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The Battalion Editorial Board
CHRIS WHITLEY, editor in chief
JULI PHILLIPS, managing editor MARK EVANS, city editor
DAVE THOMAS, night news editor ANAS BEN-MUSA, Aggielife editor
BELINDA BLANCARTE, night news editor MICHAEL PLUMER, sports editor
MACK HARRISON, opinion editor WILLIAM HARRISON, sports editor
KYLE BURNETT, photo editor
The Battalion
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EDITORIAL
Codifying sex
College's rules invade privacy
me witbf
r Lee Jack
Class of'-
e Cot
ibered
left my kej
d drivers’
Hall. After
I Antioch College in Yellow
Springs, Ohio, recently estab
lished a set of regulations
governing sexual intimacy
between students. Unfortu
nately, the result is a ridicu
lous invasion of privacy that
assumes adult college stu
dents are not competent to
control their own sexual en
counters.
Students at Antioch creat
ed this well-intentioned poli-
Ky in an attempt to reduce the
risks of acquaintance rape
and sexual assault, according
to Newsweek Magazine,
their goal is completely con
sensual sex. Officials judge
all violations and punish
ments range from written
reprimands to immediate ex
pulsion.
4 The rules require all par
ties involved in the sex act to
obtain verbal consent for
every single move.
I "May I kiss you on the
lips?" "May I place my hand
on your shoulder?" ^May I
take my shirt off?" "Will you
let me ...?" And so on.
1 No one can overstate the
real dangers related to sex.
Despite constant efforts of
police and educators, hun
dreds of people fall victim to
sexual crimes and abuse
every day. The most conserv
ative surveys indicate that
one in seven adult women
are the victims of forcible
rape.
The FBI defines rape as
only the forcible penetration
of the vagina with a penis.
No other action, such as oral
sex or object penetration,
qualifies for rape status in
FBI investigations. These
facts cause fear and illustrate
the need for legal improve
ments and social change.
however, the new rules at
Antioch address the wrong
side of the issue. College
policies already tell students
now to behave in classes,
clubs, and sports.
Administrators do not
need to tell students how to
have sex, too. Everyone
knows how to do it. They
need to be informed what not
to do. No means no.
All variations of sex are
private acts that must be con
sensual. Any violation of this
principle is wrong and
should be treated as a crime.
That is the only rule anyone
needs.
Nobody safe from animal magnetism
Pet popularity remains high among college students
FRANK
STANFORD
Columnist
S oft and covered
with fur. Depen
dence upon you to
flourish. An odor that
in no way resembles
Chanel No. 5.
Although I could
easily be referring to
my roommate's 23-
day-old cup of coffee
that is becoming a
mini-terrarium on his
bookshelf, I am actual
ly speaking of the in
evitable and undying
desire for students to
have pets.
We attend an agri
cultural university with pets everywhere: a
dog that actually goes to class and eats in the
cafeteria, frozen kitties hanging around in
the vet school cooler and, of course, all those
doting boyfriends and girlfriends who would
fetch their master's slippers if only their
mouths were large enough. These beings are
clearly students and pets at the same time.
I have always been more fascinated by the
burning urge of many human students to
purchase an animal with the intent to cohabi-
tate — not only with the creature — but a
somewhat human roommate as well, all in a
600 sq. ft. apartment or, even worse, a 96 sq.
ft. dorm room.
It is my observation that this fetish for our
four-legged brethren doesn't usually occur
until well after the freshman year. It appears
that just being released from home/prison
and trying to juggle school with parties —
not to mention ravenous hormones — keeps
the lowerclassmen just too busy to buy a pet.
let alone enough time to feed little Bowser.
Daily anyway.
The "1 want a pet" syndrome kicks in
around the end of the junior year and is a def
inite symbol of maturation, stabilization and
responsibility for the student. It is only a sym
bol mind you, not necessarily an indication.
In addition to acting as added responsibil
ities and entertaining conversation pieces,
pets provide two other purposes for stu
dents. Animals not only serve as emotional
substitutes for boyfriends and girlfriends,
but as pre-children for pre-marriages.
As far as live-ins or married students shar
ing pets are concerned, by all means, before
raising rug rats, practice on a Pomeranian.
Not only is it great parenting experience, but
a pet is much easier to return.
Rabbits seem to be the preferred dorm pet
for women due to the lack of noise and need
for hopping-room. As substitute boyfriends,
rabbits stay fairly neat, are quite undemand
ing, and easily controllable. They almost nev
er look at other girls.
When I was a CT, my Corps dorm resem
bled a Noah's Ark floating brothel on week
ends. Untamed girlfriends and wide-eyed
wildlife roamed the halls. Along with the oc
casional Jab rats, iguanas and snakes, it
seemed that every year after spring break a
senior would show up with a Labrador or
Rottweiler puppy named "Patton," "How
itzer" or something of the like. These dogs
would chase tennis balls down the hall, en
tertain the freshmen and serve as make-shift
Reveilles during morning fall-out. One even
learned to tee-tee in the shower. Technically,
of course, the dogs lived at the girlfriend's
place and just "visited quite often."
When T became a senior, an underclass
man gave me a five week old, head-strong
kitten for my birthday. A Bolivian fish in my
outfit named her "Little Puta," creating an F-
2 company mascot. In addition to the two
birds also living in my room, she lived quite
harmoniously with my roommate and the
rest of the company. Perched precariously on
my shoulder, she was addressed in the hall
as "Miss Puta, Ma'am" by the freshmen. Of
ten, I'd walk through the Commons where
Puta attracted girls like iron filings to a mag
net. My senior boots might as well have been
K-Mart flip-flops.
Although many girls openly admit that a
pet is a "boyfriend," I am the only guy I
know who will confess to having a cat as a
girlfriend. Puta was cheap to maintain on
table scraps and toilet bowl water, and was
affectionate only to me. She was impeccably
groomed, unpredictably made her own deci
sions and ate houseflies to boot. I had no
need for a human woman.
The saddest issue concerning students
and pets is the ever-looming detachment
date. Graduation, a new job far away, or re
possession by a once-significant other often
causes that furry, scurrying, scaly companion
to become nothing but a memory.
When I moved off campus to a no-pets
apartment complex, so did Puta. She spent a
summer of waking up my roommate at 5
a.m., slew 50 or 60 sparrows throughout the
next year and joined me on several sailing
excursions and three trips to Colorado. After
three years of bonding, I graduated and had
to leave Puta behind. It was a sad day for me.
I'm not sure she noticed.
Frank Stanford is a graduate philosophy student
Editorials appearing in The
Battalion reflect the views of
the editorial board. They do
not necessarily reflect the
opinions of other Battalion
staff members, the Texas
A&M student body, regents,
administration, faculty or
staff.
Columns, guest columns,
cartoons and letters express
the opinions of the authors.
The Battalion encourages
letters to the editor and will
print as many as space
allows. Letters must be 300
words or less and include the
author'^ name, class, and
phone number.
We reserveThe right to edit
letters and guest columns for
length, style, and accuracy.
Contact the opinion editor
for information on submitting
guest columns,:.
Address letters to:
The Battalion - Mail Call
013 Reed McDonald
Mail stop 1111
Texas A&M University
College Station, TX 77643
Fax: {4091«43-2047
uest for cash leads from pizza delivery to funeral home
ived home - s you may
r machine. ; /\ have already
my keys al' £ \_noticed, col-
Area Office j e g e
is damn expen-
my p r0 P et sive. Tuition, books,
k him for®]; building fees, park-
leave a nail ing fines and keg
expenses can bank-
It is enco® nipt any middle-
er
the.
iy-
ass working fami-
Most families,
Rune included,
(il have returned to
Class oj 1 -' Hie old values of A
driving work ethic
to put their children
" rough institutions
_ ler education. Unfortunately, the
iurrent trend is to push the values on the
thild and make them do the work.
More and more college students are
dng to supplement their incomes by
aking on part-time jobs. Yet, it isn't easy
1 both work and hold down a job at the
Same time. It requires intense energy, re-
entless dedication, a desire to have no so
cial life and parents who won't share
their seemingly infinite wealth. It also re
quires a plan of action.
When I came to this illustrious institu
tion, with a promise from my parents for
total moral support but not much else, I de
cided that I wasn't going to rely solely
upon loans from a school with a 22 percent
interest rate. I was going to get a job.
But I didn't just rush into the job market
willy-nilly. I figured that since I was new to
the town, I needed a job that would not
only earn me a little cash, but would also
familiarize me with my new surroundings.
Ding-dong. Pizza delivery boy.
What other job would have me inti
mately acquainted with the back roads of
College Station? I learned which stop
lights could be ignored without fear of
getting pulled over and I quickly found
out where I could park on campus, close
to the dorms, and avoid the PTTS. All
these skills have continued to help make
my life at A&M much more enjoyable.
But I soon tired of screaming through
town in a tiny two-door car with twenty
pounds of molten cheese in the seat next
to me. I also quickly got tired of never
making any tips.
One quick note: You were too lazy to
get off your fat couch and go pick it up
yourself, so be nice to the person who
breaks a few traffic laws so you can have
your food in under thirty minutes.
Boredom quickly hit, so I made the deci
sion to move on to a much more exciting
form of food service. I became a waiter.
The next Saturday I
showed up in a suit ready
to bury the dead. Now
mind you, this isn't a j ob
for everyone. It can be pret
ty difficult to put the "fun"
back into funeral.
The training was fairly simple: don't
sneeze on the food and remember to al
ways kiss the customer's butt. Simple rules
that will take you far in the real world.
The tips were great. Also, I met all
sorts of professors and dignitaries in the
restaurant and all sorts of scum and
lowlife in the kitchen. Remember the
commercial about Saran Wrap going from
one extreme to another?
The waiter job was fun for the first
year, but going into the second year it,
too, became boring. The tips were still
quite good, but I had learned all that
place could hope to teach me. I finally felt
it was time to move on.
My classes were growing more diffi
cult, so I knew that I would have to
choose my next job more accordingly. I
needed to work someplace quiet, with lit
tle work but good pay.
Hmmm ... where to go, where to go?
Then it hit me like a lead casket — a
funeral home.
I called one up and sure enough, they
had an opening. The next Saturday I
showed up in a suit ready to bury the
dead. Now mind you, this isn't a job for
everyone. It can be pretty difficult to put
the "fun" back into funeral. You have to be
prepared to deal with rotting corpses, cry
ing family members, hot summer days in a
cemetery and really sick dead jokes. Also, I
quickly learned that the tips weren't as
good as they were while waiting tables, al
though I do now own some cool watches.
But aside from these simple drawbacks,
I realized that a night job baby-sitting
corpses in a small town funeral home was
ideal for a college student. I completed
much of my homework and term papers
while sitting at a desk waiting for death to
make another call. Those were some of the
bestpapers I have every written.
Then came The Battalion job. They of
fered me beer money if I would be opin
ionated once a week. Yeah, right, if I
bought domestic ... on sale. Still, they let
me use their computers and printers,
which has proved helpful for pulli ng off
those all-night term paper writing sessions.
Going to college and working can be ei
ther a great adventure or a disastrous mess.
So remember, it's terribly important to look
for the right job when hunting for a part-
time job. Only those lucky few who have
rich (and generous) parents can overlook
this piece of advice.
John Scroggs is a senior English and
philosophy major
irn motf
urance
E.SX
)
r spouses-
■3206
Mail Call pointless,
just trivial bickering
Just wanted to tell you what a piece of
shit your "Mail Call" section is. People
bickering over the stupidest trivialities:
anti-Bonfire, pro-Bonfire, anti-frat, pro-
frat, pro-queer, anti-queer. Democrat,
Republican; it's pointless.
Why isn't anyone writing on how
Clinton is actually Bush in disguise (i.e.
Bush=Hitler), he's just another greedy
politician doing nothing to help the aver
age citizen, while America drowns in its
own vomit.
Oh God! there's queers, rednecks, and
bigots on our campus!! So. That's life, if
you can't take it put a .44 slug in your
head. If you overhear someone say a
racial slur, or any of that, don't write a
useless letter to the editor on the ills of
racism; jack him/her in the jaw. Want to
stop Bonfire and save all those poor, dar
ling, innocent (and other environmental
adjectives) trees, chain yourself around a
log. Someone calls you "faggot," kick
him in the crotch.
Worried about going to jail? Boring,
you're just another couch-potato revolu
tionary. It's actions that move the world,
not sappy letters to the editor. Rise up!
Protest! March! Love your freedom, beat-
up a cop. I feel cheap just writing this.
Editorial staff get ready, 'cause I know
everyone and their brother, will respond
to this one.
Robert Adams
Class of'94
Voice concerns about
library hours cutback
Howdy Ags! This semester the Ster
ling C. Evans Library has reduced its
mid-term service hours. The library
used to close at 2 a.m. during midterms,
but will now close at midnight until fi
nals.
This is a concern to me and to many
other students who rely now on the
waiting list at IHOP or the Kettle to get
a few more hours of studying done.
The Student Services Committee, a
Student Senate Sub-Committee, wants
to check if there are many students
who have this need and are concerned
about this couple of study hours that
have been cut.
The library administration has in
formed us that the cut in two hours was
based on a committee report and is not
for financial reasons but for security
reasons.
If you use the library service at night
and you would like the library hours to
be restored until 2 a.m. (as it used to
be), stop by the Student Government
Office in the Student Services Building
and voice your concern by signing a
form or by submitting a letter, ad
dressed to the attention of the Student
Service Committee, a Sub-Committee of
the Student Senate. You can also call
845-3051 to voice your opinion.
Ranjan 'Natarajan
Graduate student
Accompanied by eight signatures