HatH AtjJsjiiiliydJjKJ 4V/« 93W
snRnsmmmnnnmBnnningBiBBmBmnnnnnnHHHBnH^HHni
Page 2/The Battalion/Friday, March 4, 1988
6m
<0
s
s
'C
ac
a>
a)
0)
«>
(A
sr
3
0)
3
ar
o
<3
3
w
o*
sr
re
«>
•D
sr
(0
CD
e
a.
to
3
o
o
<
to
Opinion
= 3
3 S
to o
= O
it- ^
P m
3?^ :
2 ^
<v o
* Q
Robertson is perfect to continue the Reagan
Ah, presidential
politics. As the pri
maries roll past,
the pace starts get
ting more frantic
and the candidates
start getting a
little, well, wacky.
George Bush
appropriates Bob
Dole’s “I’m one of
you” slogan and
then claims he
quips come when he’s doing what his
handlers hate for him to do: shooting
from the hip. Who doesn’t remember
the infamous “We begin bombing in Five
minutes” joke. Boy, what a knee-slap-
per.
/
Sue
Krenek
Reagan is quite an act to follow. But
he pales in comparison to the candidate
who makes the foolish, shoot-off-at-the-
mouth statement into an art form: Pat
Robertson.
TW- LET tAE SEE \F l
HEAPD MDU W&W, PW-
THE MteSttJES- IWE HOSTAGES-
TttEBUSH-SNNSGm CONKEOION-
■YOO-VOO "JUST MAKt THESE THINGS UP
HE/-LOOK
WHERE IT GOT ,
meant it as a joke — a joke, unfortu
nately, that no one got.
The contenders spend more debate
time perfecting their jabs than persuad
ing their audience. In the Dallas de
bates, Richard Gephardt tells Albert
Gore, “Lately you’ve been sounding
more like A1 Haig than A1 Gore.” Not to
be out-snided. Gore shoots back: “That
line sounds more like Richard Nixon
than Richard Gephardt.”
Pollsters and pundits have to wonder
how this lunacy will affect voters who
are trying desperately to Find a potential
president amidst all the squabbling.
The surprising success of Pat Rob
ertson in the Republican primaries may
convince them that the voters have de
cided to be as weird as the candidates.
But Robertson’s good showings merely
demonstrate that America’s voters have
new priorities. Gone is the insistence on
Reagan-era ideology. Americans want
the Reagan-era image.
That image is, of course, based on
Reagan’s status as a master of the mis
statement. Televised speeches or news
conferences inevitably are followed by
news stories “clarifying” the president’s
statements. Some comics have suggested
Reagan establish an official Office Of
The Person Who Tells You What The
President Really Meant To Say.
And most of Reagan’s truly tragic
The first glimpse of Robertson’s gen
ius came when the candidate, a former
television evangelist, decided he didn’t
want to be called a former television
evangelist. Those who called him one,
he declared, were religious bigots.
Next up was the assertion that there
were Soviet missiles in Cuba. Washing
ton, Havana and Robertson’s campaign
staffers all quickly corrected the error.
But then Robertson showed his poten
tial to outshine even Reagan. In the face
of overwhelming evidence to the con
trary, the man who moves hurricanes
stood by his statement.
The Gipper himself got into the act
when Robertson proclaimed his CBN
network had had information on the lo
cation of U.S. hostages in Lebanon. The
attempt to sully the Reagan Administra
tion’s handling of the hostage issue
backfired when Reagan pointed out that
no one from Robertson’s network ever
saw fit to pass along any of this informa
tion to the government.
Still, Robertson’s
never wavered.
ever-present grin an
Until, of course, television evangelist
Jimmy Swaggart’s indiscretions came to
light. Swaggart, who was instrumental
in the downfall of PTL leader Jim Bak-
ker, admitted to “having sinned” in
some way involving a prostitute and a
hotel room but no actual sex. After a
year in which Jim and Tammy left PTL
and Oral Roberts revealed that God is
extortionist, the Swaggart fiasco
seemed like fairly tame stuff.
Except to Robertson. As a former
television evangelist who doesn’t want to
be called a former television evangelist,
he was worried that the scandal might
not do much for his campaign’s image.
And he found it too much of a coin
cidence that the scandal broke right be
fore the Super Tuesday primaries.
Who’s responsible? Could it be . . .
SATAN?? Not according to Robertson,
who put the blame firmly on George
Bush.
And so Robertson rolls merrilu
The campaign staf fer who said shtBuir
most afraid to open the paper am:|g
lias it wrong. The reverend is pi
the first person since P.T.
Robertson says the Bush campaign
conspired to suppress evidence against
Swaggart until releasing the stuff would
do the most harm to Robertson. Cynics
pointed out that Bush’s organization is
good, but not that good.
nn:
Bar- g rki "
understand the philosophy that^ r ', in
‘ r 7 f|Qr
Ronald Reagan a success. ifvVt'
I ^
There’s a sucker lx>rn every m»e i
Sue Krenek is a senior journa!i' ^ lts '
jor and editor ofThe Battalion. ^Vj
Some preachers have all the luck
o
3
“If I had it all to
cr
do over again,”
TO ;
a-;
Slats Grobnik said.
“I think I’d have
Er :
become one of
3^!
those TV prea
to <.
3 f
chers.”
Q> "I
I’ve never
c <
?
thought of you as
a
0
having religious
convictions.
“Nah, that’s not
why,” he said.
Mike
Royko
Ah, then it’s the money that interests
you. All those little old ladies sending in
contributions.
“Yeah, that would be OK. I like a Ro-
lex watch and a private jet as much as
the next guy. But there’s something
even better than that.”
Such as?
“Well, I was watching this guy Jimmy
Swaggart on TV, with his lips trembling
and his nose running, crying his eyes
out and blubbering about how he had
sinned because he was with a hooker in
a motel.”
Yes, a sad and humiliating display.
“Sad? What was so sad about it?”
Well, the poor man had to stand up
before a nationwide TV audience and
confess that he had been guilty of a
weakness of the flesh.
“Yeah, but then did you see what
happened next?”
No, my eyes were blurred with tears
of compassion.
“Then I’ll tell you what happened.
His wife walks over and gives him a big
hug.”
Yes, I do remember that.
“Well?”
Well what?
“Who do we know that ever gets a
hug from his wife when she finds out
he’s been messing around?”
Now that you mention it, I can’t think
of anyone.
“You bet you can’t. If I did something
like that, the only thing my wife would
hug me with would be a piece of piano
wire when I had my back turned.”
But if you explained that you realize
it was a sin and you repent, she might be
understanding.
“Oh sure. Guys do that all the time. A
guy comes home and the wife yells: ‘My
friend Gladys saw you going into the
Beddy Bye Motel with a hooker when
you were supposed to be bowling.’ And
the husband says: ‘Oh, Lordy, the devil
made me do it. But I repent, so let us
pray together. Now, what’s for dinner?”’
It’s possible. The devil works consid
erable mischief.
“Sure. Then the wife says: ‘OK, you
tell the judge the devil made you go to
that motel. But my lawyer is going to tell
the judge that I want the house, the fur
nishings, the car, the kids, your pay-
check, and you can go get a room at the
YMCA, you creep.”
I suppose that Swaggart’s wife is
more understanding than most.
“Yeah, and so was Tammy. The was
Tammy acted, you’d think little Jimmy
had not done anything more than get
caught peeking at a copy of Penthouse.
Hey, you know what my wife told me af
ter we got married?”
As I recall, she said you’d have to take
more than one bath a week.
“Besides that. She said that because
she loved me so much, and I was such a
great guy, if she ever found out I was
playing around, she’d wait until I was
sleeping before she let me have it with
an ice pick because she wouldn’t want
me to suffer.”
“And remember what happened to
lover boy Charlie with the skinny mous
tache when his wife found out about
him and Pearl the waitress?”
Yes, he had that unfortunate acci
dent.
“Accident? Who ever heard of a
woman accidentally spilling a pot of hot
coffee on her husband at 3 o’clock in the
morning when he’s in bed sleeping. And
remember where she spilled it? He
walked like a duck for about a year.”
But you must keep in mind that these
TV clergymen and their followers be
lieve in redemption through prayer.
“Yeah, I noticed that. Jimmy and
Tammy say they are praying for Swag
gart, even though he blew the whistle on
Jimmy. He even said little Jimmy was
some kind of wart.”
I believe he said that Bakker was a
cancer on the body of Christ.
“Right. So if little Jimmy was a cancer,
what’s that make Swaggart?”
In fairness to Swaggart, he says he
did not actually have sex with the harlot.
He simply sat there in his jogging suit
watching her do something or other.
“Okay, we’ll give him credit for that.
Maybe he’s not a cancer, but just some
kind of a peeping eye.”
Fair enough. But I still think it is
touching that his wife would be that for
giving. As Swaggart said of her on TV:
“God never gave a man a better help
mate, a companion to stand beside
him.”
“Yeah, but if my wife ever catches me,
I’m gonna pray that I have a wonderful
helpmate, a companion to stand beside
And I’m sure your wife will do exactly
that.
She’s always had a kindly nature.
“Wife? I’m talking about a lawyer
who knows the judge.”
Copyright 1987, Tribune Media Services, In
Mail Call
or the
iOspac
teedec
Free, free, they’ll be free
EDITOR:
On Wednesday, Taylor Sealy wrote to The Battalion his views of the
apartheid system as being justifiable because “they (blacks) will drag the ;
country down.” He asserted that America would also benefit from suchan
“intelligent” system. I must admit that 1 was quite surprised to read such |
deeply rooted racist remarks by way of the pen of a “good ole Ag.”
Apartheid is intelligent, you claim, Mr. Sealy? So then, it is “intelligeni
for a people to be economically oppressed simply because they are not oft
“elite” race? Is it the “intelligent” system that financially and socially robst
majority of its inhabitants to fill the bellies, the pockets, and the egos of its
greedy and hateful minority? It is “intelligent,” you say, Mr. Sealy, to
imprison blacks for committing the unspeakable crime of being unemploi
when it is the laws of white South Africans that cause blacks to be
unemployed in the first place. It is the “intelligent” system that neglects, 1
pardon me, degrades, prostitutes and abuses the lies of more than two-tta
of its population?
I dare say, Mr. Sealy, you stand corrected. I do realize that you speakol
of ignorance, but the remarks you have submitted are the remarks of a |
paranoid racist who, like many others of your deranged mentality,
reluctantly witnessed the progress of black Americans and fear the same®;
will fall upon the system of legalized segregation and racism of South Afi
The intelligent system, sir, is one that heeds to the conscience of ALLofiii|
citizens, not just the few who are blessed to reap the ascribed benefits of
rich ancestors, be they black or white.
The anti-apartheid efforts are not simply some “black thing.” In fact,'
majority of the members of Students Against Apartheid are white. Moreo'
the majority of the officers of this organization are not people of color. Mi
Sealy, these activities are multicultural efforts that seek to rid the worldol
this devastating political monster that bleeds the world of basic freedoms
liberties.
Much to your dismay, Mr. Sealy, South Africa will one day be free.
France B. Brown Jr. ’89
■
Posing for porn
EDITOR:
I am writing this because I know there will be much controversy on till
Playboy ad subject. So before people spend so much time writing abouttll
opinions on the topic, why don’t they think about approaching moreseriii
topics.
Who cares if The Batt publishes the ad? True, I oppose any censorshifl
completely. However, I try to keep an open mind.
Wake up, Aggies! If girls feel they have to pose for a porn mag to j
noticed, pity them — but don’t waste your time Fighting it!
Carol Martin ’90
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reserves the right toe
for style and length, but will make every effort to maintain the author's intent. Each letter must besigiH 1
must include the classification, address and telephone number of the writer.
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Sue Krenek, Editor
Daniel A. LaBry, Managing Editor
Mark Nair, Opinion Page Editor
Amy Couvillon, City Editor
Robbyn L. Lister and
Becky Weisenfels,
News Editors
Loyd Brumfield, Sports Editor
Sam B. Myers, Photo Editor
Editorial Policy
The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting newspa
per operated as a community service to Texas A&M and
Bryan-College Station.
Opinions expressed in The Battalion are those of the
editorial board or the author, and do not necessarily rep
resent the opinions of Texas A&M administrators, fac
ulty or the Board of Regents.
The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper
for students in reporting, editing and photography
classes within the Department of Journalism.
The Battalion is published Monday through Friday
during Texas A&M regular semesters, except for holiday
and examination periods.
Mail subscriptions are $17.44 per semester, $34.62
per school year and $36.44 per full year. Advertising
rates furnished on request.
Our address: The Battalion, 230 Reed McDonald,
Texas A&M University, College Station, TX 77843-1 111.
Second class postage paid at College Station, TX
77843.
POSTMASTER: Send address changes to The Battal
ion, 216 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M University, Col
lege Station TX 77843-4 111.
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Bread
9H
eMBRbeNcV
HOTUNe.
yes'
HBtW ?
HELP'/
perr Roeemsoti
/s opinino m
Theevus
P£Mfl6060eRy/
ze/tcors/
fficse PRopHers /
peums cwuvwtdM/
mmoToBesftvep
pm THIS
jummmPl
THEN CflU-
&OP/ m
STlim