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Clinton uses scare tactics to combat Republic
The Battalion • Page 5
Monday • June 5, 1995
B e afraid. Be very afraid ...
Put all your money in a
mattress — the rich are
about to steal it.
Feed your children — they
may never eat again.
Drink water now — you may
never drink it again.
How has this alarming turn
of events ... turned? Simple —
we had the nerve to elect those unfeeling, uncar
ing Republicans to the U.S. Congress. And those
damn representatives had the nerve to do exact
ly what they said they would.
These kids today, what will they think of next?
Fortunately, we still have that executive
branch around to remind us that we are now on
our way to “hell in a hand-basket.”
Last week, our heroes at the Environmental
Perversion ... uh ... Protection Agency came out
with their much-ballyhooed report on the state of
America’s drinking water. Apparently, 20-30 per
cent of us drink feces in our water. And it will
only get worse if those pesky Republicans change
the 1974 Clean Water Act, as they plan to do.
Can I just ask a dumb question, here? If the
1974 act was such a rousing success, why do 1 in
5 of us drink feces — yep, that’s the word they
used — in our water?
The story only gets better, though.
I guess we should consider ourselves
lucky that we are all adults. If we
were still children, those Republi
cans would be trying to starve us to
death.
Remember that crazy Republican
plan to transfer control of the Aid to
Families with Dependent Children
program to the states, and thereby cut the federal
government out of the loop?
Fortunately, we had FVesident Clinton and
the efficient Department of Health and Human
Services to point out that children were now go
ing to starve.
They forgot to mention that these children were
all employed as bureaucrats in the same depart
ment, but who was paying attention?
Not only do the Republicans want to starve
the kids, they also think those kids should all
walk around carrying M-16s or the assault
weapon of their choice.
After all, when the assault weapons ban is re
pealed, we will probably be able to drive through
our local McUzi’s and order our favorite extra
value weapon.
But not if our white knight President Clinton
has his way.
Nope, not on his watch.
Of course, automatic rifles were heavily regu
lated decades before our President hit puberty,
but don’t tell anyone that because they might get
the idea that the assault weapons bill was just a
political ploy to gain votes.
Unfortunately, it didn’t work and the Democ
rats lost. But that’s another story.
On the other hand, maybe it’s not ...
Let’s see, don’t we have some election coming
up? Hmm ... the President couldn’t be trying to
work on his image, could he?
Nah, that would be politics, and Clinton would
never make statements just for political gain.
Nope, our President would never have said on
Aug. 12, 1992, that he would “end welfare as we
know it.”
He surely never could have claimed on May 6,
1992, that, “Number one, you require people to
take jobs.”
After all, if we were to take him at his word,
we might think that Bill Clinton would support
Republican reforms to the welfare programs.
Then there are those nasty House plans to
turn most of the national wealth over to the rich.
Fortunately, once again the champion of the pro
letariat ... uh ... working man comes to the res
cue. Nope, no tax cuts with President Clinton
watching.
Sure, he did say in his very first campaign
commercial that he would offer a middle-class
tax cut.
But that was before he was shocked, shocked
to find that some wealthy people — i.e. people
with jobs — might derive a benefit from it.
Besides, a tax cut has never been important to
any of us.
On Jan. 14, 1993, President Clinton declared
that “for reasons that absolutely mystify me, the
press thought the most important issue in the
race was the middle-class tax cut.”
Silly us.
He went on, “I never did meet any voter who -
thought that.” Of course, that was about the time-
Gov. and Mrs. Clinton went on a little rafting
trip in the hills of Arkansas, wasn’t it?
Yep, the greedy and selfish Republicans are at
it again. Don’t worry, though. It doesn’t matter
what’s been said before. President Clinton and
his cabinet will oppose the whole mess.
I wonder, though, do you think they drink fe
ces in Washington D.C.?
David Taylor is a senior
management major
TT he.
Established in 1893
Editorials appearing in The Battalion reflect the views
of the editorials board. They do not necessarily reflect
the opinions of other Battalion staff members, the
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Contact the opinion editor for information on
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Editorials Board
jay Robbins
Editor in Chief
Rob Clark
Managing Editor
Sterling Hayman
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Kyle Littlefield
Assistant Opinion Editor
Hats off
The Texas A&M baseball team
deserves congratulations and praise.
Unquestionably, sports are
important at Texas A&M. In
the hallway of the MSC there
is a woodcarving dedicated to
the sports traditions that make
this University famous, on
campus there are several mon
uments to sports heroes and
history, and T-shirts the stu
dents wear always seem to
mention A&M’s prowess on the
field of athletic competition.
However, traditions and
pride seem to be somewhat
limited to Kyle Field.
Today students and faculty
should be proud of another
group of “fightin’ Texas Aggies”
— the baseball team. Last Mon
day the Aggies finished their
season with an impressive 44-
22-1 record overall, a 12-6 record
in conference play and were
ranked second in a powerhouse
Southwest Conference. Colle
giate Baseball, a national publi
cation, ranked A&M No. 12,
while Rice and UT ended at
19th and 23rd. Only Texas Tech
Tech did better at 10th.
The Aggies came within
one game of entering the Col
lege World Series. Their final
loss was against Miami, a
team they had shut out in the
game before. Compared to last
year’s struggling team that
finished 6-12 in the SWC, the
Aggies worked hard and over
came the adversity of losing
several solid starters.
Leading the team this year
was All-American first base-
man John Curl. Curl led the
league in home runs with 18
(two more than Rice’s Jose
Cruz, Jr., who was picked third
in the Major League draft) and
was second in batting average.
This season, the Aggies on
the diamond made us as
proud as the Aggies on the
gridiron, and deserve recogni
tion. The fightin’ Texas Aggie
Twelfth Man (or Tenth Man
as the case may be) also de
serves a pat on the back for
filling up Olsen field and
keeping opposing pitchers and
batters off balance.
So here’s to a job well done,
and good luck next year.
Mai i
(^AII
Being homosexual
is a person's choice
I am writing in response to
Margaret Gordon’s May 31 col
umn titled, “Exposure to homo
sexuality educates many.”
Gordon made the statement,
“While scientists still have not
discovered the cause of homosex
uality, it is now rarely thought of
as a choice.”
I am one of the “supposed” few
who still believe and always will
believe that homosexuality is a
choice. This statement does not
mean that I “hate” homosexuals,
am “homophobic” or that I just
haven’t been around anyone who
is homosexual.
About five years ago, my best
friend in high school decided
that she was homosexual.
Her decision did not change
the fact that she is my friend, but
I didn’t and still don’t agree with
her choice. I do not claim any infi
nite or even a little knowledge as
to how the world would or could
be a perfect place, but I do know
someone who does.
You can read about Him in the
Bible. True happiness, joy and
peace can only be found in Christ,
not in a lifestyle or choice.
Kathy Carson
Graduate student
Gramm works overtime to muster support
W ith summer here, life
across America has
slowed down. Kids
are out of school, and families
are going on vacation.
However, the 1996 presi
dential campaign is just now
beginning to heat up, and the
large field of Republican can
didates are busier than ever,
each trying to make sure that they win
their party’s nomination.
An example of this is former A&M professor
Phil Gramm, who currently stands in second
place for the Republican nomination, right be
hind Senate Majority Leader Bob Dole.
By a stroke of good luck, I have secured
a copy of a recent week’s agenda of Senator
Gramm. And by the looks of it, Gramm cer
tainly won’t lose the nomination for a lack
of effort.
Here it is:
Sunday:
Appear on “Meet the Press,” “David Brink-
ley” or “Face the Nation” — whichever will
take me. Criticize Clinton’s Bosnia policy for
its inconsistency and for his lack of leadership.
Make sure not to be tied down on any
position that could later hurt me. Criticize
Clinton’s inability to handle the pressing
issues of today.
Repeat promise of filibustering Henry
Foster’s surgeon general nomination for as
long as it takes to sink it.
Monday:
Fly to Concord, N.H., and speak to local
Republicans about why I
should be President. Focus
on the fact that I have raised
enough money to feed the
kids I plan to kick off of wel
fare. Trumpet the endorse
ment of a local magistrate.
Tuesday:
Fly to somewhere in Iowa — it doesn’t
matter where. Give speech railing against
Clinton for his lack of leadership on impor
tant issues.
Tell them how important it is that we
have an anti-flag-burning amendment to
the U.S. Constitution, and thank the farm
ers on behalf of the country for their corn.
Wednesday:
Fly to Orange County, Calif., and
lament to local officials about the loss of
federalism in the U.S. at the hands of
Washington. Tell them how state and local
governments do a much better job of man
aging taxpayers’ money than the national
government does. Stop by airport in Col
lege Station, Texas, on the way back to
Washington to remind Aggies how much
they mean to me. Leave five minutes later.
Thursday:
Meet with Ralph Reed of the Christian
Coalition and Wayne LaPierre of the Na
tional Rifle Association. Tell them whatev
er they want to hear, and promise them
whatever it takes to get their endorsement.
Visit the Senate for a couple of minutes. If
there are any votes, consult with Jesse
Helms for guidance.
Friday:
Appear on “Larry King Live.” Step up 7
attacks on Whitewater. If asked about soft-1
porn tape, just say there was nothing sinis-~
ter and that I lost money on the deal. Em
phasize the need for a President who can
bring this country together. Reiterate
promise of ending all affirmative action
programs the second I get into office. Re
peat call for massive tax cuts offset by
Medicare, Medicaid and food stamp cuts. -
A,
Saturday:
Go to Christian Coalition breakfast and
give speech about the crisis of values in
this country and the breakup of the Ameri
can family. Lunch with Bob Packwood.
Call son. Pay alimony. Go to bed early to
get enough sleep for another appearance
on “Meet the Press,” “David Brinkley” or
“Face the Nation” tomorrow morning.
Clearly, Phil Gramm is hard at work to
get the nomination, and he should be. The
United States has not seen anything like
him since the Nixon-Agnew combination,
and this country needs a FYesident with
the integrity, ideas and leadership skills to
lead us through a time of great uncertain
ty. Phil Gramm obviously thinks he is that
man, unless he is just on a power trip. But
that would be difficult to believe.
Jason Brown is a senior political
science major
Jason
Brown
Guest
Columnist
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