Wednesday, September 7, 1988AThe Battalion/Page 5B
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Photo by Jay Janner
Shadow dancer
A statue near Rudder Tower makes a striking silhouette as it contrasts
with the sunlight.
|| Fashion update:
| Muffy and Suzi
| now wear bows
A lot of people are worried about
inkecy ; their lives being infiltrated by va-
hevri rious alien and damaging forces.
1 had'll! Some people are afraid that com-
thinf ^ munists are infiltrating our country,
dozet J Some people are afraid that secu
re M* lar humanists are infiltrating our
4x1 schools.
legs of their sweatsuit pants to just
under the knee.
I don't understand why some
women feel they have to carry a
purse that looks like it’s been wrap
ped in Reynolds Wrap and is ready
to go into the oven next to the baked
potatoes.
Some people are afraid that AIDS
d n: gy' is infiltrating our blood supply.
Some people are afraid that fluo-
kingfi ride is infiltrating our water supply,
fillie®
Some people are afraid that Joe
Barton and Jim Bakker are actually
the same person. (Ever notice that
they look alike, have ugly wives and
always seem to be wanting more
money for dumb causes like star
wars, Contras and sending missiona
ries to California?)
All that aside, there has been an
infiltration on the Texas A&M cam
pus.
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5011,
No, it’s not teasips or hippies or
birds that crap on the sidewalk.
It’s something worse. It’s some
thing that comes from the lowest
reaches of fashion hell.
It’s the BOWHEADS.
Their distinguishing characteris
tics are denim skirts, too much
make-up, mopeds, high-pitched
squeals of laughter, silver shoes, sil
ver jewelry, silver purses and — you
can’t miss it — big ugly bows on their
heads.
You see them all over campus and
especially in the Blocker Building,
where they attend classes such as
BANA 217, Accounting 209, Yuppie
Science 374 and Husband Finding
403B.
If you go to any trendy place like
Zephers or the Rox-Z you won’t be
able to throw a Corona bottle with
out hitting at least four of them and
getting beer all over the Greek let
ters on their sweatshirts.
If you’re stupid enough to go to a
mall, you’ll see more bowheads per
shoe store than you’ll hear bad songs
per hour on a local radio station.
I have never understood women’s
fashions, but since I like looking at
women, I can’t help but notice what
they’re wearing.
I never understood why women a
few years ago felt they had to wear
those gold belts that Wonder
Woman used to keep her star-span
gled bloomers from falling down.
I never understood why women
felt they had to take every necklace
they owned and twist them into one
big necklace.
I never understood why women
felt they had to wear shoes made out
of the same plastic used in the bas
kets that burger joints use to hold
french fries and onion rings.
Today, I don’t understand why
some women feel they have to wear
earrings the size of hubcaps.
I don’t understand why some
women feel they have to roll up the
For some reason, silver seems to
be in this year. It’s in the purses, the
jewelry, the bows and the shoes.
It’s in everything, except for my
pocket. Silver jewelry has never been
uncommon, but what’s the deal with
silver shoes?
I saw a commercial for Marilyn
Monroe shoes on TV the other day.
I guess many women admire Mari
lyn Monroe’s movies and would like
to wear shoes associated with her.
But where did the silver shoes come
from? Was there some movie hero
who wore silver shoes? I can’t think
of one except for the Tin Wood
sman in “The Wizard of Oz.”
What possessed hundreds of sup
posedly intelligent college women to
wear the same type of bows that they
used to wear to Sunday school when
they were nine years old?
Are those shiny black-patten
leather shoes also going to make a
comeback?
How about training bras?
All kidding aside, the bows are
useful.
I have complied a list of five uses
for bows and bowheads.
1. Kites: It used to be fun to take
your date out to a park and fly a kite.
Now, if you’re dating a bowhead,
you don’t have to buy a kite. Just tie
a string to your date and watch her
fly-
2. Airfoils: The type of women
who wear bows were not always
called bowheads.
They used to be called airheads in
the days before bows.
The bows help make these women
more aerodynamic.
3. Fans: Get two bowheads to
gether and start them talking — it’s
not that hard to do. The movements
of their heads and bows will start the
air circulating in even the most
stuffy room. It’s economical, too.
4. Satellite Dishes: Why spend
money on expensive satellite dishes
when you can just get a bowhead to
stand on your roof. Find a bowhead
wearing one of those huge, silver
bows and you’ll be able to pick up
signals from every TV satellite in or
bit. The only trouble is that bow
heads tend to be partial to “Dynasty”
and “General Hospital.”
5. Oral Sex: I have a good use for
bows during oral sex, but I can’t go
in to any details since this is a family
newspaper.
The bowheads are here, but
thanks to the way fashions change,
they won’t be here for long.
By Karl Pallmeyer, April 23,
1987
Sigma Chi
Experience
the difference
Wed. Sept. 7 ★
Fri. Sept. 9 6:00 p.m.
Pizza Party at Mr. Gatti’s
Sun. Sept. 11 3:00 p.m.
Ice Cream Social at Sig House
Rush Chairman
Paul Cox
Gene Hernandez
Sigma Chi House
693-2299
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693-9254
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