a
8
Welcome to hell. At least that’s what we call it most of the time. But in reality we
love it, or else we wouldn’t do it. Besides, if it wasn’t for us, The Battalion wouldn’t exist.
We are the dedicated, dim-witted, dull-minded dunces (so they say) who labor into
the wee hours of the morning to produce that liberal communist rag, er, excuse me, I
mean bastion of journalistic excellence, known as The Batt. And just for grins, we’d like
to invite you to come visit our cave, ahem, newsroom, so that you, too, can experience
A Day at the Batt
8:37 a.xn. - The same
unsuspecting Battalion staff
member falls prey to the
morning’s second irate phone
caller. Susie Sophomore wants to
know why her dorm’s Hawaiian
Bash mixer wasn’t covered in
yesterday’s Battalion. The staff
member explains that while
covering every event on campus
does seem to be an ideal goal, it is
not a very realistic one. Susie
inquires as to the whereabouts of
The Editor and makes it known
that she will be calling again.
9
The production of one day’s
paper is a 24-hour process, and
Battalion staff members are
working in the Reed McDonald
Building, where the Battalion is
housed, for approximately 17 of
those 24 hours. Let’s begin our
day with today’s Battalion hot on
the presses.
8:89 a.m. - Today’s Battalion
goes to press. It takes
approximately three hours to
produce 23,000 copies of the
newspaper on a daily basis. Most
Battalion staff members are still
snoozing (perhaps snoring?) in
their respective beds, blissfully
unaware of the chaos that lies
ahead.
8:36 a.m. - An unsuspecting
Battalion staff member who got
up early to get a head start on the
day falls prey to the morning’s
first irate phone caller. Joe
Student wants to know why the
letter that he submitted for Mail
Call two days ago hasn’t run yet.
The staff member explains to Joe
that since he didn’t put a phone
number on his letter, a clerk
hasn’t yet been able to verify that
he really wrote the letter.
10:07 a.m. - The editor and
managing editor (ah.a. Head
Liberal Commies) arrive to begin
a day’s work. The editor will
spend the rest of the day fielding
phone calls from irate readers
like Joe Student and Susie
Sophomore and dealing with any
problems that crop up during the
day. The editor’s main
responsibilities, as far as we can
determine, are coordination,
cooperation, collaboration,
consideration, supervision,
substantiation, investigation,
intervention, interaction,
interrogation, explanation,
exploration and general improve-
ation of the newspaper. The
managing editor spends the
better part of the day working
with “interior” staff problems,
including everything from
computer system crashes to
supply orders to payroll.
11:83 a.m. - Around noon, the
opinion page editor will decide
what letters, columns, etc. to use
on tomorrow’s opinion page.
Many letters will be rejected for
lack of proper identification or
phone number, thereby ensuring
the next day’s irate phone calls.
1:00 p.m. - All stories for the
following day’s paper are due,
except those covering events that
will happen later in the day. The
assistant city desk editors read
the stories, and then pass them
on for the city desk editor’s
perusal.
1:39 p.m. - Pacific Garden
Chinese Restaurant delivery
person arrives with arms full of
pork fried rice, egg rolls, pepper
steak, etc., stands looking lost
amidst the newsroom chaos for a
few minutes before someone
picks up the aroma of the Chinese
cuisine and bellows, “Foooooood’s
here!” Everyone takes a short
break as the Batt does lunch.
8:14 p.m. - The phone rings, and
the staff member who answers is
delighted to discover the day’s
one and only complimentary
caller on the line, who wants to
congratulate the Batt on its
coverage of a recent event. An
announcement is made, and there
is much rejoicing in the
newsroom.