V
The Battalion
PINION
Tht
Fri
Friday, May 5,1989
I
Postal service
delivers junk
FROI
Bi
liste<
the £
When yon sort through your mail,
and you find envelopes with your name
and address printed by computer, and
maybe some big red lettering that says:
“Urgent, Last Bargain Opportunity,”
what do you call this sort of communica
tion?
An interview would probably soun
like this:
per
four
lowe
Ir
com
itan
the
Dan
Of course, you call it junk mail. We all
receive it, and that’s what everybody
calls it: junk mail.
The Webster’s New World Dictionary
even has a listing for it, with the defi
nition: “advertisements, solicitations,
etc., mailed indiscriminately in large
quantities.”
Did I just say that everybody calls it
junk mail? I’m sorry, that was incorrect.
I had f orgot about the strange workings
of the bureaucratic mind.
per
Corr
“Why can’t the mailman call itjui
mail?”
“Because it is the policy of thel'S
Postal Service to call it ‘hulk-rate bus
ness mail,’ or ‘BBM.’”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Why because?”
“Because that is what we call it.”
(
t
By 5
STA
Mail Call
Liberal views not wanted
EDITOR:
This letter is in response to Adam Mathieu’s column
on our civil rights and the war on drugs. I sincerely
hope that Mr. Mathieu’s bledding-heart liberal views
are not what we students should expect from next
semester’s opinion page.
Mr. Mathieu, it is people like you and the American
Civil Liberties Union that are going to drive the United
States into the ground.
If someone acts suspicious, then I believe he or she
should be investigated. If a person has something to
hide, then being searched should not bother them too
much. I realize that being secretly investigated or
searched is not a fun experience, but I am willing to let
airport guards search me if it keeps a real terrorist off
the plane.
Since the beginning of time, suspicious looking
people have been in\estigated. If a person looks like a
criminal because of the way his face looks, the clothes he
wears or the way he acts, then investigate.
A f riend of mine once said, I lev man, then they’ll
start searching people for the wav the pattern is on their
tie."
I truly believe that people won't be searched for the
pattern of their shirts or the color of their ties.
Every time you think that suspicious people
shouldn’t be searched in airports, think of a mother and
her child. Then think of a Pan Am plane that was blown
out of the sky over Lockerbe, Scotland.
Steve O’Brien ’92
Lrflris hi tin' editor sltott/tl not exceed 300 it'ords in length. The editorial staff
resen’cs the right to edit letters for style and length, hut will make even' effort to
maintain the author's intent. Each letter uliist he signed and must include the
classification, address and telephone number of the writer,
ditor should nut exceed 300 words
One of the marks of the bureaucratic
mind is it will always look for a vague
and muddy way to say something sim
ple.
For example, a true bureaucrat
would never say: “Let’s think about this
problem.” He would say: “We must con
ceptualize.” He wouldn’t say: “Let’s do
something about it,” when he can say:
“We should begin the process of insti
tuting a solution.”
“But nobody else calls it that. Whe
the average American sorts throughfc
mail, he doesn’t say: ‘Doggone all
bulk-rate business mail, or BBM.'
says: ‘Doggone all this junk mail,
why can’t a mailman call it what even
body else calls it?”
Ti
Gret
A&I\
“He is not a mailman. He is a posi;
carrier.”
men
U
betw
will ,
dan),
revie
“Why do you call them postal a
t iers? They don’t carry posts.”
prov
nane
Wad
Which brings us back to “junk mail.”
It turns out the U.S. Postal Service does
not approve of this phrase.
It not only prefers that junk mail be
called “bulk-rate business mail,” or even
“BBM,” but it requries that its employ
ees ref rain from even referring to junk
mail as junk mail.
“Because that is what our policy is.
“Why?”
“Because.”
This was a lesson recently learned by
an Ohio mailman. Oops, another mis
take on my part. The bureaucrats pre
fer that they be called “postal carriers.”
“1 see. But is it really ‘unbeconw
conduct’ for someone to call junk rail
what it is—junk mail? What is so unk I
coming about it? I mean, the man didn |
moon the post office when he said! 1
How can two non-obscene, non-eroi
words be considered ‘unbecomingcot
duct’?”
secu
G
will i
have
Stud
be r<
have
A
Health center needs support
ft’s a tradition to criticize the A.P.
Beutel Health Center here at Texas
A&M.
Even the doctors at the clinic affec
tionately call it the “Quack Shack.”
But the “Shack’
credit than it gets.
deserves a lot more
Granted, the wait is often long, and
examinations seem hurried, but the
quality of the doctor’s care is adequate, if
not excellent.
In addition to the qualifications of
these doctors, the clinic is also sup
ported by a good staff of nurses and a
top rate laboratory with state-of-the-art
equipment.
the Tyler Health Center and the Uni
versity of Texas Medical Branch in Gal
veston, had a combined patient load of
approximately 52,700. And they proba
bly had a few more than seven doctors
to take care of all the patients.
. „Anyway, this mailman (to hell with
what (he bureaucrats want) works out of
a small town called Xenia. His route is in
the farmlands. And he recently was
quoted in a story in his local newspaper
about some junk mail being a nuisance.
He referred to it as “junk mail,” not
as “bulk-rate business mail,” or as
“BBM.”
“Because that is what our policy is
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Ah, I see. Now, you prefer that it I
called ‘BBM,’ is that correct?”
His superiors in the Xenia post office
read the story and it offended their bu
reaucratic sensibilities.
Some people say the doctors are not
qualified to practice anywhere else so
they come to the “Shack.” Perhaps this is
part of the tradition of criticizing the
clinic, but few people can question the
qualifications of the doctors.
Most people don’t have the luxury of
so many specialists and such quick and
convenient lab service. Certainly, almost
no students would if it weren’t for the
“Quack Shack.”
A bill has been introduced into the
Texas Legislature to raise the student
health fee from $15 to $25 during the
regular session. Apparently, the bill wall
allow students to vote on the increase
before it is passed.
The problem is not in the quality of
the doctors we currently have. The
problem is that there are not enough of
them to go around.
If that opportunity should arise, ev
ery student who has w'aited in the
“Quack Shack” for three hours should
vote for the fee increase. And that in
crease should go toward hiring more
doctors.
So the mailman (I hope my use of the
word makes their teeth grind) has been
punished.
For “conduct unbecoming a postal
employee,” he has been suspended,
without pay, for two weeks.
“Under our policy, we find that
ceptable.”
“But are you now aware there ai
those who use the combination oflo
ters, ‘BM,’ to refer to a bo«'
movement? And we could take it
step f urther, by adding another‘b’a*
we would have ‘big bowel movement'
that the sort of thing you want yoi
postal carriers saying?”
“That is not covered in our pola
manual.”
The mailman (choke on it, you bu
reaucrats) will lose about $1,300 in pay.
All of the doctors are licensed to prac
tice medicine in Texas, which means
they have gone through college, grad
uated from accredited medical schools
and have all had internships and post
graduate training. Four of the seven
doctors are qualified to take board ex
aminations to be licensed as specialists.
Most of the doctors have had post-grad
uate training in one or more specialties
and have held teaching positions rang
ing f rom instructor to clinical professor.
All of the doctors are required to take
continuing-education classes.
According to health center records,
an average of 155 patients per day vis
ited the clinic last summer, 289 patients
per day visited last spring and 365 pa
tients visited each day last fall.
Oh, and every student who has
waited for three hours should thank
their doctors when they do get to see
them. God knows they’ve been working
their tails off while we’ve been sitting on
ours.
That’s a stiff penalty. You can snatch
a purse or pluck a few hubcaps in Chi
cago and get off with a lighter rap than
a $ 1,300 fine.
“I find this shocking. You suspend
man for using a common phrase, wb
encouraging him to use what could!*
interpreted as scatological. Why
you reverse his suspension like a
fellow?”
The mailman’s superiors, a word I
use loosely, will not discuss the suspen
sion. Of course they won’t. They know if
they answer questions they will sound
like bubbleheads.
‘No, he has violated postal policy,
must be punished.”
al bs
“Then you, sir, are a re
reaucratic BBM.”
Copyright 1989, Tribune Media Services, Inc
BLOOM COUNTY
Including urgent care, the health
center saw roughly 68,500 patients last
year. Those patients were seen by the
current staff of seven doctors, two of
which only work part time. Thus, five
full-time doctors take care of an inordi
nate amount of people each day.
by Berke Breathe
In addition to the full-time staff,
mam specialists from Bryan and Col
lege Station also offer their services at
the clinic. There are specialists in: gen
eral surgery; urology; ear, nose and
throat; dermatology; obstetrics; gyneco
logy; orthopedics; pathology and X-ray.
In fact, the health center's patient
load exceeded the number of patients
admitted to the University of Texas
Health Science Center’s three teaching
hospitals.
In 1988, M.D. Anderson in Houston,
The Battalion
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Dean Sueltenfuss. Life Editor
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