Tuesday, February 1,1994 The Battalion Editorial Board JULI PHILLIPS, Editor in chief MICHAEL PLUMER, Managing editor KYLE BURNETT, Aggielife editor BELINDA BLANCARTE, Night news editor DENA DIZDAR, Aggielife editor HEATHER WINCH, Night News editor SEAN FRERKINC, Sports editor TONI GARRARD CLAY, Opinion editor WILLIAM HARRISON, Photo editor JENNIFER SMITH, City editor EDITORIAL Thin ice Harding shouldn't go to Olympics Tonya Harding is skating Ion very thin ice. She recently admitted that ■ although she had no prior ■ knowledge of the attack on ri- Ival skater Nancy Kerrigan, ■ she did know shortly after- Iwards that people close to her I had been involved in the inci- Ident. Based on that information lalone, Harding should not be ■ allowed to be a member of Ithe United States Figure Skat- ling team. In the aftermath of the at- Itack, Harding breezed ■through press-conferences ca- Jsually dropping "I would e Serbswhzve kicked her butt anyway" o O o ^ O 0 O o o C) o O ° O ^ of T Jr Editorials appearing in The Battalion reflect the views of the editorial board. They do not necessarily reflect the opinions of other Battalion staff members, the Texas A&M student body, regents, administration, faculty or staff. Columns, guest columns, cartoons and letters express the opinions of the authors. The Battalion encourages letters to the editor and will print as many as space allows. Letters must be 300 words or less and include the author's name, class, and phone number. We reserve the right to edit letters and guest columns for length, style, and accuracy. Contact the opinion editor for information on submitting guest columns. Address letters to: The Battalion - Mail Call 013 Reed McDonald Mail stop 1111 Texas A&M University College Station, TX 77843 Fax: (409) 845-2647 You have just entered the TV zone — prepare to be shocked ^"Tlick! "Today, on the Oprah Winfrey show we will be bashing men for the ' 1,378th consecutive I show" (standing ovation). Click! "Please welcome i to the Geraldo show, Sam and Tra- ! cy. Sam is a 34- ; year-old virgin while Tracy is a 31- : year-old virgin. ; They are joined on stage by Dr. Brian Hyatt, who is an expert | on human sexuality." Click! "Today on the Ricki Lake show — vio lence against distant relatives." Click! "Women who like to bash men but I couldn't get on Oprah — on today's Sally | Jesse Raphael." Click! "Children embarrass their entire family DAVE WINDER Columnist with dark secrets, next on the Montel Williams show." Click! Click! "Men bash other men, right after this break on Donahue." Click! "Next, on the Jerry Springer show — schizophrenic Nazi cheerleaders who like to play Crisco Twister while watching French versions of 'Saved By the Bell.'" Click! Click! "Well, Oprah, I have a very good reason for sleeping with my husband's best friend (standing ovation). For our sixth wedding anniversary, he gave me a pair of diamond earrings and a dozen red roses while we were vacationing in the Caribbean. I just had to get back at him for treating me like that" (standing ovation). Click! "Yes, Montel, there is something I want to tell my parents that I couldn't tell them in the privacy of our own home. I'm preg nant, and the father is either my swimming coach or Woody Allen. I just thought you and the rest of the world should know to gether." Click! "I just haven't ever found the right woman, Geraldo. I want that first time to be special. I want it to be with somebody like Tracy." Click! "Yes, Phil, I'm calling from Long Island and I would just like to say — I'M BUCK NAKED." Click! Click! "That's when my mother walked up and told me that my fourth cousin's younger stepbrother had been seriously killed. It hurt so bad, Ricki, I had to stop playing Sega for a couple of minutes." Montel, I want to tell my parents something I couldn't tell them in priva cy. I'm pregnant, and the fa ther is either my swimming coach or Woody Allen. Click! "I was going to tell this to Oprah, but since she wouldn't let me on her show, I guess I'll have to tell you, Sally. Two years ago I had an affair with my boss, Jim, and I became pregnant. He refused to marry me, so I was forced to tell my husband. My husband agreed to take care of the baby, but then got selfish when I tried to name the baby Jim, Jr." Click! Click! "Thank you, Montel, for letting me de stroy my family's reputation on national television. Mom, Dad, I just signed a two- year contract to play point guard for the Dallas Mavericks." (Dead silence falls over the audience.) Click! "I've had boyfriends and stuff, Geraldo, but nothing really serious. I never dated anybody who was as nice as Sam." Click! "My marriage started breaking up for the same reasons, Oprah. But the main reason Ed and I split is because he kept playing those damn Ray Stevens videos at all hours of the night. You can only hear 'The Streak' so many times before you go totally nuts" (standing ovation). Click! Click! "Don't you find it interesting, Jerry, that there are seven talk shows going on simul taneously and not one of them involves pit bulls on crack and the women who love of them." Click! "Geraldo, there is a very simple expla nation why Sam and Tracy chose to go to the Holiday Inn during the last commercial break. It's what we in the human sexuality business call 'extremely homy.'" Click! "Oprah, I'm starting an organization whose sole purpose is to kill men (standing ovation). We feel that the sooner we got all the men off the face of the earth the sooner we can all live in happiness" (standing ovation). Click! "Yeah, Phil, I'm calling from Manhattan and I have a comment for your guest panel - I'M NOT WEARING PANTS." Click! "Montel, I also have something to tell my parents that will have them contem plating suicide. Mom, Dad, I don't get my extra money in college by working the night shift at Burger King like I told you. I get my money by writing an opinion col umn for my school newspaper" (both par ents shriek in terror). Dave Winder is a sophomore journalism major In't H jartid es r T ► > ize! Students should not tolerate harassment This is to the pitiful excuse for an Aggie that yelled from the top floor of Hart Hall: "Blond b—, blond b —, come up here, and suck my d —!" I do not appreciate your comments. I'm sorry if you are sexually frustrated. Sounds like a personal problem to me. I also know that the female student and her mother who were visiting our grand cam pus didn't appreciate your vulgar scream ing, because they told me so! I think other male Ags would agree that you are dumber than Bevo's butt (and that's being nice), and if you want lovin', I suggest you think of a better pick up line: It's time male and female students stop tolerating all forms of sexual harassment on our campus! Melissa Green Class of '95 Aggies send thanks to the Rustlers. Not! • Having read the letter from Calvin and the Texas Rustlers, I am very much ashamed. This group of nice young men had only the noblest intentions at heart when they took Reveille into their care. This just proves how in touch with their feelings student at the university are, in sharp contrast to the back-stabbing and selfish Aggies. As Calvin says, "..only an Aggie would turn against one of his own." He is right; Longhorns are above the petty and childish concept of tradition and pride. I feel it is my duty as a sensitive and caring man of the 90s to renounce my tainted Aggie heritage and don the burnt orange of freedom and democracy. No longer will I take part in Bonfire, stand up at football games, say howdy, or clap to the sounds of the Aggie Band; I will now be more concerned with the environment, buy lots of flannel and wear beads. Win ning football games will no longer be im portant to me — just "a friendly rivalry based on good sportsmanship, and of course good humor." Many thanks to Calvin and the Texas Rustlers for upholding the standards of morality and decency, while at the same time showing Texas A&M University to be the inferior institution that it is. I go now to fill out my transfer application. Hook 'em horns! Keith Stubbs Class of'96 • I'd like to thank Calvin and the rest of the Rustlers for the recent letter in The Battalion. The fact that they need to spark spirit of t.u. is really no concern to me, but by stealing a mascot? In the history of A&M, we have also taken Bevo on an "inter-university exchange program," but we pride ourselves on tradition. Aggies show their pride by Aggie Bonfire (which I'm sure many t- sips attended and various other activi ties. Spirit is one thing, but try develop ing pride that will continue throughout the years. The Rustlers' winter escapade shows the insufficient spirit at texas University and a lack of continuity. They did what had never been done before, too bad it only took them 63 years to do it. I tip my hat to Cadet Lively and hope that he still holds his head high, because he has no reason to do otherwise. Robert Stewart Class of'97