’Dutch* certainly no treat; wastes time, money and talent
By Julia E.S. Spencer
"Dutch" is the latest comedy from
John Hughes, the producer/ writer/direc
tor responsible for the runaway success of
"Home Alone," currently the third high
est-grossing film of all time, now at $268
million and counting. In this business,
however, you can only rest on your lau
rels so long before you're expected to come
up with the goods again.
Movie Review
So far this year, Hughes and Co. just
ain'tcuttin' it. "CareerOpportunities" was
awful, "Only the Lonely" was a waste of
talent, and both were extremely disap
pointing financially. "Dutch" isn't going
to be the answer to moviegoers' or inves
tors'prayers either. I'm afraid.
Even if it seems partly recycled from
"Planes, Trains and Automobiles," the
premise, if not totally original, is clever
enough: Dutch (Ed O'Neill), an average,
working-class joe, volunteers to drive his
girlfriend's snobbish, extremely spoiled
son Doyle (Ethan Randall) home from his
Atlanta prep school for Thanksgiving, and
though they initially drive each other
crazy, the two eventually develop an un
derstanding and even a liking for each
other.
Trouble is, the film fails to convince
me that such a speedy reversal of senti
ment is possible. You see, this kid isn't
merely a pain ora nuisance, he's a psycho
pathic menace to society, a 13-year-old
noly terror with a brown oelt in Tae Kwon
Do who would have even Mother Teresa
in fits.
Angry because his dad (Christopher
McDonald) has canceled their holiday
plans and left on an overseas business
trip, he takes it out on Dutch, kicking him,
punching him, and assaulting him with a
lyoiled, rich Doyle (Ethan Randall) and his mother's blue-collar boyfriend Dutch (Ed O'Neill) try to thumb a ride home in 'Dutch."
golf club and a pellet gun before the poor
guy can say a word. Most people would
have given up right there, but not Dutch.
Determined to succeed because he cares
for the boy's mother (JoBeth Williams), he
hog ties the kid, packs him into the car,
and sets off for Chicago.
Despite Dutch's efforts to be jocular
and entertaining - he buys fireworks and
risque playing cards to amuse the boy -
his patience is rewarded with insults and
dirty tricks. Fed up after Doyle puts a lit
cigar in his lap while he's driving. He
leaves the surprised kid on the snowy
highway, saying, "I'll meet you down the
road at the motel."
But wait, there's more. When Doyle
finally shows up at the motel, he doesn't
just sheepishly slink into bed, he gets the
keys to the Lincoln and totals it in an
accident with an 18 wheeler. Even this,
and the fact that he could have killed
someone beside his worthless self doesn't
faze him.
Dutch seems to have taken leave of
his senses as well. Instead of dragging the
brat off to the juvenile authorities and
letting him cool his heels in a holding cell
for the night, he makes excuses for Doyle
to the ponce and gets him off the hook.
The next morning, the best punish
ment he can think of involves hitcnhiking
back to Chicago together in sub-zero tem
peratures. This is tough love? It's cer
tainly a strange kind of blue-collar
parenting. In a Spike Lee movie, the kid
would have been dogmeat in the first reel.
But this is a John Hughes movie, where
incorrigible souls have a funny way of
succumbing to comball sentiment just in
time for the holidays - and the moralistic
ending.
In this movie the touching moment of
reconciliation comes not when Doyle
apologizes on his knees for being so rot
ten, and begs for forgiveness, but when he
admits he treated a larcenous prostitute
better than Dutch because he was "homy."
Awww, where's the Kleenex, I think I'm
going to ay now.
Cinematographer Charles Minsky's
stunning visuals - fireworks reflected in
the car windows and lovely aerial shots of
fall color and winter landscapes - weren't
enough to distract me from the weak
nesses in the story and very un-funny
script.
Director Peter Faiman said he held off
directing again after "Crocodile Dundee"
until he read Hughes' script for "Dutch,"
impressed with its "priceless dialogue."
For this he waits five years? All I can say to
that is I'm glad I didn't have to pay to hear
it, because the maybe two or three decent
lines are not worth the price of admission.
Most of the dialogue is quite vulgar, ex
tremely awkward, amateurish, and terri
bly unrealistic. The creaky script sticks
with Hughes' tried-and-tme formula, and
practically sets out flares to mark the next
Plot Development or Big Moment.
The characters, who are so obnoxious
that five minutes with them is a punish
ment, let alone 90, are also inconsistent.
The supposedly big-hearted Dutch spends
the whole trip lecturing Doyle on how
people who work for their money are just
as good if not better than those who merely
inherit it. So why doesn't his working-
class generosity extend to the poor black
family who drives them home from the
shelter where they all spent the night? I
guess offering to find the man a job is one
thing, but God forbid Dutch should invite
the family into his palatial home for din
ner.
If this kind of waste of time, money
and talent is what we can expect from
Hughes in the future, I think we'd all be
better off staying "home alone."
f Les Miserables* opens at Casa Manana
by Timm Doolen
"Les Miserables " (trans
lated as "The Miserable Ones")
is an ironic name for such a
wonderfully beautiful musical
that gets the treatment it de
serves in Fort Worth this week.
"Les Mis" is the kind of mu
sical that cannot be done prop
erly as a local production - it
deserves a large budget and a
top-notch cast that can only be
found on Broadway. The elabo
rate sets and detailed period
costumes all add up to big
bucks, and consequently a large
ticket cost.
But the ticket price ($20-
$30) and the travel (three hours
to the Tarrant County Conven
tion Center) for this Broadway
production is worth every
penny and mile of it.
The story of this play, which
has now almost achieved clas
sic status, is richly complex,
based on the novel of the same
name by Victor Hugo. In fact it
is so complex that I could not
even attempt to try to explain it
all in this space.
But briefly, it is about the
life of a good-hearted man, Jean
Valjean, who was imprisoned
in France in the early 1800s for
stealing a loaf of bread for his
sister's starving child. Though
he is eventually freed, he can
never escape hispastorhisa rch
nemesis -Javert, a prison guard
and later police chief.
Much later Valjean gets
caught up in the revolutionary
dreams of a handful of French
students in Paris. The students
want to overthrow the aristoc
racy and give more to the poor,
so they build a huge barricade
in the streets of Paris and pre
pare to lay down their lives for
their cause.
Valjean joins them, and the
barricade in the streets serves
as a metaphor for the barricades
he has built around himseld in
his own life.
Of course there's much more
to the story than I have outlined,
and that story is perfectly depicted
in the songs of the lead players -
especially Brian Lynch as Valjean
and David Jordan as Javert.
The voices of the lead singers
will keep you entranced for every
second of the three hours of per
formances.
Highlights are the soloes by
Lisa Vroman and Candese
Marchese as Fantine and
Eponine, respectively. And
Javert 7 s poetic justice steals the
serious moments while the inn
keeper Thenardier and his wife
-t"'
See LES MISERABLES/Page 6
Soviet Sister University
Russian students give first
impressions of Texas A&M
By Holly Becka
Eight Soviet students from
Kazan State University, Texas
A&M's sister school, visited cam
pus Wednesday as part of a whirl
wind tour of the heart of Texas.
All of the students were bom
and raised in Kazan, in the Russian
Republic nestled near the Volga
River. Many of the Soviets are first
time visitors to the United States,
so their first glimpses into Ameri
can life were unique.
Azat Farukshin, 22, says one
of the first things he noticed about
Texas were its good roads. In fact,
he spent part ofthe day driving his
American host's car.
"It was like driving on a table,
it's so easy to drive here,"
Farukshin says.
According to many of the So
viet guests, the paved roads in the
Soviet Union have a lot of potholes
and people seemingly drive with
out any rhyme or reason because
traffic signs are practically non
existent.
Another thing the students
noticed was the humidity, which
they did not like - just like us those
of us who are tortured during
Kirill Gorovadski had a rather
surprising response when asked
what he would like to do while he
was visiting the United States.
"I would like to pilot a fighter,"
he responded sincerely. But more
on the realistic level, Gorovadski
said he wanted to go shopping.
The Russians admitted to be
ing aware of stereotypes of Ameri
cans, which they say have changed
somewhat from the dark, evil,
meddling image.
"The new stereotype is all
Americans are rich and happy.
America is a paradise, all Ameri
cans work hard and have good
jobs. But of course, we realize that
is not true," Smirnova says, smil
ing.
"Another view is that Ameri
cans are only interested in their
own business - they're only inter
ested in their own families," says
Amil Gataullin. "It's a view that
Americans have no interest in poli
tics or information from abroad.
But by our visit, we are destroying
the stereotypes. We now* realize
this is not true."
"That's right," says
Gorovadski. "We have informa
tion from our hosts and we watched
"In Russia, a smile means you are
really happy or really friendly because
in Russia there is more anger than
friendliness, so a smile is more honest
there."
— Inessa Smirnova, Russian student
muggy Texas summers.
Inessa Smirnova, on her sec
ond visit to the United States, says
one of her first impressions of
America was the friendliness and
apparent happiness of its citizens.
"On my second visit, now I
realize your smile can mean noth
ing - it's not bad, just two ways of
thinking and different behavior,"
she says. "In Russia, a smile means
you are really happy or really
friendly because in Russia there is
more anger than friendliness, so a
smile is more honest there."
CNN all night long."
About 12 A&M students are
playing host to the Soviets during
their two-week visit, which in
cludes trips to Dallas-Fort Worth
and Six Flags, Galveston, Houston
and NASA, and various local sites.
A benefit concert is scheduled for 8
p.m. Tuesday at AnNam Tea
House. Money raised will help
defray costs for visiting here.
Besides that, the Soviet stu
dents will live like any other A&M
See RUSSIAN/Page 6