeper meanings of life, and
cling on to them with all of your might.
And remember: be nice to cowardly li
ons, do not be afraid of the man behind
the curtain, and always, always love your
Auntie Em.
Move over, Jack Handey. That is
enough deep thought to last a lifetime.
Or at least until lunch.
Caleb McDaniel is a freshman
history major.
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MAIL CALL
Society cannot reverse
technological advances
I read Michelle Voss’s column in
the March 9 Battalion with inter
est. I realize there was a tongue-in-
cheek tone to the piece, but her
position seems pretty representa
tive of many people today. She is
correct in stating knowledge is no
longer sacred; it hasn’t been since
the invention of movable type 600
years ago, and it has been getting
less sacred ever since, with cheap
mass-produced books available to
anyone with pocket change.
It is safe to say for all of record
ed history many people have
viewed the technology of their
past as safe and “natural”, while la
beling the technology of their pre
sent as detrimental to society.
There is some emotional appeal
to this; many of us (including my
self) would be glad to trade our cur
rent stinking smog-filled streets for
the stinking manure-filled streets of
a century ago.
Of course, we can’t really make
that trade, and we would probably
find that our rosy picture of the past
would not match up to its gritty re
ality if we could.
Today we are on the frontier of a
new age of information. We can be ex
cited or frightened by our prospects,
but we can not turn back fire clock.
Mitch Lawyer
graduate student
Pregnant women
deserve, need support
The anti-choice movement to
seek to gain power by belittling the
very reproductive experiences of
women. The decision to abort a fe
tus is not easy, and very few women
take this responsibility lightly.
Instead of seeking to help
women in this difficult time, the
anti-choice movement avoids this
dilemma by insinuating that all
women who make this choice are
irrational or ignorant.
Since fetal development is a
process only experienced personally
by women, it is interesting so many
men believe they should control the
experiences with reproductive
processes, reproductive control is
used to control a wide range of fe
male behaviors.
Another tactic of the anti
choice activists is telescoping the
debate to discuss only one aspect
of reproductive choice. By focus
ing the debate over reproduction
on the act of aborting a fetus, the
anti-choice movement artificially
narrows the picture to victimize
innocent women.
The radical pro-life movement
refuses to acknowledge the societal
factors that drive women to seek
abortions. Many abortions could be
avoided if the child’s father would
step up and take responsibility.
I applaud the many men who
do support their girlfriends or wives
through pregnancy, there are many
who refuse to do this.
If anyone deserves to be ha
rassed, it is these spineless jerks,
not women who are seeking legal
abortions.
AmyHinze
Class of’01