Opinion
•
The Battalion Monday, Nov. 7, 1988 Page
s
Holy Homicide! Batfans give Robin the big BIFI
B
Tc
I remember as a kid, waking up early,
going to Grandma’s house and snug
gling into her plush couch as the smell
of hotcakes wafted in from the kitchen.
I’d settle back with a breakfast beverage
— usually chocolate milk (two parts
chocolate syrup, one part milk) or cof
fee milk (two parts milk, one part cof
fee) — and absorb myself in a daily dose
of boob tube.
Anthony
Wilson
Opinion Page
Editor
Each day began the same: a clownish
criminal would commit a heinous crime,
the subsequent call from Commissioner
Gordon via the Batphone, followed by
Bruce and Dick saying “to the Batpo-
les,” concluding with the Batmobile
pealing out of the side of a mountain.
Yes, Batman was The Man. The
Gaped Crusader, the Detective of Dark
ness, the Masked Avenger —Batman
was the star of the show. Yet, he was
never the reason I watched the series. I
just couldn’t identify with him.
Yeah, Batman was intelligent, suave,
handsome, witty and smooth with the la
dies. But that was the problem. He was
too perfect — a sort of cross between
Ward Cleaver, Cary Grant and Joe Di-
Maggio. And besides that, he was old.
At least 30.
maniacs voted 5,343 to 5,271 to off the
Boy Wonder. No doubt those are also
the only 5,343 people in America who
watch “Geraldo” (and enjoy it), drink
blueberry Kool-Aid and voted for Wal
ter Mondale.
So it was Robin, Batman’s excitable
teenage sidekick, with whom I identi
fied. I figured anyone who could gain
the respect of adults while wearing
green tights and elf shoes was all right
by me. And those lines. Right off the top
of his head he come up with something
like: “Prancing pickled Penguin patties”
or “Riddling rastafarian rumors” or
“Caustic, colorful Catwoman capers.”
The kid was what we journalists call a
quote machine.
So imagine my dismay when I saw a
headline in last week’s newspaper read
ing, “HOLY HOMICIDE! Batman fans
play Joker, give Robin a fatal BLAST!”
In this week’s “Batman,” issue No. 428,
Robin’s 48-year existence will come to a
gruesome end when the Joker, Iran’s
new ambassador to the United Nations,
blows him to smithereens.
But that’s not the worst of it. It was
faithful Batman readers who decided
Robin’s fate. (BIFF! POW! ZOWIE!)
In a September phone-in poll, Bat-
The good news is that the ill-fated
Robin is not the one we grew up with.
That Robin, the alter-ego of Dick
Grayson, traded in his red-breasted uni
form in 1984 to become Nightwing,
head of the crime-fighting Teen Titans.
Readers complained that Jason Todd,
Robin II, was “a vengeful little brat” and
“a wimp” (were they referring to the
Boy Wonder or Pee Wee Herman?) and
urged DC Comic editors to “waste him.”
Batman editor Dennis O’Neill prom
ises that Robin won’t be returning via
the Bobby Ewing/Thomas Magnum
dream sequence, so it’s obvious that he’ll
soon be looking for a replacement for
the dearly departed half of the Dynamic
Duo. Since I am a fan of the television
and comic book series, and something
of a Bat(t) authority, I’ve compliled an
official “Robin Replacement Roster.”
Any of these substitutes would make a
fine Robin III:
cc
By Al;
Seni<
■ Brazos Count
■o county com
eluding the one
cinct.
p Ln the Precinc
“Bubba” Moore
Stntion Press i
against Republi
owns Randy Sirr
(Moore’s main
s the only car
ark full time at
•Robin Leech — The host of “Lifes
tyles of the Rich and Famous” would
make a fine Gaped Crusader. Just imag
ine: Batman and Robin Leech burst into
the roguish Joker’s hideout. During the
ensuing brawl, Robin Leech punches
out one of the Joker’s henchmen while
exclaiming, “Champagne wishes and
caviar dreams!”
• Robin Williams — This frenetic
comic could easily fulfill the expecta
tions of excitability and wacky lines that
we’ve come to expect from Batman’s
better half. For example: “GOOOD
MOR-NING GOTHAM CITY! This is
the new-and-improved Boy Wonder,
cleaning up crime from the Cave to the
Commissioner’s office. Hey, ever notice
the comparable makeup application
techniques of the Joker and Tammy
Faye Bakker? And is it purely coin
cidental that the Penguin and Mike Du
kakis are the same height? SUR-PRISE,
SUR-PRISE, SUR-PRISE!!! The Demo
crats are going to make me eat breakfast
with Lloyd Bentsen for that one.”
•Robin Givens — With her experi
ence as the soon-to-be former Mrs. Mike
Tyson, her “kid gloves” are already off,
so-to-speak. This woman is brutal, vi
cious, ferocious — and that’s just with a
credit card. Of course, if Batman re
cruited Robin Givens, he'd also get her
mother, since they are a package-tdeal.
However, that wouldn’t be a problem.
Ruth Roper could just assume the secret
identity of Bat-tie Axe. The only setback
would be that if the trio split, Robin and
Ruth would definitely seek custody of
the Batmobile, the Batcopter, the Bat-
boat, the Batcave ....
•Lady Bird Johnson — So what if
the bird lady is a senior citizen? She
must be have been one tough cookie to
have handled LBJ at one time. And she
already comes equipped with her own-
support host.
•Larry Bird — The Hick from
French Lick is much smarter than he
lets on. And the Penguin would wet his
waddle when confronted by a 6-foot-9
superhero. He’s used to wearing goofy-
looking green shoes and working in a
cave-like environment. Beside, Egg
head’s got to be easier to handle than
“My opponent
business f'ull-tim
Vp courthouse,”
that the job doi
commissioner.”
■Moore said if
step down from t
work full-time at
lln an appeal
Moore promisee
* irs, seven da
ctions and fun
le said he is i
mil be able to £
commissioner’s ji
Bsims said that
tinuc to work at h
ing to spend as rr
at the commissioi
Hhic said the re
■gineer has take
|)Hid off the com
H) less demandin
3 ■To go along w
Bid, he said, h
Commissioner’s
$38,000 per year
S.
■Moore also sup
■Sims stresses
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (if
are not the same person).
• Big Bird — With Big Bird'sJ
attire and high-pitched voictl
would even notice the difTere[):B' on ' n count y 1
tween him .md Robin. ()f , ,
... ... .. ■He proposed to
might have a little trouble squeea ^ comm i ttC c t
the passenger’s seat of the Bait fnuidmap” to ii
And the Catwoman could beextrBas of growth i
intimidating to him since he is; Be next 15 years.
Bui li.mdliiig I gglio.id uouldB 1 ,llm k ibis, in
breeze s rBge planning, i
^ , . r »eded in Brazo
So there you have it, Batfans« n k we have h
Robin Replacement Roster. Tin said,
for Batman’s running mate, unli® Moore also s
morrow’s presidential election, i range planning an
be one close one.
Anthony Wilson is a senior]i
lisrn major and opinion page ei''
The Battalion.
nent.
Mail Call
Awareness Week successful
EDITOR:
I would like to thank The Battalion for its excellent coverage of National
Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week events, Oct. 17-21. Texas A&M University has
been participating in this nationally observed week for several years, and it was this
year that committee members launched activities with the purpose of targeting as
many student groups and individuals as possible. This year’s theme, “Choices of a
New Generation,” encouraged students to make informed choices about the role
that alcohol plays in their lives.
Many people helped to make this year’s program a big success. Student
organizations and campus departments that coordinated and sponsored the week’s
events include Alpha Phi Omega Service Fraternity, Residence Hall Association,
Interfraternity Council, Student “Y”, BACCHUS, Circle K, Department of
Student Affairs, Center for Drug Prevention and Education, Department of
Student Activities, Off Campus Aggies, Department of Food Services and Judicial
Affairs. Retail sponsors who donated publicity and door prizes include Rother’s
Bookstore, Loupot’s Bookstore, Flying Tomato, Garfield’s, Bennigan’s,
Popabilities, Red Lobster, Graffiti, Mission Jewelers and Putt-Putt Golf.
A special thanks goes to our co-sponsor KKYS 105 and Chuck Reddin for air
publicity and live remote coverage.
Alcohol is an issue on this campus and at other universities across the nation.
Through awareness and education, students can make responsible choices about
alcohol which will enhance their development.
Debra Doyle
Graduate student
Students await finals decision
EDITOR:
For mos||Of this semester the Admissions and Records office has been handing
out the “official” final exam schedule for the fall semester. In an article in the Oct.
20 Battalion it was reported that the president’s office was considering shifting this
exam schedule by one day so that graduating seniors could receive diplomas at the
graduation ceremony.
More than a week later, students are still awaiting a decision. Many students
need this information to make plane reservations and other travel arrangements
for returning home for the semester break. A final decision must be made soon or
we’ll all be spending Christmas in College Station.
Jeff Sanchez ’90
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff resenes the right to edit letters for style
and length, but will make every effort to maintain the author’s intent. Each letter must he signed and must include the
classification, address and telephone number of the writer.
DWM plays the alphabet dating gan
I was glancing through the paper the
other day and I came across personal
ads in the classified section.
Ever read those ads? “GWM wants to
meet GWM for travel and intimate
relationship. Must be nonsmoker.”
After some thinkir^g (I’m also brilliant
on the Jumble word game, having “U-
TIGRA” — guitar — in 15 seconds), I
figured what the capital letters in the
ads stood for.
Lewis Grizzard
Columnist
“GWM,” of course, is a “gay white
male,” and I’m thinking here’s this gay
guy who’s got to know the facts about
AIDS, but what he’s concerned about is
breathing secondhand smoke from his
lover’s cigarette.
Another ad read, “SWF wants SWM
who’s into jazz, the classics, vintage
wines and hiking.”
“SWF” and “SWM,” I figure, have to
stand for “single white female” and
“single white male.”
Any single white female who has to
resort to taking out an ad to find a boyf
riend would take a SWM who’s into yo-
deling, “Hustler” magazine, Ripple and
robbing convenience stores.
Still another ad read: “SBM, hand
some, athletic, financially secure, wants
SBF, 20s, who will be his princesses.”
If I were a SBF (single black female) I
would want to know how this narcissist
got his money and if being his princess
meant I’d have to get tied up or do any
thing involving live animals.
1 don’t think I’d ever put an ad in the
personal secton, but if I ever did resort
to such a thing, I’m afraid I’d have a dif
ficult time getting all I wanted to say
about myself in a few capital letters.
I’m a “DWM,” a divorced white male
(OK, an oft-DWM). On top of that I’m a
“MAODWM,” a “Middle-agei
vorced-white-male,” and I don
which makes me a “MAODWMNS
I'd also like for prospectivecoj
ions to know I’m a Protestant, a(|
graduate, a 14-handicap golfer,
snore, which now has me uptol
“ M M A OD WM N S PCG14 H GWS.
Naturally, I’d also want to
I’m a dog lover who brushes
regularly, still has his hair, love
sandwiches, and often enteii
friends by doing a simply marveloi
pression of FDR declaring war#
Japanese in 1941.
Now, how are you going to gen
in a classified ad?
If my social life reaches thedesf
point, I can a 1 ways go aftei
“SWHWs.”
Single Waffle House waitrt
They’re around 24 hours a da'M
make the best egg sandwiches in loffi
Copyright 1988, Cowles Syndicate
•{S'
Dear Ag
oppo
At torne
their w
a bout J
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breath
The Battalion
BLOOM COUNTY
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Lydia Berzsenyi, Editor
Becky Weisenfels, Managing Editor
Anthony Wilson, Opinion Page Editor
Richard Williams, City Editor
D AJensen,
Denise Thompson, News Editors
Hal Hammons, Sports Editor
Jay Janner, Art Director
Leslie Guy, Entertainment Editor
Editorial Policy
The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting newspa
per operated as a community service to Texas A&M and
Brvan-Gollege Station.
Opinions expressed in The Battalion are those of the
editorial board or the author, and do not necessarily rep
resent the opinions of Texas A&M administrators, fac
ulty or the Board of Regents.
The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper
for students in reporting, editing and photography
classes within the Department of Journalism.
The Battalion is published Monday through Friday
during Texas A&M regular semesters, except for holiday
and examination periods.
Mail subscriptions are $17.44 per semester. $34.62
per school year and $36.44 per full sear. Advertising
rates furnished on request.
Our address: The Battalion. 230 Reed McDonald,
Texas A&M University, College Station, TX 77843-1 111.
Second class postage paid at College Station, TX
77843.
POSTMASTER: Send address changes to The Battal
ion, 216 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M University, Col
lege Station TX 77843-4 111.
by Berke Breath
LOCK, 30Z0
were 30
POfnrrf
Ben/tiP-
ececvott
Is it wi
learn al
a large:
Ask the
of Just!
Ka t h1 e e
Cathy G
Vera La
Suz ann e
Terry W<
Susan C
Cathy C
Ask the
that di
how the
Tom Jag
Chris W
Carlos
Rufus R
David W
Lori La
Susan H
Jeffery