The Battalion
0 ; 1997
earching,’’
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luesday • September 30, 1997
:d by IUC
s by Linda
research
Higher Ed
g Board.
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een indus
Ihe boob tube
-SPAN offers original, entertaining programming for imaginative students
m
Donny
Ferguson
coluinnist
aen it
comes
to of-
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[versions, the
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3 iation area has
iblisher am ieC ollective
lent leadeLertainment
)ered Leslii alue of “Jesse
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te going inti ' 0in edy Jam.”
da‘winner,” |f being
an presided a |ed i nt o a
e incrediblev or t| ls jde restaurant with drunken
id aheadand. iU ]try science majors named Earl
cared abou| I1 > t y OUr thing, the only other op-
ause she met )n j s t0 fi re U p the VCR for an all-
s to the stifjght“Mystery Science Theater
V' IlflO" marathon. That is, until the
ceroftheStu-i vent 0 f C-SPAN.
i agriculturaf c-SPAN? Isn’t that the
d cainpaign| ianne j ma i ces Country Mu
le Television look interesting? Not
), boob ala. CMT will never be in-
iresting and C-SPAN, when
’ cam P ai S n atched correctly, is the best
itertainment on television.
True, C-SPAN may not appeal
(students whose knowledge of
lings like classical music is limit-
dto Monty Python’s “Decompos-
ig Composers.”
Too often, they get lost in the
arliamentary minutiae, dry sta
shes and monotonous roll call
ting and forget C-SPAN’s most
:inued toes ^ble asset,
ail and intri ' s only channel to offer 24
nfettered hours of ranting lu-
are differei at ‘ cs - paranoid schizophrenics
ies becausec ndsome of America’s worst hair-
rsity and lb ^ (Check out the mop on Ohio
isaid. Congressman James Traficant.
is A&M ares ,reat orator, but he looks like Cap-
d,” she sail dn Kangaroo. Top honors go to
lour jobovi ermont’s Bernie Sanders, sport-
to get electe 'ga Nutty Professor-like coif.)
/here onlyih The heart and soul of the C-
PAN experience is, without a
tudent boi wbt, the opportunity to dish out
>r agricultm ithless taunting. After a long,
aid problem
ly develop be-
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hard day of organic lab, math ex
ams and dodging kamikaze bicy
clists, nothing beats plopping
down on a lumpy sofa, clicking on
C-SPAN and horse-laughing House
Minority Wliip David Bonior. On
those days when one feels espe
cially creative, punch the “mute”
button and add your own dialogue.
Adlibbing phrases like, “I am the
only candidate in this race who
looks like E.T.” to Dick Gephardt’s
Labor Day speech to the AFL-CIO,
or spicing up Ted Kennedy’s floor
speeches with a, “I, eh, just want
President Clinton to know, eh, that
1 would be more than happy to give
Paula Jones a ride home” is just
one way to capitalize on the net
work’s full comic potential.
But even the best of networks
could use a little improvement. The
current slate of programming is
rather narrow and appeals only to
Bill Gates-esque economics majors
who find “The McLaughlin Group’s”
Eleanor Clift “babelicious.”
C-SPAN should follow FOX and
MTV’s lead and appeal to a younger
generation. Late at night, after
"About Books,” C-SPAN’s new “Sin
gled Out - Live From The Kennedy
Compound!” hosted by former
Oregon Senator Bob Packwood
would cool the romantic fires
stoked by eleven consecutive hours
of tax reform legislation debate.
No other dating game on tele
vision would offer categories like
“That Giant Sucking Sound,
NAFTA or the Spice Girls” and
“Best Case Against Canadian Im
migration, Alanis Morissette or
Michael J. Fox.”
Singles eliminated in the first
round still win a date with the
Kennedy of their choice (contes
tants must be under 16 and know
how to swim.)
Sunday nights feature “The
DNC Files,” as Agents Mulder and
Scully use extraterrestrial technol
ogy to locate Colombian drug
smugglers, Chinese arms dealers
and Lebanese fugitives to invite to
the White House in exchange for
campaign contributions.
In the season premiere, Mulder
and Scully travel to Roswell, New
Mexico, and discover that the lone
survivor of the alien spacecraft
which crashed there 50 years ago es
caped from an Area 51 Air Force
hangar and became Surgeon Gener
al under the name “Joycelyn Elders.”
C-SPAN’s newest late-night
fare, “The Real World, 1600 Penn
sylvania Avenue” is a probing look
into the life of a tubby, philander
ing draft dodger; a sniping, femi
nist Little Rock lawyer and a dron
ing former Tennessee Senator
who won’t stay off the phone.
In a touching episode, “Bill” es
corts his only daughter to college
and teaches her how to grow “spe
cial” plants in a dorm closet. Lat
er, tempers flare when “Al’s”
phone records are subpoenaed
and the shredder breaks down,
“Hillary” saves the day when she
shows him how to “misplace”
them the Oval Office fireplace.
Too often, bored students look
ing for television viewing fun flip
past C-SPAN without realizing its
entertainment potential.
The House Government Re
form and Oversight Committee
may not be the Rolling Stones
(some of whom actually served in
the Continental Congress,) but
when viewed in the right context,
it can be every bit as entertaining.
In a town where entertainment is
a concert by someone named af
ter a NASCAR driver, C-SPAN is an
oasis of intellectually stimulating
taunting, hissing (and the occa
sional whoop when Speaker Gin
grich takes the floor.)
Donny Ferguson is a junior
political science major.
Absence of A&M law school contrasts with new government focus
E ach fall Texas
A&M stu
dents are in
undated with the
now-famous Aggie
rhetoric. This in
cludes yell prac
tice, football and
many other prac
tices and regimens
that help to boost
and prolong the
idea that A&M is
Len
Callaway
columnist
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the finest institution in the land.
While this is and has always been
true, A&M still consistently strives to be
come a more complete and versatile in
stitution.
However, one aspect is missing in
our collective quest. The Texas A&M
School of Law.
Those of us who aspire to become at
torneys are faced with having to leave
our alma mater and contribute to some
other school s livelihood. The University
ofTexas currently holds the title as the '
best law school in the state, and the idea
of asking one’s Aggie parents to ante up a
big chunk ior the ’sips is quite unsettling.
No one is naive enough to believe
that A&M is the only place that one can
receive a quality education, but for
some it is the only institution wort hy of
the effort needed to graduate from a
graduate program. I know this is a
novel idea, as it has become so sheik
and trendy to bash A&M.
However, the fact still remains that
due to our collective nature and our rep
utation for academic excellence, the Ag
gie degree carries more weight than
those from some other state institutions.
Aggies past and present have the
right to continue their education here
if they choose to do so, and it is up to
the powers that be to make certain that
the option is open.
A&M has taken steps to ensure contin
ued academic superiority in other fields,
but has neglected the legal community.
The George Bush School of Govern
ment and Public Service and the addi
tion of a music major to the College of
Liberal Arts are prime examples.
Many have argued that there are too
many attorneys in the world and too
many law schools in Texas.
These statements are matters of
opinion and are constantly under de-
bate.There is a need to be satisfied by
having a law school at A&M. This uni
versity has the reputation of graduat
ing the highest-caliber graduates in
each field.
The same would naturally be true
for an Aggie law school. Many are
quick to claim equality, but few have
the gumption to claim academic supe
riority over A&M. Not to mention, in
our attorney-loathing nation, the sheer
novelty of law school graduates with a
pre- determined reputation for having
a sense of integrity and honor.
Many students that attend the
George Bush School of Government and
Public Service are interested in politics
or some other form of public service.
If one takes the time to analyze the
educational criteria and accomplish
ments of most of our political leaders,
they will find that most at least went to
law school.
Many took the bar exams in their re
spective states and went on to private
practices before running for office and
becoming elected. Some went to law
school and began working for other
politicians sans bar exam, however, most
are attorneys of some breed or another.
Texas A&M and its graduates have
been leading the United States Armed
Forces for many generations, and the
time has come for Aggies to begin to
lead the nation in government. The
Bush School will naturally supply
Washington with many good Ags over
the years to come, and many of these
graduates will have to attend law
school, so why force them to attend
law school somewhere else?
Here in Aggieland we are fortunate to
be in an environment that is conducive
to students. College Station is one of the
last true college towns in our nation.
Here, again due to our collective na
ture, students have the opportunity to
build long-lasting and beneficial rela
tionships with professors, employers,
local businesses and friends.
Why should we voluntarily give up
the right to expand our education at
this university? '
There is fierce opposition to our
gaining the ability to build a law pro
gram. However, all of the arguments
are political and monetary.
None of the arguments against our
acquiring a law school revolve around
the quality of education students
would receive. No one dares to doubt
the administration’s ability to educate.
If A&M were to get the political af
firmation needed to build a law pro
gram, other schools like UT, Baylor
and Tech would naturally raise their
crybaby flags. The crux lies in the fact
that if A&M were to gain a law pro
gram, we would instantly become the
most versatile institution in the state.
One could come to Aggieland and
study almost anything. This would
render the academically inferior and
smaller institutions unable to compete
to a certain degree.
That is the real problem — not our
desire for a law school. Texas A&M has
been put in the position of having to
curtail our growth in order to help en
sure the success of other schools.
Nothing else here works this way.
Professors do not water down their
tests so that weaker students can sur
vive. Athletes do not tame their perfor
mance so that weaker opponents can
survive. Elected officials do not bow
down to their opponent so that the op
ponent may also enjoy some success.
It’s curious that at the institution
charged with our preparation for the
real world, we are taught that the
strongest will survive, but if we take the
example taught to us by our legislature
and administration it seems that one is
not rewarded for performance. One is
rewarded and protected for being weak
and secondary.
A&M has accomplished more and
retained a higher level of prestige and
honor than any other institution in the
state, yet, all of the other institutions
coupled with the legislature control
our destiny.
Len Callaway is a junior
journalism major.
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Mail Call
Unfair statements
deride football
In response to Michelle Voss’Pass
ing the Pigskin Sept. 26 column:
• I can only say that Voss’ words
represent an uninformed individ
ual. She states that “football is one
of the top 10, most utterly pointless
distractions of mankind in the past
2,000 years.” Although this is clear
ly hyperbole, the root of the state
ment cannot be justified. Football
is a complex sport, full of complex
strategy and intricate planning.
The rapid decisions that must
be made set this sport away from
other sports around the world. The
planning that must be required for
each play likens football more to
chess and other games of strategy,
more so than any other sports.
Voss also states, “This sport of
primitive brutes, who romp about
artificial turf while slamming into
each other, bears a striking resem
blance to Neanderthals.”
However, is American football
any less barbaric than other world
sports, such as boxing, rugby or
Australian football? American foot
ball players get hurt many games at
a time, but a boxer’s appearance
and intellect can be damaged for
life, and Australian football players
have died on the field. So by com
parison, football is quite tame.
Most erroneous ofVoss’ state
ments, however, was that football
funds could be better used to
fund more worthwhile projects.
Apparently she does not realize
that A&M’s athletic department is
self sustaining.
With respect to the NFL and the
players’ huge salaries, the reason
these players get paid so well is be
cause they turnover a massive prof
it for the owners who pay them.
In order to refute every erro
neous statement made by the
columnist, I would have to write a
column of my own. I believe my
point is clear, however.
Voss’ opinions are her own, and
she has every right to express them
as it was her opinion column. But
in the future, I suggest she not
base her opinions on falsehoods.
Howard Hamilton
Class of'99
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