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The Battalion • Page 7
Thursday • July 6, 1995
Getting rich in
the name of God
“The God I believe
in isn’t short of
cash, mister.”
— Bono of U2
“The last tempta
tion is the greatest
treason / To do the
right deed for the
wrong reason.”
— Thomas a’ Becket from T.S. Eliot’s
Murder in the Cathedral
H e drives a Mercedes, lives in a $685,000
home and says it is all in the name of God.
He is the author of two bestsellers, and he
leads a church of over 7,000 interdenominational
members every Sunday and Wednesday. He has
claimed to have healed over 1,000 people with his
vast array of ailments. This “messenger of God”
also has his own television show.
It’s the Benny Hinn show. No, not “Benny
Hill,” — although, at times the preacher with the
anvil-shaped head can be just as outrageous.
You probably have seen him when there was
nothing on TV and you had to explore the dregs
of the cable-channel selection.
But in the name of fairness, other televange
lists, such as Robert Tilton, that Tammy Faye
look-alike woman (I called the Trinity Broad
casting Network to find out her name, but the
line was busy) and of course the infamous Jim
Bakker himself, should not be forgotten.
Benny Hinn just happens to be the latest
thing in the wonderful world of televangelism, a
profession that boasts a casting call that I liken
to a circus sideshow of freaks and heretics.
Hinn also has a controversial past, present
and a doubtful future.
Hinn realized it was God’s will for him to
preach when he was cured of a bad stuttering
habit in the middle of his first sermon. His
childhood friends don’t remember anything
about a stuttering ailment, however.
He also has had difficulties in verifying the
1,000 healings he boasts, a number which in-
1 eludes those who were healed while watching
Hinn’s show on TV.
Hinn is an easy target because he reeks of
show business, from his Rolex watch and Ar
mani suits to his outlandish style of healing.
When a person with an ailment arises out of the
audience to be healed, Hinn simply blows on
them, and they fall backward into the arms of
Hinn’s minions. Hinn then dances a little jig
and is on to the next person.
When the show is almost over and there are
many left to be “healed,” Hinn announces that
“miracles have occurred.” Then the television audi
ence sees a bunch of people who had arrived in
wheelchairs strutting clumsily down the aisles.
Not only are Hinn’s fire and brimstone
preaching methods an insult to religion in gen
eral, but his preposterous claims of healing that
give false hope to the elderly and the sick are
disgusting to watch.
Which is exactly why I called TCA cable to
find out why this show is aired and who watch
es it.
Local TCA Cable General Manager Randy
Rogers says all channels are chosen because of
customer preference, which begs the question,
“who are the customers who watch Benny Hinn
and other televangelists like him?”
Rogers says that although customer surveys
show TBN as one of TCA’s lowest-rated chan
nels, once when the station considered dropping
the channel, many people protested.
“The people who were against dropping the
channel, though it is a gross generalization,
were elderly people and others who weren’t
physically able to attend church,” Rogers said.
Hmmm — these also are the types of people
who always are being scammed by others just
looking to make a buck.
Beginning to sound familiar?
Televangelist Robert Tilton has hung up his
Armani suit because of a $50 million lawsuit ac
cusing him of “intentional infliction of emotional
distress.”
Tilton sent a letter to one of his “followers”
foretelling of a “miracle day,” and also mention
ing to pay up on a previous pledge — the only
problem was that the addressee had died two
months before the letter was sent. Oops.
Tilton, who has been criticized in the past for
ridiculing those who didn’t have the “faith” to
give more than a $1,000 offering, recently lost
85 percent of his 8,000-member church. Seems
someone wasn’t pleased.
Hinn also has been criticized for the same
under-handedness; a particular church service
in 1992 was punctuated by a story of a man who
went to heaven but was not permitted to see the
Father, to which Hinn commented that the man
probably never gave to the church — all while
the offering plate was making its rounds.
All television preachers are not in it for the
money. The “televangelist” — the character that
brings to mind Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker,
sex scandals and money-handling problems — is
a gross misrepresentation of what religion and
religious people are all about.
Kyle Littlefield is a senior journalism major
Is it time to give fascism a chance?
Citizens might better appreciate democracy in its absence
Chris
Stipvent
Columnis;
C lose your ears,
great Statue of
Liberty.
I am about to advocate
something blasphemous
in this revered democracy
that you call home.
Simply put, we need
some more fascism in this
great country of oureu : , ,
But wait, madam, I will say that I envy you.
How proudly you must have smiled down on
the free elections that took place in Haiti two
weeks ago.
As their country (‘merged from the shadow of
the military junta that seized power there in
1991, Haitians responded enthusiastically to their
chance to take part in the hallowed democratic
process. Ninety percent of the eligible population,
about 3.5 million people, registered to vote.
Did you notice?
People made their way to the polling places by
walking for hours, sailing, riding donkeys and
cramming themselves into trucks and buses.
Clearly, these people planned to make full use of
their newly-won voting rights.
How brightly our country must shine as a bea
con to the rest of the world.
We might have borrowed miich of our constitu
tional structure from the British when we fc
our own country, but everybody knowd we still do
the democracy thing the best. fj
The Haitian vote was viewed as a further trial
of whether democracy could be conducted peace
fully in a fragile new country.
Along with this test comes the feeling that ths
forces of democracy have triumphed ovdr thd :
dreaded military dictatorship that oriHe unjustly
held power there.
Miss Liberty, you could also pat yourself
on the back when you witnessed the free elec
tions taking place in South Africa last year.
Anybody who watched the mile-long lines of
formerly-oppressed blacks patiently waiting
their turn to vote could not help but feel that
we Americans had played a crucial role in the
bringing about of this event.
But perhaps before we continue with our
self-congratulations, we ought to take a closer
look at our own country. Come closer, now. We do
seem rather adept at helping other countries form
their own democracies, but how good are we at
running our own?
Ours is the country in which 54 percent of
those eligible to vote actually voted in the last
presidential election.
This was an improvement over the turnout in
the 1988 elections, in which exactly half of the eli-
giblb^gui&ee went to the polls.
Ours Is the country in whie*
pation percentages become increas ^.
the more removed the races are from Washington,
They hover in the low 40s for senatorial races
held in years when there is no presidential elec
tion. By the time we get down, to local school
board elections, those who do vote are usually di
rectly related to the candidates running for office.
We have one of the lowest voter turnouts in the
em industrialized world.
Perhaps this apathy can be explained by the
increased alienation from government that we
Americans tend to feel.
Not only does our vote not make a difference,
the people whom we do vote for do not respond to
the requests of anybody but the wealthy special
interests. So why should we vote?
The demands of being both informed and of be
ing a voter are a bit time-consuming.
Nobody ever made it clear to most Ameri
cans that, as members of a democracy, they
would have to make a few intelligent decisions
for themselves. At least under fascism, we
would have fewer choices to make and more
time to watch television.
And really, was voting ever in our contract? I
don’t recall agreeing to do anything besides pay
taxes in order to remain a citizen.
And traveling to the polling places on some
thing as primitive as a boat or a pack animal?
What the hell did those Founding Fathers want
from us anyway? Most of us probably would not
even get out of bed to go vote if we lived in Haiti
iOJTi South Africa.
Maybe oqr collective ignorance and apathy can
be explained by the fact that we have things too
easy. Who has to fight for voting rights for any
body anymore?
Women, minorities, teenagers, they all have
the vote. Nobody has to march on Washington
anymore because there isn’t anything left for
which to tharch. „ ^
Maybe we need a good fascist dictatorship in
this country for about five years. Perhaps once we
don’t have the right to vote anymore, we will
wake up and fight to get it back.
So, until our voting turnout numbers increase
and we start noticing that we are members of a
democracy, I am going to be voting for the fascist
party in every election. I bet those guys can really
shake things up.
Now, if T can just remember to register.
Chris Stidveht is a senior
philosophy major
Loss of hair should not mean loss of mind
u T’TT ey baldy, grow
I" 'I some hair!” they
A- JL. yelled from a
speeding Chevy Blazer.
“Who are those damn
high school kids screaming
at?” I thought to myself as I
continued my walk.
Then I realized they were
yelling at me. I was the
“baldy” who provided momentary entertainment
for a bunch of kids.
I felt like a hairless geriatric at the ripe old
age of 25. How could anyone possibly think I
was bald? They must have been mistaken.
Maybe I just looked bald in the glare of sun
light. After all, it was a particularly bright sum
mer day.
Having been in the sun everyday for several
months, my hair was almost white and could
easily have been mistaken for a shining chrome
dome. It must have been the glare off my full
head of hair that fooled them.
Or maybe my almost bouffant coiffure had
lost its body from the humidity.
That’s it, humidity.
Hell, my head looked like someone threw a
bucket of water on it. I had only been walking
for 15 minutes and was already sweating like
Sen. Bob Packwood at a Now rally.
Using my hand as a squeegee, I had been
flinging pints of perspiration off my scalp and
matting down my usually wispy locks.
Those kids mistook blond, wet hair for bald
ness, an easy mistake for anyone to make.
Then I remembered how my high school
friends and I would yell all kinds of things out of
car windows at unsuspecting passers-by.
So when a truckload of hairy teen-agers
zoomed past me, a little frustrated screaming
aimed my way seemed understandable.
As I continued on my walk, I realized
how defensive my rationale had been.
Was my hair so thin that fellow hu
man beings might feel it necessary to
lean out of their cars and tell me
about it? And if it was so sparse, why
should I care? I’m still the same guy
whether I look like Captain Picard or
Chewbacca.
But the truth is I am going bald, and
I don’t care what my hair looks like.
Most of it fell out one semester when I lived
off of tortillas and cheap hot dogs made out of
chicken buttholes.
.Ever since, my scalp has been visible from all
angles. When I go swimming, my hair looks like
a mangy, wet possum died on my head.
And when the sun is shining there really is a
glare. Those are the facts.
My hair is leaving me and I can’t do anything
about it.
Or can I?
Each year American males spend countless
millions of dollars trying to maintain a mane,
and the options available to them are ridiculous
and expensive.
By far, the stupidest method of “hair en
hancement” is the spray paint sold on late-
night TV.
Some balding men actually spray this stuff
on their heads — like mascara — to enlarge each
hair. According to the commercial, chicks really
dig it. Apparently, there’s nothing women like
more than running their fingers through hair
that’s really paint.
What about hair plugs or surgery? Can you
say, “scalpels, blood and thousands of dollars?”
Forget it.
Hair weaving is big bucks too.
The president of Hair Club for Men is count
ing on it. Fake hairs are woven together with
real ones.
It’s like having your own Chinese floor mat
on your head.
Wigs, toupees, rugs or whatever you call
them, look fake. Even the expensive ones.
Besides, it would be much more embarrassing
to have the damn thing fall off than to just go
without.
Anyway, anyone who would care if you’re bald
is as shallow as a frisbee.
Minoxidil, the drug found in Rogaine, is hero
in for bald guys.
It really does facilitate hair growth, but it
costs a fortune and you’re hooked like a junkie.
If you stop using it, the new hair falls right out.
Whoopee.
Then there’s my favorite and least observable
method. It is used by bald guys who want to
have hair like Fabio without the cost.
All you have to do is twirl nine hairs in a coil
on the top of your head like an upside down
Navaho basket.
If that’s not your style, you can flip a 14-inch
sideburn clear over to the other side of your
face. No one ever notices.
The most important and mentally healthy
way to deal with hair loss is to just accept it. No
one cares if you’re balding.
In fact, the only people who ever care are bald
guys, and they should be working on their self
image, not their hair.
So if you’re a guy with thinning hair and a
bunch of kids point at you and say, “Ha, Ha,
you’re bald,” stand tall and be proud of yourself.
Know that baldness is a indication of a high
testosterone level and a sure sign of maturity.
Then point back at them and yell, “So’s your
mother!”
Frank Stanford is a graduate
philosophy student
Kids should be taught
about birth control
I am responding to Thomas
Ashour’s letter that was printed on
June 29. Ashour states, “If you look
at how our country is now, compared
to how it was 35 years ago before
contraceptives were available and
somewhat reliable, you can see a
huge difference.” You sure can see a
huge difference.
Thirty-five years ago, it was diffi
cult for women to obtain birth con
trol, especially if they were unmar
ried. As a result, many women ended
up in an abortionist’s dirty office.
Mail
Oll
These abortionists often were not
even licensed doctors. In fact, many
times they demanded sexual favors
from women after they performed
their services on their dirty tables
with their unsterilized instruments.
So if that is what Ashour meant,
then he sure is right.
But I simply can’t agree that
things were better 35 years ago than
they are now. It has clearly been
shown that you can’t force someone
to remain abstinent by not giving
them access to birth control. It just
doesn’t work.
Sure, kids need to be taught
about abstinence, but they also need
to be taught about birth control. The
abortion rate in this country is as
tounding.
Maybe if people were given better
information and access to birth con
trol, they wouldn’t find themselves
in a situation where they felt they
needed an abortion.
Kimberly Thomas
Class of ’95
Liddy deserves praise
for talk show work
In response to the editorial on
June 28, I want to congratulate the
National Association of Radio Talk
Show Hosts for bestowing upon G.
Gordon Liddy the much deserved
free-speech award.
Liddy is much maligned for his
comments about shooting federal
law enforcement officers. However,
the liberal media chooses not to tell
the whole story.
If taken in context, his comments
make a lot of sense. The American
public as well as The Battalion edi
torial board needs to understand
what Liddy said.
His comments involved innocent,
law-abiding citizens who are ap
proached with gestapo-like tactics by
federal agents in bullet proof vests.
You either try to defend yourself or
get shot. It is that simple.
One such case involved Randy
Weaver, a recluse living in the
mountains with his family.
Federal agents solicited Weaver
to become an informant for them.
When he refused, they sent an
undercover agent to try to persuade
him to sell a him a shotgun sawed
off one-inch shorter than the law
allows.
Weaver consented. Later, dozens
of federal agents surrounded his
house. His little boy went outside to
draw water from the well. Federal
agents shot him, his dog and his
mother, who was holding a baby in
her arms.
Liddy should be commended for
denouncing conduct such as this by
federal agents.
For once, the National Radio
Talk Show Hosts got it right.
Thomas Wood
Class of ’94
TThE, BATTZS.LI OTsl
Editorial Staff
Jay Robbins, Editor in chief
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