Opinion
The Battalion Friday, Nov. 11, 1988 Page
Si
It’s the all-new Dating Game with Duke and TjBc
1
Sure he’s rich. Sure he’s intelligent.
Sure he’s a Democrat. Sure he almost
was elected President. Sure Mike Duka
kis is a reasonably attractive guy, but
would you really want to go out with
him?
Now on the other hand, take me. I’m
Rich — after all that is my name. I’m in
telligent. I’m a Democrat. And I was al
most elected president of the Stamp
Club my senior year in high school, but
would you really want to go out with
me?
According to Dr. Mark Alexander, a
doctor and psychiatrist from Dallas,
women are more sexually attracted to
men who have large feet and large ad-
am’s apples. “I have found that women
are more attracted to the man who is tall
and has an unusually large adam’s
apple, large hands and large feet,” he
said. “They take these large features as a
sign of sexual superiority.”
According to Dr. Joyce Brothers in an
article in the November 1982 issue of
“Reader’s Digest,” dating is defined as
the primal need to bond with the mem
ber of the opposite sex in a social arena.
What does this mean in English? Every
one needs somebody to go out with on
dates once in a awhile. I have no prob
lems with this.
Actually, I think women out there in
Aggieland would rather go out with me
than the governor of Massachussetts.
Why, do you ask? Simple. When you
stand the two of us next to each other
and compare us, you’ll soon see that,
while neither of us are truly magnificent
specimens of the human species, I am a
much more attractive and loveable guy.
All you need to do is take a look at the
physical, financial and moral sides of my
arguments, and you’ll hopefully soon
start to see my side of things.
First of all, it is a proven fact that
women find men that are taller more at
tractive. Dukakis is 5-foot-5. I’m 6’4”. If
you can’t take my word for it, studies
have been made which determine that
women are more attracted to taller men.
Aside from Dukakis being short and
dumpy, he also has a large nose. Al
though the ancient Greeks and Romans
considered a large nose as a sign of roy
alty, the harsh reality is that times have
changed. Large noses in today’s society
are strictly taboo.
Any woman out there can sympathize
with the fact that it is simply uncomfort
able to kiss someone for an extended
period of time who has, as Bloom Coun
ty’s Opus aptly puts it, a sizeable schnoz.
Richard
I ijenna
Guest columnist
Also, Dukakis seems to only own a
few ties, and all the ones he does have
are all red. I personally have several ties
in many different colors. There is also
evidence that he may buy his ties sec
ond-hand, since he also buys his suits
that way.
But I am not alone in my beliefs that
you’d rather go out with me than the
Duke. Other extremely knowledgeable
and totally unbiased sources have even
described me as more attractive than
Michael Dukakis.
e/j ves cle ti, Ricardo. Tu estes muy gua-
Po"
For you non-Spanish speaking people
out there, this means “My God, I can’t
imagine any woman wanting to go out
with him more than you, Richard. You
are very handsome.”
Besides, Mike Dukakis’ eyebrows are
too bushy. No pun intended.
Now don’t misinterpret what I am
trying to say. I realize I am not Mr. Uni
verse, or even Mr. Solar System, or even
Mr. Earth, or even Mr. College Main.
Instead, I present myself to you merely
as only the lesser of two evils, much like
the presidential election Nov. 8.
In addition to all the physical reasons
I have presented, there also other finan
cial reasons why I’d be a better date than
Dukakis. To put it simply, his reputa
tion is that he is cheap and tight with his
money.
For example, Estrella Tijerina, my
mother that I love so much, was heard
to have said while eating dinner with me
last weekend, “Dios mio, no me puedo
imaginar ninguna mujer que vaya con el
Imagine the situation: “Uh, hello is
Mary-Lou there? Hi, Mary-Lou, this is
Mike. Dukakis. Yeah, yeah, how ya
doin’? Great. Well, uh, anyway, Kitty’s
gone out for the night to some kind of
bingo function and I was wondering if
you could fly up and maybe go out to
dinner and see a movie. You would?
Great! Where do you wanna eat? You
say you want to eat at Luciano’s? Gee,
that’s kind of expensive, Mary-Lou,
even on a Wednesday night. I was think
ing of something more along the line of
Kentucky Fried Chicken. Yeah, that’s
right: KFC. You see, I have discount
coupons. You know, a good meal at a
good price? What’s that? Chicken makes
you break out? I see. Well, I’ll tell you
what, I’ll fly down there and we can just
go out at A&M. Uh, (clears throat) do
you still have that point plan account?
Great. So, after dinner, what movie do
you wanna catch? You say “Rattle and
Hum’’ is showing at the Plaza 3? How
much do tickets cost down there? Five
dollars? Oooh. Ouch. Well, 1 actually
had my heart set on seeing Young Guns.
It is still at Dollar Days down there, isn t
it? Great. Okay, baby, the discount flight
I want to catch leaves in ten minutes, so
I’ll see you in a little while. Okay, gotta
go, I’m paying for this call, you know. ”
Besides, let’s face facts. It is just too
expensive to fly back and forth from
Easterwood Airport to Boston Interna
tional on a regular basis. We’re talking a
lot of money here, and that hurts even if
you do have a good job at a good wage
in this now gentler, kinder nation.
In addition to physical and financial
reasons, it is morally questionable to go
out with Michael Dukakis. He is 55 years
old. My father is 54. And believe me,
not any women out there would want to
date my father. Also, Dukakis is, after
all, happily married to a woman named
after an animal. Not very many women
out there would be able to compete
against a name like “Kitty.”
And for those of you who
know he was married, the tat ism
of the bag.
Again, no pun intended.
Finding the right person to
with on a date is both an importani
difficult process. It takes muchtii
consideration to mull over all the
bililies. I understand the
Michael Dukakis and myse
you out on the same night is,ath The board
remote one. But if it were to
hope you’d turn him down and con
the alternative
Me.
I wqotdd have no hesitationsn
ing your dinner and taking you
“Rattle and Hum.” I knowwhatio
yell practice. I’m more on you
level. I live off campus. I’ninotmar
And I make a mean breakfast.
So if you want to go outandd
the historical impact of universal,i
care insurance for every man, m
and child in the country, go
Mike Dukakis.
But if you want to go out, haveai
time and have a laugh or two,p
with me instead. I realize that
those who would want to go
neither of us. I am not saying lam:
attractive than the governor, or tv
better person. I am merely saying
going out with me would bea:
practical choice.
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I worked from
Was it a bachelor’s or M.R.S.
degree that I was wanting?
When I was younger, I used to have
this funny notion that if I didn’t get
married while I was still in college, or if
I didn’t at least meet the person I was
going to marry, then I would be single
the rest of my days. I sure hope I
thought wrong.
I guess it had to do with the fact that
my parents got married while they were
in college, my friends’ parents got mar
ried while they were in college, my tea
chers got married while they were in
college and most marriage announce
ments featured college students.
Lydm
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Berzsenyi
'. -
Editor
If I were married, think of what I’d
be in for.
I’d probably have to share a checking
account. True, it would contain twice as
much money, but that would cause twice
as many complications, too.
nice it would be to see all my old friends,
especially since I hadn’t seen some of
them for several years.
All those marriage/college connec
tions had convinced me that I had to
meet my mate for life while I was get
ting my college degree.
But I certainly wasn’t prepared
what I found.
for
I’d actually have to plan my finances
so that there would be money for two of
us instead of just me. When you’re sin
gle and you spend all your money, at
least you’re not depriving anyone else of
a meal or a new pair of shoes. But when
you get married, you’ve got someone
else to consider in your spending.
When I got to Texas A&M, it didn’t
get much better. In one class, the tea
cher told us that of all the students at
Texas A&M, probably 70 percent would
meet the person they were going to
marry before they graduated.
My current roommate and I walked
into the church and immediately no
ticed that we were the only ones without
dates. We found out later that all our
friends’ dates were actually their
spouses, fiances or significant others
(ring-due-in-December type).
But I figured they were kidding.
When I was a freshman, most of my
friends were single. But by the spring
semester, I was already noticing a lot of
people pairing off.
That’s when we started to feel slightly
uncomfortable. What happened to all
the single friends we had? Had they all
forsaken the single bars and gone for a
life of broccoli for two?
And what about food? I have a hard
enough time remembering to feed my
self most of the time. I’ll usually remem
ber about eight in the evening that I
hadn’t eaten dinner. If I were married,
I’m sure I would be reminded that it was
time for dinner, but what if they were
just as forgetful or just as busy as me?
We’d both be two starving people, that’s
for sure.
In January, I introduced the girl
across the hall to a friend of a friend.
They both needed dates to a certain
party, and I didn’t think anything of set
ting them up together. Little did I know
that they would continue to see each
other.
Since my roommate and I were each
others’ dates for the wedding and recep
tion, we started taking a good, close look
at our lives. Should we be getting wor
ried because we weren’t married?
Should we be looking for lifelong mates
in the near future? Were we ready for
all that married life would entail?
I’m not saying that I never want to get
married. That’s not it at all. I do look
forward to having a husband one day (if
anyone will have me). The thought of
having someone to consult with and to
share with does interest me. I’m just
glad that I don’t have to worry about the
list of wedding guests while I’m sending
out my graduation announcements.
When the girl and I roomed together
the following year, she was still seeing
the guy, and they were getting serious.
Then the big bomb hit. I got a wed
ding announcement from the two of
them. They got married in October.
I am perfectly happy being single. No
one but me has to answer for my ac
tions, and I am not responsible for any
one else’s personal life. I don’t have to
start picking out kids’ names or start
saving for my childrens’ college educa
tion yet.
I stopped believing the myth about
the necesary college-marriage connec
tion a long time ago. But as more and
more of my friends enter the ranks of
the married, I am reminded of that
childhood belief. I sure hope it wasn’t
true.
I went to their wedding, thinking how
I’m don’t want to start thinking about
marriage at this point in my life.
Lydia Berzsenyi is a senior math ma
jor and editor of The Battalion.
Mail Call
Voter’s Guide wording loaded
Richard Tijerina is a sopk
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EDITOR:
Looking through the Nov. 7 liatt, I ran across an insert — the Voter'sGuii
seemed like an excellent idea until I opened it, looked inside and discoveredik
was much too biased to be an effective “guide.”
The pro-Bush rhetoric was so obvious that I started looking for the blurfi ; Tearing it on t
the guide actually being a paid political announcement ho the B^sh campaigaB wc ^| ap^our
could not find it anywhere. If this was supposed to be an unsl.init il |nm of
journalism, I think the writer should be reprimanded for his nits use and abuse
the language. If this was actually a paid political ad, then the liatt should’vem;
sure that it was properly labeled as such. Either way, 'The Battalion hasseverelf
compromised itself as a newspaper by allowing such abuses.
On the inside of the insert, the author draws up a supposedly unbiased list
positions for each of the candidates. The wording of the positions is blatantly
biased for Bush. Bush “supported U.S. liberation of Grenada.” Dukakis "op]
it. The slant in the word “liberation” is obvious. Bush “supports providing rail
supplies to freedom fighters in Nicaragua and Angola.” Dukakis “opposed’ tk
“freedom fighters. Anyone who “opposes” freedom must be crazy.
Under the category of “Civil Rights,” George Bush “Supports the full
enforcement of existing civil rights laws.” Dukakis “Supports affirmative actioitH
legislation.” By absence, is the author implying Dukakis doesn’t support “theMi
enforcement of existing civil rights laws”? The author calcuatingly works hisW'K
through the positions and leaves a veneer of objectivity covering a body of bias |l
On the back page are two supposed articles about the candidates’stanceoa l l
education. The article on Dukakis does nothing but undercut him with half-1
and insinuations. Bush, of course, comes out exemplary.
The only hint of a source is a small paragraph saying: “Information from §
Voter’s Guide ’88 was prepared by the American Freedom Coalition.” This falls B
far short of telling the reader that it is a political ad, if that is what it is.
Checking on it, I found that the American Freedom Coalition is an ultra- 1
conservative group formed to aid the Contra rebels of Nicaragua. This would §
indicate the the insert was a paid political ad. As such, it should have beenmuclB
more clearly marked as an advertisement and not journalism.
The Battalion, in the future, must be more careful. But, more importantly 1 :!
as readers must be more caref ul. Every day, our rhetoric is colored with bias.li*
built into our language. Only close attention to what we say and read can war I
against the misuse and abuse of language. Be careful where you point thatworlB
may be loaded.
Andy Vann ’90
EDITOR’S NOTE: Aiding the cause of the Nicaraguan Contra rebels was [
first issue the American Freedom Coalition worked to support, but was noH
reason for the forming of the group.
Guide provided deja vu
EDITOR:
We don’t know what the American Freedom Coalition is but we resent theft
that The Batt inserted a political supplement on Nov. 7 that was obviously writi®
by the Republicans.
The supplement should have been labeled as an advertisement. This reminds
us of the pseudo-“Political Forum” held two years ago that turned out to bea I
Republican pep rally. It is interesting that both of these events took place thedayB
before the election.
Chahriar Assad, Graduate student
ames Smith, Grad student
-
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Lydia Berzsenyi, Editor
Becky Weisenfels, Managing Editor
Anthony Wilson, Opinion Page Editor
Richard Williams, City Editor
DA Jensen,
Denise Thompson, News Editors
Hal Hammons, Sports Editor
Jay Janner, Art Director
Leslie Guy, Entertainment Editor
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BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breathe