Page 2/The BattalionATuesday, May 3, 1988
Opinion
‘Potato pig’ contemplates decadent way$N
b<
M m m m . . .
There it stood: a
picture-perfect
spud — firm, hot,
steamy and
creamy, waiting
for me to wrap my
lips around it. I
couldn’t wait to
dive into the
depths of ecstasy.
But right before I
took the blissful
plunge, I had
bacon bits and chives. I have to admit
they looked luscious, a picture of baked
potato perfection.
I see your point,” she
as sour cream dripped from her
Suna
Purser
“I’m not sure
said
chin. It was obvious that she was thor
oughly enjoying this food orgy. And it
was even more obvious that she had not
made what was to me a clear connection
between decadence and baked potatoes.
an alarming thought:
‘Decadent. Mikhail and Raisa are right.
Americans are decadent.”
Quite concerned, I mentioned this
troubling thought to my friend as we
sat, forks poised and taste buds primed
for our baked potatoes complete with
two kinds of cheese, sour cream, butter,
As I sat there in shock and watched
her shovel it in, I started thinking. I
have always considered myself a scream
ing liberal. You know, equal rights, pro-
choice, freedom of expression. This is
the United States of America where ev
erything goes and nothing matters. Do
your own thing and let it all hang out.
But these sinful spuds made me think
and I replied, “But we’re indulging. In
fact, we’re over-indulging. We could get
Mail Call
Aggies lend helping hand
EDITOR:
On behalf of the Board of Directors of the Brazos Food Bank, I would
like to commend the student body at Texas A&M for its support of our orga
nization. Through efforts by groups such as SCON A and Hands Across
A&M, the students have donated close to 7,000 pounds of food over the past
few months to the Food Bank. This food has gone a long way toward feeding
the hungry in Brazos County.
We believe we must all make that extra effort to help those people around
us who are not as fortunate as the rest. The concern you have shown on be
half of Texas A&M by your efforts not only says a great deal about your char
acter, but also goes to show that the students at this University continue to be
the greatest in the country.
Tim Jones’82 k
President, Board of Directors
Scare tactics didn’t make her ‘Chicken’
EDITOR:
I was recently “snagged” at the Chicken for drinking under age. Now I
am the first to admit that yes, this was wrong under Texas law and I deserved
to get a minor in possession ticket.
But instead of getting a ticket, I was hauled upstairs to see the infamous
“Mr. Chicken.”
I haven’t quite decided what the purpose of the hour-plus lecture was.
Maybe it was meant to scare me?
No, I don’t think so.
Could it be that he was trying to logically explain to me why it was detri
mental to both he and I when I drank in his establishment? No.
Was it possibly so he could make fun of my family, attack my religious af
filiation, and slander Mothers Against Drunk Driving while making his intox
icated cronies in the room cackle with drunken glee?
You know, I think it was.
This is the most disgusting excuse for “authority” I’ve ever seen. If they
want to scare me, why not slap on the handcuffs and plop my into a police
car? That would most definitely work. I think I might prefer it.
Tracy Suit ’91
Incident insult to A&M’s integrity
EDITOR:
I commend the swift action by the Director of the University Police, Bob
Wiatt, in filing charges of disorderly conduct with the Office of the Brazos
County Attorney against students Robert Reed and Kenneth Nelson.
Hopefully, the State Game Warden’s office in Bryan will also file charges
against these students for killing two doves, the birds of peace, associated
with the horrific incident they perpetrated on the Students Against Apart
heid shanty April 15. Their acts of sacrificing the two pigeons and hanging
them in the shanty with the racist slogan go far beyond disorderly conduct.
I have written to Dr. John J. Koldus, the Director of Student Services,
suggesting that these two students be permanently expelled from the Univer
sity whether any rules were broken. The conscience of Texas A&M Univer
sity was fractured. There is no alternative but to expel these students for such
despicable behavior. It is hard to believe that two senior students majoring in
Biomedical Sciences could carry out such vile deeds.
These two student’s actions are an affront to Texas A&M University as
they would be to any institution of higher learning. Anything less than to per
manently expel these two students would be an insult to the integrity of the
University and the values for which it stands.
David H. Rosen, M.D.
Department of Psychology
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reserves the right to edit letters
for style and length, but will make every effort to maintain the author’s intent. Each letter must be signed and
must include the classification, address and telephone number of the writer.
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The Battalion Editorial Board
Lydia Berzsenyi, Editor
Becky Weisenfels, Managing Editor
Anthony Wilson, Opinion Page Editor
Richard Williams, City Editor
Deborah Jensen and
Tom Eikel, News Editors
Hal Hammons, Sports Editor
Jay Janner, Art Director
Leslie Guy, Entertainment Editor
by on a half of what we have here.
These baked potatoes are the size of a
nine-inch dinner plate. Think of all the
starving people in the world — even in
this country — and here we sit, two po
tato pigs.” Then I ran to my dictionary,
afraid of confirming my worst fears and
consumed with guilt.
kinis, television evangelists. What’s our
society coming to?” I preached.
“Humpf,” I snorted. “Just what I
thought. Listen to this: ‘decadence — a
process, state, or period of decline or
deterioration, as in art or morals. DE
CAY.’ ” With dictionary in one hand
and fork in the other, I began my tirade.
“Think of it! Dial-A-Porn, x-rated
movies on the tube. Why, just turn on
any daytime or evening soap and get an
eyeful of stuff that would make Linda
Lovelace’s toes curl. What’s happened to
‘The Brady Bunch,’ ‘Leave it to Beaver,’
and ‘Green Acres?’ Casual sex, string bi-
“I’ll tell you what it’s coming to,” I
continued. “History repeats itself and
this is it. The fall of the Roman Empire
all over again. The United States is dec
adent and immoral, just like the Gorba
chevs say, just like the Romans.”
“Things aren’t that bad, you’ve justly
watching too many of those sacrosif
television evangelicals. People and •.
times change. We’re in theageotj
eighties and you surely can’t expectl dent F
eryone to live a holier-than-thou life! Monda
the Puritans. Anyway, I’m not so si J remain
believe all that religious rhetoric.” ® leader,
“Well, I see your point,” my friend
said. “But you better eat your baked po
tato before it congeals. Besides, what
can we do about it?”
“I’m not sure,” I said in a fit of frus
tration. “But something needs to be
done. We just can’t continue letting our
society slide into the abyss of sin and
moral decay. We have to uphold decent
standards for future generations. Isn’t
there any modesty left?”
“Hmmm,” I thought.
“You’re absolutely right,” 1 saidj
with that, I took the plungeintorayii
adent spud. “Maybe things areni
bad,” I thought, as I sat there watch
Motley Crue’s video ‘Girls, Girls,Girt
“I guess I believed those sacros::
boob tube evangelicals,” I said.
Mikhail and Raisa, eat your het
out.
coolly.
Suna Purser is a senior English
jor and a columnist for The Battalic-
tion sh<
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MARGWJES
(P/9S3 HcwoN
The last of the red-hot lovers
goes up in a blaze of glory
Dee and Jimmy,
who are my
friends, own a
rather large black
Lab named Deuce,
who has become
somewhat of a leg
end in their home
town.
The pit bull’s owner built a higher
fence to protect his female.
Deuce came back a week later and
scaled the fence and we’re still waiting to
see what you get if you cross a black Lab
with a pit bull.
In cities and towns, many of theffli
picked up by the animal control peo|
and subsequently put to death.
Nobody is quite
certain just how
many puppies
Deuce has fa-
Lewis
Grizzard
My guess is a pit bull who’d rather
read Penthouse than Soldier of For
tune. But Dee and Jimmy gave me the
news the other day.
“There’s something else, too,” k
said. “It got to the point where <1
neighborhood wasn’t enoughi
Deuce. He began wandering all o'jj
town.
“There’s a busy highway just a jj
miles from us and Deuce would crosl
on his way to see some of his girlfriend
thered over the years, but the number
likely would be astounding.
“Deuce’s days as a lover are over,’
Dee said.
“And Jimmy’s agreed with this?’
Deuce, put quite frankly, is one of the
greatest lovers in the history of dogdom.
That’s caused a lot of problems for
Dee and Jimmy over the years.
“He says he hates to do it because
Deuce has a reputation to uphold, but
he’s agreed we should have Deuce fixed.
He just says he’ll never be able to look
him in the eye again.”
“We really love that dog and wert
him around for a long time. Maybeaff
he’s fixed he will stay around closer'
home and won’t have as much off
chance to get run over.”
I had my own dog, Catfish, anotbj
black Lab, fixed a couple of years a?
for the same reason.
Not so long ago, Deuce fell in lust
with a female pit bull, of all things. He
climbed a high fence to have his way
with her and was noticed leaving the
scene by the pit bull’s owner.
He recognized Deuce and called Dee
and Jimmy, and an arrangement was
made to have the vet to make certain the
pit bull didn’t turn up with pup.
We talked a little about the fact that
there are a lot of unwanted animals in
the world and that there is a movement
afoot for pet owners to be aware of this
and to take the necessary steps to keep
down the number of strays and unwant-
eds.
I told him I was sending him to tlif
vet for a cholesterol check.
Still, you hate to see any great career
come to an end. First, John Holmes,thf
porno film star who claimed to havfl
had sex with 14,000 different women
up and dies and now of Deuce will n/
longer be on his ever vigilant prowl.
It’s a sad thing to see a stray dog or A moment of silence, if you will, for
cat terribly undernourished wandering the both of them,
a neighborhood in search for food.
Copyright 1986, Cowles Syndic^
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BLOOM COUNTY
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