The Battalion
OPINION
Thursday, November 2,1989
Opinion Page Editor Juliette Rizzo 845-3J
Planet for sale: slightly used but in good condition
Toe
'Castilla, III
Guest Columnist
Every semester I find myself, a fifth-
year student, registering for senior
level classes that are only offered at 8
a.m. T he problems with this are self-
evident. What I really want to know is
why the University, with its infinite wis
dom and respect for tradition, has not
developed a tradition that requires
freshmen to lake classes at 8 a.m. and
lets seniors sleep late.
Well, in anticipation of negative feel
ings that any attempt to adjust our ill-
developed scheduling system would
bring, I am forced to take matters to a
justified extreme.
I’m selling the planet. Yes, you
heard right. I’m buying a deep-space
transmitter and broadcasting the first
human-generated intergalactic classi
fied ad.
I’m sure one of the rules over in our
business department is know your
buyer! That is, get into his (its) head
and cater to his (its) needs. This brings
up some questions: what does a Univer-
sian want in a planet and do they use
funny initials like those in the personal
ads?
Let’s see,
g.v.o.s.s.,b.o.i.,(m.p.n.g.h.)
That translates into: For
sale,
slightly used terra, predominantly un
derpaid population, partially fur
nished, good view of single sun, bil
lions of inhabitants, (my phone
number goes here).
Or how about this one,
f.s.o.t.,p.m.s.,n.o.,f.u.n.,p.n.,(m.p.n-
•g.h.)
That 'translates into: For sale or
trade, planet mostly of saltwater,
needs ozone, full of underdeveloped
nations, price negotiable, (my phone
number goes here).
By now you’re probably asking your
self “who made this guy king? I didn’t
bloody vote for him.”
Well, the reason I get to sell the
planet is based on a very simple prin-
c i p 1 e that worked wonders for
Einstein’s career: / thought of it first!
But before anyone starts to feel left
out, I can assure you that you will be
the first to receive my new get-rich-
quick book. How to Buy a Planet with
Little or No Money Down, and it’s only
$19.95.
There are so many little details to
take care of that I haven’t worked out
yet. I suppose I’ll have to screen poten
tial buyers. I wouldn’t want to sell the
place only to have the new owners tell
the roaches that pets are not allowed.
But if it stays on the market long
enough, the roaches shouldn’t have
any problems.
Then there’s the warranty to con
sider. I’ll have to sell it “as is,” but with
... SO CONE OH DOWN TO "CRPOtV
FREDDIES" WHERE WE'LL SELL VOU
THE WORLD! THfTTS RIGHT! THE
ACTUAL PLANET! IT MflV BE POLLUTED
PND PERVERTED. BUT IT'S ONSRLEH! .
"CRflZV FREDDIES" GIGANTIC LIQUIDATION
SALE! WE REALM WILL SAVE VOU
0^
MA£6ULI&S
©ftgq HCteroH POST
Hold on, I have another call
If there’s one thing I dislike about
modern technology, it’s the “miracle”
of call waiting. This hits home because
call waiting and other features were
added to the residence hall phones this
year.
For some students, those actually
likely to get more than one call at a
time, call waiting has added a world of
convenience. But for rest of us, it has
created a world of waiting. I bet that’s
where they got the name.
I hear many complaints from people
who don’t like to talk to machines, but I
personally can’t imagine a college stu
dent getting by without an answering
machine. I have no problem leaving a
message on a machine, but call waiting
annoys me, mainly because it makes
the person who possesses call waiting
choose who they would rather talk to.
Unfortunately, it seems I always come
up on the losing side of that decision.
In all honesty, I like call waiting for
myself, for the few occasions when I re
ceive two calls. But I really hate it when
someone calls me and a minute into the
conversation I hear “hold on a minute,
call waiting.” It gets worse when he or
Timm
Doolen
Asst. Opinion Page Editor
she comes back and gives me the tradi
tional “I gotta go now.” What he really
means to say is “Sorry, but there’s
someone else on the other line who is
much more important in my life right
now, and I’d much rather talk to him
than you.
In a normal conversation
call waiting intrude’s upon
lives, this is what you here:
“Hold on a minute call
Click.
Ten minutes later: Click,
long distance, gotta go.
Here’s what really happens:
“Hold on a minute, call waiting.
Click. “Hello?”
in which
people’s
waiting.
‘Sorry,
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Scot O.Walker, Editor
Wade See, Managing Editor
Juliette Rizzo, Opinion Page Editor
Fiona Soltes, City Editor
Ellen Hobbs, Chuck Squatriglia,
News Editors
Tom Kehoe, Sports Editor
Jay Janner, Art Director
Dean Sueltenfuss, Lifestyles Editor
Editorial Policy
The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting newspa
per operated as a community service to Texas A&M and
Bryan-College Station.
Opinions expressed in The Battalion are those of the
editorial board or the author, and do not necessarily rep
resent the opinions of Texas A&M administrators, fac
ulty or the Board of Regents.
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for students in reporting, editing and photography
classes within the Department of Journalism.
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lege Station TX 77843-4 111.
“Buffy, this is Suzy!” Ten minutes of
mindless rambling ensues until Buffy
remembers the “other” caller, by now a
second-class telephone user in Buffy’s
mind.
“Oh, let me get rid of the person on
the other line. ” Click.
“It’s my mother long distance, bye. ”
The bad side of having call waiting
in my room is that my roommate occa
sionally abuses the privileges that call
waiting affords. For instance, once in a
while someone will call for me and my
roommate will say “Timm will call you
back in a few minutes.” Ten minutes
later he’ll finish using the phone.
“Who called, roomy?” I ask.
“Oh heck, it was a guy. I think his
name started with a consonant or
something. ”
That frustrates me, but not as bad as
my roommate’s other trick. He’ll be on
the phone when my mother or a friend
will call long distance. He’ll flip back
over to his caller and continue his
multi-minute convrsation, while my
long-distance friend pays for minutes
of listening to air.
Another thing that bugs me is that
it’s too easy for people to get rid of you
once they’ve found themselves in the
middle of a conversation they don’t
want to continue. I remember talking
to people for five minutes when they
say something like. “I’ve got somebody
else on the other line, so 1 gotta go.”
Right, spare my feelings.
What’s the solution to call waiting’s
intrusion into the lives of thousands at
Texas A&M? Let’s revolt! Just hit “7-0-
#” on your phone and it will turn the
call waiting off (“7-1-#” turns it back
on.” Do it and you’ll never have to
worry about hurting you friends’ feel
ings again.
Timm Doolen is a junior computer
science major and assistant opinion
page editor /brThe Battalion.
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that
a little creative advertising,
shouldn’t be a problem.
For sale, one beauty of a planet, ro
tates just like new, “Yes, folks, love
makes this one go ’round.” Amenities
include: millions of swimming pools,
one grey moon (eclipsed only on spe
cial occasions) and a relatively young
sun guaranteed to rise, (my phone
number goes here).
I’m still not sure about the price. Ac
tually, 1 don’t think it matters. If I
know my galaxy, history will probably
remember me as having sold the earth
for the equivalent of $24 worth of
space trinkets.
What type of message should I put
on the answering machine? From an
alien’s point of view, no matterwher: Signi
am. I’m at home. I guess I'll sa\Tr*f aU ‘\
tl . h ' from tf
the shower. . i
tei by <
1 here are a lot of uncertaintie'sorority
this endeavor, but of one thing IH Apt >
certain, NO COLLECT CALLS, m. rnbe
Joe Castilla, III is a guest coin:V
Castilla,
ist /brThe Battalion and a senior hd
whose major is in limbo. said Cfi
cpmnnt
Mail Call
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Police Beat quite serious
EDITOR:
Regarding “Police Beat informs, entertains readers” by Damon Arhos, lam
shocked and enraged by Mr. Arhos’ attitude towards incidents of assault and tin
on campus. 1 le seems to find theft funny and assault reasonable.
1 lis statements regarding the case of a student being struck by an unknown
person for no reason are illogical and ignorant.
Well, I was the troublemaker who got hit. Arhos’ insinuation that I deserved!
what I got infuriates me beyond words. Mr. Arhos should read between the line:
of Police Beat for the real cause of the assault. As he writes, “drunk people sure
strange things.”
» Mr. Arhos also seems to feel that women who are sexuallvnhreatened by
unwanted men are merely whining or have the* “STOP TOUCHING ME
DISEASE.” Is it not their right to have an unwanted stranger keep his hands oil
them? And are peeping Toms merely an unwanted inconvenience?
Mr. Arhos has forgotten the people in Police Beat cases are real people.The
crimes are real crimes. The fact that they occured on campus does not maketkr
entertaining. 1 realize Mr. Arhos was attemting to write a humorous column.Bu
regurgitating a Police Beat, picking out a few of the victims and making fun of
them for having the- gall to report their cases to the police is not humor.
Apologizing for the actions of the drunks, perverts and thieves should be tk
job of an attorney, not a columnist.
Michael Ashton ’90
Aggies send get-well cards
EDITOR:
The following is an excerpt f rom an inter-office memo received by my fianti
last week at his job at AMD in Austin:
“In the Royal Marsden Hospital in the U.K. is a little 7-year-old boy named
Craig Shergold who has inoperable brain and spinal tumors. He thereforehasr
got long tc; live. I fis dearest wish is to be named in the Guinness Book of World ,
Records, and he has come up with the idea of collecting the largest ever amount
get-well cards in hopes be will qualify for an entry. Please spare the time to send
him a card.”
Well Ags, here’s our chance to make a wish come true! 1 know we’re all bust
with schoolwork and football games, but please take a few minutes to send atari ,
Let’s send Craig best wishes from Aggieland.
Cards can be sent tc;:
Craig Shergold;56 Selby Road; Carshalton, Surrey SM5 1LD
Kathy Kramer ’89
Child major responsibility
EDITOR:
Congratulations Scot Walker for a fine editorial. You have covered all the
important points — especially the hypocrisy of those who prefer children to be
born rather than wanted. The major responsibility of a child’s life is overlooked
even though it normally involves enormous energy, emotional output and
economic resources of the parents’ lives for 1 8 or more years.
Unfortunately, women often become the focal point. The invisible male
partner receives no attention in the vicious at tacks of pro-life terrorists. Itwotilc
far more effective for them to turn their energies to establishing an educational
curriculum (for both males and females) on responsible reproduction and
parenting skills.
Virginia P. McDermott
Unborn children humans, too
EDITOR:
Today millions of abortions are performed and the population appears firm 1
divided on the issue. But as I read Scot Walker’s article on the topic, heseenidw :
miss the key to the whole matter. Abortion is just society’s abdication of
responsibility in favor of convenience. And the millions of dollars spent on them
could be better spent on improving the conditions that the truly disadvantaged If
under.
Unborn children are living, breathing human beings. They have recordable
brainwaves and heartbeats even at early periods. Indeed they are as viable as the
individuals who must rely on technology until an organ transplant is available.!
issue is not only of woman’s rights but of human rights. Sure it is inconvenientfe
the woman involved, but so is the death of the baby. The society that kills its
children indeed robs itself of a future.
Warren Smith ’90
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reserves the right to edit letters /s'
and length, but will make every effort to maintain the author’s intent. Each letter must be signed and mustimlL
classification, address and telephone number of the writer.