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Tuesday, November 23,1993
The Battalion Editorial Board
CHRIS WHITLEY, editor in chief
)ULI PHILLIPS, managing editor MARK EVANS, city editor
DAVE THOMAS, night news editor ANAS BEN-MUSA, Aggielife editor
BELINDA BLANCARTE, night news editor MICHAEL PLUMER, sports editor
MACK HARRISON, opinion editor WILLIAM HARRISON, sports editor
KYLE BURNETT, photo editor
EDITORIAL
Battle stations
The tea-sips are on their way!
The Longhorns are coming.
Lock up your valuables and de
fend the freshmen because it's
going to be ugly. The tea-sips are
here with their AK-47s, daggers,
switchblades, 18-inch swords,
gunpowder, cannon fuse and
"The Anarchist's Cookbook" to
help the elephants die.
The men in burnt orange are
bringing their emasculated steer
to ravage Kyle Field. If we're not
careful, they might trash
the campus before the
juniors and seniors
have a chance to do
it.
Will the forces
of evil succeed?
Not against Won-
deiDog, Reveille V
and her trusty side-
kick Rev VI.
Send out the Uni
versity Police to guard
Highway 21 to protect us
from the rebel forces. Highway 6
will need extra protection, since it
runs both ways. We'll need a spe
cial task force to guard a certain
chemistry professor in order to
keep the t-sips from acquiring the
vital secret of turning mercury
into gold.
We must set up extra troops
around Bonfire to keep the long
haired, incense-burning, Birken-
stock-wearing hippie-horns from
accidentally lighting it in one of
their frenzied pot parties.
A better idea might be to dis
guise it as a giant wood-recycling
project so that the tree-huggers
will stay off the polo field and
keep from accidentally running
into some red pot's ax handle.
Special care should also be
made to keep crazed horns from
scaling Albritton tower and shoot
ing their own kind.
MSC officials should set up a
high-voltage electric fence around
the grounds to prevent er
rant tea-sips from wan
dering onto the grass.
Also, special
sharpshooters
should be set up
within the MSC to
gun down those
with the audacity
to wear hats.
No precaution is
too much. We must de
fend our land from the
wrath of the traditionally in
correct, evil communist pinkos that
live down the road. To the right.
Then turn left, then right again.
So man your ax handles. The
Longhorns are coming.
Editors' note: This editorial is
not real. It is a bunch of stupid sen
tences made up by some person at
Texas A&M who we hardly even
know. It's an ignorant, thoughtless,
groundless, completely irrational edi
torial. But for some reason, the stupid
thing makes us laugh.
The Battalion Page 9
Hospitality, kindness know no bounds
American visitors find pleasant surprise among French
C AEN, France -
Bonjour, mes
amis! That's the
French term for
"Howdy."
Yes, I made it across
the chilly, shark-infest
ed Atlantic in one
undigested piece.
The Rudder Nor
mandy Scholarship
study-abroad students
landed in Paris last
Tuesday. We were
tired, jet-lagged .. .and
ready to paint the
town rouge.
Everywhere we
turned, we saw beautiful art, beautiful build
ings and beautiful women. Ooh-la-la!
For you lady Ags, Jean Luc says, "Bon
jour." The cafe where he works is highly
over-rated and so is the service. We didn't tip
him.
France is truly beautiful, but we tourists
come with a certain prejudice, looking for the
fabled landscapes, inspired architecture —
and barbarically rude people. The biggest
problem we have faced seems to be one of
communication. To me, the problem is clear.
We speak English, and they don't.
We have simple words like "please." They
have words like "s'il vous plait." It's hard to
understand this, but it's like a whole other
language.
To demonstrate the confusion, herewith is
a typical French/American conversation:
"Bonjour, Monsieur," says the nice French
person.
"Yes/' I say, smiling warmly.
"^Comment vous-appelez vous?" asks the
nice French person.
"Yes," I say, smiling warmly.
"^Vous £tes un American stupid, oui?"
"Yes, of course," I say, smiling warmly.
You see it's really not that difficult. Any
one can do it. Even my friend, Sean, has
found that communication doesn't really
have to be a problem.
"I think anyone can understand you," he
says, "if you shake them enough while
you're saying it." Sean is a little unconven
tional. I hope he survives this trip.
Everyone I've met thus far in France has
been very friendly. As part of the study-
abroad program, the students are introduced
to host families who invite the students to
dinner, show them their homes, and allow
the students to witness, on an intimate level,
the typical life of a French family.
The homes of these families often are old
er than our entire nation, their foundations
laid before George Washington was born. No
lie.
As I ate dinner with my host family, the
children clamored in French, asking their
parents why we spoke in English and not in
French.
"You must learn to speak English, too,"
the mother told them.
"Why?" one child asked.
"Because English is spoken in America,
and you must learn about America."
"Why?"
Because America is important."
"Why?"
"Because France was at war once. We
were fighting to be free. We were fighting to
be happy as we had been once before. And
then die Americans came and helped us.
They saved us. We owe them our thanks. We
owe them our lives."
The child didn't say anything. He was
dumfounded, but no more than I.
Here I sat in the magnificent home of a
French family who had welcomed me into
their lives. They fed me. They drove me
around town. They got me drunk on some
locally grown apple cider that tastes a lot like
diesel fuel — only smoother and with a kick.
And they were thanking me as an Ameri
can for saving their land. I had done nothing
for them. I didn't know what to say.
I had always heard that the French
loathed Americans. But that isn't what 1 have
found. I was prepared to fend off the rude
and snobby people who worshiped their
own superior culture and detested the de~
class6 American.
I expected dirty, crowded cities filled with
people who would tell me, "If you don't like
it. Air France runs both ways."
I was prepared for the worst. I'm so glad
I've been disappointed. The France my
friends and 1 have found is lined with cob
blestone streets where people walk arm in
arm. They pass store fronts and fountains
and stop at the corner to buy flowers. In the
distance they see the spires of cathedrals and
centuries-old castles.
And, finally, they stop in at a smoky cafe
where French lovers can linger for hours, sip
ping espresso and rambling in a language as
lyric and melodic as a slow love song.
And in the corner, displaced Americans
sit and watch, amazed and quiet, simply
happy to be there.
Robert Vasquez is a senior journalism major
ROBERT
VASQUEZ
Columnist
You’ve built it, now burn those grades!
Freshen up the tradition.
Don’t smell the hell out of bonfire.
Editorials appearing in The
Battalion reflect the views of
the editorial board. They do
not necessarily reflect the
opinions of other Battalion
staff members, the Texas
A&M student body, regents,
administration, raculty or
staff.
Columns, guest columns,
cartoons and letters express
the opinions of the authors.
The Battalion encourages
letters to the editor and will
print as many as space
allows. Letters must be 300
words or less and include the
author's name, class, and
phone number.
We reserve the right to edit
letters and guest columns for
length, style, and accuracy.
Contact the opinion editor
for information on submitting
guest columns.
Address letters to:
The Battalion - Mail Call
013 Reed McDonald
Mail stop 1111
Texas A&M University
College Station, TX 77843
Fax: #09) 845-2647
Throw off the chains of
your oppressors and get some sleep
T here is one
fundamental
scholastic
truth that is a com
monly ignored
item in every major
- sleep is neces
sary.
College students
are either extreme
ly dedicated to
achieving academic
excellence, or they
are dead set on de
fying nature. Be
cause no matter
how many won
derful things a col
lege career offers a young person, sleep is
not one of them.
The ability to go without sleep is an ad
mired attribute on a college campuses,
like long hair or defined muscles. Starting
about two weeks before finals, pick-up
lines are suddenly changed from, "Hey
baby, I can bench press twice my weight,"
to "Hey baby. I've been awake since my
freshman year, and I'm not tired yet."
It's no laughing matter, college stu
dents tally sleepless hours the way little
kids count the days until Christmas. Just
the other day, I noticed a chalked mes
sage on the sidewalk, "LuAnn hasn't
slept in 72 hours."
It seems a shame to think that some col
lege organization hasn't capitalized on the
money-making possibilities surrounding
the whole obsession with staying awake.
Wouldn't it be nice if campus clubs
ditched koozies and R.C. Slocum auto
graphs for fund-raiser sales and featured a
"Sleepless Nights Counter Calendar." The
calendar could be hung along side the stu
dent's final schedule, and after each sleep
less night, the student would get the small
prize attached to that night's pocket. That
way students would be paying money for
a useful item instead of adding to their fi
nal's stress by trying to figure how to get
empty Coke cans out of a koozie.
The stories that fill A&M's sleepless
nights hall of fame are told with the rigor
and insight of old army stories. One stu
dent tells about a year when he stayed up
for the entire finals week. He says that at
the time, he was absolutely certain that
his chemistry exam paper took flight dur
ing his Wednesday afternoon exam.
No one seems too worried about the
fact that the body requires sleep the same
way that it requires ... oh, food and air.
College students are invincible. With the
help of extra-strength coffee, Vivarin and
Jolt soda, the mere heaviness of eyelids,
fatigued limbs and blurred vision are ab-
Inspired by the approach
ing finals week, I have de
cided that the time has
come for A&M students to
rise up and do something
about the lack of sleep.
solutely no reason to go to sleep. There
are bonfires to be built, exams to study
for and parties to attend.
Unfortunately, at some point or anoth
er, all the little cells in our bodies decide
to collaborate and send hypnotic mes
sages to our brains. "You will find a bed
and sleep now; you will find a bed and
sleep now...." That is the real reason
why the body is subjected to seizure-like
spasms when one attempts to stay awake
during an important lecture.
Inspired by the approaching finals
week, I have decided that the time has
come for A&M students to rise up and do
something about the lack of sleep among
our students. Too many have fallen into
the hands of caffeine addiction. Too many
of the expensive books that students must
buy are damaged by drool marks. And too
many are forced to walk through campus
with various indentation marks on their
faces after they fall asleep in class. The op
pression must end. College students must
once again be able to close their eyes for at
least six to seven hours of uninterrupted
snooze time each night.
Since we all know that this is not pos
sible, we must come together and petition
for a mandatory daily nap time to be im
plemented into the course requirements
for the University. After all, administra
tors and students alike have spent the last
four months fighting over the implemen
tation of the multicultural requirement; at
least almost everyone could agree on the
nap time requirement. Of course, there
might be a small protest from insomniac
support groups. A few may also ques
tion the similarity to the Mexican siesta.
However, on the whole most students
and administrators would be in favor of a
daily nap. The '90s have proven to be an
era in which people are focusing on being
sensitive to others as well as themselves.
I can't think of any better way for A&M
to bolster its world class university status
than by rewarding students for being self
observant and sensitive enough to realize
the need for sleep.
If universities don't take the initiative to
do something about the gross lack of sleep
among college students, pending lawsuits
may cause the government to take serious
action. It is very conceivable that the gov
ernment could mandate warning notices
to be put on college applications — Sur
geon General's Warning: It has been
proven that enrolling in college can be
hazardous to your sleep pattern.
Jenny Maggie is a sophomore English' and
journalism major
JENNY
MAGEE
Columnist
Stunt flying at A&M
Each year my family and I attend at
least one home football game. It is one
special day I can return to the campus
and allow my daughters to experience
the Aggie tradition. Recently, we attend
ed the Louisville game. On the way into
the stadium, we had a fly-by of an
Apache helicopter. This pilot started do
ing maneuvers over the crowd entering
the stadium. The first flight over us was
near the campus police building. As we
moved toward the tennis courts and to
the stadium, he continued to fly over us
until we arrived at the south west gate.
The pilot was doing maneuvers one
would see at an air show. When one goes
to an air show, one should realize that he
assumes a risk of injury if an aircraft
crashes nearby. My wife was scared that if
the aircraft had a problem, it would fall on
our family and the crowd. This pilot's be
havior upset my wife to the point that she
did not enjoy our yearly outing to a game.
I, too, feel the pilot was "hot dogging"
with a captive audience below. We
would not accept a person drag racing in
our streets. Should we accept this pilot's
disregard for the public safety because
he is in the air above us? I believe this
pilot should be reprimanded for this be
havior. Private pilots can have their li
cense suspended for this type of behav
ior. Maybe the Army needs to do the
same. Thank you for listening.
Alan Pittman '77
Brenham
Big fish, small pond
Although David Winder's column in
the Nov. 17 Battalion tried to be humor
ous, it really showed how closed-minded
he and other "die-hard" Aggie football
fans are.
The only reason why Winder made
fun of Lee Corso and Craig James is that
they don't give A&M any respect. Do
you blame them? Corso talks good about
FSU because he is an alumnus. Any Ag
gie would do the same, if he was in that
position.
It doesn't take a Bill Walsh to tell you
that A&M is in no league with Notre
Dame, FSU and Miami. Also, the SWC
(Soft Worse Club) is nothing like the Big 8
or SEC conference. Maybe Winder is just
upset that he has to report his pro-Aggie
football/anti-Corso opinion, because he is
afraid of good Ags getting on his case!
Let me state that I wanted more than
anything for the Aggies to win a Nation
al Championship last year. I actually
thought they had a good chance, but I
have come to realize that without having
a harder schedule (consistent year after
year), A&M will never be in National
Championship form.
(Yes, Winder, I really think that A&M
needs to start playing more teams like OU,
Nebraska and Miami to gain some respect.
Until then, A&M will only be fifth-grade
champions in a kindergarten conference.)
Beat the hell outta West Virginia!
Patrick Kraivietz
Class of'93