Page 2/The Battalion/Wednesday, August, 17, 1988
Opinion
Wanted: Ethics Czar, inquire at White House
Who says this is
an issueless cam
paign? Why, just
the other day
George Bush
came out with an
issue: Ethics. He’s
favor of them.
in
With characteristic
boldness he an
nounced that, if
elected, he would
appoint a senior
Dear Ears:
Donald
Kaul
counselor whose sole job would be to en
force ethics on his administration.
In other words, he’s going to appoint
an Ethics Czar. What a great idea! I as
sume the Czar’s (or Czarina’s) duties
would not be limited to policing an
ethics code but would include advising
those in the administration who come to
him (or her) with ethical problems.
I hope I’m not being premature, but I
have someone I’d like to recommend
for the job. Me.
It is not generally known but I have
dabbled in ethics for years. Even as a
child, whenever the other fellows chose
up sides for a game, they always made
me umpire or referee; such was my rep
utation for fairness. And sincel’ve be
come a columnist, people often write to
me for advice on ethical matters. I gen
erally answer them in private but, to
provide a sample of my ethical counsel
ing, I shall present a few examples of
my recent ethical correspondence, with
the identities of the writers disguised.
Like these:
Dear Columnist:
I am a lieutenant colonel in the Ma
rine Corps on temporary assignment to
another branch of the government. I
enjoy my work, but I have a problem.
My daughter needs ballet tights but,
things being the way they are in the
Corps, I can’t afford them. One of my
duties, however, is to collect money for a
gang of freedom-loving thugs in Cen
tral America. Would it be all right to
skim enough money from the thug fund
to pay for the tights? — All Ears.
Absolutely not. I’m sure those free
dom-loving thugs have daughters who
need dance tights, too. If not daugh
ters, friends. Taking money that does
not belong to you is wrong, unless you
take it from a fanatical tyrant, pre
ferably one in the Middle East.
Hey Cuy:
I’m a 46-year-old temporarily unem
ployed youth leader who would like to
get back into public service. A beautiful,
blond actress has invited me on a week
end outing with her and some friends
on a yacht in the Bahamas. She has also
suggested that she visit me at my Wash
ington apartment some weekend when
my wife isn’t around. If I accept her in
vitation, will people misunderstand? —
Curious.
Dear Curious:
No.
Dear Sir:
I am a slightly plump lawyer who has
spent most of his career in public serv
ice. I am getting on in years and am
starting to worry about my retirement.
A friend who has extensive dealings
with the government office I work for
has offered to fund a $40,000-a-year job
for my wife. Is this a conflict of interest?
— Concerned.
Dear Concerned:
Not at all. Your wife’s interests and
yours are exactly the same in this mat
ter.
Dear Creep:
Dear Honorable Columnist:
I am an aspiring author from Texas.
My real job is in the government, but I
have always dreamed of being James
Michener. Last year I signed a book
contract that gives me a 55 percent roy
alty on a collection of my speeches and
pithy sayings. What is my next move? —
Anxiously awaiting your reply.
Dear Anxiously Awaiting:
Fifty-five percent? Forget about
writing; become an agent.
I am in the baseball game, a manager
as a matter of fact. I am a great man
ager, but I could be even greater if the
stupid umpires didn’t pick on me all the
time. Also sports writers. They write lies
about me and make fun of me so that
my players laugh at me behind by back.
Also fans, who come up to me in bars
and start fights so that I get the blame. I
ask you, is that fair? — Distraught.
Dear Distraught:
It seems to me that you’re suffering
from low self-image. What you need is
assertiveness training. Stand up for
your rights. Don’t let people push you
around. You’ll find that people will re
spect you more if you stop trying to be
Mr. Nice Guy all of the time.
Brother Columnist:
I am a man of Cod who has spent his
life preaching the word of the Bible. I
find, however, that Satan has entered
my soul of late and I have an almost un
controllable urge to look at dirty pic
tures. 1 buy girlie magazines and stuff
them under my mattress. Then when
liobody’s home I take them out andlool
at pictures of girjs with no clothes on.
Sometimes I even take my own pictures
of naked women with my Instamatit
Tell me, is this wrong? — Tormented
Dear Tormented:
It certainly is. You can’t get a sharp
focus or good resolution with an Insta
matic. I’d recommend a 35mm refles
camera with a fast film.
There it is, Mr. Bush. I'm staying
close to my phone. Call collect.
Mail Call
Battalion not pulling
readers’ legs
EDITOR:
I’m thinking that sometimes for lack
of any better material, you Battalion
people sit around and make up outra
geous letters from fictitious readers, just
to later be entertained by the ensuing
barrage of responses from incensed Ag
gie-types.
Now I’m convinced. Eric Ritzenbaum
cannot exist. No real person could be
lieve sincerely in all of the ragings that
cluttered a good portion of the Opinion
Page. I kept waiting for the punch line,
but no. Could it be? A real-live cave
man?
Please tell me it was a joke. I’m anx
iously awaiting to laugh at your some
what sick sense of humor.
Kayonne Riley ’84
Editor’s note: The Battalion editorial
staff has never and will never fabricate
any of the letters or guest columns that
appear on the opinion page.
Guest columnist is so
sophomoric
EDITOR:
Did you intend the guest column of
Aug. 11 to parody Brian Frederick’s col
umns? Were Eric Ritzenbaum’s excesses
intended to provoke thought, to satirize,
to amuse? If so, it was neither an effec
tive satire nor an amusing parody.
If the sentiments expressed were the
serious opinions of the columnist, Mr.
Ritzenbaum succeeded in proving him
self to be as sophomoric in his social out
look as he is in his student classification.
Tom Knowles
Bush not Texan
enough for us
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Lydia Berzsenyi, Editor
Becky Weisenfels, Managing Editor
Anthony Wilson, Opinion Page Editor
Richard Williams, City Editor
Debbie J ensen,
Denise Thompson, News Editors
Hal Hammons, Sports Editor
Jay Janner, Art Director
EDITOR:
It is imperative that George Bush not
be elected the next President of the
United States.
He showed his true colors during his
1964 race against Senator Ralph Yarbo
rough. Bush was “against the Civil
Rights Act of 1964, opposed the Nu
clear Test Ban Treaty, against admitting
China to the U.N., and against Medica
re.” (Rolling Stone, 3-20-88) More re
cently when explaining his support for
Reagan’s veto of the Civil Rights Restor
ation Act, whic had overwhelming bi
partisan support, Bush said, “I’m not
going to start doing that now which I
haven’t done for seven and a half
years.” (Louisville Courier Journal, 3-
22-88)
Why will Mr. Bush not win in his
adopted “home state” of Texas?
1) As self-described “co-pilot” cif the
Reagan administration, Bush has not as
serted himself on behalf of Texas dur
ing our difficult times. For our energy
industry he has offered no policy lead
ership; for our farmers, no agriclulture
policy. For Texas, Bush talks a gusher,
but delivers a dry hole.
2) Mr. Bush shows no real leadership
ability (Bob Dole on George Bush: “I
don’t think he’s made a decision in
seven years.”) and Texans want strong
leaders. While clutching his resume
which includes CIA director and ambas
sador to China, Bush tells us he didn’t
know about Panama, Iran-Contra, Pen-
tagate, and so on. Was he involved in
any decisions?
Bush simply doesn’t come across as a
Texas-type leader.
Dr. Robert Weingrod Sandor, Dept, of
Chemistry
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in
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for style and length, but will make every effort to main
tain the author's intent. Each letter must be signed and
must include the classification, address and telephone
number of the writer.
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resent the opinions of Texas A&M administrators, fac
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We must resist temptation to censor
The Battalion
has recently been
bombarded with a
huge mound of
letters (summer
time translation:
four postcards)
concerning Martin
Scocscese’s film
“The Last Temp
tation of Christ.”
The mail is split Aninony
about whether the WilSOH
film which portrays Jesus having sex in
a dream sequence should be shown in
Bryan-College Station theaters. That’s
probably a moot point at best since the
movie is only playing in nine cities in the
United States and Canada and should
reach the Brazos Valley about the time
“The Absolute Final Temptation of
Christ” (in which Christ fights Rocky
Balboa and kills Jason) is released.
But it’s still hard to imagine that in
our supposedly modern, sophisticated,
hip society that we can be worked into a
tizzy by a piece of art.
First of all, the religious leaders who
have raised this large scale stink have
made a huge mistake in doing so.
They’re tactics seemed destined to back
fire. Because of the attention, people
who normally wouldn’t have paid $5 to
see the picture will now flock it.
I understand ministers feeling com
pelled to speak against something they
believe is wrong. But if they had wanted
to keep people from seeing the film,
their best bet would have been to down
play the movie’s significance.
But the most important issue now is
that of censorship. Some religious and
government leaders have called for gov
ernment intervention to ban the show
ing of such an “offensive” film. This bla-
tantly conflicts with one of the
cornerstones of our democratic society
— freedom of expression.
Excuse this corny metaphor, but
censorship can be compared to a snow
ball sitting on a mountaintop. Once it’s
rolling, it gets bigger and bigger.
For example, the language in “Huck
leberry Finn” could offend blacks, so we
better burn all copies of it. Singer Mar
vin Gaye’s soulful rendition of “Sexual
Healing” is chock full of risky language
and images, so let’s melt all those al
bums. Disney classics “Bambi” and
“Dumbo” portray acts of cruelty against
animals, so those scenes should be cut.
In Addition to being like a snowball
censorship is also similar to a hula-hoop
It becomes a quickly outdated item.
Our language is clearly an everchang
ing one. For instance, when Little Rick
arc! sang about how much Miss Mol
liked to ball, he meant dancing. When
Prince uses the term now, it has a muck
different connotation.
Freedom of expression assures even
one equality — from novelists to pain
ers to Satan-worshipping rock musi
cians. Everyone from Kurt Vonnegutto
the Beatles to Ceraldo Rivera has pro
duced works under the protection o(
the First Amendment. I admit, whenl
see Geraldo’s talk show, even I wonder
whether that’s good or bad.
But, I would rather have thechoiceio
explore any idea that interests nit
That’s how our society grows — by slim
ulation from fresh ideas.
And for those who wotdd ratherhd
explore different venues, that’s fine.Its
a personal choice that everyone should
make for himself. But not for others.
Anthony Wilson is a senior jourm
lism and opinion page editor for Tht
Battalion.
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