Inesday • November 5 ; 1997
O The Battalion
PINION
Over
ul
1(18) |
Isin- 1
] loss
In tor
Is
11 ay.
has 1 ' 10 "’
)re Hand
ist
he Chocolate War
lopean Parliaments vote to preserve cocoa quality sends message to Americans
0^^
an issue
i)'bit as
strove rsial
-2)
)wen
In a
}°
A
Its
Donny
Ferguson
columnist
ieror not
in has been
I Satan to
.your will to
iir several
Jays, the
nations
iithe bal-
Debate
idand tempers Hared. Finally,
ligh-level negotiations between
ilnations, a tenuous vote was
and an agreement was reached,
aropean Parliament had suc-
Big lyhanded the highly volatile
ht iomb that is...chocolate.
The ;ir,cool heads and free market
s lies prevailed as the 626 mem-
Rivepthe European Parliament voted
i6to allow chocolate with up to
incocoa-butter vegetable fat to
Jin Europe, provided the faux
isproperly labeled. 30 members
nedfrom voting, probably for
(retribution by terrorists follow-
eteachings of Willie Wonka,
tchocolate nations warned the
lent the new rules would cause
^reduction in European
late consumption (which
Jitfor half of worldwide con
led to 0I T destabilize the economies
c na-exporting nations and
t the ™ 6 confidence in the quality
; ope's chocolate. Fortunately, an
'. nent was reached and plans to
Hershey, Pennsylvania’s Elite
iate Commandos were
ned. An inspired President Bill
npromises to personally test
nswe^erica’s chocolate for purity
^ ntl1 iectiveness as an aphrodisiac.
[te ?lieved Count Chocula, whose
e (i^gial well-being depends upon the
a il iility of tasty, fake chocolate,
rom the measure will be approved
man European Union’s Council of
Is of
hs-
ch
A
Ival
at
Ministers. There are, however, rumors
the measure will be met with violent
opposition by Weight Watchers funda
mentalists. Despite the obvious dan
ger in angering chocolate-union thugs
and other militants with extreme
chocolate views, European legislators
braved the political storm and cast
their pro-cocoa votes.
Wake up, Congress, let’s see some
initiative and harness the power of
government to protect the purity of
American goods. Maybe our cheese-
gorging, cross-oceanic neighbors are
on to something. Perhaps the true
purpose of government is regulate
the purity of scrumptious sweets. Our
own United States Congress should
follow the lead of our disco-loving,
unwashed European cousins and take
measures to ensure the highest level
of excellence in junk food. After all,
isn’t Europe the same continent that
gave us the Gabor sisters, Fabio,
those Mentos commercials and the
Yugo? With a track record of success
like that, we can’t go wrong.
It’s about time lawmakers got on the
ball and passed laws requiring chicken
nuggets contain at least 10% real
chicken. Nuggets may be the only sub
stance known to man which doesn’t
taste like chicken and it’s about time
someone did something about it. After
years of complaints, it appears only
swift government action will force the
cold, unfeeling fast-food giants to bow
to the wishes of America’s French fry-
munching populace. Maybe once the
nugget problem is resolved, the fast-
food giants will get to work on creating
an apple pie indistinguishable from a
fish sandwich.
Strange tasting meat-based prod
ucts aren’t the only threat to American
consumer confidence in the food
industry.
Foreign objects and toxic chemicals
are frequently found in the food men,
women and even children eat. Untold
millions have eaten so-called “Cracker
lacks” only to find foreign objects
\£R
m
hidden inside. The lives of millions of
children are threatened every morn
ing by small toys and stickers which
have somehow found their way into
cereal boxes.
Imported foods may be the worst
offenders. It is not uncommon to
bite into a cookie at a Chinese
restaurant and find discarded scraps
of paper inside.
The threat of dangerous objects
getting into food pales in comparison
to the toxic chemicals which have
poisoned our wild fish and game.
America’s lakes and forests have
become so polluted, a days’ worth of
hunting and fishing is often inedible.
Congress should pass tough environ
mental standards so we can eat a
spotted owl without getting sick.
The European Parliament has the
right idea. The regulation of “choco-
liciousness” is just the start. If other
nations care so much about the puri
ty of their chocolate, the least
Americans can do is ensure the quali
ty of our food.
After all, someone has to make
sure natural ingredients don’t find
their way into a Twinkle.
Donny Ferguson is a junior political
science major.
win
I semoi
major
onating body to science not
ist a postmortem possibility
"3.
Jeremy
Valdez
columnist
used to be a noble — if
ather macabre — idea
odonate your dead
iyto science. By willing
®elf to a medical
Mafter death, you
■Idhead to the afterlife
sting your head was still
iutth, helping a bud-
peurosurgeon to over-
, Sethe “what-do-you-
^ ap y that?” phase of a doc-
education.
"to have % *0 combination
icture Sln g college costs, the growing need for
I deal research and the devaluation of our
human lives has created a climate where
«are being encouraged to sub-lease their
igbodies to science.
hen my own financial ends failed to meet
month, I wondered how I might reap mone-
q|-(J benefits from the medical research industry,
local plasma center tries to entice students
unate, er, sell blood plasma by advertising
you can earn as much as $140 a month if
donate twice a week.
ora while 1 considered putting my veins
on the streets to make money for me. After
Sl40 is nothing to sneeze at, and it might be
ugh to bleed over.
he blood people at the plasma center are
olutely correct when they point out that
mtais essential for medical research. No
ter what motivates Aggies to sell plasma,
ewho do perform a needed service,
ut being strictly selfish (as I often am when
ones to my bodily fluids), the idea lost its
ttewhen a friend asked what I would pay for
own plasma.
he paltry sum of $140 is not enough, espe-
fconsidering the diameter of the needles
hed in the plasma extraction process,
fees who do not want to part with blood
■ponents have other avenues toward for-
•in the research game. A medical study
^conspicuously located next to a local
% factory offers students who have certain
hig medical conditions the chance to be
ud for money.
fees who are lucky enough to have one of
^sired diseases can go to the study center,
^doctors will first confirm the diagnosis,
then offer them “the drug.”
hat follows might be best characterized as
We of medical Russian roulette. Neither the
; nt nor the doctor knows what “the drug”
Wns. It might be an actual medication
feed to treat the condition, or it could be a
“bo.
’dents who elect to continue the study are
^ a waiver and a list of potential side effects
die drug” could cause. The paperwork
a, i air of mystery and int rigue. “The drug”
tb
The
303
incia
^nald
isday,
jdenf
iday,
’rogram
ply.
is described as an “investigational preparation,”
making it sound like something that was
squeezed out of a glowing meteor. The poten
tial side effects and special warnings also can
be scary.
Being poor, intrepid and ultimately a gam
bling man at heart, 1 decided that I would try to
pay my cable bill and restock my macaroni and
cheese stash by participating in a drug study.
Unfortunately, I do not have syphilis, chronic
pain, a yeast infection or any of thfe other high-
paying diseases. All that I qualify for, from time
to time, is the athlete’s foot study.
So in the spirit of Aggie Bonfire, I wore the
same pair of socks for two weeks, praying each
night before I went to bed that I would rise to
find an itchy, scorching case of athlete’s foot.
My date with destiny finally came three
weeks ago, when a very nice group of people at
the study center shaved my feet to confirm that
I was infected with tinea pedis.
Now I swallow hard each night, uncap a
mysterious tube that is a scary shade of, um,
black, and slather my feet with ... something.
Happily, my feet are back to normal now, but
I worry that I may not be the best experimental
subject, because it will be impossible to tell
what actually cured my feet — “the drug” or
simply the resumption of normal sock rotation.
The current state of medical research speaks
volumes though, not just about our attitudes
toward our bodies or how far one poor college
student and his feet will go for $100, but about
how medical research really works.
No matter how sophisticated medical sci
ence becomes, research on live models will
always be an essential part of our struggle
against disease.
Certainly, cruelty to animals always should
be avoided, but not all testing is cruel. The
rhetoric against animal experimentation has
gotten so loud and emotional that many
Americans have forgotten that humans also are
used in testing.
This should make us chuckle all the more
when we buy shampoo that boasts that it was
“never tested on animals.” If manufacturers put
anything in shampoo that made someone
scream “Don’t you dare put that on little fluffy
bunnies,” maybe we should not be so cavalier
about using it ourselves.
We all benefit from live model research. Some
of us actually participate in it. Along with other
kinds of experimentation, it has described our
chemical world and made it reasonably safe.
And I have done my part, so don’t look to me
to go without showers for two weeks in order to
participate in the shampoo study. Besides, I’m
hoping that eating a month’s worth of macaroni
and cheese will help me qualify for a far more
lucrative acne study.
M A I L C A LL
Halloween origins
missed by column
Recently, John Burton wrote
an opinion column about the
evils of Hallow’een. The actual
origins of the holiday indicate
that he is mistaken.
Hallow’een, also called
Samhain, is a contracted form of
“Hallowed Evening.” This partic
ular evening was hallowed or
holy because it was a day of
remembrance of the dead.
To the Celts, and other peo
ples, Samhain was also the New
Year’s festival, celebrating the end
of the old year and the beginning
of the new year. This doesn’t
sound very Satanic to me.
In reflecting on the origins of
Samhain, a particular Aggie tradi
tion comes to mind. I begin to
ask myself; “doesn’t this sound
quite a bit like Aggie Muster?”
What would we think if people
started “trashing” that tradition?
We expect people to respect our
Aggie traditions, so why can
we not extend the same consider
ation to traditions much older.
Erik McKee
Class of ’99
Seats should be
opened to alumni
I was very disappointed with
the lack of student attendance at
the OSU game. I’m sure the play
ers, who had been on the road for
two weeks, felt the same when
they saw a half empty third deck.
It was not something they could
over look from their bench.
I would like to suggest that the
students be assigned third deck
seating and the second deck stu
dent section be released to the
12th Man Foundation for the next
school year and subsequent years.
This recommendation would
permit more participation from
the alumni, and add revenue to
the football program, and would
help to eliminate the unsightly
view of empty seats.
Homer A. Miller
Class of ’63
Society contributes
to sexual attitudes
James Francis makes a good
point in his column concerning
Nushawn Williams. Counseling
and medical help are not readily
available for low-income minori
ties who find themselves with a
terminal disease. Certainly, if
Williams had been given adequate
counseling, this tragedy may have
been averted.
However, Williams is not the
victim here. He is the criminal,
and he made a conscious decision
to infect these nine girls. Yet, a big
ger question arises. What the hell
are nine girls doing having unpro
tected sex with a homeless drifter?
Somewhere along the line, society
failed these young women.
There is something wrong when
a 14-year-old girl thinks it is safe
and morally correct to have unpro
tected sex with a stranger.
Perhaps if the media, and soci
ety in general, did not portray sex
as the end-all, be-all of human
achievement, these girls would
have thought twice before ruining
their lives for one sexual encounter.
Jon Apgar
Class of‘99
The Battalion encourages letters to the
editor. Letters must be 300 words or less
and include the author's name, class, and
phone number.
The opinion editor reserves the right to
edit letters for length, style, and accuracy.
Letters may be submitted in person at 013
Reed McDonald with a valid student ID. Let
ters may also be mailed to:
The Battalion - Mail Call
0±3 Reed McDonald
Texas A&M University
College Station, TX
77843-1.111
Campus Mail: 111.1
Fax: (409) 845-2647
E-mail: Batt@tamvml.tamu.edu
For more details on letter policy, please call
845-3313 and direct your question to the
opinion editor.
CO/Emf'AEHT SFtfS
nNBWEE K NNOHopOUf.
-mefee Th»m KHTt.
fCTlOH
OS*
Jeremy Valdez is a senior journalism major.
L(i*®mvTiDN@n