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?sday • November 25, 1997
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Kendall
Kelly
columnist
:uffe_.
he fourth annual Aggie
Moms’ Fish Camp was
held in College Station last
end. How exciting. Calling
[lommies to pack up their
sonites, load up the Subur-
>, and head on down to the
^Jipton for a weekend of
ndid fun.
vou l he PTA Alumni Club must have skipped their
ting one weekend, because the November 14
ip attracted the largest group of Aggie Moms in
history of the program.
ggie Moms’ Fish Camp focuses on teaching
hers ofA&M students about Aggie traditions
aims at helping the moms to deal with having
in college.
is a ridiculous waste of time that there is an en-
weekend spent counseling mothers that they will
okay” now that little Johnny is away in the big,
ide rf world co ^ e 8 e - Th‘ s concept moves right
hactatl lugh the strange category and smoothly into the
letic range.
Mothers who need counselors to get them through
heartache of not having anything to do now that
ren are gone need to let go of the security^ they
eirkids provide.
Jggie Moms’ Fish Camp Co-Chair Helen Wieters,
^7 ohas had the purging experience of attending this
-day therapy session, said that “The getting to
iler part of Moms’ Fish Camp is awesome. We all
our kids are the cream of the crop since they are
and that makes us feel like really great women.”
thought that the parents who got satisfaction
ough their kids’ accomplishments were a thing left
back in high school, but apparently not. Workshops at
the Moms’ Fish Camp entitled “The Empty Nest Syn
drome” prove this assumption wrong.
Sessions such as these encourage moms that they
are not alone in their bon-bon eating sessions and of
fer assistance in making it through this tough time.
Don’t mistake my critique of Aggie Moms’ Fish
Camp as waivering faith in the Aggie Spirit. I have
been a part of Fish Camp for three years and feel like I
embrace the spirit of Aggieland to the fullest. Aggie
tradition is what made me, like thousands of other
Aggies, fall in love with this University.
Teaching Aggie moms at Fish Camp about our
classic tradition and spirit is wonderful, but the re
mainder of the weekend is just plain nauseating.
The theory behind the camp is valid, but the prod
uct of Fish Camp and Aggie Moms’ Camp is just not
the same.
Aggie Moms’ Camp is a poor replica of the real
thing and encourages a graduated version of high
school moms who are always more involved in their
children’s lives than was really necessary. A camp
such as this is a blow to those women who do have a
lifestyle mutually exclusive from their children.
One Aggie mom exclaimed how great she thought
it was that students say “Howdy.” She further ex
plained by saying she feels that students see her and
other Aggie moms on campus and seem to say, “Gee, I
wish my mom were here.”
1 would be embarrassed if my mom were here tak
ing part in such a waste of a tradition.
To have a camp promoting thoughts such as these
does not seem to serve any sort of real purpose, ex
cept a little feel good assurance that these lonely
moms really are needed. Since this whole she bang
seems like a reunion of project prom planners, I
won’t hesitate to borrow an old high school cliche and
tell these moms to “get a life.”
Kendall Kelly is a junior Spanish major.
lossing over historical errors
nisses lessons offered future
proba-
J wy safe to
lay that all
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^ rt of this
fatft ilion’s histo-
n ft and of the history of the world,
re fl) 1 Most would also agree that the
a lyto ensure that such heinous
asM stitutions will never surface
Fort ;ain is to instill in the younger
D® aerations both a respect for
ere eir fellow man and a knowledge
e ^ the terrible injustices which
ut ose institutions created. In our
■ m state there are such people,
, it they are being thwarted by
0 0 ose who claim to support justice
J id equality.
' Earlier this year, the Lexington
reek Elementary School con-
l sfe , acted a program designed to
L ac h fifth graders what it was
| as j te to be a runaway slave fleeing
irlife on the Underground Rail-
ives | ted before the Civil War. The
Hgtio rogram consisted of several ac-
tides intended to allow the chil-
ren to get a small taste of what it
was like to be traveling on the
Underground Railroad.
Also this year, 11 year-old Brian
Campbell of Tempe, Arizona, filed
a lawsuit against his local school
district and a manufacturer of
computer software.
His complaint is that the
school district subjected him to
“the humiliation of playing a
game in front of his peers and
classmates” simulating an escape
on the Underground Railroad.
This semester, as part of a class
on Eastern and Oriental religions,
a large swastika was posted on the
wall of a Texas A&M classroom.
Despite the fact that it is, in actual
ity, an ancient religious symbol
and that there was a sign posted
prominently on the wall to that ef
fect, complaints were lodged forc
ing the removal of the swastika.
The commonality among all
these stories is that all of them fea
ture people who would rather cen
sor history than learn from it. This
is an ever-increasing trend in this
country, and is both a serious
problem and an ominous sign of a
larger ill in our society.
Sensitivity has become such a
high priority in America today that
we are unwilling to face any situa
tion in our collective past which is
in any way unpleasant and/or of
fensive to anyone.
Even when they relate directly
to life today, these issues are
rarely discussed, and when they
are, it is usually because some
teacher or professor has a politi
cal agenda to advance.
As a society which claims to be
civilized, the United States recog
nizes the horrors of slavery, geno
cide, racism and the like. But if
these things are not allowed to be
discussed, if we cannot teach our
children about these repulsive
practices, then there is no way that
we can ensure that the children tru
ly understand and realize that these
things are loathsome and wrong.
The only way that a civilized
society can be certain that it will
remain civilized is to be willing to
discuss the errors of the past, fig
ure out why they happened and
determine what can be done to
prevent their reoccurrence.
Americans need to stop being
so immature and oversensitive
and constantly looking for the
next reason to be offended. This
will be difficult in a society which
is as shallow and self-centered as
ours, but it is possible and can be
gin right here as soon as Aggies re
alize that education is more im
portant than hurt feelings.
Robby Ray is a senior speech
communications major.
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Clinton controversies can be
attributed to CIA conspiracy
Donny
Ferguson
columnist
ood
-news
x--
Files zealots.
No, investi
gators have
not yet dis
covered
Michael
Bolton and
Kenny G are
actually part
of an Iraqi
terrorist plot to destroy Ameri
cans’ will to live.
But recently disclosed Penta
gon documents reveal United
States military strategists plot
ted to harass and humiliate
Cuban dictator Fidel Castro in
the early 1960s.
Dubbed “Operation Dirty
Trick,” Pentagon officials
planned everything from circu
lating fake photos of an over
weight Castro cavorting with
bikini-clad girls to sinking a U.S.
warship to provoke war, even
blaming Cuban saboteurs in the
event of a space disaster.
Though the plan was never se
riously considered, it did lay the
foundation for a similar cabal thir
ty years later. Once again, a lecher
ous, overweight, big-government
world leader is the target of a Pen
tagon plot. In classic Oliver Stone-
JFK fashion, our own Philanderer-
In-Chief is the victim of a secret
conspiracy to embarrass and
destabilize his administration.
Code-named “Operation
Carter TWo,” military specialists
have spent the past five years
planting fake photos, forging
billing records and even planned
to kill White House Advisor Vince
Foster, until an unnamed as
sailant got to him first.
A handkerchief embroidered
“HRC" and a tattered copy of It
Takes A Village were found at the
scene. Attorney General Janet
Reno is baffled and vows to “burn
down the compound of the scum
who did this.”
Set into motion in the early
months of the 1992 presidential
campaign, Carter Two audio en
gineers successfully cut-and
pasted portions of Clinton
speeches and combined them
with secretly taped conversations
of one Gennifer Flowers, an
Arkansas state employee.
The highly-trained specialists
were so good, they created sexu
ally explicit conversations be
tween the married Governor and
Flowers, even dubbing Clinton’s
voice to say New York Governor
Mario Cuomo “has Mafia ties.”
With the help of a computer
chip secretly implanted in Clin
ton’s vocal cords by doctors, he
was even forced to promise tax
cuts, welfare reform and a bal
anced budget.
When he failed to deliver on
his phony promises, the newly-
elected Republican Congress fi
nally passed tax cuts, welfare re
form and a balanced budget.
Feeling election year pressure, an
embarrassed Clinton was forced
to sign them into law.
Fortunately, White House ad
visor George Stephanopolous ap
peared on “Larry King Live” and
cleared up the confusion by re
minding Americans their Presi
dent (no kidding here) “has kept
the promises he meant to keep.”
But like any good government
conspiracy, it even extends to his
private life. CIA photo experts
have reproduced superimposed
photos and videotapes showing
Vice-President A1 Gore and Bill
and Hillary Clinton greeting
convicted Colombian drug
smuggler Jorge Cabreras at a
White House Christmas party.
The tampered video tapes show
a relaxed Clinton yukking it up
with Indonesian businessmen in
the Oval Office, who later gave
thousands of dollars to the De
mocratic National Committee.
No one is safe. Even Gore’s
character has been impugned by
Carter Two. Forged phone records
proving Gore made highly illegal
campaign fundraising phone
calls from federal property' are the
work of professional phone-
record-tampering specialists.
Careful study of videotape of
the White House press confer
ence in which Gore responded
tot he charges show computer
chips in his vocal cords also
forced him to say he was proud of
what he did, and federal law did
not apply to him.
Those photos of Gore raising
more illegal cash in laundered
money in a Buddhist temple
from nuns who have taken a
vow of poverty are also part of
the conspiracy. Upon closer ex
amination one will see the sup
posed Gore is actually a 5’9”
Dutch Elm dressed in a suit and
tie. A card showing how to say,
“Make that check out to the
DNC” in fourteen different lan
guages has also been carefully
pasted onto the photographs.
Diabolical military spin doc
tors have also manipulated the
Presidency by using mind control
techniques forcing Clinton to
veto tax cuts for the working poor,
school vouchers for inner-city
children, program-saving
Medicare reform, bans on partial-
birth abortions even pro-choicers
call “infanticide” and faked
waivers to allow rich Democratic
donors to be buried in Arlington
National Cemetery next to war
heroes and presidents.
In fact, every slip-up, mis
take, scandal, ethical shortfall
and lapse in leadership is the
maniacal work of Machiavellian
Pentagon officials.
A dumbfounded Clinton was
informed of the plot while ap
pearing on NBC’s “Meet the
Press” last week.
Shocked, he could only re
spond, “Yes. Yes! A conspiracy.
Yeah, man, that’ll work. Shame
on the Pentagon!”
Clearly shaken by the news, he
ran to his chief advisor James
Carville and smothered him in a
big bear hug, and Clinton later
took to a Georgetown-area Dairy
Queen. According to uncon
firmed reports, Carville was treat
ed to a Fun Bunch Lunch and
large sundae.
Rushing to the fast-food es
tablishment to comfort the Pres
ident, Attorney General Janet
Reno has decided not to appoint
a special counsel to confirm the
existence of the plot. She had a
Hunger Buster, chicken finger
basket, another Hunger Buster,
large fries, two Belt Busters, an
other Hunger Buster, a large
sundae and fifty pounds of
ground beef sitting in a back
room freezer.
White House officials deny
any link between offers of food
and the refusal to stop the plot.
Addressing a frightened na
tion, Clinton said, “Americans
from Main Street to Pennsylvania
Avenue should be shaken and
disturbed by the news.
What kind of nation do we live
in when the Governor of Arkansas
can’t drop his pants in a hotel
room without someone blowing
it out of proportion? From now
on, whenever I veto a tax cut,
compromise national security in
exchange for money and disgrace
the Presidency, I just know dark
forces within the government are
going to try to make it look bad.”
Donny Ferguson is a junior
political science major.