Kednesday • February 18, 1998
The Battalion
JLmAAIEl ICE
mzmk lyS 4^3 I m fl
aking Barbie a reality
limbo' cliche should be celebrated for its contribution to society
Travis
Irby
staff writer
oor,
belea
guered
bimbos.
These mis
understood
flowers on
the cultural
landscape
have been
given a hard
time lately.
Monica
ivinsky, The Spice Girls, Jenny
Carthy — if you’re a woman
ig on looks and short on intel-
t, society does not take a kind
to your bimboness.
Listen to the media’s descrip-
ns of Lewinsky: big hair, low-
dresses and an oral fixation
the president.
The Spice Girls do not fare
ch easier. They’re often re
ed to as no-talent, overly
ide-up tramps. This all may be
ie, but is it necessarily a bad
hg? Bimbos provide a much-
ded service to society.
Being cloistered away at a ma-
university, most people take
granted the fact if they see an
active female she probably has
pte a few deep thoughts floating
und in her pretty little head.
But in the real world, the bim
bo makes life much easier and
bearable for the rest of us.
In the case of men, if it wasn’t
for bimbos, they would never be
able to fool around without com
mitment. Just ask the president.
If bimbos were college course
work, he’d be a Rhodes Scholar.
Oh wait, he is one.
Sometimes a man needs a
woman who knows exactly
what a man wants, but keeps
forgetting.
Plus, the sim
plicity of
these love
ly ladies al
lows
guys
one of the
few times, if
any, where
they have an in
tellectual ad
vantage over women.
For females, bimbos make the
average woman look better in a
number of ways.
The mighty bimbo makes the
women around her look like a
collection of Nobel Prize winners.
Bimbos also make men more ap
preciative of the other things a
woman has to offer, like cooking.
After more than an hour with a
bimbo, even though most men
would like to keep it to about 20
minutes, the typical guy would be
glad to bask in the muted make
up and conservative dress of the
average female.
But do not forget the number
one reason that the world
needs bimbos.
They allow women to feel su
perior and give them an object of
ridicule. If women couldn’t sit in
judgment of other
women, the whole
universe would
collapse.
The economy The econo-
would take a wickedUg^? my would
beating if there was ta ke a wicked
*" S' beating if there
was no bounty
of bimbos.
Cosmetic
companies would
crumble, leaving women every
where with an extra 12 hours a
day to use (since they wouldn’t
need make-up).
The streets would be filled
with shaved rabbits looking for
someone to apply “Pink Passion”
lipstick to their backs.
The slut-wear industry
would be no more. The world
o your partner
ays, "condoms
ramp my style.
, ou can say //r
ho get 'em . .
x* 3 ribbed
NATIONAL CONDOM
WEEK
Feb. 14-21
^sr-
would be a much darker place
without halter tops, Day-Glo
lingerie and skirts that don’t go
past the upper thighs.
In fact, Texas A&M could use
more bimbos. Each year the Uni
versity gives a helping hand to
disadvantaged minorities.
Well, no one has it harder
than the bimbo. Imagine being
trapped for life in tight synthet
ics and monosyllabic speech
patterns. The University should
start a Bimbo Endowment Fund
to insure that trailer parks and
beautician colleges can no
longer hoard this most precious
of resources.
The University could add
classes on cocktail waitress eti
quette, home wrecking and
hair elevation.
In general, the average person
needs to appreciate the contribu
tions of the bimbo. If it wasn’t for
bimbos, half ofWashington, D.C.,
wouldn’t have a social life.
Go listen to a Spice Girls song,
let Lewinsky tell her side of the
story and hope McCarthy gets
another sitcom, because glory be
to bimbos.
Travis Irby is a senior
journalism major.
CP
O'
ro" .
or just plain.’
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