OPINION
Wednesday, June 14,1989
Li Peng"
T
Mail Call
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©ftZX HO^TCfl POST
Advertisement in poor taste
EDITOR:
I was very surprised last Friday to find an ad for a
memorial service for Khomeini . . . or should I say “His
Holiness.” Well, as Troyce Wilson said in his letter in
Tuesday’s paper, why don’t we hold a memorial service for
the leader of the Matamoros cult and advertise it in The
Battalion} He was considered holy by some. But His
Holiness was different, right? The Matamoros cult
murdered people in the name of its religion. Well, how
about the million who died in the Gulf War in the name of
Islam? There was also state-sponsored terrorism (such as
hostage-taking and blowing up planes like Pan Am). The
list goes on.
Perhaps Khomeini was too old to rule a country and
religion. Fake the Salmon Rushdie incident. If my 86-
year-old grandfather heard that someone had written
insults about Jesus Christ, he too would be screaming, “Kill
him! Kill him!” The world is a better place to live in now
that Khomeini is gone. What I cannot understand is why
The Battalion staff allowed a memorial service to be
advertised in the paper. Think next time! You might
accidentally advertise a memorial service for Ted Bundy.
Alan Wakim ’89
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff re
serves the right to edit letters for style and length, but will make every effort to
maintain the author's intent. Each letter must be signed and must include the clas
sification, address and telephone nu mber of the writer.
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words.
Television turn downs
not revealed to
publi
The three major television networks
have announced their new fall lineups,
and what lineups they are.
There’ll be some more juicy crime
shows where your kids can learn how
dope dealers operate, and, of course,
there will be more sitcoms on the hilar
ity scale, I presume, of those we have
known and loved in the past —like “Dif-
frent Strokes” and “Eight Is Enough”
(neither of which, in case you’re won
dering, dealt with sex), and the one with
the funny puppet from outer space who
looks like Howdy Doody on his way to
the rehab center.
Lewis
Grizzard
Columnist
He peers into the casket and
denly begins to sob uncontrollably.
sud-
“You rotten louse,” says his wife.
“You never had one nice word to say
about mother in the 30 years we’ve been
married, so don’t pretend you’re griev
ing because she’s dead.”
cians like the guy who tries to sell re
cords of where he plays a pan flute on
Ted Turner’s cable station; an appear
ance of Dolly Parton’s sister, Polly, who
can sing a lick, but that’s the only thing
she has in common with her sister, and a
man who can yodel through his ear.
“Eightysomething”: Real-life dramas
featuring residents of a nursing home in
Sylacauga, Ala. Lotsof prune jokes.
“Mr. Edwina”: Same as before, but
this time the horse is a transsexual.
But what the networks never tell us
are the ideas for the shows they turn
down. Each network gets hundreds
each year. I even wrote an idea for a
television show myself. And it was
turned down.
“I’m not grieving because she’s dead,”
her husband replies. “I just thought
there for a second I saw her move.”
Great stuff.
Actually, I stole the idea from my
stepbrother, radio star and author Lud
low Porch, who envisioned a sitcom
based around a funeral home where a
lot of funny stuff would happen, like
dead bodies getting lost, and slipping
embalming fluid into the boss’s coffee
cup.
At any rate, because I have so many
contacts at the networks, I was able to
obtain a list of some of the program
ideas that were turned down this year.
To have been hosted
son’s former lover.
Imagine how bad something must be
to be turned down by the networks, but
these didn’t make it:
“Sixty Seconds”:
wanted his own show.
“Thelma”: An obvious ripoff of the
hit show “Roseanne.”
were even
Ludlow called the show “Leave it to
the Bereaver.”
Said the guy at ABG in Hollywood,
“This is the worst idea for a sitcom I’ve
ever heard. Get out of my office.”
Frankly, I thought the idea I stole
from Ludlow was dynamite. Mr. Holly
wood never let me get to the part where
a guy shows up at the funeral home to
review the remains of his recently de
parted mother-in-law.
Only here, the people
more ordinary than the people on “Ro
seanne,” who were so ordinary you want
to wring their ordinary necks.
Nuclear
program
public support
“Slimestory”: Nighttime version of
daytime’s “Geraldo” with a weekly
lineup of topics dealing with sex, per
version, devil worship, animal husban
dry and the real lowdown on John
Tower.
Believe it or not, it has been 10 years
since the Three Mile Island blunder. 1
was only 10 years old at the time, but 1
remember the madness it created, as
I’m sure most of us do. And if l hree
Mile Island’s overrated accident didn’t
steam us enough, the Chernobyl mishap
probably did.
Chernobyl was a hot item for months.
The no-nuke loudmouths, who took the
Chernobyl accident as the “I told you
so” they so desperately were in search
of, apparently didn't care that the Soviet
reactor was nothing like its American
counterparts in design or safety. Our
unsupportive public has put the nuclear
power program in a precarious position.
America’s near dead nuclear program
may soon be resurrected.
Although nuclear power plants gen
erate one-fifth of the nation’s energy,
the last plant built was ordered 15 years
ago. I grew up about 30 miles from the
South Texas Nuclear Project, near Bay
City, and I have watched it develop at a
snail’s pace for virtually all my life.
This slow development is spawned by
controversy and negative public opin
ions, which seem to constantly shroud
nuclear energy. For America’s nuclear
program to be successful, its image must
change.
Many people view the nuclear pro
gram as unsafe because of the barrage
of rhetoric coming from the nuclear
protestors. A large and quite outspoken
group of people, most of whom are
uninformed of the facts about nuclear
safety, see this energy source as inher
ently bad. The nuclear program in this
country would be much more beneficial
and efficient even if we had general ap
athy for nuclear energy instead of the
loud, no-nuke factions.
New environmental factors have sin
gled out nuclear plants, as the cleanest
sources of large-scale energy, and new
developments have made nuclear power
even more safe.
Many new energy-related problems
have entered the scene since America’s
nuclear program was initiated. Global
warming may be the most important of
these. Most of us are familiar with the
greenhouse effect, which explains the
warming problem by pinning the blame
of our steamy planet on massive carbon
dioxide emissions. Conventional, or
non-nuclear, power plants are major
contributors to the carbon dioxide
build-up which has the potential to dras
tically affect our already beleagured
earth.
Since non-nuclear energy sources
such as coal or other fossil fuel-burning
plants spew vast quantities of sulfur di
oxide and other oxides of nitrogen, they
are also heavily responsible for acid
Matt
Me Burnett
Columnist
A hero who w
lot good enou
chool after, Br)
lay.
Trustees vote
Villiam Barret
ibout Travis’ me
Instead, blad
:ome the schoo
:ommander, wa
hat he had abai
jama and ownec
Bob Calvert c
:iety told trustee
vho in two we<
hing wonderful
Calvert and C
:al chapter of t
Advancement i
kanch would b
Branch, who
vorked her way
icrself an edu<
irst woman col
4irp<
KATY (AP)
vest Houston ai
that non-nuclear sources of energ)
harmful to the environment, theyiti
also be convinced that nuclear planlsu
safe and efficient.
Last week. Rep. Henry Waxraam
the House Energy and GommerceEai
ronment subcommittee listed a IV
Neches petroleum plant as posing
one-in-ten chance of causing came
Thirty other chemical or petrol®
plants in Texas, among 205 througlm
the nation, were listed in the report:
having at least a one-in-1,000 camffiluring a publh
risk. To counterpoint the safety ofiwonmentalists
clear plants, there’s a nuclear reafli
not far from where you live. In fact,I
nuclear reactor 1 speak of is on our on
Texas A&M campus.
The most feared nuclear accidenti
overheating the Fissioning uranium It:
point where it melts and releases rad#
active gas, such as in Chernobyl. H
Chernobyl accident forced America:
take a second look at its nuclear pit
gram and to develop new technoloi jy addressing t
corresponding to its research. Re® aind an airplan
developed designs are safer,
and smaller than the old ones. AM
new designs employ “passive” safety^
tures which rely more on natural for 1 '
such as gravity and convection.
One logical change in design pj
posed by Westinghouse
Electric is the use. of gravity as a rept
meat for the complex network of di«
engines used as water pumps in
loss of coolant. Water would berelea#
from huge tanks and simply flowM
ward to cool the overheating reactor
General Atomics of San Diego is
veloping a small encapsulated utilin’
actor which would be built undfj
ground and use helium gas rathem
ient of the fa
h'ea for waterfo
Representath
Houston Avk
hich plans to t
ation facility in
he Federal A
ion, which mus
o the testimo
Speakers Mond;
Pilot Phil H
and demonsti
5ffi(
. -v-.,,. AUSTIN (A
and Gentf j. ()n S er drought
forecast for th
irends continue
iartment of Agi
“We are foul
Commissioner J
by Rock Hud-
Andy Rooney
But wait until next year, all you who
failed. The networks will be even more
desperate by then.
Copyright 1989, CowlesSyndicate
I he nuclear method, in which atoms
are split-generating heat to make steam,
produces no atmospheric pollutants!
1 his cleanliness and a rapidly growing
demand for electricity must point to
wards an increase in power derived
from nuclear energy.
I his increase cannot occur solely by
default. Not only must the public
see
water as a cooling medium. Accord-
to Vice Chairman Linden Blue, c' fE
the helium leaked out, the fuel pd
would not get hotter than 2,0C
grees, which is far below the 3,61
gree point needed for meltdown
means that there can be no China-
drome— a hypothetical situation"'
fuel melts into a fiery glob and bun'
way to that half-communist Asn
country.
America needs nuclear energy j 0 ®
vive the ever-increasing poP uall ‘
problem. We are on the brink ob’
important revisions in our nuclear
ergy program. If we can master
supposed tabletop fusion, the P osSI ‘
ties are limitless. For any of tlub
cur, we need a supportive public 1,
case of nuclear energy, though, al V
formed person is usually a supp 0
one. ,,
Matt McBurnett is a junior el^
engineering major and a colun ,nli
The Battalion.
We know th
I: |that human, a
change,” he s
change, so must
karn that lesson
Hightower
study at a bri
Thelma was to be even fatter and
slobbier than Roseanne, and her hus
band, Eugene, was to be so ordinary
that in the first episode, he has a generic
vasectomy.
“The Boxcar Willie Show”: The idea
was for Boxcar Willie to host a variety
show featuring other mediocre musi-
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News Editors
Steven Merritt,
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Kathy Haveman,
Art Director
Hal Hammons,
Makeup Editor
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•We’ve found the basis for a Mideast agreement.
Brinj
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