Page 2/The Battalion/Thursday, June 23, 1988
Opinion
These are the breakthroughs that try men’s souLo
Texas A&M —
A World Univer
sity. Sounds nice,
but words alone
are not enough to
prove to others
that we belong
with the Oxfords,
Harvards and
Yales of the world.
We need deeds to
prove to the world
that we belong
search. A&M has research vessels that
sail the seven seas; we have an excellent
engineering school and an awesome ag
ricultural college.
But, A&M goes that extra mile to pro
duce other types of research, an exam
ple of which was brought to my atten
tion last month,
Enbull, A&M has developed a special
type of Aggie concrete.
A&M scientists have actually discov
ered that watering this special concrete
will make it grow. Futher research has
shown that fertilization by a secret
method will actually increase the growth
rate.
Richard
Williams
right up there with the rest of the big
boys.
The trouble is that no one knows
what deeds are needed to make any uni
versity a world university. For this rea
son I will now set forth a few of the qual
ifications required to become a world
university and explain how A&M has
gone that extra mile to reach the status
of world university.
Research can be one indication of
reaching that world status. A&M is a
leader in research. We are one of only a
few universities that has a supercon
ducting cyclotron on campus for re
in a press release, A&M announced
that its researchers have discovered that
people waiting in line at the check-out
counter actually hate to wait if another
check-out counter is empty.
This piece of research alone has
probably sent other universities scram
bling to discover if people waiting in line
at convenience stores hate to wait to pay
for their gas. Becoming the nation’s
leader in check-out line research will
push us past Slippery Rock and on our
way to the top.
My secret source for research, Deep
Enbull, passed information to The Batt
about A&M’s newest technological ad
vance. This break through is so big that
A&M will be known across the globe
(and way past Kansas) as a leader in con
struction research. According to Deep
Enbull said this special fertilization
method involves bird droppings and
that the method is being used on cam
pus.
One problem has cropped up in the
experiment. It seems that the Aggie
concrete grows so fast that it actually
kills off parking lot concrete and open
grassy areas.
said that A&M has developed an ad
vanced method of stopping people from
parking illegally. The researchers have
developed a sensor that will be fitted in
all campus parking spaces. T his sensor
will detect the presence of a vehicle
without a parking sticker and immedi
ately send out a call to the University Po
lice Department.
In most cases this is the only thing
that will happen, but if the sensor de
tects a repeat offender it will call a
wrecker as well as drive four nails into
each tire.
Because other universities also have a
parking problem, this will surely make
them ashamed they didn’t think of it
first.
The Aggie concrete grows best when
watered by sprinklers, but water from
fire hydrants also works. The research
has also shown that by using specially
trained individuals, the concrete can be
made to form buildings. The only real
problems this has presented is that the
building seem to require lots of repairs.
Another breakthrough will be an
nounced in the near future. My source
What other qualifications are needed
to become a world university? No one
knows for sure, but having agreements
with universities in other countries and
having branch campuses in faraway
lands are at the top of some of the lists.
A&M has agreements with other
schools, and we’re even working on
some sort of branch campus in Japan.
I.M. Fanatic, friend of a man with a
cousin that knew the lather
daughter of the man who knew
campus sources have told Thei,
A&M is working with IranUnivei
an agreement that could chain
face of television in American
may become the sole holder of
broadcast Iranian religious pro
ming to the United States. Profit
such broadcast will go tothelrai
they can buy more speedboats.
Another campus source, Ful
has informed The Batt that ABI||
rently working on a project forT1
isters that will sound an alarmwli
ministers violate any moral siai
that they have preached about
past five years.
Ofit said that the PTL has
great interest in this device ant
promised to give Heritage USA to
if the device works. A&M is said
holding out until the PTL throw
roller coaster and a truck ofTi
Faye’s make-up with the deal,but
another story.
Richard Williams is a senior
An A&h
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MAR60LIBS
11,
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Baseball and stats — America’s game
Bob: Good af
ternoon, friends.
It’s a beautiful day
for baseball here
at Busch Stadium
in St. Louis.
Eighty-two de
grees. Light
Robert
Dowdy
Guest Columnist
winds. Sitting in with me today is Frank
Gordon, former infielder for the Cardi
nals in the seventies.
Frank: Well, thanks, Bob. It’s a plea
sure, You know, I haven’t missed a Car
dinals’ game in twenty-three years.
Bob: Is that right?
Frank: Well, 22 years, 10 months and
five days.
Bob: Well, uh. . . that’s great, Frank.
A true baseball fan if I’ve ever heard of
one. The game is about to begin. Rich
ards has taken the mound, and he’s re
ady for the first pitch. Richards is
known for his wicked curve ball and 95
mile-per-hour fastball. He’s got a record
of seven wins to only one loss.
Frank: Also, Bob, I’ve found that he
has trouble with left-handed hitters with
the first name of Harold.
Bob: What’s that Frank.
Frank: It’s true. Every time he has
faced a left-handed hitter named Har
old — with the exception of Harold
White when he was in the American
League — he has given up a hit or walk.
And if it’s not one of those, one of his
teammates makes an error.
Bob: Well, fortunately for Richards,
the first batter up is Mark Johnson, the
first baseman. And the first pitch is
high, for a ball. Johnson is batting 273,
with three homers and 11 RBIs.
■ Frank: It’s also fortunate that today is
Thursday.
Bob: Why’s that, Frank?
Frank: Because, over the past five
seasons, Richards has won eleven games
and lost only two when he pitched on a
Thursday. There was an instance a cou
ple years ago —
Bob: Excuse me, Frank. The second
pitch is in for a strike.
. Frank: — when the game was delayed
by rain so long that it went past mid
night, and Richards won the game early
Friday morning. So, if you include that
game, then his record is 12 and two.
Bob: Fine
Frank: On Thursdays.
Bob: Good
Frank: In the past five seasons.
Bob: Thank you, Frank. Boy, you
really did your homework for this one.
Frank: I believe in being prepared,
Bob.
Bob: Great. And Johnson rips one
into right field for a base hit. Richard
got that one up about waist-high — as
we see here in the instant replay — and
Johnson is aboard with a single. Next up
is Dave Marquez, the center fielder, who
has been stuggling at the plate lately.
Frank: It is interesting to note,
though, that each of his four hits was off
of a right-hander, on artificial turf. And
that’s the same situation we have here.
Bob: Well, I didn’t know that. But,
then again, Frank, Marquez is a left-
handed batter, so he’d naturally be a
better hitter against right-handed pitch
ing.
Frank: Well, I don’t try to make sense
of these startling statistics. I just report
them.
Bob: Fine, Frank. And the first pitch
is in the dirt, for a ball.
Frank: You know, it never ceases to
amaze me all the amazing statistics I can
get out of this crazy game. It’s amazing.
Bob: Richards throws over to first to
keep the runner close.
Frank: For instance, the manager of
the Cardinals has lost 71 percent of the
games in which his pitcher gave up a
game-opening single. And also —
Bob: The second pitch is outside for a
ball. Let me ask you something, Frank.
Frank: Right after I tell you this am
azing statistic —
Bob: Forget the statistics! Let me ask
you something.
Frank: Sure thing, Bob.
Bob: Do you think all this number
juggling means anything.
Frank: What do you mean?
Bob: Do you think they can actually
predict what a player is going to do at
every moment of the game?
Frank: Are you kidding? Statistics are
the life-blood of the game!
Bob: Marquez lifts a double to deep
left-center field. And there are men on
second and third with nobody out.
Frank: Oh my God!
Bob: What is it?
Frank: Every time this situation has
come up against a Cardinals’ pitcher in
the last twenty years . . .
Robert Dowdy graduated from A&M in
May. He is currently a freelance writer
in Houston.
Mail Call
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Right, wrong and racism
EDITOR:
I would like to respond to C.V. Baker’s letter printed last semesterto
encourage further dialogue on this issue which is so important to all ofoiir
educational processes. Emotional, yes, because I was subjectively
experiencing a strong feeling related to values. Irrational, no. What
happened regarding that horrific incident had to do with human valuesai:
ethics — with matters of conscience. Universities were established in order
pursue truth, and this naturally involves philosophical considerations
regarding what is right and just. This clearly goes beyond “whether any
were broken.” When individuals put up a slogan that calls for thedeathof
one entire racial group, that is disorderly (this is exactly what these studeni
were charged with — disorderly conduct), and it incites others, i.e. it could
precipitate violence. All we have to do is look to Nazi Germany to see what
happens under such conditions. If someone cries out “fire” in a theaterwh
there really is no fire, this could incite pandemonium and cause injury and
possible death to people. While one of our basic freedoms is f reedom of
speech, that does not mean that one can incite others to violence.
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The students who constructed the anti-apartheid shanty were not
expecting to incite racism, as C.V. Baker states, but rather to raise the level
our consciousness regarding the evils of apartheid. It was the hanging
dead birds and the racist slogan by Robert Reed and Kenneth Nelson that
one would expect to incite racism. I concur with C.V. Baker’s statementthi
it was not right to do what Reed and Nelson did and I too believe in “oneol
the freedoms that our nation is founded upon: fairness by authority."
interpret this statement to mean due process by the authority of the
University, and I agree that Dr. John Koldus and/or other Universityoffio!
will see thatjustice is done.
I was perplexed by why C.V. Baker brought up the fact that 1 gradual#!
from U.C. Berkeley. I assume he was suggesting that Berkeley would nol
tolerate students displaying overtly inciteful and immoral racist slogans. 1
believe that to be true, and I assume that is also the case at Texas A&M,If
Texas A&M is truly a world-class university, it too will not tolerate thiskini
of behavior.
I appreciate the response of C.V. Baker to my original letter and this
opportunity to respond to his letter. I think the more dialogue on thiscri®
issue, the better our University community will be. T he point I am tryingii
make in speaking out in this manner is similar to Bob Wiatt’s comment ini
letter to me, and I quote: “Such activity is never to be considered as'funat!
games’ or ‘good bull.’ ” In other words, this is a very serious matter. If weal
going to learn to live together as one human f amily, we need to accept all
members of our community equally.
David H. Rosen, M.D.
professor of psychiatry and behavioral science .
And not a drop to drink
EDITOR:
What is wrong with Texas A&M? In this year of drought, I see campus
lawns over-watered to the point where mud and silt are washed into the
street. How can this university, of all places, exhibit such flagrant wasted
such a precious resources? We should be setting an example of conservatd
for others to follow.
Leigh Anna Tolar ’89
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reserves the right to edit Id
for style and length, but will make every effort to maintain the author’s intent. Each letter must
must include the classification, address and telephone number of the writer.
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
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Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Richard Williams, Editor
Sue Krenek, Managing Editor
Mark Nair, Opinion Page Editor
Curtis Culberson, City Editor
Becky Weisenfels,
Cindy Milton, News Editors
Anthony Wilson, Sports Editor
Jay Janner, Art Director
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