The Battalion
OPINION
Tuesday, September 26, 1989
Census getting
a bit ridiculous
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In a nation agog over statistics, the ul
timate in bean counting — actually hu
man being counting — is cranking up
once again.
Every 10 years, Big Brother comes
around poking his nose into your busi
ness. Having a head count, or census, is
in the best interest of everybody. It is
with this information that the powers
that be carve up the nation into suppos
edly equal legislative districts — the bet
ter to brag about how fair the congres
sional process really is.
Also, with information gleaned from
the census, government and private
business alike will gain valuable infor
mation as to trends in living preference.
No doubt, California and Florida —
meccas of sunshine and moderate tem
peratures — again will show tremen
dous gains. It will be interesting to see
what happened to Texas in the roller
coaster ’80s.
time the government has counted nos V-
And — as Gomer Pyle used to say,s
prise, surprise — it’s going to costa
more than any other census.
esi
r
The effort, which actually got star
five years ago, is expected tocost!;| py
billion. Considering that best estima
place the U.S. population at 250mil:
that means it will cost $10.40 perpen
to be counted. \
Also for the record, that $2.6 bill
represents a doubling in cost from
years ago. Wonder why? Why tied
census bureau is hiring almost.afe rel
million folks to do the dirty deed.
But the feds tell Americans the
getting a bargain. Workers will
And now for the good news
Some months ago, I asked readers to
tell me what they liked and disliked
about their newspapers.
There's not enough good news was
the overwhelming response.
Wrote a woman from Plainview,
Texas: “I get up in the morning and
read my newspaper. After I’m finished,
there are many times I’m so depressed I
want to go back to bed.”
I’m in complete agreement with such
thoughts.
There may, however, be some good
news. I finally saw a headline in a news
paper that, instead of dwelling com
pletely on the negative, included an ac
cent on the positive.
The headline-xippeared recently in
the Atlanta Constitution. The article
was about three inmates who escaped
the Spaulding Co. jail in Griffin, Ga.
The three inmates tore a commode
Lewis
Grizzard
Syndicated
Columnist
out of a wall and crawled out of the hole
that resulted.
That’s the bad news. The good news
was that there were 23 other inmates
who could have followed the other three
who escaped but chose not to.
Said the headline in the Constitution:
“Three flee Spaulding jail, but 23
don’t.”
The headline writer came up with "...
but 23 don’t,” thus pointing out the pos
itive side of a negative story.
I’d like to see more headlines written
in this manner. For example:
• “Students riotin Virginia Beach,
but stricken airliner lands safely in Den
ver”
• “Jim Bakker sobs at trial, but it
probably won’t do him any good”
• “Pro footballer suspended for drug
use, but Tommy Lasorda’s doing some
thing about his weight problem”
• “Loud rock music threatens teen
age hearing, but orange hair on decline
in U.S. high schools”
• “AIDS cases growing, but nobody
worries about Herpes anymore”
• “Fergie pregnant again, but Rob
Lowe didn’t have anything to do with it”
• “Three shot in liquor store hoi chip,
but rain ends tomorrow”
Good news: It’s there. All we have to
do is look for it.
Copyright 1989, Cowles Syndicate
But whatever the trends, the polls in
Washington, D.C., will get an idea what
areas should be pampered in order to
maximize vote getting.
But has the counting process gotten
out ofhand?
armed w ith language cards to get tin atu
through any one of 32 differentjargo ,art
problems. ^
Considering that it reached the point
a few censuses back where the nation’s
citizens were asked to truthfully declare
the number of toilets in their residences,
the obvious answer is: Yes, the census is
getting a bit ridiculous.
But it sure is helping the people who
manufacture potty seats determine their
version of supply and demand.
And it’s even getting more personal
this time around. Back in 1980, workers
asked if you were living with a person.
This time, the census bureau instead
w ill be inquiring about “unmarried part
ners” in your home. That is a bit more
specific and should clear up a lot of
relationships, unless you happen to be
rooming — platonically — with the per
son who is your tennis or golf compan
ion.
For the record, this will be the 21st
What’s more, a bunch of workers!
going to stay up all one night in Mai
in hopes of getting an accurate couni
the number of people who don’t k
potties, or even homes for that
In fact, the bureau actually is recruilii
homeless people to help count tin
peers.
But for the average person wM Al
readily accessible to telephone solicitotRvep
and a mailbox full of can’t-miM 1081
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sweepstakes, the census should be rtl
lively painless. Just receive the fon
from the direct-mail campaign net a | s
March, fill out the questionnaire
then let the workers go about findin
the non-conformists (about 85 percti
of homes receiving such a form in II I™
responded) and other lost souls. 1
ry <
T hey’re undoubtedly going to miss
few noses, maybe even scfrne of thoi
“unmarried partners.” But what Bi
Brot her doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
doy
Ken Brodnax is
Odessa American.
a writer for
Cheerleader Bush stuck on wrong issues
About 10 months ago, a certain event
occurred that involved just over 50 per
cent of the people in the United States.
It was the most popular news story,
comic routine and subject of conversa
tion. However, people have now largely
forgotten that it ever occurred. Of
course I am referring to the presidential
election of 1988. I would like to take a
not too critical look at the victor of that
heated contest, George Bush.
I have a great deal of difficulty refer
ring to George Bush as president, so I
will simply refer to him as the “winner
of the election” or “guy in Washington.”
Now, as we might have guessed, I did
not vote for George Bush in the elec
tion. I am one of the proud few in Col
lege Station who voted for “the Duke.”
But I do not w'ant to color this article
with a lot of bitterness about the defeat
of the man who should be president. I
want to present a nice, non-partisan
evaluation of that guy in Washington.
I was heartbroken when Michael Du
kakis lost the election. But, being a per
son who loves his country, I decided
that I would give the winner of the elec
tion a chance to prove himself. I hoped
he would deviate from the policies of his
predecessor (whom I will not even begin
to berate) and emerge as a kindler, gen
tler leader. He is much more intelligent
than his predecessor. He has more polit
ical know-how than his predecessor. In
short, unlike his predecessor, he can
think.
Adam
Mathieu
Columnist
As we all recall, the issue really began
when the Supreme Court reinforced
flag burning as an acceptable form of
protest. Anyone who read into the story
a bit further could see that this was the
Court’s most bipartisan decision — seve
ral conservatives joined the tw'o arch-lib
erals in rendering this decision.
on his strident cheerleading and ridicu
lous inattention to real national con-
The first disenchantment came when
he nominated a defense contractor,
John Tower, as secretary of defense. I
was still not ready to lose faith totally, so
I disregarded this. I was glad I did.
Later, he proposed long-overdue re
strictions on the use of semi-automatic
weapons. I was proud that I had kept
faith in dear Mr. Bush. I do not remem
ber him doing a lot about it, but I was
happy that he at least said it. So, as of
the beginning of this year, I was effecti
vely tolerating the winner of the elec
tion.
Mr. Bush, who had not complained
about earlier Court reversals of affirma
tive action laws, immediately demanded
that Congress initiate the process of
amending the Constitution. He was not
alone to blame for the amendment. But
he was to blame for playing sick
cheerleader when there were pressing
problems affecting the nation. I fault
him less on the actual amendment, than
After this, my tolerance almost van
ished. But I managed to probe my soul
and find the goodness to give him one
more chance. I remained in this state of
tolerance for a month or two, but once
again his actions crushed my soaring
dreams for him. This time it was the
“war on drugs”, if this is still what he
calls an inherently farcical notion. He
demonstrated almost absolute igno
rance in attempting to battle drugs in
this way. I do not want to rehash all the
many problems with the program, but it
is certainly obvious that there are prob
lems. Once again, he has simply played
cheerleader for a concern of the Arne
can people, without offering a weM
sidered plan for eliminating that co
cern.
I
hope that I can once again seam
my soul for forgiveness, but I dot
think that this is possible. I thought
was in the best interest of this count!
for me to keep quiet and give thatgu) :
Washington a chance. I have given!
that chance. Now it may be timetosho
him that he is failing, and that tl
American people will not let this rd
white and blue puppet “lead” this coin
try out of existence.
Adam Mathieu is a senior chemist
major and a columnist for The 1
ion.
Nolan Ryan may run against Agriculture Commissioner Lfightowi
Then came the flag-burning issue (a
triviality magnified into a nation-threat
ening issue). This is an action that will
forever frighten me. It haunts me, be
cause it shows just how pathetic and
pandering government officials from
both of the major political parties have
become. For months the entire govern
ment stopped to focus on this one issue
that was neither a threat nor even a con-
THE
WIND-UP...
and the
pitch...
cern.
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Dean Sueltenfuss, Lifestyles Editor
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