The Battalion
opinion
Wednesday, April 5,1989
Are you a good driver? Take
an offensive driving course
The officer peered down at me.
“Boy, do you know how fast you were
going?" he asked.
“About 40 miles per hour, I guess.”
“Well, I clocked you at 42. Do you know
what the speed limit is on this stretch of
road?”
“I thought it was 55.”
“Not the maximum limit, the minimum.”
“Uh, I don’t know.”
“For your information, the minimum on
this road is 45 mph, and you were going at
best 42. I’m afraid Fm going to have to write
you a ticket for impeding and attempting to
obstruct traffic.”
I scanned the empty road. Why would he
give me a ticket? I remembered that it was
the 30th of the month. He had to fill his
quota, 1 guessed. Wait a minute, did he say
impeding?
“What do you mean I was impeding?” I
asked.
You were going below the minimum
speed limit,” he explained. “In this county
that’s a moving violation.”
“How much is the fine?” I asked.
“For only three miles under, just the base
rate of $30. Or you can pay $20 to take an
offensive driving course, and then you won’t
be publicly embarrassed by having this on
your record.”
“Offensive? Don’t you mean defensive
driving?”
“Defensive driving? My god, kid, you
Timm
Doolen
Columnist
were going 42 on a 55 mph highway. You
can’t get any more defensive than that. You
need to take an offensive driving course.
They’ll teach you how to be more aggressive
on the road. They’ll tell you how to take
chances and offend other drivers. Anyway,
here’s your ticket.”
“Thanks and have a nice day,” I said as he
walked back to his car.
It sounded like it would be a boring expe
rience, but I didn’t need my insurance iates
going down, putting me in a higher tax
bracket. Getting a ticket for driving too slow
was also a blow to my manhood; I didn’t
want to be considered an “impediment” for
the rest of my life.
Weeks later I entered the offensive driv
ing classroom and noticed that the over
whelming majority of the class consisted of
senior citizens, with just a few obvious first
time drivers. I sat in the back next to another
“younger” guy so we could laugh at the in
structor and make fun of the older people’s
comments.
After talking to a few of the people, I real
ized that most were there on an impeding
charge. But a few of them were there for
other charges like signaling for a lane
change when no other cars were around, un
necessarily waving for cars to go in front of
them at a jammed intersection, stopping at a
stale yellow light, pulling over to the rijAit to
let people pass, and other various courteous
or safe driving techniques.
The instructor of the class handed out a
booklet, “How To Bend the Rules of the
Road,” which was our text. /
I glanced at some of the headings and
sub-headings. “Ten Ways To Legally Run a
Stop Sign,” “Nothing Makes Them Madder
Than Tailgating,” and “Blind Them — Use
the High Beam” looked interesting.
So did “Conveying Emotions Without
Speaking: The Art of Rude Gesturing,”
“Why Restrict Yourself to Half the Road?
Use the Left Lane,” and “Effective Use of
the Horn To Annoy People.”
No sooner had I started reading about the
advantages of keeping my mind focused on
the stereo during heavy traffic when the in
structor started lecturing to us.
“Let’s start by talking for a few minutes
about pulling out in front of people. Now,
the best way to maximize the amount of frus
tration you can instill in another driver is to
wait until the car is approximately two sec
onds or four car lengths from you when you
pull out. The amount of time varies with car
speed, of course.” He pointed to the chart.
“Now don’t worry about getting hit. While
you’re pulling out, just remember — the
2
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Mail Call
It
Don’t forget vet school
EDITOR:
This is an open letter to president Mobley and the Board of Regents,
Although I am not a member of the veterinary school, I am very
concerned as to why its accreditation has been downgraded.
I hear the main reason is for lack of funding. This is very puzzling since
A&M appears to be growing faster than most major universities.
It seems the Regents are appropriating new money left and right (new
buildings, garages, centers) on top of raising fees.
The vet school is a cornerstone of this University and does not deserveto
be forgotten. Hopefully, through responsible spending and leadership,the
veterinary school will be restored to its full status.
Jeff Boylan ’90
Simply shocking
EDITOR:
I can’t believe that you let Scott McCullar’s cartoon run on April 3, With
all the attention that racism at A&M has been given recently, it is shocking
that someone would have the audacity to try to use a racial joke in the school
newspaper.
In fact, this is the second time this has been done by Mr. McCullar. This
insensitivity is proof of the one thing that so many are denying lately: Racism
is indeed alive and well at Texas A&M.
Kevin Worley ’91
Let’s fix parking problem
EDITOR:
As a student in the Commons who has to park in the Fish Lot on occasion,
I agree with Becky Weisenfels that our parking situation needs a lot of help,
However, as a student senator who is currently studying the parking and
busing situation or other campuses, I feel that we are not ones to complain.
At Ohio State for example, over 22,000 students bought parking permits
for just over 4,000 spaces.
At UCLA, the parking lots are a 15 to 20 minute bus ride away. Or, if you
love walking to your car in subzero weather, go to the University of
Minnesota. Their parking lots for residents are in the ozone layer.
However, if you don’t give a damn about other schools and care to
something about A&M’s parking and bus situation, come to our committee
meetings. They are open to students and we would like your input. We
usually meet in Room 208D of the Pavilion at 5 pm on Mondays.
As a final thought, a good shuttle bus service, which ours is not, could
make up for a bad parking situation.
Brian Kingston ’91
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reserves the right to edilltlltn
for style and length, but will make every effort to maintain the author's intent. Each letter must besigntdtd
must include the classification, address and telephone number of the writer.
other car has brakes and the driver knows
how to use them.”
I couldn’t handle the boredom, so I put
my head on my desk and soon fell asleep.
I woke up to the instructor’s voice. “A
good rule to remember for stoplights is
“green — go, yellow — go, and red —cau
tion.” With yield signs, well, they’re put up
more for decoration than anything else, so
go ahead and ignore them.”
“OK, let’s watch a film.”
He cranked up the projector so the class
could watch “Eating and Putting on Makeup
While Driving.” The second half of the film
showed the women of the audience the
proper techniques for putting on makeup on
the way to work and the nasty consequences
of having an accident while doing so.
The movie showed us a woman whose
face had been permanendy scarred with a
line of lipstick running from her mouth to
her ear. It wasn’t a pretty sight. Another
woman was forced to slam on her brakes
while applying makeup, and swallowed a
tube of lipstick.
The next film, “Yes You Can Beat That
Train,” weighed the advantages of sa»y
time against other factors, like safety.
T he course ran its length and 1 passe
with a suitable-for-framing certificate:
prove it. After the graduation ceremom
where we each went up to receive our ceiti
cate, I hung around to talk to the instnffl
for awhile. It turned out that he was a In
yer.
When I went out to my car, I noticedtk
there were four obviously recent accidenist
the parking lot, all involving students ofii
class. T hat instructor must be a proud mi
1 thought.
Driving away from the mayhem, 1 real®
I’d learned a few things from the course,df
spite the boredom: I shouldn’t be tiiri
while driving because the road is at my®
mand and nobody else’s; also, the rulesi
the road are just guidelines, not to be tale
seriously; and most important, I can malt
that yellow light in front of me if I speed:!
just a little.
Timm Doolen is a sophomore compute
science major and a columnist for The Bi
talion.
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Reagan’s missing the gunfight at
The late Judge John King, a
tough South Side Chicago Irishman,
had a simple way of measuring a
person’s loyalty and character.
Of some people, he’d approvingly
say: “If you have to walk down to the
O.K. Corral, he’ll go with you.”
Or with a sneer, he’d say of some
one else: “If you have to walk down
to the O.K. Corral, don’t wait for
that guy. He’ll hide in the outhouse.”
He was referring, of course, to the
legendary gunfight in Tombstone,
Ariz., when Wyatt Earp, with his two
brothers and Doc Holliday at his
side, walked down to the O.K. Corral
to take on the bad guys.
It was his way of saying whether a
person was, to use a Chicago phrase,
“a stand-up guy.”
I thought about Judge King’s old-
fashioned standard while reading
Mike
Royko
Columnist
about the latest developments in the
Oliver North trial.
> And I was surprised and sad
dened to see that Ronald Reagan,
the Old Cowboy, is still not inclined
to walk down to the O.K. Corral with
Ollie North.
North’s lawyer has subpoenaed
Reagan as a defense witness.
That makes sense. They’d like to
put Reagan on the stand and get him
to concede that he knnew a lot more
about the Iran-contra affair than
he’s admitted to.
If North’s lawyer could do that, it
would make North appear less of a
loose cannon, breaking laws and
thumbing his nose at Congress when
he saw fit, and more of a loyal, obe
dient Marine, fulfilling the wishes of
his commander in chief.
Obviously, Reagan doesn’t want to
testify about what he knew or didn’t
know, since the Justice Department
has t>een fighting to keep him off the
witness stand.
This has to be a great disappoint
ment to North. Although Reagan
fired him when the scandal began
unfolding, Reagan made a point of
describing North as a “hero.”
It has to be gratifying to be called
a “hero” by the president of the
United States.
On the other hand, it must have
been confusing to North to be fired
and called a hero at the same time. It
would be understandable if North
said: “I thought they held parades
for heroes. Hov come I get a pink
slip instead of a ticker tape shower?”
By calling North a “hero,” Reagan
persuaded a large segment of the
population, who had never before
heard of the Marine colonel, that he
really was a hero. And that helped
North win most popularity polls dur
ing and after his testimony at the
congressional hearings.
But now the “hero,” is up to his
ears in trouble, standing trial for
shredding government documents,
providing illegal aid to the contras
and other alleged ^mischief while
working in the White House.
If he’s convicted on even some of
the charges, he could wind up in a
federal prison.
That would probably make him
the first American ever fired and im-
the O.K. Corral
prisoned for acts of heroism. If it
happens, I can imagine other mili
tary men saying: “What, you want to
f ive me a medal? Please, I beg you,
on’t. I have a wife and kids to think
of.”
So if there was ever a time when
North needed a stand-up guy at his
side, it’s now. After all, if Reagan
thought North was a “hero,” that
must mean he approved of what
North had been doing to further
Reagan’s goals. And if he considered
North a hero, he must have been
aware of what North was up to. Or
else he wouldn’t have called him a
hero, would he?
Of course not. I can’t believe that
Ronald Reagan would tell the Amer
ican people that someone was a hero
if he didn’t know for sure that he
was. Maybe he would have done that
when he was a sports announcer, but
surely not as president.
This, then, would be the apptt
priate time for Reagan to say: “Oft
I’m not going to let you taketls
long walk down to the O.K. Corr*
all by yourself. I’m going to beri{! ;
there with you, partner.”
That’s not too much to ask. Aflfl
all, Doc Holliday did it for Wyi5
Earp, and Holliday was nothing ft
a dentist who gave up pulling teeil
for the life of a card shark and g®
fighter. I think we have the rights
expect more of a president than>
boozing ex-dentist.
Of course, there mightbeagooJ
reason why Reagan doesn’t wantu
walk down to the O.K. Corral will
Ollie, the “hero.”
Maybe Reagan didn’t see tit
movie.
Copyright 1989, Tribune Media Stf'
ices, Inc.
The Battalion
(USPS045 3€0)
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Mary-Lynne Rice, Entertainment Edi
tor
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