Opinion
Are we apathetic about willful misconduct
Monday was a
living hell. You
rolled out of bed
at 7:45 a.m. and
rushed to your 8
o’clock class wear
ing Mr. T pajamas
just in time to
flunk a test as no
one ever had be
fore.
Tuesday was a
nightmare sans
Freddie Krueger. Your car had a flat
tire in the rain while on the way to turn
in your 31-page research paper for a
bitch of a prof who won’t accept any late
papers — no exceptions.
Wednesday made Tuesday seem like
a peach of a day. Your girlfriend
dumped you for a woman and your dog
Anthony
Wilson
committed suicide by drowning himself
in the commode.
So Thursday’s your night to party.
Forget about all those troubles. C’mon,
get happy. It’s Miller time.
You go to the Chicken and after pol
ishing off your fourth longneck, you no
tice your teeth are numbing and your
hair is singing. You now have to make a
decision. Do you stop drinking or do
you continue to drink and risk intoxica
tion and an eventual hangover? It’s your
decision.
Do you go through the same ritual on
Friday and Saturday? Do you eventually
expand your “party weekend” to in
clude Wednesday and possibly Sunday?
Whatever you decide, it’s your decision.
If you don’t believe it, just consult the
Oh, for those days
of campaign capers
Mike
Royko
Slats Grobnik
slouched at the
bar with a sad, far
away look in his
eyes. His beer had
gone flat. Every
few moments he
sighed.
I asked him
what his problem
was. “Oh, I’m just
feeling nostalgic,
just thinking
about the good old days, how much fun
they were, and how dull it is now.”
What good old days have you in
mind?
“Well, there was Gary Hart and
Donna Rice, the Miami reporters hiding
in the bushes, the trip to Bimini on the
good ship Monkey Business. Ah, those
were the days, my friend.”
Yes, Gary and Donna livened up the
primary campaign for a while.
“You bet. And then there was Joe Bi-
den. What a guy. He figures his back
ground is a little dull, so he turns him
self into a Welsh coal miner. You know,
if he hadn’t got caught, he would have
done good in the Pennsylvania prima
ry.”
Especially if he smeared some soot on
his face.
“Those were the days. And you re
member Pat Robertson getting all those
votes in Iowa, and all the pundits run
ning around screaming: ‘The Bible-
thumpers are coming, the Bible-thump-
ers are coming.’ ”
They can be impressionable at times.
“Oh, that was fun. And then there
was Dan Rather trying to ambush
George Bush, and Bush turning around
and ambushing Rather. It was one of
the greatest battles in the history of the
fleaweight division.”
Yes, as macho-man Bush would put
it. Rather found himself in deep do-do.
“Ah, what fun times those were. And
Bob Dole shocking all the pundits by
telling Bush to stop lying.”
The pundits can be a shockable
bunch at times.
“And do you remember Illinois, and
how at the last minute all the headlines
were screaming that Jesse was closing
the gap and might even win? And the
pundits were all saying: Jesse can do it,
Jesse can do it.’ ”
Yes, that caused considerable trem
bling in many a blue-collar bungalow.
“Then he lost to a nerd in a bow tie
and they"all said: ‘Well, maybe he can’t
do it.’
The pundits can be a flexible lot.
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(USPS 045 360)
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Lydia Berzsenyi, Editor
Becky Weisenfels, Managing Editor
Anthony Wilson, Opinion Page Editor
Richard Williams, City Editor
Deborah Jensen and
Tom Eikel, News Editors
Hal Hammons, Sports Editor
Jay Janner, Art Director
Leslie Guy, Entertainment Editor
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Supreme Court’s recent decision to
uphold the Veterans Administration’s
denial to provide certain benefits to al
coholics. The Court ruled by a 4 to 3 de
cision that in most cases alcoholism is
caused by “willful conduct.” And al
though genetic imbalances certainly
play a part in many cases of alcoholism,
it’s about time someone realized that al
coholics are the ones responsible for
their problem, not a diseased cell.
The Court was not trying to decide
whether alcoholism is or isn’t a disease,
but it did attempt to define possible
causes.
“Even among many who consider al
coholism a ‘disease’ to which its victims
are genetically predisposed,” Associate
Justice Byron White wrote for the ma
jority, “the consumption of alcohol is
not regarded as wholly involuntary.”
The “not regarded as wholly involun
tary” part is what’s important here. No
one has ever become an alcoholic be
cause he was held down and Mad Dog
20/20 was poured down his throat. Un
like the victims of cancer, alcoholic s can
do something about their disease when
they start to notice its symptons. They
can stop drinking. It’s their decision. It’s
too bad cancer isn’t that simple.
It seems as if the entire country has
fallen into a trap of not wanting to take
responsibility for their mistakes. If a
husband beats his wife, it’s because he
doesn’t know any better since his father
hit his mother. If a man rapes a woman,
it’s because she led him on. According to
Jesse Jackson, most of the inner-city un
employed drug addicts are where they
are today because society hasn’t given
them a square deal.
fhese excuses are ludicrouslj
there are no excuses. Noonebi;
c use f or beating his spouse,-
someone, injecting heroin irto^
tern or chinking so much, so otic
he becomes addicted toalcohol.
And it’s time we realized ilj
stopped feeling so damn sorryfot
I hev all made conscious decision
what they did. That doesn’t met
we shouldn’t make efforts to Si
pie with problems. Anditdoesn:
that we shouldn’t feelcompaa.
ward their situations.
But it does mean that weshou
“You did this to vourselfsodon'tj
to pity you. You acted on yourw,
will. It was your decision."
Anthony Wilson is a junior jour*
major and opinion page editor:
Battalion
HQ&r&Jnvr
“Then there was Michigan, and all of
a sudden the pundits were saying Jesse
can do it, Jesse can do it,’ again.”
That just shows how amazingly flexi
ble they are.
“And then Wisconsin, with Jesse
standing shoulder-to-shoulder with all
those white auto workers in Kenosha,
saying he was one of them? And how
they cheered and said they loved him.”
Yes, and as one of them told me:
“He’s the only candidate who says what
I want to hear. Too bad he’s black or I’d
vote for him.”
“And all the while there was Mario
lurking in the background. Would
Mario finally jump in? Would he be
drafted? Would the party turn to him in
its hour of need?”
Well, the timing seemed right. The
nation is still on a pasta craze.
“And then there was New York. What
a great show that was. Can you ever for
get Mayor Koch? I’ll tell you something,
I was sure Jackson was going to win in
New York. I though he’d get the Jewish
vote.”
What made you think that?
“Because Koch said that a Jew would
have to be crazy to vote for Jackson.”
So?
“Well, the Jews always voted for
Koch. So I figured that if anything
proved they were crazy, that did.”
There is some logic there.
“But where’d it all go?”
Where did what go?
“The thrills, the excitement, the crazi
ness. It’s like you had a wild party going
on, with lots of laughs, but all of a sud
den the fun people go home — Hart,
Rice, Biden, Dole, Robertson, Cuomo,
Koch. And all you got left is Dukakis.
Hey, turn out the lights and go to bed.”
There’s still Jackson.
“Nah, Dukakis has a wrap. Now Jack
son’s just along for the ride so he can
hog cameras at the convention. He says
Dukakis is nice. That’s as exciting as
watching a knitting contest.”
But we can still look forward to the
conventions. And then the real cam
paign — Bush against Dukakis for presi
dent. Don’t you think that will be excit
ing?
“Maybe. But it’s going to be a long
dull summer. Hey, do you think there’s
any chance Gary Hart will get back into
it one more time?”
I doubt it.
“Yeah, you’re probably right. He
peaked too soon.”
Copyright 1987, Tribune Media Services, Inc.
It’S
not keeping’ up with the Joneses that worries me... it’s keepk
up with the Yamimotos, theNokaguchis, the Tokoshiros...
Stamp prices could improve services
Lewis
Grizzard
Now that the
post office is
charging us more
to mail a letter, I
think the least the
post office could
do is offer us a few
more services.
I’m quite con
cerned, for in
stance about the
fact you can’t go to
the post office to
mail a letter or to buy stamps without
having to stand in a long line.
Perhaps the post office could use the
extra income from the increase in stamp
prices to hire more people so the lines
wouldn’t be so long.
Either that, or they could give bo
nuses to postal workers who occasionally
look up and actually speed up to keep
cusomers moving.
I’d also like the post office to throw
out any junk mail addressed to me be-
BLOOM COUNTY
fore it’s delivered to my house.
That’s all I’m going to do with it,
throw it out. They know what junk mail
is at the post office. They could trash
anything asking me for money, for in
stance.
I don’t want to get any more mail
from Ed McMahon either. He writes me
more often than my friends and rela
tives.
And speaking of relatives, I wouldn’t
mind the post office going through the
letters from my kin, either, and throw
ing out those I get from my Aunt Glo
ria.
Aunt Gloria is a sweet lady and I love
her, but all her letters start the same
way: “You’re not going to believe what
the doctors found Thursday . . .”
What then follows is a detailed dis
cussion of how her various bodily parts
are in horrid states of disrepair and
how, if I don’t eat a lot of prunes, stay
out of the night air, and take oatmeal
baths, the same sort of things couldl
pen to me.
fhese letters leave me terribl)
pressed. The post ofice couldsimpl
me on the phone and say, “Your
Gloria wrote you again,” and thath!
alert me she is thinking of me, hj
wouldn't have to read of any anatom
catastrophies.
I he post office also could doabfl
job with my bills. Have youevernott
bow all your bills come on thesamei
The post of fice could send your f
one at a time, enabling you to avoid
nancial panic.
The post of fice could call and .
“When would you like yourcreditu
bill?”
“How much is it?”
“A lot.”
“Don’t send it until next wed|
should be over the electric bill you
me yesterday by then.”
Let’s see Federal Express top that
Copyright 1987, Cowles Syndicate
by Berke Breathe*
MJT YOU Hffle BBTTER
THIN05 TO P0 WON
HeCKUNG 0 SeRlOU6
pFeuipemioi
CfiMm&N V
\
iv say rr's
OaOLfTOS 56R10U0 06
7W$e OF MAX HedPKOCM,
RftNPee of we Reriwops,
zippy we piNtiea?
AN? Gm3Y.
oee.
They'Re..oh, THerPe
HU- RONNfNO TOO,
W!5 YBAR r
SFVPS
mcxeNzie ?
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breath^
He
5PAT
IN MY
mmNe.
eveRY ANIMAL
HAS AN RQUAL
RIGHT TO UVe...
NO MATTER THE
SPECfES. NOW
lbt him &e.
vem!
Pfcrttidtf,
cucaracw'