The Battalion
266i
University Drive
V 11-14
I 1' i r iv
.. . i
Page 9
Monday • November 11,1996
How to Sit
Useless guide included
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Nov 13
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CH 16,
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Nov 13
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CH 10
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ART 3
PARTi
ART 3
PARTi
18TH
efore the good people at Harrington Edu-
. cation Center decided to slap a much-
' needed coat of white paint over its interi-
lalls, they thought some cool new chairs
light ease the nauseating effects of the fumes.
), they ordered a million — give or take a few.
H And the chairs pro-
[ColUmfliSt Vide the comfort only
money can buy. But
each is equipped with
— believe it or not — a
“User Guide.”
Of course, this ab
surd inclusion could
serve as an endless
source of Aggie jokes.
But do the manufac
turers at Steelcase re
ally believe historical
ly competent chair
users will be unable
lichael Heinroth
Teaching
krtification student
;day,
J sit on one of the company’s padded
?ats without the help of an instructional
p , amphlet?
1 ILScilLS. |:’mon, this ain’t exactly Microsoft’s Will
ows 95. We’re talkin’ about chairs!
p RpQ 1 Apparently these aren’t everyday, run-of-the-
iiU chairs, though. These come from Steelcase’s
^ )( lite “Rally” line. Impressive, huh?
rocess They even come loaded with a deluxe
ackage including wheels, adjustable height,
^dministni' arlable-tension back supports and the
. lightiest of technologically advanced swivels.
Tact on the ph yeah — and they’re blue.
r I But it’s a little known fact that common
quin-els possess the ability to utilize these
matures well before any human manages to
etlhalfway through the myriad of jargon-
illad instructions.
13, 199 | One of the sections even describes the finer
* y oints of lubricating the mechanical and
/ 0nr\ neumatic parts as a requisite for the chair’s
lOV^ ^vi ia sic maintenance” each year. Give me a
•eak — chair maintenance?
Of course, the crafty capitalist depart-
ent at Steelcase has developed and mo-
ipolized a special petroleum-based fer
ula for this purpose. And they proudly
arket it as “Brush-Lube.”
And if some poor sap is willing to buy a
ittle of it, George Strait is still melodically
iloading ocean-front property in Arizona.
H3ut those who speak the Queen’s English
iren’t the only ones Steelcase has deemed abso-
ively, posilutely stupid. The instructional pam-
ihlet is also titled “Guia para el Usario” and
Guide D’ Utilisation” and includes the same
r information in Spanish and French.
Could it be that Steelcase also assumes these
-ee
ission
people don’t know how to sit down on swivel
chairs? The company’s reasons for targeting
Spanish-speaking individuals are unknown. But
Steelcase must have realized how much the
French love those Jerry Lewis reruns. Their
brains have been reduced to porridge.
Whether Jim Carrey as a role model has
infected the IQs of innocent Quebecois is
debatable, though.
But maybe the Allies of the Great Wars
should take note of the peculiar exclusion of
German instructions. Perhaps Steelcase is
quietly hinting Hitler’s “master race” mastered
the intricacies of swivel seat sitting while leav
ing the rest of us behind.
Is a Fourth Reich just around the next cubi
cle or classroom? Only time will tell.
But at least the peace-loving people of
earth can sleep easier tonight; the Steelcase
chairs in countless business offices around
the world and the classrooms of Harrington
Tower “meet the requirements of the BIFMA
First Generation Voluntary Upholstery Flam
mability Standard for Business and Institu
tional Markets.”
So, let’s not rush to judge Steelcase. Their
environmentally friendly management also
had the foresight to print the user guides on
recycled paper.
And that’s something we can all smile about.
Drug testing violates
basic human rights
M ore and more
private corpo
rations are
employing a tech
nique to make sure
they hire the best and
the brightest employ
ees from the ranks of
college graduates and
professionals alike.
Extensive training
programs for the newly
hired? No. Stepped-up
recruiting efforts on col
lege campuses? Nope.
Requiring prospective employees
to urinate in a plastic cup? Yes.
Drug testing is a ludicrous prac
tice that is not only an invasion of
privacy, but also completely inef
fective. Of course, I’m not referring
to employees whose jobs make
them responsible for public safety,
such as bus drivers and firefight
ers. I’m talking about employees
who push papers across a desk.
Apparently riding the popular
ity of the so-called “drug war” and
the alarming rise in drug use dur
ing the Clinton administration,
companies are becoming militant
in their attempts to combat drug
use among employees.
Although keeping employees
from abusing drugs is a noble
cause, companies are employing
the wrong methods.
Ordering a prospective employ
ee, or a current employee, to uri
nate in a cup is not only degrading,
but also contributes to animosity
towards the corporation.
When managers or company
big-shots require drug tests, em
ployees feel as if they are not trusted
to be responsible on the work site.
This is because drug tests foster
the feeling that bosses do not trust
the word of employees and require
lab-tested results before patting an
employee on the back and saying,
“I knew you weren’t a drug user.
This expensive, invasive drug test
just ‘confirmed’ my instincts.”
Accuracy is one problem with
drug testing. Labs are not 100 per
cent accurate in their results. Mis
takes happen more often than peo
ple would like to believe. Many who
so fervently advocate drug-testing
would not be quite as confident in
their beliefs if a drug test came back
positive because they ate a poppy-
Columnist
Jon Apgar
Sophomore
journalism major
seed bagel the morning
of the test.
That’s right — poppy
seeds in the blood
stream have been mis
taken for heroin.
Constitutionality is
another problem.
The Fifth Amend
ment roughly states
that citizens are not to
be subject to unrea
sonable search and
seizure without rea
sonable suspicion of
criminal activity.
Drug testing violates the Fifth
Amendment because it takes place
regardless of suspicion of drug use.
The most clean, sober, law-abid
ing citizen is placed on the same
level as a mind-warped stoner
when it comes to drug tests. The
reason? Nothing is taken into ac
count when determining who gets
tested. It is simply a blanket policy.
Imagine if the College Station
Police Department randomly
stopped cars on University Drive
and gave the drivers alcohol tests
and searched the cars for drugs.
The police had no suspicion of
criminal activity of those they
pulled over and searched. It was a
completely random thing. The
public would be outraged if this
were allowed to take place.
Isn’t this just like drug testing?
Employers conduct totally ran
dom testing of employees with no
reasonable suspicion of wrong
doing, yet no one seems to want
to speak out against this gross
disregard of the Constitution.
Employers should be required
under law to administer drug tests
if and only if they have reason to
suspect an employee of being un
der the influence of drugs on com
pany premises, or if an employee’s
suspected personal drug use sig
nificantly interferes with his or her
performance on the job site.
Moreover, bosses should be
more trusting of their employees
and accept their word before turn
ing to an unconstitutional drug test.
The next time you attend an in
terview, don’t expect employers to
trust you are a responsible, law-
abiding citizen. Instead, be sure to
drink plenty of fluids and bring a
Dixie cup in your briefcase.
Editorial Roundup
rily 'jrhe following is a sampling of editorial opinion
ilitical Forum. . orn j exas newspapers:
Austin American-Statesman on tax reform:
Ktf Gov. George W. Bush and state lawmakers are
jRually intent on tax reform in the upcoming leg-
form us of fwrdilative session, they have a big job ahead of them. If
days prior to thefSiey change one thing, that will affect another, and
lat will affect another. Legislators need to be sure
ley take care to avoid unintended consequences,
s best they can.
L, How much “tax reform” is needed? How long is a
iece of string? Lawmakers should be prepared to
that string all the way to the end.
The Dallas Morning News on term limits:
IThe hand jive on term limits has become as pre-
ptable as the Macarena. Only twice as tiresome.
l;Each year, public surveys find that Texans over
whelmingly want the right to decide whether there
riould be term limits for elected state officials. And
ach legislative session, the Texas House of Repre-
mtatives makes certain a term limits bill never gets
) the floor for a vote.
I With the strong urging of Lt. Gov. Bob Bullock,
ie Texas Senate voted in favor of a constitutional
mendment limiting terms of state officials during
ie 1995 session. The measure would have placed a
2-year service limit on members of the Legislature
nd statewide officeholders.
But a similar bill in the Texas House was in need
la heart transplant by the time veteran lawmakers
ad gotten through with it. ,
; With state elections just days away, Texans for
erm Limitations wisely decided to remind voters
hat happened during the last legislative session.
In pointed radio commercials, the term limits
roup has been attacking Texas House Speaker Pete
aney, D-Hale Center, for letting the bill get bottled
p in committee.
■While Texans for Term Limitations has no foolish
noughts that Laney can be defeated, the group is
ing notice to him that this issue is not dead,
hat’s good news for all Texas residents who be-
sve they should at least be given an opportunity to
insider a term limits amendment on a state ballot.
I For many years, politicians have not been in-
ined to follow Texans’ wishes if they interfere with
leir own personal goals.
Bullock changed that when he stepped for-
ard in support of a term limits plan. He specifi-
tlly said his decision was based on the wishes of
ixas voters.
aney says he opposes term limits, but claims
as never blocked any bill from being debated
id voted on.
: The test of that statement will come in 1997 when
ie|Texas Legislature is certain to have another term
_^Jilts bill on the docket. Mr. Laney and other mem-
7 99
7 O0
ctures
per 15
Bland.
lunity
urbook.
be taken
“1-5 p.m.
day
graph]/
*co Cabana)
z>re details
bers of the state House of Representatives cannot
keep ducking this important issue. If the House
speaker truly feels he has been victimized by the
broad-brush radio ads, he can prove the term limits
group is wrong during the next legislative session.
Fort Worth Star-Telegram on local telephone
deregulation:
Creating a competitive market for local tele
phone service in Texas took a huge step forward last
week with a ruling by the Public Utilities Commis
sion that removed a huge financial barrier to future
competition from long-distance carriers.
The commission ordered Southwestern Bell to
grant heavy discounts to AT&T, MCI and three small
companies to use its equipment in providing local
service. Under the ruling, the long-distance compa
nies will receive a 21.64 percent discount. Southwest
ern Bill had sought to limit the rate to 15 percent.
By purchasing access to existing equipment and
reselling local service to their customers, new com
petitors are expected to force down phone rates.
Once a competitive market has been established,
the existing local service providers then will be able
to enter full long-distance competition.
Commission members deserve praise after with
standing considerable political pressure from
Southwestern Bell and some protectionist state law
makers. The public is the big winner.
Valley Morning Star (Harlingen) on campaign
contributions:
The questionable and possibly illegal contribu
tion of substantial funds from Indonesian sources to
President Clinton and the Democrats is generating a
welcome new look at the whole process by which
huge and ever-increasing amounts of soft money
are pouring into the war chests of the major parties.
That new concern is long overdue.
Recently, Bob Dole, who opposed virtually ever
major piece of campaign reform legislation that was
proposed during his years in Congress, called for
new laws prohibiting unregulated contributions to
political committees from corporations, unions and
wealthy individuals, as well as instituting an out
right ban on contributions from all noncitizens....
Dole’s latter-day conversion is welcome, particu
larly if he’s really serious about checking the influ
ence of well-heeled special interests, foreign and
domestic, on the political process. A number of
promising bills has made it through various stages
of the legislative process.
If those bills could be picked up and pushed
through, we might have a real breakthrough. Clin
ton could call a special session of Congress now. If
there are enough lame ducks around, campaign re
form might have a unique chance: Losing, as the
country now is learning again, concentrates the
mind of even the most rabid opponent of reform.
Two party system
achieves balance
Regarding Jeff Freel’s Nov. 7
Mail Call “Congress Balances
Clinton’s Policies”:
Finally somebody out there
says something intelligent.
I myself am socially liberal
and politically conservative. I
support a society where the
government looks to maintain
our rights, but that thi§ govern
ment is as small as possible.
I am not a member of either
party, but chose to support Bill
Clinton in this election because I
thought he was the best candidate.
Like Freel, I also chose to
support people from the Re
publican party for Congress —
with the exception of Phil
Gramm.
People have forgotten what
our government is about —
compromise and checks and
balances. Having the White
House and Congress controlled
by different parties is the best
thing that can happen to our
country because the parties
must compromise in order to
get their bills passed.
Believe it or not, the United
States government was de
signed to be slow at passing
bills and to have the appear
ance of “not working correctly”
because this aides in having the
best bills passed.
It’s about time that some
body said something intelligent
about this election. We should
all thank Freel for being the first
to say it.
John W. Kretlow
Class of ’00
Class of ’97 shirts
not representative
We the members of the Fight-
in’ Texas Aggie Class of 1997 and
friends are appalled at the ’97 E-
Walk sweatshirt design. The indi
viduals on the back of the shirt
are not inclusive of all members
of the Class of 1997.
We realize a committee chose
the design they felt best suited
our class. However, they neglect
ed to realize we are more than
just a white majority. We are
African-American, disabled,
Asian, Hispanic and a number of
other cultural descriptors.
We also realize there may not
have been anyone on that commit
tee who possesses these cultural
descriptors. However, we have al
ways been taught that this society is
a democracy and in a democracy
the majority is to think not only of
themselves, their rights, and their
privileges, but also the rights and
privileges of the minority.
This is an issue of respect. And
out of respect for ourselves, the
other members of the Class of
1997, and this University as a
whole, we refuse to purchase a
shirt that respects only a few.
In addition, we are asking those
individuals that have already pur
chased an E-Walk sweatshirt to re
turn it and receive a full refund. We
are also asking the committee to
choose a design that is more inclu
sive so that all concerned parties
can feel like they are a part of the
Fightin’ Texas Aggie Class of 1997.
Danielle J. Taylor
Kimberly Hicks
Class of’97
Accompanied by 43 signatures
Towery incorrectly
labeled jamming
Regarding April Towery’s Nov. 6
music review ofPhish:
1 must confess I was intrigued
by the mention of the band
Phish in Wednesday’s Music Re
views. I appreciate The Battal
ion, a “college paper,” showing
an interest in a band that has
never been in the mainstream.
What troubles me is the asser
tion made by Towery that the mem
bers ofPhish are “... musicians who
know how to play their instruments
instead of random jamming.” This
statement could only come from
one who knows little, very little,
about the band.
“Random jamming” is what
these guys are all about. Traveling
down the road paved graciously by
the Grateful Dead, they seek the
creative energy, which only comes
from the live experience. The genre
of improvisational music would be
a cipher if “randomness” were not
allowed. Please turn off your com
puter to download information
about the band for your articles and
listen to “A Live One:” songs of over
20 minutes await.
As far as calling Phish a rock
band, I guess we lizards need to
categorize and label things to
help us understand.
David B. Barber
Class of ’96
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