Attention!!
Days of wine and roaches
Everyone who goes away to
college finds something that they will
always remember about college life.
Things, good or bad, that you will
never forget, that you will use as a
standard for comparison the rest of
your life. What about me? Well, I for
one have discovered the wonderful
world of . . . cockroaches!
For the rest of my life, when I see
something vile and disgusting, I will
rank it as either “Not as bad as a
roach,” or “Worse than a roach.”
And I hope I find nothing that fits into
that second category.
Roaches are truly amazing
creatures in that they completely lack
a virtue of any kind. They don’t
pollinate, they don’t kill off more
disgusting creatures, they don’t even
get rid of garbage — they just nibble
a bit then make themselves at home.
Roaches are the absolute bottom
of the macro-biological world. If
someone developed a strain of
aardvarks that exclusively ate
cockroaches, the world would beat a
path to their door, break the door
down and level the house in an
attempt to get one of the things.
Now most of you are probably
going, “Yeah, they’re bad — but not
that bad!”
You, though; were probably
raised in Texas and grew up with the
things. I, however, am a “Damn(ed)
Yankee,” and had never seen one of
them (that’s right — never!) til one
turned up in my bathtub here at
A&M. Turned up as in belly-up, so I
got the full gut-heaving glory of its
underside.
Then another one later appeared
climbing up my dining room wall.
And then 1 caught one sneaking in
during the night and making a dash
for the kitchen.
How completely gross can you
get?
Since then I’ve gotten a better
“bug-man,” and haven’t seen any
roaches, except for the flat kind you
see on campus. But still, what a
completely revolting creature.
And the sad thing is, this is what I’ll
remember most about A&M. That
and swapping roach stories with
classmates. In fact, I’ve started
collecting cockroach jokes. I’ve
already got such classics as:
“I came home last night and
found a cockroach using my
phone. He was like, ‘Calm
down. I’ll be off in a
minute’ ”
and
“So I go in to get something
to eat, and there’s this
cockroach chewing on a
leftover chicken leg, and
he’s like, ‘Oh, were you
done with this?’ —Yeah, I
am now. ”
But the one that best shows the
attitude of the cockroach toward us
and our homes has got to be:
“My cockroaches woke me
up last night and said, ‘Hey,
you know we got ants?’
So, if you know any good roach
jokes or stories, tell them to me, and
make my memories of A&M just a
little bit more vivid and happy. For,
in my heart, the cockroach and A&M
will always hold a special, treasured
spot.
(Yech.)
Sophomore chemistry major
Mike Freeman wrote this
Attention!! story.
Generation gap prevents shoe shine
She walked fast and deliberate
through the hallway. The loud
clacking of her brightly polished
leather shoes rang like an old clock
throughout the hallway. There was
only a short time for her to be here
and she wanted to experience
everything this weekend had to
offer. Her eyes twitched back and
forth, not from nervousness, but
from a longing to catch every
minute detail of the surroundings.
She wanted to take in everything as
if this weekend with her collegiate
granddaughter were to sustain a
lifetime of learning. She felt in place
and yet out of time. She was from a
generation in the not-so-distant
past. To her, this visit was a look
into the future, for she had never
been able to foresee a place and
attitude such as this. The equality
was something that she felt she
must take in. She had longed to see
people living as equals. Men and
women able to look upon each
other with equal compassion, equal
love and equal caring. She longed
to be part of this unique utopian
world.
As the old woman walked, she
make light conversation with her
granddaughter. She envied this
young woman more than any one
in the world. Her granddaughter
had the chance that she would
never have. The young woman
gained knowledge through
education and thus would be
looked upon as an equal by all
men. To the old woman equality
was something that was very
distant from her vision.
As she walked, the old woman
noticed a sign that said, “Shoes
Shined. ” She nervously looked
down at her own shoes and said to
her grandaughter, “I can never get
my shoes shined. I try and try,
polish over an over, and still never
get them as good as new. ”
Her granddaughter answered
and said, “We have plenty of time,
Grandma. You can go in and get
them shined for almost nothing at
all.”
She looked down, faintly smiled
and answered, “I could never go in
there, for that is a man’s place and
the price, however so slight, is too
great for me to pay. ”
This Attention!! story was
written by senior wildlife and
fisheries sciences major David
Stacey.
—
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Page 2/At Ease/Thursday, Nov. 3,1988