Mail Call
The Battalion is interested in hearing from its readers and welcomes all letters to the editor.
Please include name, classification, address and phone number on all letters. The editor reserves
the right to edit letters for style and length. Because of limited space, shorter letters have a better
chance of appearing. There is, however, no guarantee letters will appear. Letters may be brought
to 216 Reed McDonald or sent to Campus Mail Stop 1111.
Tread not upon MSCgrass
EDITOR:
We would like to take this opportunity to answer a
question which has been brought to our attention: Is it still
a tradition not to walk on the grass surrounding the Me
morial Student Center?
The answer to this question is yes. With all of the con
struction going on around the MSC, it is easy to see where
there could be some confusion concerning this tradition.
Even though construction workers sometimes must
walk across the grass to do their jobs, this tradition still re
mains.
Therefore, we ask that Texas A&M students cofitinue tb
respect this tradition which honors those Aggies who gave
their lives for their country.
Matthew Wood
Memorial Student Center Council
Send letters of inspiration
EDITOR:
I am writing in response to Samantha Leech's letter
concerning the young man in Houston who has cancer.
His name is Michael Yetter, and five of us visited him
on Saturday, March 2.
His uncle, a former student, arranged the trip for us.
The trip is something we will never forget.
On the road that morning, we weren't quite sure what
to expect.
We had been told that Michael had terminal brain can
cer and was not expected to live much longer. We were
hoping to inspire him, but we were not sure as to how.
When we arrived at his house, we were greeted by his
family and many neighbors. We met Michael and pre
sented him with several gifts from Texas A&M. We stayed
and talked with him and his family for a few hours.
Michael is a very determined person and an Aggie at
heart. He wants to come to A&M, join the Corps of Cadets
and become a member of the Singing Cadets.
His room was filled with Aggie momentos, and he
loved talking about the various traditions of A&M. He was
an inspiration to us because he still sets goals and works as
hard as he can to achieve them, even with cancer. He is a
reminder that our lives are not always as bad as we think.
When we were leaving, I could not help but feel sad
ness. However, once on the road, that changed. There was
a noticeable difference in Michael when we left, and I felt
better knowing that we had boosted his spirit and made
that difference.
If you can spare a little time and a stamp, write him a
letter. I know it will mean a lot to him. His address is:
Michael Yetter
1122 Kingsbhdge
Houston, Tx 77073
Robert Redding '91
accompanied by four signatures
Vote for world class
EDITOR:
It's that time of year again. Elections are here.
Elections of all sizes and shapes seem to always bring
jout controversy and complaints. This year's should be no
exception.
From at-large seats to yell leaders, from freshmen to
graduate students, everyone is involved and should be in
terested.
I personally will vote for the most qualified candidates.
Unfortunately, many of us seem to have a somewhat nar
rower viewpoint. Too bad.
Our University is among the best in the world. This is
due to the spirit, traditions and people who make up Texas
A&M. These people represent many different races, cul
tures, personalities, opinions, shapes, as well as different
sexes. These people are A&M.
Electoral positions are created to represent A&M and its
people. A&M is Asian, African-American, Hispanic, In
dian, Caucasian, etc.
We need to represent the world in which we live be
cause we are made up of the world. Our world cannot be
truly ours until the prejudices and narrow minds no longer
exist. We are not white or black. Corps or non-reg. We are
many different things.
It is who we are that counts: The "who" that gives us
goose bumps when we hear the Spirit of Aggieland; the
"who" that makes us believe in the spirit, traditions and
people that are A&M; the "who" that creates the desire to
make A&M the best. The people that make up the "who"
are all of us.
When considering candidates for the elections, concen
trate on the "who," not on the "what" and show the world
that A&M is the Corps, non-regs, African-Americans,
Asians, Caucasians, Indians, Hispanics.
Make the representatives of the best University just
that— the best representatives available.
"Huck" Finn Arbaugh '90
Express-lane scoops
Is this all the news
that's fit
Newsflash! "Noah's ark was a
submarine designed by SPACE
ALIENS!"
Newsflash #2! "Experts conclude
that recent Bermuda Triangle
disappearances are due fo Roseanne
Barr's voracious appetite!"
uiz time. Which head
line actually came from the April
2 edition of the Weekly World
News? If you guessed number
one, you are correct!
While in Key West over spring break,
I noticed that my favorite "just the
fiction, mam" tabloids, the Sun and the
Weekly World News had really gone
off the deep end.
I cannot recall all of the details, but
the cover of one of these magazines
described how a balding Elvis was
being held hostage in an Italian
monastery.
Another relayed the harrowing
experiences that some poor gal went
through as Saddam's sex-slave.
Yesterday, I bought the new issues
of three of these express-lane tabloids
— for research purposes of course —
and thumbed through all of them.
Though I had written a column of
this nature two summers ago, I could
not resist the temptation of doing it
again.
Express-lane tabloids can be
classified into two distinct groups. The
first is the "Hollywood gossip/fad
diet/psychic prediction" type.
Members of this illustrious group
include the Globe, the Star and the
National Enquirer.
These are typified by lawsuits and
color photographs, apparently taken
by actual reporters with attached
stories written to fit the photograph.
Famous figures such as Princess Di,
Roseanne Barr, any Cosby show cast
member or Oprah dominate these
issues. This group is more expensive
and much more boring than the second
group.
The second group of tabloids can
most easily be classified as having no
concern for reality.
Photographs of deformed people,
airbrushed pictures and randomly
placed shots of miscellaneous full-
figured gals abound in these check-out
magazines.
Did you know that Babs Fontinera of
Milwaukee has so much stored
electricity in her body that she can run
a TV for 10 minutes just by grasping
the plug?
If not, turn to page 35 of this week's
Weekly World News for this shocking
story. When she loses charge, she
simply hooks herself to a battery
charger for a few minutes.
Unfortunately, no details of her sex life
were included.
This issue also includes stories on a
giant dinosaur on the rampage in
Africa, Chinese people who worship
Elvis and a "fiendish child molester"
who castrated himself out of guilt.
Apparently he was nuts.
TTie National Examiner has some
excellent material of its own, though it
is caught somewhere between the
gossip group of tabloids and the no
reality type. For instance, the new
issue informs us Hulk Hogan is giving
up wrestling to become a gospel singer.
The Examiner's proudest display is
its classified section.
to print?
JL. or example, Doctor
Gilead in Florida can cast a spell for you
immediately. Revenge, money, love?
He is your man. If your enemy already
has gotten in touch with ol' Doc.
Gilead, you can contact Voodoo healer
W. Houston at her 800 number. She
removes all hexes.
Never to be undersold is the Sun.
Page five of the March 26 edition tells
the tale of Walter Karsh whose soul
was sucked up by an old vacuum
cleaner. The vacuum now moves by
itself. Maybe Walter will pay a visit to
my vacuum.
The Sun also has a dinosaur story.
Excited scientists are rushing to a
remote region of South America where
natives are worshipping a living
dinosaur egg.
Experts believe the dinosaur might
be a relative of a brontosaurus-like
beast which is believed to roam a
remote area of the African Congo.
Well, there you have it! It must be
the same dinosaur as the one in the
Weekly World News story.
I have an August 1989 issue of the
Sun lying around the house because it
is simply too hilarious to discard.
It contains an explosive story about a
man from Hiroshima who plays the
trumpet with his eye. It seems that the
man, Kitska, beganrplaying tfre* **
trumpet at the age of six but discovered
that he had an eye for music at 27.
This issue also contains my all-time
favorite news story. It is on the
"floatation diet." This article gives an
account of Virgil Fleer's rancid
experiences in the ocean.
Virgil's boat was overturned by a
monster wave. The non-swimming
Fleer claims that he could not
understand why he was floating.
He soon concluded that his diet of
baked beans had given him enough gas
to float. Then terror struck. In Virgil's
words: "I looked out and saw large
dorsal fins." Shark attack!
"Hour after hour he fought to keep
the predator fish at bay by aiming well
timed bursts of stinking bubbles at
them and frightening them off." Virgil
describes the incident as a "gassy
watery hell." This story alone was well
worth my spare change.
As a result of my investigation into
these tabloids, I have concluded that
the Hollywood gossip types are
relatively useless.
The no-reality types are hilarious,
though. Taken with a grain (or shaker)
of salt, the stories can be quite
entertaining.
It is funny to read one and think that
some people actually believe these
things. For 75 cents, the creativity is
unparalleled.
Matt McBumett is a senior electrical
engineering major.
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The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Lisa Ann Robertson,
Editor —845-2647
Kathy Cox,
Managing Editor — 845-2647
Jennifer Jeffus,
Opinion Page Editor — 845-3314
Chris Vaughn,
City Editor —845-3316
Keith Sartin,
Richard Tijerina,
News Editors — 845-2665
Alan Lehmann,
Sports Editor — 845-2688
Fredrick D. Joe,
Art Director — 845-3312
Kristin North,
Life Style Editor — 845-3313
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itch by Nito