Page 2/The Battalion/Wednesday, February 10, 1988
Opinion
Creative defenses are needed
to escape drug test anxiety
You just can’t
believe it. You
were out last night
at a friend’s party
slamming Kami-
kazis until the wee
hours. You
vaguely remember
someone handing
you a doobie
about the size of
an El Producto.
Not wanting to of-
John
MacDougall
fend your host, you took about 10 mega
hits. Later, you woke up in broad day
light face down on a smelly couch with a
mindblowing headache and a severe
case of Death Valley cottonmouth.
Then you suddenly realized that you
have an appointment for a drug test
next Friday for a dream job with Cor
porate America. Your future is riding
on this one . . . but don’t panic — yet.
Before you kiss away a high paying
career, listen up. Let’s examine the facts
about drug testing and consider some
creative defenses that are no more un
ethical than the test itself.
If you think this case doesn’t apply to
you, you may be mistaken. Chances are
that if you plan on working for a For
tune 500 company after graduation or
during school as a co-op student, you
will have to pass a urine test. Whether or
not you have used drugs in the last two
months, you should still be concerned.
These tests are fraught with errors.
Companies falling in the latter cat
egory test for drugs mainly for public
relations purposes. They want to appear
to be heeding Nancy Reagan’s call to
arms, but aren’t willing to take extreme
measures such as on-the-job testing due
to the probability of ferreting out top
executives and alienating worker bees.
Their procedures for screening new ap
plicants are characterized by unmoni
tored, offsite testing.
For example, let’s say Corporate
America is interested in interviewing
you.
It sends you a form in the mail asking
what over-the-counter and/or pre
scribed medicines you have consumed
in the last couple months. You fill out
the form and take it to a local clinic
where a sour-faced nurse gives you a
plastic cup and points you in the direc
tion of the restroom. You fill it to the
brim and return it to Nurse Cratchet,
who seals the cup and Fed Exes it to a
laboratory in Timbuktu.
Recreational drug users suffering
from piss test anxiety should consider
whether to interview with these compa
nies.
Problems arise when you have to take
a monitored test for companies that are
serious about drug use. In this case, the
best defense is overconsumption. Many
medicines that can be purchased at the
local drug store screw up drug tests.
They include Contact, Sudafed, Bron-
kaid, Datril, diet pills and other decong
estants. Some mask the presence of
drugs while others imitate them. Of
course, this would be disastrous were it
not for the pre-screening form you fill
out before the test. Although it is not
recommended, you could eat these
medications in the days before a drug
test. Be sure to put down everything you
took on the form.
Mail Call
Catch a clue, comrade
EDITOR:
In response to Brian Petruskie’s letter: Yeah! That would be realneatto
stop helping Israel with its problems such as rioting, crazed Palestinian!
pouring down the street trying to run over a small group of Israeli soldier!
standing on a street corner. You’re right!
Let’s let the communists walk right on in and take the strongest countr)in
the Middle East away from us. That would be just ducky! And while we’reai
it, let’s let the communist slime ooze up through Central America. Then in
stead of going to Mexico to get Corona, we could get premium vodka. Catdia Isaid tha
clue, comrade! Think about what you are saying. But then again, ifeven-H 118 be
body else doesn’t mind their kids speaking Russian instead of English, then■ ^ ie
why should I? Get the picture? . ; B^aid
Shannon Bower ’90 their r
M i ■■ii.— .IStates. 1
fcapai
cally th;
its top
banking
the Bur
A&.M.
aul
side!
It is rumored that urine tainted by
numerous over-the-counter medica
tions makes drug tests inconclusive.
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reservt s the right ttuStltk phen W<
for style and length, but will make ex’ery effort to maintain the author's intent. Each letter must be sipitlx i Knud
must include the classif ication, address and telephone number of the writer. ii
Jice a
Sink in
■ Knud
injernat
giperiei
ps wit!
“We I
id lie
fterms o!
If you are uncertain about how clean
your system is, you have the option of
getting your own urine tested at a clinic
or hospital. The procedure will cost you
about $25 and may save you a great deal
of grief.
We should have Englisli
as our “official” language
Two basic screening procedures are
used to determine whether an appli
cant’s urine is tainted. The first one is
the highly inaccurate, inexpensive
EMIT procedure, which has about a 95
percent accuracy rate. This means that
for every million tests administered,
there are about 50,000 false positives,
which translates into a population about
the size of College Station pounding the
pavement looking for another job.
A second, much more conclusive test
is used by a handful of companies. Un
fortunately the test is expensive enough
to discourage companies from double
checking positive results from the
cheaper procedure.
Included in the major corporations
requiring testing are virtually all major
defense contractors that recruit heavily
at Texas A&M.
There are two major categories of
companies testing for drugs — those
that are serious and those that aren’t.
However, if you have an upcoming
interview and you are unsure about
passing the test, there is hope. The tests
tend to be oversensitive to marijuana
and less sensitive to more serious drugs
such as cocaine. Some test manufactur
ers claim they can detect traces of mari
juana, which is stored in the fatty tissues
of the body, a full two months after con
sumption. Cocaine, on the other hand,
dissipates in less than 48 hours. So if
you’ve been doing coke, you’ll probably
pass the test.
If you’ve smoked pot recently and
badly need a job, there are several meth
ods of “faking” a test.
Several opportunists are marketing
“clean” urine through the mail. In fact,
the hottest export from Austin these
days is certified, drug-free, freeze-dried
piss. Mix it with water and you’ve got
yourself a sample.
But beware; if you are planning to
smuggle a urine sample into a restroom
at a clinic, make sure that when you
come out your cup runneth over with
piping hot urine. If you’ve ever had the
pleasure to pee in a cup, you know that
urine is about 98 degrees Fahrenheit.
The nurse knows it, too.
If you plan to use someone else’s pee,
get character references or recruit a lo
cal Bible thumper for a sample.
But the best defense against the drug
test is abstinence. A job that really
means the world to you makes it worth
staying away from pot or other drugs
for at least two months. Keep in mind
that a company’s drug policy may be an
indication of a negative “corporate cul
ture.” So if it really irks you that Cor
porate America requires you to pee in a
plastic cup, then maybe you don’t be
long there.
The increasing
number of func
tional illiterates
continues to be a
problem in Amer
ica today. The
number now
stands at about 29
million. It eventually costs our Ameri-
the marl
Knud
^Hars
he “Offdi' We
Ricardo
Davis
Guest Columnist
with Jap
his re
What does this mean?
English" measure states that En|
would be the only language useds J|' u . (
communications between the States| met hii
Texas and the people. English would
the language of all civil govemra
functions and actions, except in
emergency situations.
An all out battle exists in the job mar
ket nowadays. When President Reagan
declared war on drugs he also indirectly
declared war on privacy in the work
place. Unfortunately, workers in the
private sector don’t have the same pro
tection as government employees who
are shielded by the Bill of Rights.
can society people who would otherwise
be able to take part in every aspect of
American life. In America’s past, when
this country opened its arms to peoples
from all over the world, all were given
the opportunity to start a new life in a
new land. Our country’s history is re
plete with peoples who came and pros
pered because they were willing to
learn, work, and serve. The amalgama
tion process of the “American melting
pot” included learning the language of
the land. And there were ample oppor
tunities since private and public schools
were available.
Knud
its tconc
n lear
try at a J
50 other
nadia
Amer
know ho
whether
This does not mean “Englishonlf
that only English would be learned
spoken in the state. “Official Ene!
would not prohibit the use of other kB 1 ^ 01
guages in everyday life, such as in
home or in activities supported at pH Knud;
vate expense. And public schools q have dill
continue to teach other language! j an «e b;
foreign languages. ptronges
h * * ■ “ Th( T
pll own <
This also means various ”
groups will not be segregated in m that U.S.
public schools because they speak
other language. Non-English speakiij
peoples will not be manipulated b
agencies that “interpret” informationti
their language.
tough, t]
illows tl
Drug testing raises serious ethical
problems in business today. As a grad
uating student looking for employment,
you might have to resort to drastic mea
sures to counter a potential employer’s
intrusion on your private domain. As a
non-drug user, you may be victimized
by a system designed to weed out unde
sirable workers.
Today, many organizations are work
ing to have English established as the of
ficial language used by the government
of the United States; indeed, thirteen
states have already approved such mea
sures. Since this issue is hotly debated in
this state, I decided to investigate.
John MacDougall is a graduate student
and a columnist for The Battalion.
I spoke with Lou Zaeske, founder
and chairman of the American Ethnic
Coalition, who has taken the lead to
have English established as the official
language in Texas. I requested an “Offi
cial English” petition for an in depth
analysis.
Roy Ontiveros, executive vice-i
man of the American Ethnic Coalitiot
is disturbed by negative comments
“Official English” by Governor Cle
ents and other bureaucrats. Mr. Ontitt
ros is offended by this patronizing'-
Hispanic Americans and commend
“It is very offensive to us — the An®
can individual with a Spanish surnai
— for him (Clements) to indicate tlni
you need a pamphlet in English and
send me one in Spanish because I'nisiii
pid enough not to read in English.”
The petition acknowledges the fol
lowing: (1) the people of the United
States brought to this nation the ethnic
heritages of many nations; (2) the
United States has been greatly enriched
by such cultural diversity and recognizes
the dignity of all ethnic heritages that
form our society; (3) The people of our
country must continue to live together
harmoniously and productively as citi
zens of one nation; (4) The traditional
language of the United States has always
been English, a knowledge of which is
essential to the full exercise of constitu
tional freedoms, civic responsibilities,
individual prosperity and indepen
dence; (5) the English language has
been our strongest bond to one another
as fellow citizens and has contributed
substantially to national unity and socie
tal cohesiveness; and (6) English is our
language by custom only and enjoys no
legal protection as the official language
of the State of Texas and the United
States, and recent policies have unwisely
granted recognition to rival languages
that threaten to undermine the status of
English as the language of the civil gov
ernment.
Ruben Bonilla, director of the
can American Democrats said, “ARam
study shows 90 percent of first genet)-
tion Hispanic Americans are proficifS
in English and half of that groups
English exclusively. We all recognized
need to speak English in order
vance.” The state of California
agree; for, although it has a
panic population, it has enacted “I
cial English” legislation.
The Republican Party of Texas ist
be lauded in allowing an “OfficialEnf
lish” referendum on the balloto*
March 8. Democrat voters, esf
minorities, should let the Democri
Party of Texas and their representati'®
know the importance and benefits
“Official English.”
Establishing English as the
language will help curb discriminate
and segregation and reduce the
penses of many areas of civil goveti jj
ment (not to mention printing and ni2
power costs). People in public educatit
should especially extol “Official Enj
lish” to help further their mission
stamp out illiteracy and train students^
be effective in our society.
Ricardo Davis is a graduate student'
chemistry.
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
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Southwest Journalism Conference
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Sue Krenek, Editor
Daniel A. LaBry, Managing Editor
Mark Nair, Opinion Page Editor
Amy Couvillon, City Editor
Robbyn L. Lister and
Becky Weisenfels,
News Editors
Loyd Brumfield, Sports Editor
Sam B. Myers, Photo Editor
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