!7 g The Battalion I VDIMliHiyi " - 'r \v I ^ ■' 9^1 addam's stash r aqi leader hides pop-culture collection, not weapons in his palace ell it’s a-one, two, three, four, well what are we (tentatively) ting for? Good question, situation, as reported by /News, the voice of our eration, is something like : Saddam refuses to recog- the skills of the United es and the free-world ;e, so we have to step in regulate. Saddam is all, mical weapons? Here? It’s whack.” And we’re all, Chris Martin columnist it be frontin’ Saddam. We heard you got more ibs than theWB!” lut before we all march gallantly off to battle, it’s w^togive Saddam the benefit of the doubt. Time to devil’s advocate, so to speak. So what if Saddam giving U.N. weapon inspectors access to his pri- presidential palace? We only find this shocking insulting because our own leaders have no guff ut sharing their privates, tl™ tot that there isn’t justifiable reason for alarm. It is rtifiedfact Saddam is crazier than a crack-house id ( He’s creepier than those Girl Scouts who go md collecting used eyeglasses. Doomsday pons are to Saddam what tired, internet-circulat- ikesare to morning radio DJs. erhaps Saddam isn’t hiding weapons in his e ^Ice. Maybe the whole thing has been blown way ofproportion. His stash could be completely iatd nless. Remember when the principal tried to ow chyour locker in high school? It wasn’t a .45 you Md ehiding in there — it was a lipstick-encrusted pic- sinti s h r i ne to Scott Baio and Jordan from New Kids he Block. pot iseems that the government has adopted the Jer- pringer formula for success: when the numbers right, start a fight. Since there’s no official gov- ent bureau of positive thinking, I’ve taken the ippei :am: alfii liberty of creating a few positive scenarios for the benefit of peace in the Middle East. What is Saddam hiding? Why, it could be ... • Beanie Babies Saddam isn’t stupid. He knows that when a na tion’s economy implodes, the people turn to col lectible bric-a-brac for currency. And what is more collectible than Beanie Babies? The more you think about it, the more it makes sense. That’s why you can’t find any purple princess bears. And when you’re the sire of a thousand bastard children, a well placed Beanie Baby helps to keep down the noise level in the presidential palace. • A Secret Surprise Party! No one knows how to spoil a party like the United States. We’re like the brat kid down the street that no one likes to play with because she’s always making up rules as you play so she always wins. Perhaps Saddam has been slaving away in the presidential kitchen making the mother of all Rice Krispie Treats for Chelsea Clinton’s 18th birthday. • Tupac, Notorious B.I.G., and John Denver If you think the whole east coast vs.west coast situ ation is ugly, then check out the Tigris vs. Euphrates scene. Saddam needs American rap superstars, kid napped during their peak, brainwashed and signed to the original Death Row record label. Denver was a special request from Mrs. Hussein. Go figure. • Rows and rows of Anthrax... albums! This chemical weapon thing has been a big misun derstanding. When we heard it that Saddam had An thrax, we thought it was the disease, not the cool met al band. The road to white-trash America may be paved with “Among the Living,” somebody had to buy all those copies of “Stomp 442.” • The Classic Henway Rouse Okay, get this. UN inspectors pull up to the palace, all official and proper, and ask Saddam whafs in the palace. Saddam says, “oh, nothing but a henway.” Then the in spectors ask, “what’s a henway,” and Saddam says, “about three pounds!” Laughs and world peace ensue. • Horrible Human-Rights Violations Picture thousands of tortured Iraqi waif children, who because of harsh economic sanctions from the US, have yet to see Titanic. The horror, the horror. • Four hundred metric tons of processed pumpkin pie filler and a flyswatter It is not our question to ask why, but to respect the private affairs of a consenting mad dictator. It’s about time someone went to bat for Saddam. Just because you have something to hide doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. Saddam may be crazy, but so is James Cameron, and look how he proved everyone wrong. Let’s just hope this time we don’t all go down with the ship. Women and columnists first! Chris Martin is a senior journalism major. TATE OF THE UNION )eath row inmate stands as example of rights’ violations D on’t tell me about the valley of Shadow of Death. I there... In south-central nsylvania’s Hunt- on County a 100- :-old prison stands, ithic towers pro- belf ing an air of fore- ling, evoking a was* my mood of the tAges. I and some ito Joe Schumacher columnist ithermen spend about 22 hours a day in and by 10-foot cells.” -Mumia Abu-Jamal, from the Preface he 5 iveFrom Death Row. lamd In 1981, America was third behind s® isiaand South Africa in percentage of filiation in prison.With both of these ernments undergoing radical change bin the past 15 years, America is now irsO mberone. Thursday marked a day set aside for b recognition of one prisoner unjustly Death Row.This man’s name is Mumia !W# njamal. bbu-jamal is a prominent, black I del* ladcast journalist. In Philadelphia in ,the current mayor, Frank Rizzo and rie 1 * ^Philadelphia Police Department Mched a campaign against a human btsorganization known as MOVE. This led to police raids, attacks, and beatings. Abu-Jamal used his radio show as a forum for those to speak out against the injustices of the police, and their corrupt activities.This marred him as an enemy of the Philadelphia Police Department. One night in 1981, Abu-Jamal tried to intervene on behalf of his brother who was being beaten by a police officer. He and the officer were shot. More police arrived on the scene. When they realized who was bleeding at their feet, they continued to beat Abu-Jamal before he was taken to the hospital. The wounded police officer died, and Abu-Jamal was charged. Being a taxi cab driver, Abu-Jamal had a license to carry a weapon. However, several pieces of evidence point to the fact he did not shoot the cop. The bullet that struck the cop had been “lost” while in the police files.The officer died with a driver’s license in his hand that belonged to another “anonymous” indi vidual. Additionally, two men were seen fleeing the scene. Yet almost no effort was made to track down or identify these two people. The shooter was described by many other witnesses to be taller than 6’2” and weigh more than 225 pounds, Abu-Jamal is 6’1” and weighs 170 pounds. Presiding over the court case was “Hon orable” Judge Albert Sabo, who had put more people on death row than any other judge in America at the time. The prosecu tor was an experienced lawyer who had ob tained a murder verdict for an innocent man in a previous case (Commonwealth v. Conner). The defendant in that case served 12 years before being rightfully released. The only person lacking experience in the court was Abu-Jamal’s court-appointed lawyer.The defense was allocated a meager sum of $150 for Abu-Jamal’s defense fund. While the police questioned 125 witnesses, did tests on ballistics and pathology, the defense found two witnesses, neither of whom appeared in court. Abu-Jamal had originally opted to de fend himself, but was removed on the third day of jury selection. The prosecutors claimed he was intimidating to would-be ju rors. His court-appointed attorney took over rather reluctantly and was extremely unpre pared. Included on the jury was a man whose best friend was a Philadelphia police officer who was disabled after being shot on the job, and the wife of a police officer was selected as an alternate. The prosecution used 11 of 15 peremptory challenges to re move African-American jurors. In less than a week, the prosecution had presented its case against Abu-Jamal, and most of it in his absence. He was removed for his insistency of his right to defend him self and protesting the fact his lawyer was unwilling and unqualified to defend him. The prosecutors had a list of shady wit nesses, none of whom were asked to iden tify Abu-Jamal in a line-up. The prosecu tion’s key witness was a prostitute who had been arrested 35 times. She changed her account of the story every time she was questioned. Another prostitute in the same area was offered an interesting deal by the prosecution: testimony against Abu-Jamal for immunity from arrest. Another witness was on parole at the time because somebody paid him to throw a Molotov Cocktail into a public school. His original statement was that he saw the shooter leave the scene. In his court testimony he altered it saying he saw the shooter sit down on the curb. It is possible he altered his testimony out fear from or to gain favor with the police. Abu-Jamal was found guilty, and in the sentencing phase of his trial, the prosecu tion read from his political writings. Most of the readings came from when he was 16 years old and a member of the Black Pan ther Party, nearly 12 years before the trial. The intent was to prove Abu-Jamal was a man who had grown up with no respect for American law or society, and he killed the cop out of disgust for the system, which was enough premeditation to war rant a first-degree murder verdict. Ironically, Abu-Jamal never had a previ ous conviction, and with the shady lengths the prosecution went to, it makes one wonder who really showed a lack of re spect for the system. Abu-Jamal has not given up on his fight for his innocence. He broadcasts from jail, once a month in a segment called, “Live from Death Row.” Through the use of me dia, “he is fighting for his life.” He has published a book, against the will of many people, also called Live from Death Row. There have been many attempts to si lence him, including trying to censor his show. Abu-Jamal was also put in disciplinary confinement for the publishing of his book. Apparently the First Amendment rights are not extended to prisoners. He is currently on administrative custody, as are all the people on Death Row. Abu-Jamal was almost executed in 1995, however international outcry post poned this. The very fact that a man can be put on death row for his political be liefs should be horrifying to anyone that claims to be an American. The original trial was a travesty of justice: most of the evidence was falsified or circum stantial, the defense was not given adequate support, and using a man’s former political alliances to convict and sentence liim was ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme court [Dawson v. Delaware, 503 U.S. 159 (1992)). Until Mumia Abu-Jamal is released from his political captivity, no one in America is free. Joe Schumacher is a junior journalism major. CENDERSCOPE fomen oppress themselves by obsessing over appearance Michelle Voss columnist O ur Bodies... Make Us Worry.” These words were scrawled [feewalls of a bathroom at %an University in a unfor- iteparody of the title Our dies, Our Selves. Published in 1970, OurBod- WurSelves, became an icon f the feminist movement of the h)'70s, which, at the time, was ftingup the social climate for Wade in 1973. ■\’ow, in the ’90s, this phrase Sheen twisted to imply a loss of freedom. The phrase ^Bodies Make Us Worry” points out the irony of the T«nist movement and unmasks the anxieties of ■ttien in America today. Infact, it is pointing to the very failure of the femi- Sfmovement. It is ironic that a movement intended ■iherate women has only confined them to a life of fedespair over, of all things, themselves. American women are still suffering from the dis- s ethathas plagued our Western thinking for hun- :e