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Opinion
Tuesday, April 5, 1994
The Battalion Editorial Board
JULI PHILLIPS, Editor in chief
MICHAEL PLUMER, Managing editor KYLE BURNETT, Aggielife editor
BELINDA BLANCARTE, Night news editor DENA DIZDAR, Aggielife editor
HEATHER WINCH, Night News editor SEAN FRERKINC, Sports editor
TONI GARRARD CLAY, Opinion editor WILLIAM HARRISON, Photo editor
JENNIFER SMITH, City editor
The Battalion
Page 11
Did you hear the one about parking?
Better to abandon vehicle in space than leave campus
EDITO
Clarify regulations
Election rules create confusion
When the Student Senate revised
student election procedures over
the summer, then-Election com
missioner Steven Mathews said his
job would be made a lot easier.
“All the confusion will be stopped,
and we will be able to avoid any
controversy,” he said.
In the wake of yet another year
of controversial elections, this
year’s commissioner, and probably
the whole student body, knows that
this was one prediction that didn’t
come true. The student body is as
confused as it ever was about the
regulations concerning student
elections, and something needs to
be done about it.
There seems to be differing
opinions on what exactly consti
tutes campaign paraphernalia. Last
year when the Corps produced a
list of cadet candidates, the judicial
board ruled’that this list was sim
ply an organization^ endorsement,
and all fiiles were dropped. How
ever, this year, prior to elections,
Election Commissioner Michael
Crain said such lists would be con
sidered campaign paraphernalia,
and organizations would be fined if
they were to distribute them at
polling sites.
There is also some confusion
about what students can bring in
with them when they vote. People
distributing campaign flyers must
stay 30 feet away from a polling
e lace, but students can carry the
yers in with them. But does this
regulation apply to unofficial flyers
that are supporting a certain candi
date or canoidates?
In addition to clarifying regu
lations, the people running the
polls must be more organized and
informed on the regulations.
While APO’s work as poll watch
ers is an indispensable service on
election day, all volunteers must
be made to understand and com
ply with all election regulations. A
lot of controversy could be avoid
ed if voters and workers were
more informed about the proper
election procedures.
Some poll workers were not
sure who to believe and made the
mistake of crossing out a candidate
when they were told by unofficial
sources that his name did not be
long on the ballot. There must be
someone in charge to rule on these
issues, and the chain of command
must be known to all those in
volved in organizing elections.
These questions should be
cleared up — not just for the can
didates in the next election, but
for all the students as well. We
need to learn from our past mis
takes. With a more vigorous effort
and clearer regulations, maybe
next year will be better.
esterday around noon, a group of
Aggies stood on a sidewalk with
their mouths open, pointing to
something that obviously paralyzed them
with amazement. Finally, a guy from out of
town came along and explained that it was a
parking space.
Okay, it was really a bunch of New York
ers, and the guy was from Boston, and David
Letterman first told the joke on his Late
Night show. But there is not an Aggie
around that cannot identify with on-campus
parking problems.
When I got my car at the first of the se
mester, I finally had the freedom I had been
wanting. I could go anywhere in the world,
anytime 1 pleased, and no one could stop me.
That is, until I realized I had no place to park
when I came back from my worldly trips.
I didn’t think much of it until I returned
to campus one night and didn’t see a parking
space anywhere in a ten-mile radius. So I de
cided that I would slowly drive around all the
Northside parking areas and catch someone
leaving so I could take his spot.
Two hours later, I was still slowly driving
around all the Northside parking areas trying
to find a place to park. I finally found a space
on the outskirts of Navasota.
Then one day, because of an emergency, I
had to move from that parking space. When I
returned, I took a gamble and looked at the
lot across from my dorm and saw a car
pulling out of a space. I haven’t moved my
truck since.
I’m following the lead of a couple of cars
that 1 parked next to. According to their
DAVE
WINDER
Columnist
bumper stickers, they subscribe to the theory
“If I don’t move my car, they can’t take my
space.” One says “Carter/Mondale in ‘76”
and the other says “Make Love Not War.”
Every couple of days I go and visit, but I
don’t dare move it because I don’t want to lose
the space. I either walk or bum rides off people
when I want to go somewhere because I refuse
to go through the painful experience of look
ing for a space again. I wouldn’t even go home
for my mother’s birthday.
Dad: “David, your mother’s birthday is
next weekend, and we’re throwing her a big
surprise party. So when are you coming
home?”
Me: “I’d love to come home and every
thing, Dad, but I just got a great parking
space, and I don’t want to lose it. Give my
love to Mom.”
Dad: “But, David, it’s going to be one
great party. The surviving members of The
Beatles are going to put on a concert, and the
first real evidence that UFOs really do exist is
going to be revealed. For the finale, Elvis is
going to sing with all the surviving members
of Led Zeppelin. He’s really been alive all
these years.”
Me: “Gee, Dad, I really wish I could, but
you don’t understand - 1 have this great
parking space. I already sent her a card ex
plaining why I can’t make it; I think she’ll
understand.”
In case I ever do have to move my truck,
my friends and 1 have come up with some
ideas on how to keep our parking spaces
while we are out running errands.
1. Act like the space is under construction
by placing five bright orange cones in the
middle of it.
2. Get someone to act like they liave been
shot and died in that parking spot.
3. Place nails ami ,i , glass in strategic
spots.
4. Pray.
5. Put a huge pile of panties in the middle
of the space. Then place a sign over it saying:
“Quarantined. Madonna was here.”
Parking is becoming so important to me it
is taking over my entire life. It’s all I talk
about.
Friend 7' 1 : ‘1 i.;. I )ave, did you see the Fi
nal Four?”
Me: “Yeah. Flow much parking do you
think they have there?”
Friend #2: “Hey, Dave, have you heard
Soundgarden’s new album?”
Me: “Have they ever had a song about
parking?”
Parking is consuming my mind way too
much because this column was actually sup
posed to make sense.
Dove Wind on sopiiomore journalism major
ITliloi iaI • appearing in The
Battalion reflect the views of the
editorial board. They do not
necessarily reflect the opinions of
other Battalion staff members, the
Texas A&M strident body, regents,
administration, faculty' or staff.
Col to. guest columns,
cartoons and letters express the
. opinions of the authors.
The Battalion encourages letters
i to the editor and will print as
many as space allows. Letters
must be 300 words or less and
include the uthor's name, class,
and phone number.
We reserve the right to edit
letters and guest columns for
length, style, and accuracy.
Contact the opinion editor for
information on submitting guest
columns. - ‘ ' 8
Address letters to:
The Battalion - Mail Call
013 Reed McDonald
Mail stop 1111 ^ .Afw'"
Texas A&M University Y f
i College Station, TX 77843
Fax: <409) B4S-2647 ,
A rose by any other name might be Picabo or Elmer
S hort lists. Long lists. Some typed.
Some scribbled. Lists where lecture
notes ought to be. It’s all part of a
hobby I’ve had for nearly ten years: col
lecting names.
Lucky for me that the only other hu
man being on earth with whom I share
this hobby is a dear friend from high
school, and she and I send lists to each
other for approval.
I actually gather names, combine them
in as many ways as possible — all of this
several times a week. It started when I was
twelve and writing my first short story. I
made a list of names I wanted to put in the
story and created the characters based on
the names. I was hooked.
Or maybe it started when I began
kindergarten and my toddler colleagues
and I began to form words. From tnat
point on, or at least since I can remember,
I’ve been called Airhead Mountain. People
thought they were extremely cute or clever
to give someone named Erin Hill that
nickname. Little did they know that
everyone who met me called me that, no
originality required.
Perhaps then I became conscious of the
power and significance of names and start
ed noticing the effect they had on people.
Like my friend Guy who happened to
laugh a lot. He still has to put up with be
ing called Guy Smiley and having people
sing “Sesame Street” songs when he
comes in the room.
We’ve all heard of people with “odd”
names, like my ninth grade social studies
teacher, Harry Wolfe. There are also name
legends, passed from one generation to
then next, like Bo Lane Alley and Christa
Shandra Lear.
Currently I have an extensive list of
names on my computer that I’ve collected.
To be included, a name must be aestheti
cally pleasing, meaningful or just likable.
I’ve collected bizarre names, traditional ti
tles, ev6n comical ones. (And no, I’ve not
added “Over the” or “Bunker” to the list.)
Some people humor my hobby by
contributing to my list whenever they
discover an unusual addition or by giv*-
ing me name books. My own name is
Gaelic for ‘peace’ and is the name for
Ireland, which I think is pretty cool. I
appreciate that my parents gave careful
consideration to naming me and my sis
ters (Marni and Courtney).
I make up the names for characters in
that novel I’m going to write someday or
the names for my future children. I even
think of names for the cats I hope to own.
(I want one named Agatha Christie who
will answer to Aggie.)
Some lists have a theme, like “former
presidents:” Carter, Madison, Reagan and
Tyler are all lovely choices. Another theme
was “famous writers:” Annie (Dillard),
Jane Austen, (John) Dry den and Joseph
Campbell. The lists could go on and on.
I like the idea of naming a child after a
person who achieved something or made
a difference, like Elizabeth Cady Stanton,.
the pioneering women’s suffragist. It’s the
hope that some of that person’s legacy
might rub off. But I’ll admit it would be
difficult to live up to names like Albert
Einstein Johnson or Michael Jordan Smith.
“People are trying harder and harder
to be more original,” said Leonard Ash
ley, an onamastician — someone who
studies names. But it can backfire, as ac
tual names like Demon, Pitbull and Nau
sea can attest.
Some names, like Brun-
hilde, do carry negative
stereotypes, but attempts
to link names to more se
rious conditions, like psy
chological disturbances,
has met with little success.
“A name can handicap and scar you for
life — children have enough pressure on
them without the additional disadvantage
of an unpleasant name,” said psychologist
Albert Mehrabian.
He also said that a name directly affects
how a person is perceived by those around
them. Witness the research that shows stu
dents with names like David and Lisa re
ceive consistently higher marks than those
with names like Elmer or Bertha.
But there are those exceptions ... just talk
to the parents of U.S. silver medalist skier
Picabo Street. Actually, Picabo s parents let
her “name” herself and waited until she
was a toddler before calling her anything
but baby girl Street. The unique name fits
her outgoing personality perfecdy.
Some names, like Bambi or Brunhilde,
do carry negative stereotypes, but attempts
to link names to more serious conditions,
like psychological disturbances or criminal
behavior, whL bn u - hers have tried to
do for deca* !< , ‘ ias tet with little success.
Ultimate!}’, we must take responsibility
for our actions whatever our names. Until
then, I’ll keep trying to find the perfect one.
Erin Hill is a senior English major
Battalion responsible
for discarded inserts
Pick Up Your Mess. Does that look fa
miliar? If not, refer to the April 4 editorial
regarding campaign flyers and sandwich
boards. This editorial reminds me of anoth
er mess seen on a regular basis on campus.
The mess I speak of is that made when The
Battalion includes flyers (such as advertise
ments) in the Batt. These flyers can general
ly be found on the ground around any
stack of Batts. Conceding that it would do
little good to blame the readers or instruct
them to pick them up, how about discon
tinuing this eyesore by eliminating the fly
ers? Surely, there must be some other way
to generate advertising revenue without
making such a mess. Think about it.
Glenn E. Earp
Class of ‘94
In offense of no one
This Mail Call letter was specifically
written not to offend the following
groups:
Men, women, the elderly, sexually
challenged, gay whales, small household
appliances, CT s, mold, gravity impaired,
fanatical religious groups, terrorist orga
nizations, beer drinkers, BQ’s, hippies,
democrats, poster girls, most farm ani
mals, the Dominoes guy, SB’s, the average
consumer, the Board of Regents, Buffalo
fans, dittoheads, Homer Simpson, people
with three feet, Ray Charles, the Honor
able Ann Richards, RV’s, Greeks, Bill and
Hillary, Hell’s angels, anyone who will
work for food, truck drivers, Beavis and
Butt-head, T-sips, PITS, non-regs, jocks,
Lechnerds, crossdressers, people who still
think Elvis is alive, shiners, rednecks,
porn stars, anyone nicknamed Bubba,
anyone who has ever appeared on “Geral-
do,” or any idiot who spent the time to
read this entire list.
Matthew Crawley
Class of ‘96
Cheers for Friends
I am very surprised at the reaction to
the “Faculty Friends” advertisement in
The Battalion. Texas A&M University, so
I thought, has been striving to become a
“multicultural” university.
1 thought that the point of multicul
tural education is to promote ALL cul
tures for a better understanding of each
other. What I see with the harsh reac
tion to the ad is a distinct double stan
dard.
I dare say that if the “Atheist Advi
sor” or the “Buddhist Buddies” decided
to take out a similar ad, that the reaction
would be very different. The staff mem
bers involved would more than likely be
exalted for their courage.
I would like to say that I am proud to
have such a group of outspoken individ
uals, be they "Faculty Friends” or any
other group.
Further, as a Christian myself, I ap
plaud the efforts of my fellow Christians
in “Faculty Friends.” Thank you for
your efforts.
Gig ‘em, God!
Jeremy Mayhew
Class of ‘97
Theater Program at
A&M alive and well
Yes, Virginia, there is also a Theater Pro
gram at Texas A&M University! Believe it or
not, I am a graduating senior in Theater
Arts. Here. 1 sympathize with Pam Overmy-
er and all of the medical students at A&M.
Almost ever\ mm . meone asks my major,
they respond >ih a iau^h and say, “No, re
ally, what’s your major? ’ Again, I say The
ater Arts.
“Is that new?” No, I say, the major has
been around for about 1 5 years. “Why
haven’t I ever heard about it?”
The truth is, I don’t know. We’re not shy
people. You read reviews of our plays in
The Battalion and The Eagle. Some of you
even come to see our productions.
Well, let me just say that we do exist. If
you would like to know more about the
Theater Program at A&M, drop by the The
ater office at 15 2 Blocker, no kidding.
Amy R. Jimenez
Class of ‘93
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