Page 2/The Battalion/Monday, February 1, 1988
Opinion
Unsound testing
Current Events Glossary
U.S. Surgeon General C. Everett Koop’s proposal to give an
AIDS test to every student of a major American university is sta
tistically unsound, and it would be virtually impossible to carry
out.
Occupying^ Forces;
(
Koop said last week that testing a university population of
about 25,000 would provide “a pretty good idea” of the preva
lence of AIDS in the college-age group in an urban setting. This
is not true.
First, getting 25,000 students to do anything is difficult at
best. Trying to get each of them to submit to an AIDS test is lu
dicrous.
Any testing must be both voluntary and confidential to re
spect the privacy of the students. Obviously, getting any kind of
meaningful data under these conditions would be impossible,
because students who know or suspect they are infected with the
virus are likely to avoid the mass testing.
Secondly and more importantly, what useful information
could come out of testing the population of one American uni
versity — even if by some miracle every student were to be
tested? The prevalence of the AIDS virus logically would vary
from region to region. Data gained from the screening of a Mid
western private college, for example, could not be generalized to
apply to the University of California at Los Angeles.
The surgeon general is sincerely committed to learning
about the deadly disease and finding ways to slow its spread, and
he deserves praise for his diligence. And the effect of AIDS on
the college-age group is an important factor that deserves study.
But mass testing of a “typical” American university is not the so
lution.
Take a bow
We at The Battalion feel that it is time to introduce the char
acters in our newest comic strip, B Street. Jon Caldara, the
strip’s creator, describes the cast as follows:
Basil Steed, would be star thespian and major stud-wanna-be
with an inflated ego that is as shaky as his acting. Orwell Wild,
the first truly Republican playwright, instrumental in the early
avant garde “actors off welfare” movement. Luther Lipschitz,
the weird and wimpy sufferer of multiple personalities. Astra
Stardust, the woman of today and the only stable factor in an
uncontrollable situation. Badger Williams, the underlying driv
ing force and not-so-straight straight man of.the strip. And fi
nally, Macbeth, the cynical and devious hamster and mascot of
the theater.
Welcome to B Street.
The Battalion Editorial Board
Mail Call
Let’s treat people like cattle
EDITOR.
My goodness, Brian Frederick, you’re right. Honor is dead in the 20th
century. Let’s all go back to the good old days before “honor’s demise.” We
can bring back that honorable tradition of slavery. Gosh, don’t you just wish
we could treat people like cattle again? Let’s ignore individual happiness and
put everyone into the wonderful, honorable, strict sex roles of yesteryear. We
can try to make everyone the same, just like they did back then, and have an
honorable witch hunt to hang those who are different.
Frederick, you said, “Honor is any particular virtue or virtues that we va
lue highly.” Liberation and civil rights have made our society more honorable
than our past. Our society is getting better in spite of people like you.
Jill E. Webb ’88
Float like a butterfly
EDITOR:
Who would have expected it? A free, unscheduled heavyweight boxing
match telecast by CBS to be seen by millions. I guess we shouldn’t have been
surprised after seeing Rather’s attempt to strike Bush with a low blow during
the pregame hype.
Once the Fight officially began, Rather started swinging, going after Bush
with an endless barrage of body shots. He attempted to get an early knockout
with two rights to the head — but they missed.
Unfazed, Bush continued to dance around the ring, conserving his en-
ergy.
Until the 10th and final round.
As the 10th started, Rather tried to box Bush into the corner. Before
Rather knew what was happening. Bush unleashed an unbelievably powerful
right cross, solidly catching Rather on the jaw. Rather staggered, swayed,
then hit the canvas.
It was over! It was beautiful!
Chris Samsury ’90
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff resei-ues the right to edit letters
for style and length, but will make every effort to maintain the author’s intent. Each letter must be signed and
must include the classification, address and telephone number of the writer.
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Sue Krenek, Editor
Daniel A. LaBry, Managing Editor
Mark Nair, Opinion Page Editor
Amy Couvillon, City Editor
Robbyn L. Lister and
Becky Weisenfels,
News Editors
Loyd Brumfield, Sports Editor
Sam B. Myers, Photo Editor
MAR6PLIES
HCWCMRC^T
How to augment your vocabulary
with the improved liberal arts quiz
ca|
thi
Nowadays,
many people ap
proach me and
ask, “Golly, Mark,
after spending
considerable time
in deep thought
and meditation, I
have come to the
obvious conclu
sion that I must
defect to that lu
crative and fun-
battray all over
shore is ascetic.
your hands ’cause it
You are
know.
the most innocuous person I
b. The painting makes a wonderful,
wonderful ascet/cstatement.
c. That monk, he sure is ascetic, living
up there with all them sheep.
• Aesthetic
c. What an
missle. HA!
• Gibbous
innoc uous little nucbl
D
Mark
Nair
a. He ain’t no Catholic, he’s aesthetic.
b. I find it difficult to breathe when I
run because I have aesthetic.
filled field of liberal arts. Your column
last semester inspired me to enter the
discipline. I realize the liberal arts revo
lution is now upon us. How can I help
the glorious fight?”
Usually I am too stunned to answer.
My predictions of the liberal arts revo
lution were true; but I am still trying to
cope with these secret meetings ar
ranged by renegade engineers, chem
ists, business majors and others who
shall remain unmentioned. What am I
to tell these enlightened people?
After serious cerebration and deliber
ation, cogitation and speculation, I have
decided that instead of telling these ter-
giversators the specific things to do, in
stead I will inspire them. In the spirit of
the Liberal Arts Revolution, I submit to
all those wishing to defect or thinking
about defecting my new and improved
liberal arts quiz: How To Increase Your
Vocabulary And Feel Good About It In
A Few Easy Steps.
The following is a series of words,
each followed by a few sample sen
tences. Your job, should you decide to
accept it, is to answer which sentence
shows the correct usage of the word. I
am sure that after you take this new and
improved liberal arts quiz, you will be
motivated to surrender all inhibitions of
joining the liberal arts revolution. Live
long and augment.
• Ascetic ,
a. Boy, hahdee, don’t you go get that
i c. Spray paint on a building creates a
nifty aesthet/c statement.
• Incongruous
a. Senator Bill often goes to Washing
ton to' fneet incongruous.
b. Senator Bob never goes to Wash
ington* to meet incongruous. He does
not even know where the Congruous
building is.
c. Senator Biff has very incongruous
tattoos on his face and buttocks.
• Tepid
a. Super-agent Gregg Spacey is very
bold and daring. One could call him
very tepid.
b. It was Tiny Tepid who sang “Tip
toe through the Tulips.”
c. What’s that fly doing in my soup?
Swimming in the tepid liquid, you
goofball.
• Serendipity
a. A spoonful of serendipity helps the
medicine go down.
b. Can you believe those ditzy sorority
girls? T hey are so ... so ... so serendip-
ity.
c. Mad scientist Igor Whatchacallit re
lied on serendipity for his success.
• Innocuous
a. I must go to the health center and
get my innocuous so this rampant dis
ease will not strike me down in my
prime.
b. I can’t believe you insulted me!
a. I know all about primates. Forev pc<>
ample, that little animal over thereisig 01
gibbous monkey. ^ 1
b. Gibbous you poor, your weak, you:B I
huddled masses yearning to be free, sign
c. Ah, my dear, the romantic
moon gives such a ... a neat martinHiy
sheen to your face.
• Vacillate
a. Excuse me, do you have any vaa I
late pickles in stock?
b. It was difficult f or Herbie toshinnj
up the flag pole and hang out hislaun
dry because it was greased down witk
vacillate.
c. Did he know about Iran. Did he:
Didn’t he? I wish he’d stop vacillating
and be a real candidate.
• Schnozzle
a. Hey, hand me that schnozzle. I’ve
gotta water the grass.
b. Hey, come on over and see myne#
puppy. It’s a schnozzle.
c. Hey, hand me a tissue. I’ve gotta
blow my schnozzle.
• Epitome
a. That book is huge. I suppose you
could call it an epitome.
b. My ancestors are buried over there
in that epitome.
c. This column is the epitome of stu-
pidity.
Thus concludes the I WantToBeln
The Liberal Arts Revolution Part II
And remember, kids, there are no an !
swers, only more questions (famous 1
philosophical saying).
Mark Nair is a senior political science
major and opinion page editor for Ttit
Battalion.
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breathed
It m5 THAT TIME..
THAT VERY SPECIAL TIME
IN A (PEM0CRACV...
PHCOH Woe* oo /
Ph °qa mew 00 /
oh iree TIME -m
to -w CflVCVd
anp i Be FSSCZA/'
wyjy raucous..
Yew, ho U/VE ten
CAUCUS MUCOUS,
I AIN'T Tflttr/N' 'bout
CARACAS...
FIRST ORPER OF PUS MSS MS
A UNANIMOUS VOTE ON WE
"COMPREHENSIVE PAP BAN
TREATY r ANP THE STICKY QUES
TION OF VERIFICATION...
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BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breathed
T COWS APE 0APKINCz /
l POES ARE EATING
VEGETABLES / PEOPLE ARE
WEARING SILLY HATS
ANP SAYING GOOFY
THINGS/'
FOR THE LOVE OF
MIKE, HAS EVERY
THING GONE
HAvme^
OH OH OH.
THAT'S
RI6HT...
\
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