The Battalion
OPINION
2
Monday, April 17,1989
Inheavy ^
early |
PALESTINIAN
ELECTIONS
Miiiit'-®' V0TE HJR - &
V
returns
^ # 0^-
/~T~i
bkMZeVL\£Z
€>l9&t HO&wn fW
a--
There must be
an alternative to
the income tax
By Sharon M
STAFF WRITE
Oh boy — it’s tax day.
And if you’re like I am, you waited
until today to dig out your W-2 forms
and start filling out your income-tax re
turn. (Actually, if you’re like I am, you
spent three hours rummaging through
a 4-foot pile of dirty clothes and found
your wadded up W-2 forms in the back
pocket of a pair of Wranglers you wore
three weeks ago — but on with our
story.)
Dean
Sueltenfuss
Opinion Page Editor
Mail Call
While I was filling out my tax return,
I began to wonder about the nature of
the income tax. Why do we have it? Why
should we be taxed for working? Exactly
what the heck is the government trying
to pull on us here anyway? Just who the
hell do those egghead, communist legis
lators of ours think they are? All IRS
agents must die!
This would save the United Stales
millions of dollars, not only becaust
Quayle’s staff won’t have to he paid, bui
because Quayle would be in a place
where he couldn’t speak the language.
Need help packing?
EDITOR.
In response to J. Frank Hernandez’ column on
the Corps of Cadets in the Monday, April 10
Battalion, and to all others in the past that have
“complaints” about Texas A&M, the Corps and
the traditions of this University — if you knew
about A&M before you came here, then shut up
and let others of us who chose to attend this
University enjoy it.
Why did you come here, anyway? You can
choose any number of other “world-class”
universities to attend. We like it the way it was.
Every heard of “Texas A&M — love it or leave
it”?
We don’t need radicals at this school for the
good old boys. Let me know when you’re leaving
— I’ll help you pack your bags.
Carol Landry ’87
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial
staff reserves the right to edit letters for style and length, but will make every
effort to maintain the author’s intent. Each letter must be signed and must
include the classification, address and telephone number of the writer.
Putting my anger to productive use, I
began to consider alternatives to the in
come tax. Perhaps I could come up with
an idea that would make it obsolete, I
thought.
This would save the government two
or three million dollars becauseit
wouldn’t have to pay for that expensive
libel/slander insurance anymore (which
is needed to cover lawsuits resulting
from Quayle putting his foot in his
mouth every time he says something).
4. Fine the officers and directors of
Exxon $100 billion for being irresponsi
ble, slow and just plain stupid.
I thought up six alternatives to the in
come tax that will keep our government
rolling in the dollars. Here they are:
Those rip-off artists are
getting trickier each day
1. Convict Donald Trump and H.
Ross Perot on charges of being rich,
pompous asses. Then confiscate all their
property and put it up for auction. This
should raise at least $45 billion.
If this doesn’t raise enough money,
we can dump Exxon officials into a vat
of oil and let them try to swim around in
it. (Tickets for watching this perfor
mance would be sold for the low, low
price of$l 12,000.)
5. Sell Alaska back to the Russians.
If the government still needs more
money, they could put Trump and
Perot in dunking booths and charge
people $150,000 per throw, which
should raise a few billion more.
Sure, Alaska is a,great state. But its
suc h a mess now, it’s hardly worth keep
ing. Anyway, the Soviet Union is proba
bly more concerned about cleaning it up
than our government is, so there’s no
reason not to sell it back to them.
When Jim Pell saw the envelope in his
mailbox, he felt a flutter in his stomach.
The envelope looked official, like some
thing from the government.
And he knew that it could not be
good news. It never is. It’s always some
thing like, “You made a mistake in your
tax return,” or “You are going to be au
dited’ or “You failed to Fill out the
proper form.”
When he opened the envelope, his
fears were realized. Out fluttered an of
ficial-looking form with boxes to be
filled in.
“The first thing I thought when I saw
that was ‘What did I do wrong, and how
much is it going to cost me,’ ” Pell said.
Then he looked at the letter that
came with the form. Across the top were
big black letters saying: “Federal Record
Service Corp., Birth Records Division,”
with a Washington, D.C., address.
And beneath that it said, in equally
big black letters:
“Important Notice:
“New federal legislation requires that
all dependents reaching age 5 by the
end of the tax year must be listed by So
cial Security number on your 1988 in
come tax return.
“Records indicate that your newborn
child may not have been registered with
the Social Security Administration. It is
important that your child be issued a So
cial Security card.”
The letter went on to say that if Mr.
Pell Filled out the form and sent $10,
they would process the form and get his
child the necessary ID number.
“Then I read it again slowly,” he said.
“And I realized there was nothing offi
cial about it. These were just some pri
vate operators looking for somebody
gullible.”
Exactly. It’s the old official-looking-
letter trick, which has become popular
among all kinds mail-order hustlers.
In this case, the hustlers who call
themselves the Federal Record Service
Corp., in Washington, D.C., were being
truthful. But only up to a point.
It is true that the tax laws require that
a taxpayer who claims a child 5 years or
older has to list the child’s Social Secu
rity number.
Among other reasons, it prevents di
vorced parents from claiming the same
child.
But what the letter didn’t say is that
you don’t have to pay something like the
Federal Record Service Corp. to get you
the number.
A Social Security official said: “The
problem people have with them is that
unless they read the fine print, they’re
liable to believe that they’re connected
with the government or that you have to
go through them to get a Social Security
card.
“They don’t. All they have to do is call
the local Social Security office and ask
them to mail the forms, or they can go
directly to the office. And it doesn’t cost
them anything.
“These companies just act as middle
men, using the authorization form they
send people. Some of them charge as
much as $40 for a service people can get
free.”
Is it legal? Undoubtably, yes.
But if enough people overlook the
buried disclaimer and are intimidated
by the letter’s official appearance, the
scam can be profitable.
My guess is that it’s run by some
meatball who used to sell used cars until
he brought a personal computer that
does desk-top publishing.
So if you get a letter from this outfit,
don’t panic. But don’t throw it away, ei
ther.
See, there’s an envelope that comes
with their material. And if you send the
envelope back, they have to pay the
postage. So throw away everything else
away, hut seal the envelope and drop it
in a mailbox. At least you’ll cost them 25
cents.
And, if the mood strikes you, feel free
to enclose an obscene note. It would be
2. Quit conducting stupid surveys
that cost millions of dollars.
The IRS recently conducted a $2 mil
lion dollar survey to find out exactly
how long it takes the average person to
fill out their 1040 tax form. Surveys
such as this are useless.
6. Fire William Bennett and appoint
Nancy Reagan as America’s new drug
czar. Bennett is spending entirely too
much money in the fight against drugs.
But even worse, he’s not winning.
Here’s an example of the kinds of
questions responsible surveys should an
swer: Exactly how long does it take for a
legislator to change his mind about ap
propriating money for stupid, $2 mil
lion studies when a 312-pound guy
named Bubba is whopping him upside
the head with a 3-foot section of two-by-
four?
We need to return to the old days
when Nancy w'as heading America’swar
on drugs. Sure, “Just Say No” didn't
work any better than Bennett’s banning
of guns, but at least it didn’t cost any
thing to enforce.
Well, those are my six proposals-
but there are many more out there. If
you think of any, please call your local
IRS office — I’m sure they’d appreciate
the input.
appropriate.
Copyright 1988, Tribune Media Services, Inc.
3. Fire Vice President Dan Quayle’s
staff and send him on a three-year dip
lomatic mission to Mongolia.
Dean Sueltenfuss is a junior journa
lism ma <or and opinion page editor for
The Baualion.
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breathed
.. a reucecY fkom
MY 'COfOKFUL " STKBerd
Of/ 1HB SOUTH
0(F& OF im/N /
f YOU 'THINK W5
ft ROCK CANPY, I YF KWIfl-
\ WN'T YOU? A TTWA5
x ^ v sm
FRW...
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Becky Weisenfels, Editor
Leslie Guy, Managing Editor
Dean Sueltenfuss, Opinion Page Editor
Anthony Wilson, City Editor
Scot Walker, Wire Editor
Drew Leder, News Editor
Doug Walker, Sports Editor
Jay Janner, Art Director
Mary-Lynne Rice, Entertainment Edi
tor
Editorial Policy
The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting newspa
per operated as a community service to Texas A&M and
Bryan-College Station.
Opinions expressed in The Baualion are those of the
editorial board or the author, and do not necessarily rep
resent the opinions of Texas A&M administrators, fac
ulty or the Board of Regents.
The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper
for students in reporting, editing and photography
classes within the Department of Journalism.
The Battalion is published Monday through Friday
during Texas A&M regular semesters, except for holiday
and examination periods.
Mail subscriptions are $17.44 per semester, $34.62
per school year and $36.44 per full year. Advertising
rates furnished on request.
Our address: The Battalion, 230 Reed McDonald,
Texas A&M University, College Station, TX 77843-1 111.
Second class postage paid at College Station, TX
77843.
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breatheo
POSTMASTER: Send address changes to The Battal
ion, 216 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M University, Col
lege Station TX 77843-4111.
Student Y Y'
literally- ad 1 un
Saturday’s e
ue Station thi
paders to con
gyle Field was
parents and co
director of You
“Youth Fun
t 0 promote go
A&M students
lege Station coi
The 160 p
were divided
about 90 Tex
tbeir counselo
name and a y<
Fish Camp t
[eam s were th<
phants, Mean
Purple People-
fheBattalic
Calif
By Holly Bed
reporter
Imagine. . . .
:le later than
car and drive t
your personalii
faculty/staff lo
raffle.
A dream con
Texas A&M?
A&M Director
and Transit To
Ham
gene
By Juliette
STAFF WRI
Nearly 1,
dents and l
dents gave
Sunday as
Across Aj
across the Pi
Keri Keif
event, said i
eluded Su
Week, was
1,500 non-j