The Battalion
he Battalion
Opinion
!STA
Iriday, April 7,
Friday, April 7,1989
Shhh! Don’t say
anything to Toto
Corps
revise
By Stephen Mas
SENIOR STAFF W
Reveille IV would be proud.
Her funeral is getting more attention
than Jessica McClure got when she fell
into the well.
It takes practice to develop
proper leering techniques
Reveille, Lassie and Rin Tin Tin rate
better funerals than most members of
royalty in small, underdeveloped coun
tries. Those kings of the dog world are
probably in doggy heaven right now,
chewing on dog biscuits and reclining
on their velvet La-Z Boys — touched
that we should honor them in this way.
I really hope my dog doesn’t find out
what is going on here because he could
really get jealous.
When Toto (that’s my dog — my
mom named him) first found out about
Reveille, he went wild. A black and
white photo of Reveille was hung by his
doggy bed, and every night Toto would
lean over and lick it before he went to
sleep.
When the Aggies played on TV,
there was Toto, front and center, wait
ing for the camera to allow him a single
glimpse of his hero, Reveille.
Then one day Toto overheard my
family discussing Reveille — how Rev
could get on furniture and go into class
rooms. Toto felt his civil rights were be
ing violated since he could not climb on
furniture.
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Becky
Weisenfels
Editor
Richard Hummel will get no sympa
thy from me. He has only himself to
blame for his troubles.
Hummel, as you may have read or
heard, is a 60-year-old engineering pro
fessor at the University of Toronto who
has been barred from the campus swim
ming pool because he leers at female
swimmers.
rection, so you never got a look at his
face.
have learned to do it subtly enough not
to get caught.
If you are going to hang around a
The females who complained to the
university’s sexual harassment board
said Hummel’s leering has been going
on for years. They say he even took to
wearing a snorkel mask so that his leer
ing would not be noticeable.
The board agreed that Hummel’s
leering was a clear case of sexual ha
rassment and barred the professor from
the pool for five years.
The ruling has upset some men, who
consider this is a clear case of female
chauvinism.
swimming pool to do your leering, there
are a number of effective maneuvers.
They point out that many women at
swimming pools make a practice of leer
ing, staring or gawking at muscular
young men. Or hunks, as modern fe
males call them.
One of’ them is the old crick in the
neck trick. It consists of turning your
head to the side, permitting you to peek,
while rubbing your neck as if in pain. If
the object of your leer makes eye con
tact, you simply grimace, turn your
head the other way, say ouch, and con
tinue rubbing.
Or there is the old drying off the face
trick, which is hard to detect. You sim
ply go through the motions of drying
your face and scalp, while peering or
leering over the top or around the edge
of the towel.
He could do this because while work
ing he wore glasses that had a tiny rear
view mirror attached to the side of the
frame.
I don’t know if anyone sells these
frames, but as an engineer, Hummel
should have the skills to make a pair for
himself.
Hummel did not want to discuss pool-
banning or anything else, so I don’t
know if he is married. My guess is that
he isn’t.
Any married man would have at least
learned the old wearily rubbing your
forehead and eyes with your fingers
spread trick.
And this guy is a professor? What a
sad state education has come to.
Copyright 1989, Tribune Media Services, Inc.
Toto picketed our house for three
days with a pack of mutts who were
passing through town. They were hip
pie dogs, with long hair, and they
smelled like they hadn’t taken a bath in
a week. We were afraid Toto would pick
up some of their bad habits, like chew
ing grass, so we reminded Toto how Re
veille was such a good role model. We
told Toto that Reveille would not ap
prove of such behavior, and Toto
packed it in with shame in his eyes.
But now Reveille IV is getting the fu
neral of the decade, nothing like the
ceremony we gave my other dog, who
died when I was younger.
I was about five years old when Spot
died. Spot was a little white mutt with a
big black spot on his back — now you
know where I got his name from. Yes, I
named Spot and we were good buddies.
One summer, we took Spot to my
grandparents’ house to leave him for a
while. My grandparents lived next to a
highway, and Spot soon really became!
spot — on the highway.
Spot was put to rest underatreen
our back yard. We put him nearilii
grave of a gopher that the next doo
neighbors had buried earlier that yeat
— for some reason tragedy ran ratnpam
in our neighborhood that year.
Spot was wrapped in an old pieceo!
cloth. We tried to find a box, but hew
too big for a shoe box, and Mom
wouldn’t let us dig a hole bigenoughfoi
the refrigerator box we had, so wetisal
the piece of cloth.
It was a shallow grave. “LostinSpacc'
was coming on at 4 p.m. and wedidei
have time to do the professionaljobtk
Spot really deserved.
We dumped the limp body into [lit
grave and covered it with dirt. We pm
some weeds on top of the grave. Wealso
thi ew a few weeds on the gopher'sgrave
for good measure.
We stuck a makeshift cross at
head of the grave. My brother was
dressed in a black robe that we found it
a closet. He was the priest, andhesaida
short prayer. We had communion,
which was really smushed Wonder
bread and red Kool-Aid.
A rousing chorus of “She’ll be Com
ing ’Round the Mountain” ended lit
service, and, as the last tear coursed
down our dirty cheeks, we turned ai
raced screaming into the house. Sp
was a distant memory, another bump
the ground to serve for third base whet
we played kickball.
Toto doesn’t know many of thede
tails surrounding Spot’s funeral, but
know one day we will have to tell him.
am also afraid Toto will compare dm
ceremony to the one Reveille is getting
and we will have another strike on out
hands.
Becky Weisenfels is a senior joum
I ism major and editor of The Battalion
Sena
By Stephen Master
SENIOR STAFF WRIT
A bill that recent
itate Senate would
nent entities to avoid
jjj lidates’ names for sc
:ices.
If approved by tf
lov. Bill Clements
form, the bill, with a
lySen. Bob McFarlan
tould allow public of
lold the names of can
nanager, school supei
iniversity chief execm
ila list of finalists is (
)ill requires the relea:
lalists at least seven d
icdon is taken on the c
But has anyone heard of a woman be
ing barred from a pool for this practice?
It’s even possible, these males con
tend, that this could also be a case of age
discrimination. They question whether
young women would blow the whistle
on a young male with attractive lats and
pecs.
Others wonder how women can really
know they are being leered at by some
one wearing a snorkel mask, and they
have a point. Eyes play a major part of a
genuine leer. And if you can’t see a per
son’s eyes, it would be difficult to say
with certainty that he is leering. He
might merely be staring, rather than
leering.
Of course, females might respond
that staring is as serious an offense as
leering, although I don’t agree. A leer
could indicate that the leerer was having
lewd thoughts. But a stare might rep
resent nothing more than admiration
for a swimming suit or curiosity about
the cause and effect of cellulite in the
thighs.
But we are splitting hairs. Or splitting
stares. The fact is, whether he was leer
ing or staring, peering or gawking, by
the time a man reaches 60, he should
There is nothing difficult about the
old stretching and yawning trick. You
just stretch your arms, yawn, and squint
your eyes. That is the way almost every
one stretches and yawns. The secret is
the squinting. You just crinkle your eye
muscles as if squinting, buy you don’t
really squint because you want to be able
to peer at the object of your lust. It’s dif
ficult for someone to detect the differ
ence between real squinting and fake
squinting. You can master this trick af
ter only a few minutes practice in front
of a mirror.
Those ugly rumors just aren’t true
And how does a man get to be 60
without knowing the old big dark
glasses trick? With a set of wraparound
or aviator style shades, no one can see
your eyes.
This permits you to face north, while
your eyes are facing northwest. Or, de
pending on how good your peripheral
vision is, even east by northeast.
As a last resort, I would recommend a
device used by an old-time private eye
known as Smitty.
Smitty specialized in divorce work,
which meant he would stake out motels,
bars and other places the unfaithful
meet.
He was very successful, and one of
the keys to his success was that he could
watch you while facing the opposite di-
High on Texas A&M President Mob
ley’s list of headaches, below only the
George Smith story-of-the-week, is the
school’s soaring enrollment. A&M can
not seem to build enough buildings or
hire enough faculty and staff to keep up
with the increasing number of new Ag
gies.
To solve this problem, the school
raised its admission standards this year
and plans to continue doing so in the fu
ture. I don’t like that idea. We don’t
need to become a larger version of Rice:
high on the academic scale, low on the
football and partying scale. We must
keep our priorities straight.
I have a better idea. We should
change the letters of acceptance sent to
prospective students. Here is how such a
letter should be written:
Dear Mr. Jones:
We are pleased to grant you admis
sion to Texas A&M for the Fall 1990 se
mester.
One of the first things you will notice
upon arriving here is that parking is not
the problem you may have heard it is.
The Wal-Mart in Navasota has ample
parking space, and you will find the
walk great exercise every time you want
your car. Of course, you can park closer
if you desire to meet our friendly Uni
versity police.
Scot
Kibbe
Guest Columnist
On-campus housing is no problem ei 1 -
ther. We will find room for you whether
it be in a broom closet, a shower stall or
whatever is available. And we will not at
tempt to match you with a roommate
who shares common interests with you.
The possibilites for roommates boggle
the mind.
Are you afraid of missing your moth
er’s cooking? It’s all right. You will love
our campus dining halls. Everyone
agrees they serve the best imitation of
food anywhere. The workers are hospi
table and harmless so long as you do not
complain while they have sharp knives
in their hands.
You may choose to join our world-fa
mous Corps of Cadets. This would be a
wise choice. They will teach you new
ways to talk, dress and even eat. You will
have fun-runs at 6 a.m. every day re
gardless of the weather. You will be part
of war games, mind games and, with
some luck, you will perfect your push
ups. And don’t worry about grades. You
can study over Thanksgiving. Your pro
fessors will understand.
Like the Corps, Aggie Bonfire is a
great Aggie tradition. Every Saturda)
and Sunday for two months youcango
out and chop wood all day long. ]
live in the dorms, enthusiastic person!
will come by at 5 a.m. to make sure
fire has not slipped your mind.
Someday, if you work hard, you
become a bonfire leader or “red
which will allow you to stand beyondtt
gurgitating distance of the happy Ag
gies. And while you work on bonfire
don’t worry about grades. You
study over Thanksgiving. Your profes
sors will understand.
If you choose to study before ikt
break, there is no better place to do»
than Sterling C. Evans Library. Thisii
the coziest major university library
where. It is also a great place to I
about Greek life at A&M. Youwiilheai
from them anywhere you go in theli
brary. You can also study in the don*
between the hours of 5 and 6 a.m. when
noise is controlled.
We hope you will choose Texas A&'l
as your new home, like almost ever)
other graduate in the state of Texasrf
this year. This will be evident when you
stand in line to register. See you in
fall. Gig ’em Aggies.
Scot Kibbe is a junior Journalist
major and guest columnist for The Bai
talion.
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Becky Weisenfels, Editor
Leslie Guy, Managing Editor
Dean Sueltenfuss, Opinion Page Editor
Anthony Wilson, City Editor
Scot Walker, Wire Editor
Drew Leder, News Editor
Doug Walker, Sports Editor
Jay Janner, Art Director
Mary-Lynne Rice, Entertainment Edi
tor
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Opinions expressed in The Battalion are those of the
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resent the opinions of Texas A&M administrators, fac
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Corps of Cadet
cials said security
increased in and ai
dence halls less tha
ter an attack on t
dels.
Keys were issuec
Dorm 5 for outer c
able doors were ac
of the stairwells <
March 28, six days
entered the fourth
two female cadets i
Lane, assistant dir
Housing, said.
The assailant,
identified as Harn
entered the room
friend with two rif
ing knife. Horak i:
Brazos County Jai
counts. Bail has
$100,000.
George Thoma
Corps housing, sai<
curity measures in
female members
Band to lock their <
a day.
Cadets normall)
to have their door
locked during pr
formation in the
during call to quar
tory study time fo
7:30-10:30 p.m. Si
Thursday.
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