AM/PM Clinics
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Our New College Station location
offers
Birth Control Counseling
Women’s Services
Female doctors on duty
693-0202
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Lutheran Collegians
provides
Free Rides
to Beautiful Savior Lutheran Church
Sunday 9:05-9:15 Sibisa & Commons
for more information call 693-4514
Page 2B/The Battalion/Thursday, September 1, 1988
Comedian enjoys life of stardom f
after one-woman show success I
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EDITOR’S NOTE — Since her
one-woman show, “Without You Tm
Nothing,” opened off-Broadway in
March, Sandra Bernhard has at last
tasted the stardom she dreamed
about as an insecure little girl in Ari
zona.
Critics praise her brilliant mono
logues of fantasy and pop cultural
commentary.
Night-life columnists dog her.
That’s just for openers.
NEW YORK (AP) — “I’ve got to
order,” says Sandra Bernhard, yank
ing off her sunglasses. “I was just at a
luncheon where they served some
weird seafood thing.”
She rolls her eyes.
“I’m allergic to scallops.”
At the back of the diner, she parks
her spindly, 5’ 10” frame on a bench
seat. She juts an uncovered leg
across it and orders iced tea to
drown the effects of this steamy
Manhattan afternoon.
The waiter brings the tea and ex
tra ice, pronto. He’s not dealing with
just another woman in a muscle
shirt. This is Sandra the Fearless.
Sandra the Raunchy. Sandra the
Only Guest Who Can Make David
Letterman Blush.
Her star has shot skyward during
frequent appearances on “Late
Nite,” where she’s convincingly
feigned pregnancy and fought with
a chimp.
Brown eyes flashing and reddish
hair radiating out like brain waves
moussed together, she stalks the
host, teases him with nasty innuen
does, then works him over with in
dustrial-strength lips.
Yet at the eye of Hurricane
Sandra there’s an insecure, star-
struck little girl from Arizona.
This part of her isn’t noticeable
right away.
“Growing up, I was self-conscious
about being skinny, about my lips,
everything,” she says.
So she escaped to Sandraland —
her fantasy world full of pretty stars
and starlets dreamed up during, and
mixed with a typical baby-boom up
bringing.
It’s where her dreams and sense
of humor feed on each other until
she regurgitates them as art.
Lately her travels through Sand
raland have taken her on the yellow
brick road to success.
Since her one-woman show,
“Without You I’m Nothing,” opened
off-Broadway in March, she’s been a
fixture in the New York press. Now
nobody’s billing her as David Letter-
man’s anything.
Critics praise her brilliant mono
logues of fantasy and pop cultural
commentary. Night-life columnists
dog her through downtown forays.
Success has, unfortunately, led to
severe interview burnout.
She refuses to talk about her
early, struggling days as a manicur
ist. (“Oh,” she pleads. “It’s old
news.”)
ting outside the door because I’d talk
out of turn.
“They should encourage kids to
talk out of turn. It’s the only time
they make any sense.”
So what better way to make a liv
ing than by talking.
If she’s called a stand-up comic
one more time, she’ll spit venom.
“You can’t call my show stand-up
comedy,” she says. “It’s somewhere
between humorous theater and rock
‘n’ roll.”
Hot and bothered, Bernhard
heads back to Sandraland. A ques-
Upc
ide<
headed to Los Angeles to kick off
her comedy career. There she
served time in a posh Beverly Hills
salon as a manicurist.
“Kind of
“It was weird,” she says,
trashy. Why not?”
She spent almost a decade on her
“It was my second nature to be dramatic or funny or
entertaining. In school I was always sitting outside the
door because I’d talk out of turn. They should encour
age kids to talk out of turn. It’s the only time they make
any sense. ”
— Sandra Bernhard
tion about her favorite time period
provides the catalyst.
“The Forties,” she says, and her
eyes flash. “There was a sense of
glamour and excitement that I feel is
lacking now.”
A smile sticks on her face. She
sounds excited.
“It would’ve been great to be
friends with Vivien Leigh and Bette
Davis and Katharine Hepburn . . .”
Real life, in Bernhard’s case, be
gan in Flint, Mich., 33 years ago.
feet in comedy clubs, and gained a
following at L.A.’s Comedy Store.
In 1983 came the Big Break: Di
rector Martin Scorsese cast her as a
rich neurotic who was involved in
the kidnapping of Jerry Lewis in
“The King of Comedy.”
“I don’t like comedy clubs,” Bern-
hard says. “Comedy is a very
schlocky kind of outlet for perf orm
ers.”
“My father’s a proctologist,” she
says in her show. “My mother’s an
abstract artist. That’s how I view the
world.”
All true. She spent her teen years
in Scottsdale, Ariz., then after high
school graduation in 1973, followed
in her three older brothers’ footsteps
to an Israeli kibbutz, where she
worked for eight months.
“I was scared to leave home, but I
wanted to get out of there,” says
Bernhard, who never exactly fit into
Scottsdale’s suburban mold. “I had
this weird kind of dichototny of feel
ing really competent and at the same
time feeling really scared of what
people were thinking of me.”
She demanded approval and got
it by performing. An addiction to
the spotlight took hold early.
“It was my second nature to be
dramatic or funny or entertaining,”
she says. “In school I was always sit-
“The King of Comedy” took her
away from all that, and provided her
with her first appearance with Let
terman, an old friend from the
Comedy Store.
Eventually she put together
“Without You I’m Nothing.” Backed
by a band, she sings rock ‘n’ roll,
dims the lights and turns her flash
light on the audience, reads an air
plane menu from first-class, shares
some of her favorite fantasies and
winds it all up by shedding a mink
coat and singing “Little Red Cor
vette” in a bra and panties.
“We’re going to film the show,”
she says, “and inter-cut it with all
these witnesses, a la ‘Reds,’ where
people create this myth about me
and my career.”
She wants to cast among others,
Mary Tyler Moore, Lily Tomlin and
Madonna, who tofd Bernhard she
loved being mentioned in the show.
Bernhard shares a post-nuclear
fantasy, where only the strongest
have survived (" Lina Turnerislgp
us, of course”) and tattered
donna roams the streets alone. I;
“People in the know like iu: Fro
talk about them,” BernhardsaysH l
Madonna liked it somuchtliaicult
and Bernhard have become fries mig
These two and co-starlet Jenrjof a
“Dirty Dancing” Grey have betB ^
so palsy that Michael Musto, Jwh<
life columnist for The VillageV* N
dubbed them “the witches of L at 1
lage, delightfully so.” afe
Such associations bring Sanjsu 11
land closer and closer to realitv tifs
make Bernhard a bona-fide star da ti
last. B<<
“Fame is immortal,” saysEtjbilu
hard. “When people reach thail-tlal
of success, they have a certainBx
mortality that’s very appealing.® N
private club.” will
Don’t get her wrong, though. ti< r
“I make fun of celebrities y caii
being famous is the only coi
they’re about,” she says. “It’snoi EN
about that with me. 1 don trealltBer
long in their world, and therevJgir
a select group of people there ili|p •'
want to be a part of. Her
“Accompanying the stardom
to be another unique point ofi
and intelligence and style. Oth
wise, what’s the exchange? Ttnl
ulous, you’re fabulous?’
If Bernhard has only justt
summated her relationship witt
seductress called Stardom, the
veritable orgy awaits her. This
gust Harper and Row will puf
her story collection “Confessionsu
Pretty Lady.” In the fallshe'llapp
in Nicholas Roeg’s film "Trad:
as a libidinous nurse.
She also hopes to move her:
Broadway show to Los Angt
where she can drive a car and
dulge her fascination with aic
lances. In New York, she says,“T;
just pass you on the street.”
“When I pass an interseetto;
Los Angeles and see flashing ligh
she writes in “Confessions,"“thea
thing I want to do is slow downy
if anyone was hurt.
“Will someone he lying thererJ
to a disfigured, warped motord
barely clinging to life, biera
praying, lost in another world
want to see things that I wouldcc
want to have happen to anyo«
love.”
In L.A. she’ll continue hern
performances while rewriting 3
screenplay called “It came fromn
land," which she plans to stariiiii
cynical writer. “Writing screen^
is a bit of a drag,” she’s discovers
“I’ll stic k to fxjoks, essays, shorts
ries. They’re more enjoyable.”
f
Youth says rodeos like any other sport
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Individual with recently diagnosed duodenal ulcers to
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0 $ 3 0 0 $ 3 0 0 $ 3 0 0 $ 3 0 0 $ 3 0 0 $300
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776-6236
FAIRVIEW, Ky. (AP) — Jason
Jenkins twirled the lasso above his
head as he stood patiently and
waited for the steer to run from the
chute on the sidelines.
When it did, he perfectly timed
his release and roped the animal like
an old cowhand who had been doing
it for years.
But the steer, who had a good
running start, wasn’t going to give
up easily and appeared to be ready
to take the 12-year-old boy for a wild
ride when Jason’s father, Jimmy,
shouted from the sidelines, “Sit
down! Sit down!”
The boy dropped to the dirt and
held tight until the steer grew tired
and relaxed enough for him to re
move the rope.
Seven years ago, Jenkins had
shouted, “L.et go! Let go!” when his
son had successfully roped his first
steer but forgot to turn loose of the
rope in the process because he was
so surprised and excited about
catching the animal.
The steer dragged him the length
of the corral, father and son re
called, both laughing.
The boy began learning to rope
and ride at such an early age, in fact,
that some of his schoolteachers have
accused him of telling a tall tale or
two about “roping wild cows with his
daddy.”
“One teacher sent home a letter
saying we shouldn’t let his imagina
tion run so wild,” laughed Jenkins.
Jenkins hopes his son will some
day earn a college scholarship with
the skills he’s learning in the corral.
Jenkins said he realizes that ro
deoing can be at times be a very dan
gerous sport.
“I’m not going to push him to
practice if he doesn’t want to. But
when we’re in here, it’s all business,"
he said. “You can’t fool around in
here because you could easily get
tangled up in one of those ropes and
snap off a thumb or finger in an in
stant.”
well. I was proud of him,”Jason
kins said.
Aside from some hazards
deoing is just like any other sport 1
said.
“Practice doesn’t make peri#
perfect practice makes perfect,”
kins said as he watchea his son
two other boys during an eil
morning workout.
During the team roping event —
fo
the object of which is for two riders
to rope the front and back of a steer
— the son “heads” and the father
“heels.”
The father and son team com
peted in their first rodeo in early
July at Sturgis.
“He handled the pressure real
Several years ago, Jenlia
brother, Ray, became the first!
American Cowboy at the high sell
level in Kentucky.
The brothers went on to win a
team roping event at the Nol
American International Livestd
show in Louisville, a rodeo thaij
tracts the best cowboys from acrl
the United States.
Open Party
Fri., Sept. 2, 9:00 @ The House
Volleyball Tournament
Sat.. Sept. 3, 2:00, Treehouse Village
Happy Hour
Mon., Sept. 5, 7:00 @ Zephyr Club
Swallow It Whole
Wed., Sept. 7. 9:00 @ The House
Tonight:
Delta Chi Smoker*
Thurs., Sept. 8, 7:00-9:00 @ The House
(Coat & Tie Required)
Open Party featuring
Open Party
Fri., Sept. 9, 9:00 @ The House
"The Change"
Barbeque*
Sat., Sept. 10, 1:00 @ The House
Lake Party*
Sun., Sept. 11, 2:00 @ Welch Park.
Lake Somerville
9:00 @ Zephyr Club
‘Invitation Only
For more information call
The House (409) 846-5053
RUSH